Topic : 08/25 Extreme Food Obsessions

Couldn't something such as this , if it does not get controlled, could this endanger Savannah? 

Obviously, you were not paying attention to the true circumstances of Nichelle's daughter.  Nichelle's Age as a parent has a lot to do with it because she does not have any years of experience as an adult to know WHERE & HOW to ask questions regarding this very rare condition that her daughter has.  She doesn't have time or background to pickup workable discipline techniques.  Also as a single parent, there is no one else to fall back on so that she can take the time to make numerous phone calls, appointments, and research or even just have a moment to think on her own.   

Comparing her life to yours is like apples and oranges, especially when you lay this all on the issue of discipline & self-control.   Children who are physically or mentally challenged are unable to see the world as your healthy normal kids do.  Her daughter does not learn as easily as your babies do.  When she does learn, she has a much more difficult time with situational applications.   You have NO CLUE about what you are talking about in this situation regarding a special  needs child with this or any disorder.   

Cause and effects of misbehavior to this child are much different than for your 1 & 2 year old.  Tantrums can rage for hours and feed on themselves with non-special needs children.  My brother is deaf and I remember the nightmare he put my very strong & firm parents through with his physical tantrums.  They would last for hours... not just a couple, I"m talking about 8-10 hours.  Furniture & people were broken.   My mother had pictures of the bruises he inflicted when he was only 6 years old.  He never ever learned that screaming would get him nothing.  Even as a teenager, he was having them.  As an adult, people still give into him than risk his wrath.  Oh, he's a charmer when things go his way.  At least now he just cuts you out of his life when you say something he doesn't like.  Years go by without words from him.  But he's what my parents truly wanted for him -- a fully functioning independent adult member of society.   I'm not saying that his life is what ALL challenged individuals are like, but this world is so completely different than yours, that you cannot even fathom it.  By stating that all she needs is self-control & discipline, you minimize what her daughter must face to survive.   

 In the 1960s there was no one to help my mother through her day.  She had to drive long hours for him to be educated.  Raising a deaf child back then was equated to 5 children at one time.  Everyone told her to institutionalize him.  I"d hate to think what Nichelle goes through.  Despite abhoring her mindset that her daughter will learn not to overeat, comprehends 'pushing buttons,' and will be self sufficent despite mental retardations, I have to admire her willingness to be the scapegoat on national tv for everyone else who is mishandling their own situation.  I cringe at what she was doing, especially losing her temper at her child for losing hers.   With the right help & tools, I believe that her household environment will get better.  It can only improve :) 

 Stating your experience of dealing with your one and two year old children are complete successes at such an early age (theirs) is nothing but arrogance on your part.  It's much too soon to tell if your techniques actually work.  Remember, child rearing is not a sprint, but a marathon.  Let us know when they're 22 & hopefully independent how things work out :)   

My own daughter is 26 months old and she knows very well that tantrums are usually just ignored.  She'll end up talking to me or wandering off to do something else.  Right now, things are really good, but who knows what paths our lives will take.  I just know from the environment I was raised in, that her having no disabilities is so much easier than what my parents endured.   She is such a blessing no matter how strong willed, contrary, and moody her actions are.   

This is the first time I find myself inclined to write to a talk show, but, given that I have a very personal connnection with the issue, I suppose it is not surprising.  Watching Michelle's pain come through was horrific - I don't condone the coping techniques - but she clearly stated that she wanted help.  I found out my daughter had PW when she was three and my reaction was to take a garbage bag and empty the entire contents of my kitchen into it!  I have not always coped well, but I did get help from some amazing professionals.  My daughter is now 23 and is 125 pounds.  She is awesome.  Although I realize that Dr. Phil was probably trying to shock treat Michelle by showing her Mirabelle's story, I was pretty angry that he could did not take the trouble to find a different scenario to show her, to give her hope.  I was just as distressed seeing Mirabelle's tape as I was seeing Michelle's.  Although I have no doubt that the family love Mirabelle, I did not see alot of evidence that she had been given many coping strategies or that her environment was very encouraging for other's to see.  Believe me, that is NOT the way it has to be. 

Michelle, please know that your daughter does NOT have to be obese, she can be taught to react appropriately and she can find her place in society.  But, it does require compassion, patience and love on your part.  It does require that you realize that she may hear what you say, may seem to even understand your rules, but that does not stop the impulses.  You have to teach her ways to cope that are realistic and you have to give her an environment that lends itself to helping her use her coping strategies.  She will require constant supervision, a group home environment when she is older - but she can have a great life and so can you. 

In all of this, please don't forget about your other child - of which little was said.  They too, deserve compassion, love and patience and they too, need to learn to cope with and love their sibling. 

Take heart, this is the beginning.  It was indeed brave of you to come forward, but the world is now watching to see where you will go from here.  I would love to find a way to help you.  I certainly would never presume to judge you - especially since we only knew you for 30 minutes. 

Diane 

This mother, by going on national T.V. and admitting that she is overwhelmed to the point of abusing her child, is making a step in the right direction.  It's the mother that can't admit she is out out of control and hides the fact that is a real danger to her children.  This mother wants help and is willing to receive it.  Good for her.  She is to be commended for her honesty. 

You are correct that violence from one's parent has a life-long lasting affect.  It has for me. 

My mother never admitted she was an abusive parent and denies to this day that she ever hit me with a belt, extension cord, hair brushes, etc., or was so destructively verbally abusive, and I wasn't mentally handicapped and a challenge like this woman's daughter is, although no excuse justifies taking out your frustrations on a child.  I so hated my upbringing that I do not use corporal punishment with my child nor do I call him names.  Part of being a parent and an adult is making choices.  I have made a choice not to react in anger and strike another.  I will admit that it is hard to do at times, but ultimately I am the one that is in control of my emotions.  I think this mother is on the right track just by admitting she has a problem, and I wish her well in getting help.