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Topic : 05/31 Falsely Accused

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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:16:37 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/2/2005) False accusations have ruined lives and divided families. No one knows this better than Terry. She claims she was falsely labeled as a gossip at her son, Steve's, rehearsal dinner and was escorted out of his wedding by security! Now, she confronts her son and daughter-in-law for the first time in almost five months. Can this family ever reconcile, or are they better off apart? Then, a former high school principal made headlines when a 16-year-old student accused him of having sex with her. The scandal rocked the town, and now he struggles to regain his reputation and move forward.  Share your thoughts here.

 

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June 4, 2006, 9:49 am CDT

:)

Quote From: tfmarshall

Yep sure enough did - but that does not dis-qualify what I wrote earlier. It is not uncommon for mom to "allow" one or two children to "see" their disgusting/hurtful disgrace of a dad - it keeps mom connected and lets her "feel" reasonable and fair - but I don't think this mom genuinely wants any of her kids to actually love and respect their dad - but some contact by a child that she can trust is allowed - and maybe unconsciously wanted.  The key is simply this - see your dad, stay in contact, but if you love him - then you are betraying me and how could you do that.  Steve has betrayed his mom - not by marrying another woman - but by inviting his dad and his wife to HIS special day - which has the siblings reeling - How could he do this to mother?  There is your real issue it may be a layer or two below the surface... but it is there.  This chat group talks of forgiveness and most of it being pointed to the newly weds need to just forgive and let everyone be who they are... that is a great idea - but lets don't be hypocritical - Steve is living his "forgiveness"  - He proves that by loving his dad just like most folks in this chat think he should love his mom.  I am sure he does - she is the one putting conditions on him as far as who to love and who not to.  If pushed to a choice Love will always choose Love over hate and anger!  Trust me the brothers and sister will defend mom to the end - they might see dad - and they might not tell her everything - but they keep a trust  with her and she knows they will not betray her with love for dad.  Last time I checked when a man and woman get a divorice - no matter who is to blame - no matter what the circomstance - it was a deal between the two of them.  It is so horrible when parents share the pain with the kids - because they are not helping the kids.   How could telling a kid that his other parent - 1/2 of his/her DNA is screwed up - the most horrible person in the world.... etc?   Johnny it's a good thing I am so great - it makes up for the other 1/2 of you that is from the pit of Hell.  Nice message parents - I hope we all consider that being a person of love and forgiveness includes loving and forgiving those who have caused us pain (dad in this case) - caused our mom's and dad to seperate, left us in a place we didn't choose - because forgiveness brings life - pain and blame bring dysfunction.  I want to close with something on my heart.  I wouldn't be suprised if mom has a favorite saying "We all can't be wrong!"  There is strength in numbers - and in an election popular vote does count - but in cases of dysfunction (and all families have some degree of it!) everyone can be wrong if no-one considers truth applied with love.  Steve and his bride have integrity and sometimes that hurts to stand alone - but I am sure over the time ahead they will be greatly blessed with family that loves them!  He might find out his dad is a pretty ok man who had some issues and has worked them out. Shame on the writer who phophecied they would divorce - Choose life and words of life! 

  

Man, you said it.
 
June 5, 2006, 8:11 am CDT

Unreasonable standards

Quote From: stpfoo

You can see clearly like me.  You could tell by the way Terry was acting/saying that she is a trouble maker.  I don't blame her for being upset that her husband cheated on her, but I am sure she was not the perfect wife either.  I can't believe that Dr. Phil didn't stand up for the couple more.  I believe that evil thrives when good people do nothing.  Terry had plenty of time to confront her ex-husband's wife (I think it was stated the divorce happened 6 years ago).  But she shouldn't confront them anyways, leave those people alone!  Terry and her daughter need to mind their own business (very unlikely).  People like that do not change, unfortunately.  I was shocked by Dr. Phil's reply that we should all get along because some day we will all be deceased.  I disagree.  I am not spending my life here on earth surrounding myself by people that are rude and disrespectful.  I am not going to miss spending time with people like that! 

