Topic : 05/31 Falsely Accused

Yep sure enough did - but that does not dis-qualify what I wrote earlier. It is not uncommon for mom to "allow" one or two children to "see" their disgusting/hurtful disgrace of a dad - it keeps mom connected and lets her "feel" reasonable and fair - but I don't think this mom genuinely wants any of her kids to actually love and respect their dad - but some contact by a child that she can trust is allowed - and maybe unconsciously wanted.  The key is simply this - see your dad, stay in contact, but if you love him - then you are betraying me and how could you do that.  Steve has betrayed his mom - not by marrying another woman - but by inviting his dad and his wife to HIS special day - which has the siblings reeling - How could he do this to mother?  There is your real issue it may be a layer or two below the surface... but it is there.  This chat group talks of forgiveness and most of it being pointed to the newly weds need to just forgive and let everyone be who they are... that is a great idea - but lets don't be hypocritical - Steve is living his "forgiveness"  - He proves that by loving his dad just like most folks in this chat think he should love his mom.  I am sure he does - she is the one putting conditions on him as far as who to love and who not to.  If pushed to a choice Love will always choose Love over hate and anger!  Trust me the brothers and sister will defend mom to the end - they might see dad - and they might not tell her everything - but they keep a trust  with her and she knows they will not betray her with love for dad.  Last time I checked when a man and woman get a divorice - no matter who is to blame - no matter what the circomstance - it was a deal between the two of them.  It is so horrible when parents share the pain with the kids - because they are not helping the kids.   How could telling a kid that his other parent - 1/2 of his/her DNA is screwed up - the most horrible person in the world.... etc?   Johnny it's a good thing I am so great - it makes up for the other 1/2 of you that is from the pit of Hell.  Nice message parents - I hope we all consider that being a person of love and forgiveness includes loving and forgiving those who have caused us pain (dad in this case) - caused our mom's and dad to seperate, left us in a place we didn't choose - because forgiveness brings life - pain and blame bring dysfunction.  I want to close with something on my heart.  I wouldn't be suprised if mom has a favorite saying "We all can't be wrong!"  There is strength in numbers - and in an election popular vote does count - but in cases of dysfunction (and all families have some degree of it!) everyone can be wrong if no-one considers truth applied with love.  Steve and his bride have integrity and sometimes that hurts to stand alone - but I am sure over the time ahead they will be greatly blessed with family that loves them!  He might find out his dad is a pretty ok man who had some issues and has worked them out. Shame on the writer who phophecied they would divorce - Choose life and words of life! 

Yep sure enough did - but that does not dis-qualify what I wrote earlier. It is not uncommon for mom to "allow" one or two children to "see" their disgusting/hurtful disgrace of a dad - it keeps mom connected and lets her "feel" reasonable and fair - but I don't think this mom genuinely wants any of her kids to actually love and respect their dad - but some contact by a child that she can trust is allowed - and maybe unconsciously wanted.  The key is simply this - see your dad, stay in contact, but if you love him - then you are betraying me and how could you do that.  Steve has betrayed his mom - not by marrying another woman - but by inviting his dad and his wife to HIS special day - which has the siblings reeling - How could he do this to mother?  There is your real issue it may be a layer or two below the surface... but it is there.  This chat group talks of forgiveness and most of it being pointed to the newly weds need to just forgive and let everyone be who they are... that is a great idea - but lets don't be hypocritical - Steve is living his "forgiveness"  - He proves that by loving his dad just like most folks in this chat think he should love his mom.  I am sure he does - she is the one putting conditions on him as far as who to love and who not to.  If pushed to a choice Love will always choose Love over hate and anger!  Trust me the brothers and sister will defend mom to the end - they might see dad - and they might not tell her everything - but they keep a trust  with her and she knows they will not betray her with love for dad.  Last time I checked when a man and woman get a divorice - no matter who is to blame - no matter what the circomstance - it was a deal between the two of them.  It is so horrible when parents share the pain with the kids - because they are not helping the kids.   How could telling a kid that his other parent - 1/2 of his/her DNA is screwed up - the most horrible person in the world.... etc?   Johnny it's a good thing I am so great - it makes up for the other 1/2 of you that is from the pit of Hell.  Nice message parents - I hope we all consider that being a person of love and forgiveness includes loving and forgiving those who have caused us pain (dad in this case) - caused our mom's and dad to seperate, left us in a place we didn't choose - because forgiveness brings life - pain and blame bring dysfunction.  I want to close with something on my heart.  I wouldn't be suprised if mom has a favorite saying "We all can't be wrong!"  There is strength in numbers - and in an election popular vote does count - but in cases of dysfunction (and all families have some degree of it!) everyone can be wrong if no-one considers truth applied with love.  Steve and his bride have integrity and sometimes that hurts to stand alone - but I am sure over the time ahead they will be greatly blessed with family that loves them!  He might find out his dad is a pretty ok man who had some issues and has worked them out. Shame on the writer who phophecied they would divorce - Choose life and words of life! 

