Quote From: ticklebugI have to commend you on how perceptive you are regarding the complexity of others and their emotions/feelings. It only takes someone who's been there "to know". By my own experience with my family, I also have to chime in and say that when you're told, "you look better" when you're still feeling like crappola is anything but supportive.
Ya'll, please don't jump all over me for saying this as this is a personal experience for me and what I've gone through with my mother. The words "you look better" was only used to make me feel as if there was/is nothing wrong with me. It's a way to try and change the perspective of the person who is suffering. These, in my opinion, are not genuine words. If you want to say these things and "sound genuine", they can be said as such: "Ya know, I understand that you still aren't feeling better. I know that you are still sick. I know that you still have a long way to go, but if you don't mind my saying this, I think you are looking better today". Or when in doubt, it's best to not say anything and spend time with your kids doing activities together, offering hugs, and seeing if there's anything they need.
When a person who is continuously suffering from any illness, they need validation and understanding from those who love them the most. That is seen as support. At least for me, that is more theraputic. But everyone's different. This is just MY experience.
When someone already has issues with rejection (that I believe is baggage from their past), the last thing they need is someone to deny or invalidate what they are going through.
I can understand the parents in that no parent wants to see their child dying before their eyes. I also understand that denial is part of the coping process because parents love their children. They don't always know what to say under these circumstances. But, in my opinion, words can be deadly. We need to communicate to our loved ones what we need to hear to get better. I have tried this with my mother and she refuses to listen. But what I do know is that I have tried. I have done my best, and my mother has every right to her own opinions. Because of my obsession with suicide, I have had to cut off most contact with my mother until I get better. I also have to be careful because my brother died at 37. My mom didn't know what to say to him either and, in fact, taunted him to the point of despair.
If you don't know what's appropriate to say, ask your kids. And kids, if you don't like what you're being told, communicate your feelings.
Humans are not 1 dimentional simple creatures. Everyone is unique and has unique needs. They need to be communicated if you want the relationship to be successful. Once the relationship is successful, the road to healing will be A LOT smoother!
And another thing, you cannot hide behind the, "Do it yourself and stop blaming others" mantra to say and do anything you like. That does not fly.
I am doing a lot better now and have taken the necessary steps to do that. It takes therapy and a lot of "trial and error" to get there, but it works!
I didn't see the show being discussed either the first time or in its recent re-airing. The topic caught my eye and I have been reading the posts. I didn't expect to respond to any of them (since I didn't watch the show), but then I read yours. I found it very profound and full of excellent advice, both for people with eating disorders, and also those who love them. Be sooo proud of yourself for reaching out and sharing your story in hopes of helping others. How very brave of you. Be safe and best wishes to you as you continue along the road of recovery. e-hug going out to ya (sorry, it is the mom in me), Roxy
(Original Air Date: 11/03/05) What if you were so obsessed with eating that it almost killed you, or craving food so badly that you yelled, kicked and screamed when you couldn't get enough. Nichelle's 6-year-old daughter has Prader-Willi Syndrome and constantly wants to eat. She once threw a fit so loud, the neighbors called the police. Can Nichelle learn to control her own temper when her daughter has a tantrum? Then, Dr. Phil follows up with Kathy, an anorexic whose condition was so severe, she weighed only 68 pounds. She spent three months in treatment, but her struggle is not over yet. Can her family learn the difference between supporting her and enabling her? Talk about the show here.