"Evil?" Give me a break, the poor woman was chatting with a fellow divorcee at the rehersal, one on one. And for that this guy has his own mother hauled publicly out after she's come all the way to Hawaii by armed police at the behest of his wife? Note that Auntie was in quite a hurry to tell on the mom. Sounds like quite the setup to me, I mean, when I'm at an event like a rehersal dinner, I don't feel the need to repeat every little sentence to the bride. You don't see clearly at all. This entire situation was manipulated by the bride, she may even have had the aunt set up the MIL by bringing up the subject of divorce. Steve, way to be a man! All you had to do was tell your wife to leave it be, but instead you let her treat your own mother horribly. What kind of a son are you, anyway? We can see who wears the pants in your family. You have no relationship at all with your mother because some aunt of your wife's that you  didn't even know makes some vague claim to gossip, and you just let that happen? Apparently you and your wife are so perfect that no one can live up to your standards, at least no one on your side of the family. Note that wifey didn't have a problem with her own aunt gossiping, it was just your side that was treated like trash, not hers. Also note that your wife has managed to isolate you from your family. Be aware that the majority of marriages in this country end in divorce. With a manipulative wife such as yours, you are in for a bumpy ride, with no family of your own when you need support.  

   

For those who think this MIL really deserves the shabby treatment she got, be prepared to spend many lonely days yourself, as very few people can live up to your unreasonable expectations and I doubt that you, yourself, do, anyway.  

 
June 5, 2006, 2:42 pm CDT

Dr Wilson

Just want to let Dr. Wilson know that there are many people that appreciate what he and his wife, Eva, try to do.  The passion and energy he gives to the kids would be a wonderful addiiton to any school system.    

  

As hard as this event has been on both of you, perhaps it was a good thing.  It brought your message to the millions of people who watch the Dr. Phil show.  

  

I, for one, bought your book and will look forward to reading your ideas for helping kids make better choices.  Keep up the good work!  We need more people like you who believe in their mission to improve kids lives and the rest of society in the process.  

 
June 6, 2006, 1:14 pm CDT

choose life?

Quote From: tfmarshall

Yep sure enough did - but that does not dis-qualify what I wrote earlier. It is not uncommon for mom to "allow" one or two children to "see" their disgusting/hurtful disgrace of a dad - it keeps mom connected and lets her "feel" reasonable and fair - but I don't think this mom genuinely wants any of her kids to actually love and respect their dad - but some contact by a child that she can trust is allowed - and maybe unconsciously wanted.  The key is simply this - see your dad, stay in contact, but if you love him - then you are betraying me and how could you do that.  Steve has betrayed his mom - not by marrying another woman - but by inviting his dad and his wife to HIS special day - which has the siblings reeling - How could he do this to mother?  There is your real issue it may be a layer or two below the surface... but it is there.  This chat group talks of forgiveness and most of it being pointed to the newly weds need to just forgive and let everyone be who they are... that is a great idea - but lets don't be hypocritical - Steve is living his "forgiveness"  - He proves that by loving his dad just like most folks in this chat think he should love his mom.  I am sure he does - she is the one putting conditions on him as far as who to love and who not to.  If pushed to a choice Love will always choose Love over hate and anger!  Trust me the brothers and sister will defend mom to the end - they might see dad - and they might not tell her everything - but they keep a trust  with her and she knows they will not betray her with love for dad.  Last time I checked when a man and woman get a divorice - no matter who is to blame - no matter what the circomstance - it was a deal between the two of them.  It is so horrible when parents share the pain with the kids - because they are not helping the kids.   How could telling a kid that his other parent - 1/2 of his/her DNA is screwed up - the most horrible person in the world.... etc?   Johnny it's a good thing I am so great - it makes up for the other 1/2 of you that is from the pit of Hell.  Nice message parents - I hope we all consider that being a person of love and forgiveness includes loving and forgiving those who have caused us pain (dad in this case) - caused our mom's and dad to seperate, left us in a place we didn't choose - because forgiveness brings life - pain and blame bring dysfunction.  I want to close with something on my heart.  I wouldn't be suprised if mom has a favorite saying "We all can't be wrong!"  There is strength in numbers - and in an election popular vote does count - but in cases of dysfunction (and all families have some degree of it!) everyone can be wrong if no-one considers truth applied with love.  Steve and his bride have integrity and sometimes that hurts to stand alone - but I am sure over the time ahead they will be greatly blessed with family that loves them!  He might find out his dad is a pretty ok man who had some issues and has worked them out. Shame on the writer who phophecied they would divorce - Choose life and words of life! 