Like all brides and grooms everywhere, Steve and Teresa obviously wanted a beautiful, joyful wedding.   They invited their families and wanted all to celebrate with them.   When disruption and inappropriate behavior was threatened they took steps to protect their "big" day.  The way they handled things may be different than the way you would have handled it, but that was their right and choice.  That doesn't make what they did wrong, or immature or selfish. 

Mom is responsible for her own level of comfort or discomfort, she is an adult - not a child in need of some type of protection.  Judging dad and new wife and refusing to "accept them as a sign of respect for marriage" is a cop out. It is an excuse which allows you to continue to hold onto anger, bitterness and a hardened heart. "Let he that is without sin cast the first stone".  Obviously Steve has decided to let God do the judging and is instead appreciating the time he has with his dad now.  Too bad Mom chooses to waste her time in denial.   

You may think this mom came off as "reasonable" but Dr. Phil sure didn't.    It was obvious to me he did not buy for one minute that Terry was an innocent "victim" in this situation.  He kept saying, "oh, come on" to try to get her to see how unbelievable some of her claims of innocence were.  

When I am watching Dr. Phil interview people I tend to take my cues from him as to which direction the truth leans.  This is because he does have all the background and history and does very thorough research on the people who come on his show.     

But more important than that, Steve has known his mother all his life.  He knows what she is capable of and what she can be predicted to do based on her past choices and behaviors.   If he felt she couldn't be trusted to behave there was probably a very good reason for that opinion. 

You lack the comprehension of how complex these type family dynamics truly are when you say people are "reading way too much into this".  There are reasons that go well beyond the mom making an inappropriate comment to the aunt that she was asked not to attend the wedding.    Blaming the new d-i-l for any of this is just an attempt to divert attention away from the real problem; the mother and son's rocky relationship and all the history that made it what it was by the time the wedding day arrived.   There is more going on in this family than you realize. 

Steve did tell her that if she couldn't comply with the request to act appropriately that she should not go to Hawaii.   

In every post you mention Terry being "hauled off by armed police" like that is the most important part of what happened.  I highly doubt they "hauled" her anywhere, and we do not know that they were armed at all - no one said that on the show.  She was met at the entrance and told her presence was not welcome and escorted away.   You seem to feel so strongly about her mistreatment that I suspect you yourself have been involved in a situation like this which is now skewering your ability to be objective.  

If you could accept that this family had serious issues well before the wedding you would be able to understand that to Steve his mothers behavior OBVIOUSLY was no "little thing".  Normal, reasonable people do not ask their mothers to leave their weddings unless there has been some very serious breakdown in their relationship.   What the mom said to the aunt was not the one and only problem.  It was just the straw that broke the camels back, don't you see?  

It is very sad that this happened, I agree.  Hopefully the family's appearance on the show started them on the road to understanding, better communication and forgiveness ALL THE WAY AROUND for everyone. Because you are right, what goes around comes around.  That Steve reacted this way to his mom says to me that MOM may have acted in extreme ways herself during his life and he may well have learned from her example.  

Terry's physical removal from the wedding IS the most important part of what happened, it was the basis of the show, and I guarantee that if she had not followed the orders of the henchmen the DIL hired, she WOULD have been hauled off. Are you saying it's okay to have your own mother hauled off from your wedding as long as the guards don't have guns? Are you kidding?  

But you are right in that normal, reasonable people do not ask their mothers to leave their weddings (realize that she was not asked - she was told). This married couple is not normal, the DIL is one scary, cold, controlling lady. That was an incredibly cruel thing to do, and I would think that a mother would have to do something far more serious than make a comment to a gossiping aunt, who apparently joyously carried the news directly to DIL,  to merit such terrible treatment. 

I do resent your personal attack on me, as though, since I disagree with you, I must have been involved in such an issue. I am just very surprised and disappointed at the complete lack of empathy I see on this message board, this attitude of, "someone in my family ticked me off, so they are banned from my life forever." The problem with this attitude is that, for example, Steve has cut off his mother, but he doesn't get the benefit of a relationship with her, either. They both then are the losers, although he may not realize that while he is still in the honeymoon phase of his marriage. 

Just for the record, the only type of situation like this that I have been involved in was when my sister was told in no uncertain terms that she was NOT welcome at my daughter's wedding, for reasons FAR more serious than in this case. I was also afraid of a scene, and contacted the police beforehand to see what could be done to keep her away. Well, of course she showed up anyway, but since she didn't want to be thrown out, she behaved herself and I doubt that anyone other than those involved even knew there was an issue. The wedding was wonderful, everyone had fun, and having her thrown out did not become the focal point of my daughter's big day, thank goodness. So I guess in a way I have been involved in such a situation, but on the other side, and I believe that I handled it far more compassionately and discreetly than this couple did.