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Topic : 11/04 A Shopping Intervention

Number of Replies: 190
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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:25:46 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are you living way beyond your means? Do you shop for one pair of shoes, but come home with 10 pairs? Bridgette is deep in debt and often spends $7,000 a week on luxury items. She even dropped $25,000 in one weekend! Her husband, Michael, says her shopping is an addiction that's ruining their marriage and family. Find out the one big secret that Bridgette's been keeping from him. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

 

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November 21, 2005, 12:48 am CST

Is a shopping addiction worse than a drug addiction?

 I wanted to put it out there if you all really think  ALL the focus should be on Bridgettes "shopping" problem, while little to any focus is being put on Micheals drug and work addictions?  Isn't this just a "made in heaven" way for him to play the victim? I think this is called PROJECTION of guilt, and of course Bridgette has some, but I don't think her problem is the major problem here.  

  

 It is just too easy and too "textbook" to  say, well his wife spent his money (that he just kept making, and took no control or gave any real attention to working with her to  correct this problem) so the poor guy just HAD to do DRUGS, CHEAT, and go on a poor me toot.  

  

This is so classical of drug and substance abusers, ANY excuse to do it, in fact they CREATE excuses or situations that JUSTIFY (in their minds) their doing what they love to do best, SELF INDULGE and of course using the substance of their choice.  They are master manipulators, liars, and have no "memory" of their abuses while under the influence.  Many, many many do things that are conflict oriented just so they CAN get out and get to their drug of choice. Living with such has to be hell or earth. That is why Dr. Phil says this stuff is a tie breaker. You simply cannot "function" normally with someone who had a drug or alcohol problem.  

  

I would think life with an egotistical drug addict could be pretty abusive. I wouldn't want to be treated for anything by a doctor with a drug addiction. I wouldn't be so quick to believe he has "solved" his little problem with drug abuse, as substance abusers are well known to use denial or other "excuses" when confronted.  

  

  I have seen drugs and alcohol ruin many marriages, change forever childrens futures,  and totally destroy lives and put more than one person in the hospital.  I guess I find it hard to believe Micheal is getting any sympathy,  and is actually being defended as if  "he is just a normal hardworking guy" .  

  

I don't see the rationale in  the total condemning  of Bridgette for her reactive coping..........(as I am pretty  sure that it will prove to be) and totally overlooking  his abuses and drug addiction. If you combine drug addiction with overworking you have a really dangerous "cocktail" for disaster. Not to mention potential abuse of ANYONE who would try and stop him or keep him from his "medicine".   

  

I agree with the poster who said, "Doctor, heal they self".  He has a really SERIOUS problem yet everyone is focusing on Bridgette's problem, when being on the receiving end of a substance abusers wrath is clearly no place anyone want to be. Just because HE says he is "done with that", don't make it so.  

  

  

 
November 21, 2005, 11:34 am CST

11/04 A Shopping Intervention

I think there is some projection going on around here for sure-pages of it.  What is it you are so afraid of facing?
 
November 21, 2005, 11:58 pm CST

11/04 A Shopping Intervention

   What am I afraid of ?  

Extremely close-minded , shallow, superficial, judgemental people who are easily led by what things may appear to be rather that what they  might really be.  People who can only see one side of an issue.  People who would rather stay in the dark than to take the effort to turn on a light.  People who hide behind their titles and income to perpetuate their selfish abuses on others. Drugged up doctors scare me way more than shoppers (except maybe at Christmas time!).  

  

Close minded people that  would rather see the emperior's clothes than to risk not running with the group. People that cruise message boards, for the sole purpose of  manifesting their aggression  in a personal attack rather than to just debate the pros and cons of an issue.   People that assume debating an issue equals with some deep seated psychological problem within the debaters.  

  

People too afraid to agree to disagree in a respectful, adult manner.  People who use aggression and insults rather than  their intellect to win an arguement.    People who think it is  all about winning, not playing the game.  People with no compassion or understanding.  People who think only money talks and all else can take a walk.  Men and women never really respecting each other and getting along for the sake of generations of children.  

 
November 25, 2005, 7:34 pm CST

It's hard to Put Water Back in the Dam after It Has Broken.

Quote From: judyblue22

That sounds great, and something we can do and still play with the kids-bonus!  

  

But I hope more people actually think about what they do on the Lord's Day.  If no one went to resaurants and stores on Sunday, they would close on Sunday.  Most people could return to having one day each week when families could be together.  With a little planning, there is really no need to patronize a store or other non-essential service on a Sunday.  I know there are hospitals and utilities etc that can't close, but the rest of the world could obey God and have a day of rest.  

I'm afraid we would have to live in Amish country before that happened. 
 
December 8, 2005, 4:18 pm CST

NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE

Quote From: ebyarbroug

I live with a both Crohn's disease and arthrithis.  My Crohn's showed up when I was 29 and the arthrithis showed up when I was 33.  I lost our only son at birth and was unable to have more children.  I take medicine everyday for my chronic illnesses and some days I require pain killers as well.  Do I get depressed?  You bet I do, right about this time every year, as the anniversary of our son's death is approaching.  How to I cope?  Well I am lucky that I have a great husband who puts up with me and also happens to love me to pieces.  Numbing the pain doesn't make it go away.  Everyone was dealt a hand in life and yes some of us with dealt really bad hands.  But play the hand you were dealt the best you can.  I fight through the bad days, to get to the good days.  Find something you like to do OTHER than shopping.  My husband and I like to go fishing and go to minor league hockey games.  We also enjoy cooking together.  My husband is my rock and I thank God for him on a daily basis.  Remember no one else can MAKE you happy.  You have to find some happiness and make the best of it.    If this is overly harsh, I do apologize.