  

Choose life? Integrity? Are you kidding? As mom is lead away by an armed policeman for nothing more than a comment? It's interesting that you think it's okay for a kid to treat his very reasonable, but not perfect, mom like that. She's just like everyone on earth, her life isn't perfect, but she obviously tries. You are reading way too much into this, it was all supposed to be about the wedding and the mom did nothing to ruin anything. And it's interesting how one comment made to the infamous aunt has caused Steve to have no relationship with his own mother whatsoever, and you seem to think that's okay. Hope you can live up to your own standards, you may end up alone and lonely yourself, cause I sure can't see how embarassing and scaring your mom like that is in any way choosing life, it's just showing that there are some real issues with the new wifey. Can you say passive aggressive? She's a real cold character, that one!
 
June 6, 2006, 1:29 pm CDT

Beautiful Wedding?

Quote From: lucky24

Like all brides and grooms everywhere, Steve and Teresa obviously wanted a beautiful, joyful wedding.   They invited their families and wanted all to celebrate with them.   When disruption and inappropriate behavior was threatened they took steps to protect their "big" day.  The way they handled things may be different than the way you would have handled it, but that was their right and choice.  That doesn't make what they did wrong, or immature or selfish. 

  

Mom is responsible for her own level of comfort or discomfort, she is an adult - not a child in need of some type of protection.  Judging dad and new wife and refusing to "accept them as a sign of respect for marriage" is a cop out. It is an excuse which allows you to continue to hold onto anger, bitterness and a hardened heart. "Let he that is without sin cast the first stone".  Obviously Steve has decided to let God do the judging and is instead appreciating the time he has with his dad now.  Too bad Mom chooses to waste her time in denial.   

It seems to me that the stone was cast by control freak wifey when she had mom hauled out by the cops. If they were so worried about having such a lovely wedding, why would they do something that would leave such a horrible impression on all the guests? The main memory everyone will have is the mom being hauled out by the cops. Every mom there will cringe inside just thinking about how awful it would be to be treated so shabbily by their own child. They made  such a spectacle of their own wedding, they made it to the Dr Phil show!!!
 
June 6, 2006, 2:06 pm CDT

You aren't reading nearly enough

Quote From: sunshine17

Choose life? Integrity? Are you kidding? As mom is lead away by an armed policeman for nothing more than a comment? It's interesting that you think it's okay for a kid to treat his very reasonable, but not perfect, mom like that. She's just like everyone on earth, her life isn't perfect, but she obviously tries. You are reading way too much into this, it was all supposed to be about the wedding and the mom did nothing to ruin anything. And it's interesting how one comment made to the infamous aunt has caused Steve to have no relationship with his own mother whatsoever, and you seem to think that's okay. Hope you can live up to your own standards, you may end up alone and lonely yourself, cause I sure can't see how embarassing and scaring your mom like that is in any way choosing life, it's just showing that there are some real issues with the new wifey. Can you say passive aggressive? She's a real cold character, that one!

You may think this mom came off as "reasonable" but Dr. Phil sure didn't.    It was obvious to me he did not buy for one minute that Terry was an innocent "victim" in this situation.  He kept saying, "oh, come on" to try to get her to see how unbelievable some of her claims of innocence were.  

