Topic : 08/25 Extreme Food Obsessions

Dear Tracy,

Your mother does not know any better, She needs to be educated about eating disorders and How to help a loved one who has one.  Therapy for Both of you would be Ideal. If you do not think she would be willing. Tell her you need help in dealing with your eating disorder. Then while talking to your therapist I am sure if you let them know what you have said in this message they would try to get your mother the help that she needs  Parents think they are helping when they are actually making the situation worse. You say you are anorexic, but I think you may have a combination of eating disorders. If you can not go to therapy, Maybe there is an Overeater's anonymous group near you. The twelve step program, a sponsor and meetings would do anyone with an eating disorder good. I speak from experience.

I have been through drug addiction and an eating disorder with my daughter. I was never one of those mother to criticize her about her weight. (Even though my mother would)  I would tell her the truth, that her body was going through puberty and she would not always be this way, as her body matured and she grew taller she would naturally slim down. Along with a healthy diet and exercise.

She has always been very active and at the time was on a precision jump rope team. She even competed on a national level. Once she got to High School she chose Cheer-leading as her sport. She was 5'6" tall and Voluptuous not overweight to my standards, but kids at school (Her stick figure "Friends" and some rude boys) would tease her. They would actually make cow sounds when she would walk past and nobody did a thing about it. I can not believe a teacher did not hear this even once. BUT......that is a whole other battle...

But once she decided she wanted to get help for her drug addiction. She was 18  The inpatient program she went into realized that she also needed help with her eating disorder. So as part of her Intensive Out -atient treatment plan she was to complete the eating disorders program at a very good hospital in our town that specializes in eating disorders. As well as IOP treatment for drug addiction along with going to NA meetings, getting a sponsor and working the twelve step program.  She has been clean and sober and eating healthy for almost three years now. She is expecting her first child in January. She realizes she will always have thoughts of using drugs or acting out on her eating disorder, but she has learned through these programs she has done that she has the choice not to act out, not to use drugs. She has been given the tools to save herself. I was most grateful for the parent education that the inpatient program offered. I learned so much, I also learn what I was doing wrong during the years I knew she was using drugs ( I thought she was smoking pot) I was so naive. So sometimes parents can be wrong and need to learn how to do better.

I wish you the best. You can save yourself too.

Navymom

Tracy,

I apologize, I was under the impression that you were still young enough to be living with your mother. I must have misread the first line of your message.

Even so my advice stands. you can save yourself. As for your mother if she does not want to be better educated than you can still in a loving way ask her to please stop mentioning your weight. You are an adult you have the right to be treated with respect. Not that you did not as a child but who am I to tell a child to rebel against their mother? I would not do that.

Still Praying for you Tracy.

Navymom

I shed a tear when i hear of anyone struggling with this battle.  I won't go into alot of detail but 6 years our girl was diagnosed with anorexia.  Today she is alive and well, an all around outdoorsey American girl with a love of life and passion for helping others. 

 I just want to say, that an eating disorder isn't about the forkfulls that go uneaten.  That is strictly how it manifests itself to others, it is a cry out for help.  Please, if you know someone with this problem, do not comment on their eating in any shape or form.  Things you can say that are well received by someone fighting this batte are:

How are you?

What's going on in your life these days?

I am concerned about you, how are you doing?

Keep your comments open ended and room for thoughtful reply instead of the person feeling attacked so they then become defensive.  Let them know you care about them and if there is anything you can do, never hesitate to ask.  A hand on their hand or arm, or a ever so gentle hug is very much appreciated by someone struggling with inner battles. 

The lack of eating is their silent way to reach out for the help they need but should not be the topic of your conversation with them.  Do not watch or comment while they eat.

After 8 wks in a day treatment center, counseling sessions that included individual, family and group, and working wth a diatician, we learned that our girl didnt have a body image problem after all.  She felt trampled on, by her friends, schoolmates, and family.  How this happened we are not sure as both her father and I encourage her and her siblings to stand up for themselves and be proactive in their lives.

I, my daughters mother, realized the best thing to do after i fought to line up doctors and programs s to get her help, decided to step back and let her father  (my husband) step in and mentor her progress.  Because i love this girl so much, I knew i had to do this.  Fortunate for her, she had a VERY VERY loving father who took time out of his day to drive 2 hrs to meet her half way, twice a week and see how she was doing.  I cheered from the background and monitored things in a way as to not intimidate her.  It took about 4 years for my girl to reach back out to me and it was WELL worth the wait. 

If you have a family member or know of someone with these issues please reach out for professional advice before you try to help someone with these problems.  Ask alot of questions before you commit to a program but understand that it is the patients journey most of all.  Step aside, it is about them!  The variety of professionals needed in these cases are: the family doctor, dietician, psychologist, psychiatrist, and if agreed upon some sort of day or a lock down program.  There are different ones out there based on the need of the patient.  We utilized a day program in Portland, Oregon through one of the hospitals.  It worked well in our situation.  It is costly to get the help but worth it's weight in gold.  I just hope that what i learned through this painful process and dealing with our own daughter first hand that I have helped someone today. 

You need some serious help if you are underweight and still think you're fat. If you're posting on this site just for attention, you're tackling this all wrong. I watched a family member die of this and it's the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. There are so many things that will kill us and we have no control of them. You just have to make a CHOICE! Hurry it up, your life is waiting.

My heart sank when I saw the show on Prader-Willi Syndrome.  I have a 10 year old daughter was has been a very angry and very food obsessed child since she was born.  We were told that it was ADD ADHD and Bi-polar and we have been treating her with little to no success for going on 6 years now.  I started to cry when I saw the symptoms and started doing internet searches, I feel like the doctors have been mistreating her and I as a mother feel guilty that I may not know how to handle this.  My life has been consumed by this; she gets up at night and binges on anything she can find.  She has made herself sick off of beef bullion cubes when that was all she could find to eat, an entire loaf of bread (we were told to give her epicac syrup so that her stomach would not face rupture).  She will steal food from other kids at school; I have to sleep on the floor in front of her bed room door to keep her from getting up at night and getting into food, I have to shower with her sitting on the floor in front of the shower.  I was going to put locks on the cabinets and fridge but we are in military housing and can not drill into them to put locks (she can undo child locks so that’s not an option).  Her anger is out of control; she has threatened me and will get physical with myself and her little brother.  She is a very overweight girl and I feel horrid that it will start to affect her health; she is 4’8’ and over 100 lbs.  I don’t know what to do since military doctors tell me I am crazy when I bring up this syndrome and they are not familiar enough about it.  I am just like the mother that was on the show, I don’t handle it right, I yell and get mad as hell but I am more frustrated then angry.  I am frustrated that for 6 years of treatment there is no change and I am so burnt out.  The military put her in a behavioral hospital for 2 months because they said she was a danger with her anger, I fought for 6 weeks to get her out of there since it was not a hospital I would send a dog to.  It was horrid, I have to say the guilt I have is massive and I hope to hell that I can find a doctor some day that will help us with this and that it can be solved.  Your show opened up my eyes to start looking into this and to see if I can help my daughter more then is being done now.