I am grateful for your honesty.  You are a strong person.  My sister was too.  She fought her cancer until her last breath.  The pain is too much for me.   At times, I feel that I cannot live without her.  She was everything that I am not.  This time of year, all the holidays, is very difficult for me without her to share the joy that everyone else is feeling, she loved the holidays.  I feel for her daughters.  I am dealing with the depression by  talking to a therapist.  At times, I feel they just sit there and listen, and think, what can they do for me?  I have to do it myself. And, you know what? It is not that easy. Sorry, I need to vent tonight.  At times, I need something or someone to give me a push.  To get me motivated, to learn to live without her, without so much guilt, pain and sadness.  Has anyone every used a life coach? Would that be something to try? Someone to coach me back to living without a loved one and to be somewhat able to cope without walking around in a daze and comforting myself with shopping and food to numb the pain. Now it is affecting my health and wellbeing. Thanks for listening... p.s.  I admire people like you and my sister who have/had been blessed with strength and courage to play the hand you were dealt.   God Bless 

 
January 26, 2006, 12:39 pm CST

it's not one-sided sorry

i know i'm going to get screamed at, but i absolutely agree that no one should ever rage at their family - no excuse.  but i also think that this man clearly has provided an incredible life for their 3 children and his wife.  like i said, no one has the right to speak to their wife and belittle her or make her feel like crap, but what has his wife and children brought to the party.  he's never home? well look at where they live -- i believe he has to do alot of hours in order to keep them living in the style they have become accustomed to.  kids and parents will always beef and having the dad want them to have a great education, that's bad?  i'm sorry - but i think they are all a bunch of spoiled brats and let them see what it's like out there in the real world of not having a makeup trip, louie vuitton bags, piercings all over their faces, give me a break.  maybe they really need to all sit down and start a little extra respect for their dad who works his ass off for them.  it's definitely going to take time, but come on - we're at war in iraq, we have our elders who can't afford to feed themselves or pay for their meds, or pee in their drawers b/c medicare won't provide daily help, we have kids who attend elementary school and can't afford a $1.00 notebook!  give me a BREAK!
 
January 26, 2006, 2:46 pm CST

Micheal, you're a doctor. You should know better.

I am not a doctor.  Only a woman, but even I know that your wife is shopping because she is trying to fill up a great big giant empty hole in her heart.  She doesn't really  want , and obviously doesn't  need all of the things she is purchasing.  HELLO, these things obviously make her feel worth while for a brief moment or two.  You simply must know that these things are a very expensive and poor substitute for the respect and love she feels she is not getting from you.  When a woman feels neglected, worthless, useless, and frustrated to a painful degree, she goes SHOPPING.  It always makes one feel better to have something to be admired and new even if only momentarily it is better than nothing at all.  Obviously you are a good provider and an inteligent man.  Do you have the same bedside manner with your patients as you have with your family?  If Not WHY?  Respect begets respect.  Someone has to be the first one to step up and give it a try.  In time, when your family finally trusts that it is for real, they will readily and happily return it to you.  Since you are the head of the house, it simply falls upon you to set the example and to win back the trust that you desire, need, and hopefully someday deserve.  We can only change ourselves, but  in time, others will follow your lead.  That is how you gain trust and respect.  I am sure as a Dr.  you feel that failure isn't an option,  Please, Please, for the sake of your family,  develope that same attitude toward them.
 
February 4, 2006, 5:14 am CST

THE WORST

This is the worst problem I've ever seen between two people.  I cannot believe the damaging things they do to each other and their children.  I never saw such negative behavior.  I do feel sorry for the husband.  He wants to be in control and can't.  He doesn't understand relationship and how two people can work together, and the more he tries the more frustrated he becomes.  The wife plays the "martyr" role to a "T".  Oh, poor me!  Well, sorry, just can't seem to find it in my heart to think she doesn't know what she's doing.  She's pointing the finger (at her husband) and saying, "Look what he makes me do."  What a bunch of hogwash!  She's not only negative, manipulative, but she takes the lowest common denominator and that's where she lives.  Whatever happened to integrity in this union?  The kids have let themselves be dependant.  They're old enough now to get out of it.  For heavens sakes, kids, save yourselves... obviously your parents aren't going to help!   

 
April 10, 2006, 11:45 am CDT

Does anyone know?

The name doctor from Wesminister that Dr. Phil recomended? Please help!
 
September 4, 2006, 7:28 pm CDT

BPD Borderline Personality Disorder

In my opinion, Bridget has BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder. Classic symptoms include
Fear of abandonment, overspending, cutting or self mutilation, suicide attempts, sexual overtness, lying - also substance or alcohol abuse.

I had a strong feeling she was BPD as I watched how she related with her family. I have experience in this, my sister was BPD, my mother is also. Sadly my sisiter who had all the behaviours above, killed herself last year..

I am very surprised that Dr Phil or the psychcologist involved have not considered this diagnosis and the treatment for BPD. This is not a well known thing but I hoped Dr Phil would know about it and recognise it. I guess he knows more than I, but I just out this forward as a theory...being able to recognise it, could lead to the correct treatment for it
 
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