  

When I am watching Dr. Phil interview people I tend to take my cues from him as to which direction the truth leans.  This is because he does have all the background and history and does very thorough research on the people who come on his show.     

  

But more important than that, Steve has known his mother all his life.  He knows what she is capable of and what she can be predicted to do based on her past choices and behaviors.   If he felt she couldn't be trusted to behave there was probably a very good reason for that opinion. 

  

You lack the comprehension of how complex these type family dynamics truly are when you say people are "reading way too much into this".  There are reasons that go well beyond the mom making an inappropriate comment to the aunt that she was asked not to attend the wedding.    Blaming the new d-i-l for any of this is just an attempt to divert attention away from the real problem; the mother and son's rocky relationship and all the history that made it what it was by the time the wedding day arrived.   There is more going on in this family than you realize. 

 
June 7, 2006, 6:58 am CDT

05/31 Falsely Accused

Quote From: lucky24

You may think this mom came off as "reasonable" but Dr. Phil sure didn't.    It was obvious to me he did not buy for one minute that Terry was an innocent "victim" in this situation.  He kept saying, "oh, come on" to try to get her to see how unbelievable some of her claims of innocence were.  

  

When I am watching Dr. Phil interview people I tend to take my cues from him as to which direction the truth leans.  This is because he does have all the background and history and does very thorough research on the people who come on his show.     

  

But more important than that, Steve has known his mother all his life.  He knows what she is capable of and what she can be predicted to do based on her past choices and behaviors.   If he felt she couldn't be trusted to behave there was probably a very good reason for that opinion. 

  

You lack the comprehension of how complex these type family dynamics truly are when you say people are "reading way too much into this".  There are reasons that go well beyond the mom making an inappropriate comment to the aunt that she was asked not to attend the wedding.    Blaming the new d-i-l for any of this is just an attempt to divert attention away from the real problem; the mother and son's rocky relationship and all the history that made it what it was by the time the wedding day arrived.   There is more going on in this family than you realize. 

It would have been nice if Steve had let his mom know BEFORE she forked out all the money to go to Hawaii that she would be publicly humiliated and hauled off by armed police if she showed up at the wedding.
And Dr Phil's "oh, come on" comments were primarily about her supposed gossiping at work. You have to realize that, if there is not conflict, Dr Phil has no show!  Dr Phil also made it clear that the real drama came from the newlyweds when they had MIL publicly hauled off. I guarantee, if they had not done that, they would not be on the Dr Phil show! This lady was a reasonable, normal person, not perfect, but who is? The way some people post on this board, it is surprising there are any families left at all! You people are so willing to sever all contact with the parents who raised you over any little thing. It's really pretty sad and if you people followed your own advice, you wouldn't have any family left at all because everyone would have done some little thing to set you off. Just don't be surprised when what goes around, comes around and your own kids do the same thing to you because they have learned by your example.
 
June 7, 2006, 8:18 am CDT

Try not to take this so personally

Quote From: sunshine17

It would have been nice if Steve had let his mom know BEFORE she forked out all the money to go to Hawaii that she would be publicly humiliated and hauled off by armed police if she showed up at the wedding.
And Dr Phil's "oh, come on" comments were primarily about her supposed gossiping at work. You have to realize that, if there is not conflict, Dr Phil has no show!  Dr Phil also made it clear that the real drama came from the newlyweds when they had MIL publicly hauled off. I guarantee, if they had not done that, they would not be on the Dr Phil show! This lady was a reasonable, normal person, not perfect, but who is? The way some people post on this board, it is surprising there are any families left at all! You people are so willing to sever all contact with the parents who raised you over any little thing. It's really pretty sad and if you people followed your own advice, you wouldn't have any family left at all because everyone would have done some little thing to set you off. Just don't be surprised when what goes around, comes around and your own kids do the same thing to you because they have learned by your example.

Steve did tell her that if she couldn't comply with the request to act appropriately that she should not go to Hawaii.   

   

In every post you mention Terry being "hauled off by armed police" like that is the most important part of what happened.  I highly doubt they "hauled" her anywhere, and we do not know that they were armed at all - no one said that on the show.  She was met at the entrance and told her presence was not welcome and escorted away.   You seem to feel so strongly about her mistreatment that I suspect you yourself have been involved in a situation like this which is now skewering your ability to be objective.  

   

If you could accept that this family had serious issues well before the wedding you would be able to understand that to Steve his mothers behavior OBVIOUSLY was no "little thing".  Normal, reasonable people do not ask their mothers to leave their weddings unless there has been some very serious breakdown in their relationship.   What the mom said to the aunt was not the one and only problem.  It was just the straw that broke the camels back, don't you see?  

   

It is very sad that this happened, I agree.  Hopefully the family's appearance on the show started them on the road to understanding, better communication and forgiveness ALL THE WAY AROUND for everyone. Because you are right, what goes around comes around.  That Steve reacted this way to his mom says to me that MOM may have acted in extreme ways herself during his life and he may well have learned from her example.  

   

   

 
June 8, 2006, 9:29 am CDT

Try to forgo the personal attacks & stick to topic

Quote From: lucky24

Steve did tell her that if she couldn't comply with the request to act appropriately that she should not go to Hawaii.   

   

In every post you mention Terry being "hauled off by armed police" like that is the most important part of what happened.  I highly doubt they "hauled" her anywhere, and we do not know that they were armed at all - no one said that on the show.  She was met at the entrance and told her presence was not welcome and escorted away.   You seem to feel so strongly about her mistreatment that I suspect you yourself have been involved in a situation like this which is now skewering your ability to be objective.  

   

If you could accept that this family had serious issues well before the wedding you would be able to understand that to Steve his mothers behavior OBVIOUSLY was no "little thing".  Normal, reasonable people do not ask their mothers to leave their weddings unless there has been some very serious breakdown in their relationship.   What the mom said to the aunt was not the one and only problem.  It was just the straw that broke the camels back, don't you see?  

   

It is very sad that this happened, I agree.  Hopefully the family's appearance on the show started them on the road to understanding, better communication and forgiveness ALL THE WAY AROUND for everyone. Because you are right, what goes around comes around.  That Steve reacted this way to his mom says to me that MOM may have acted in extreme ways herself during his life and he may well have learned from her example.  

   

   

Terry's physical removal from the wedding IS the most important part of what happened, it was the basis of the show, and I guarantee that if she had not followed the orders of the henchmen the DIL hired, she WOULD have been hauled off. Are you saying it's okay to have your own mother hauled off from your wedding as long as the guards don't have guns? Are you kidding?  

  

But you are right in that normal, reasonable people do not ask their mothers to leave their weddings (realize that she was not asked - she was told). This married couple is not normal, the DIL is one scary, cold, controlling lady. That was an incredibly cruel thing to do, and I would think that a mother would have to do something far more serious than make a comment to a gossiping aunt, who apparently joyously carried the news directly to DIL,  to merit such terrible treatment. 

  

I do resent your personal attack on me, as though, since I disagree with you, I must have been involved in such an issue. I am just very surprised and disappointed at the complete lack of empathy I see on this message board, this attitude of, "someone in my family ticked me off, so they are banned from my life forever." The problem with this attitude is that, for example, Steve has cut off his mother, but he doesn't get the benefit of a relationship with her, either. They both then are the losers, although he may not realize that while he is still in the honeymoon phase of his marriage. 

  

Just for the record, the only type of situation like this that I have been involved in was when my sister was told in no uncertain terms that she was NOT welcome at my daughter's wedding, for reasons FAR more serious than in this case. I was also afraid of a scene, and contacted the police beforehand to see what could be done to keep her away. Well, of course she showed up anyway, but since she didn't want to be thrown out, she behaved herself and I doubt that anyone other than those involved even knew there was an issue. The wedding was wonderful, everyone had fun, and having her thrown out did not become the focal point of my daughter's big day, thank goodness. So I guess in a way I have been involved in such a situation, but on the other side, and I believe that I handled it far more compassionately and discreetly than this couple did. 

 
June 8, 2006, 10:42 am CDT

No personal attack intended

Quote From: sunshine17

Terry's physical removal from the wedding IS the most important part of what happened, it was the basis of the show, and I guarantee that if she had not followed the orders of the henchmen the DIL hired, she WOULD have been hauled off. Are you saying it's okay to have your own mother hauled off from your wedding as long as the guards don't have guns? Are you kidding?  

  

But you are right in that normal, reasonable people do not ask their mothers to leave their weddings (realize that she was not asked - she was told). This married couple is not normal, the DIL is one scary, cold, controlling lady. That was an incredibly cruel thing to do, and I would think that a mother would have to do something far more serious than make a comment to a gossiping aunt, who apparently joyously carried the news directly to DIL,  to merit such terrible treatment. 

  

I do resent your personal attack on me, as though, since I disagree with you, I must have been involved in such an issue. I am just very surprised and disappointed at the complete lack of empathy I see on this message board, this attitude of, "someone in my family ticked me off, so they are banned from my life forever." The problem with this attitude is that, for example, Steve has cut off his mother, but he doesn't get the benefit of a relationship with her, either. They both then are the losers, although he may not realize that while he is still in the honeymoon phase of his marriage. 

  

Just for the record, the only type of situation like this that I have been involved in was when my sister was told in no uncertain terms that she was NOT welcome at my daughter's wedding, for reasons FAR more serious than in this case. I was also afraid of a scene, and contacted the police beforehand to see what could be done to keep her away. Well, of course she showed up anyway, but since she didn't want to be thrown out, she behaved herself and I doubt that anyone other than those involved even knew there was an issue. The wedding was wonderful, everyone had fun, and having her thrown out did not become the focal point of my daughter's big day, thank goodness. So I guess in a way I have been involved in such a situation, but on the other side, and I believe that I handled it far more compassionately and discreetly than this couple did. 

I honestly fail to see where I have attacked you or gotten off subject.    

   

Unless you consider my observation that you seem to lack the ability to be objective about this family's situation to be an attack?  I can assure you it was not meant that way.  Most of the time when we have personal experience with a particularly painful event we lose our ability to be objective about other similar situations.  Basically, emotion can cloud your ability to reason the way others who haven't had that experience can.  Since you seem so focused on one aspect of the story instead of seeing the bigger picture I wondered if you had been thru something similar.  But there was no insult intended in my asking.  I am simply trying to understand why you have taken up this mothers cause so vehemently.  

   

Of course I am not saying it is "okay" to have your mother "hauled off" as long as the guards don't have guns. I am simply accepting the reality that sometimes relationships have broken down in families and create situations where mothers (or fathers or any other relative) are not welcome at a wedding ceremony or other family event.    

   

I have already stated this is very sad and obviously not the ideal way for families to relate to one another.  But unfortunately it still happens.  We would all be better served by trying to understand where the breakdown occurred in the first place and concentrate on helping repair that area,  than continuing to look for new ways to blame each other, or other people for our problems.  

   

In the case of Steve and his mother, it is just not logical to believe that what occurred in Hawaii is the only problem this pair have with one another.  It could only have gotten THAT bad if there had been a prior history of miscommunications, anger or disrespect in the first place.    

   

Again I will say, if you could accept that this family had serious issues well before the wedding you would be able to understand that to Steve his mothers behavior OBVIOUSLY was no "little thing".  Normal, reasonable people (which Steve seemed to be) do not ask their mothers to leave their weddings unless there has been some very serious breakdown in their relationship.   What the mom said to the aunt was not the one and only problem.  It was just the straw that broke the camels back.  Looking at it your way only addresses the symptoms or consequences of a much bigger problem and not the problem itself.     

     

 
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