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Topic : 11/04 A Shopping Intervention

Number of Replies: 190
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:25:46 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are you living way beyond your means? Do you shop for one pair of shoes, but come home with 10 pairs? Bridgette is deep in debt and often spends $7,000 a week on luxury items. She even dropped $25,000 in one weekend! Her husband, Michael, says her shopping is an addiction that's ruining their marriage and family. Find out the one big secret that Bridgette's been keeping from him. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

 

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November 4, 2005, 2:00 pm CST

Just like Bridgette

I too am married to a physician. We've been married two years and have recently separated. We have one child; a baby girl. Like Bridgette, I never worked and had great expectations of my husband. I never bothered placing any on me. I don't think I loved my husband when I married him. I do now, but, ...it is too late. Or is it? I wanted to marry success. Stay home, raise the family --picture perfect. Not so. Like Bridgette I shopped and shopped. The more I spent the worse the relationship. Now, in the end, he resents me, feels used and abused and I can't blame him. I blame me. If only ...he had shown me more affection. If only he was home more. If only he wasn't so clinical and cold. If only he could love me now like he once did.  

I didn't realize how well I had it. How good he was to me. I took advantage. I took and took. There comes a time when you must give back, expecting and wanting nothing in return. I'd love to hear if this is a common theme amongst 'doctor's wives (or husbands)' and where do we go from here? 

 
November 4, 2005, 2:17 pm CST

Budget

One of my pet peeves in life is intelligent people with absolutely no common sense!  Or perhaps .... denial! 

  

Aside from Dr Phils excellent advise about counseling for the underlying problems within the marriage, what about some constructive activities?  For example.... 

  

First:  Do not allow her to have ANY credit cards.  Anything which requires a credit card (motel rooms, etc .... he can handle) 

  

Second:  Give her a weekly budget to work with .... teach her RESPONSIBILITY .... how abut $1,000 per week? 

  

Third:  Instead of shopping, how about three days per week at the gym? 

  

Fourth:  Why not volunteer one or two half days per week at a local charity?  MS, DVIS, etc? 

               Main reason .... get her mind off of her self and onto those less fortunate? 

  

Fifth:  Why not teach the children some financial responsibility also .... thousand of kids (even those of wealthy parents) are required to work part time while attending school to pay for things like gas money, entertainment.  I know I gave each of my children X amount of money for "school clothes".  They were told that they could buy one "famous label" item .... or 5 sets of less "famous brand" clothes... 

  

Sounds like this whole family needs counseling ... AND .... to learn RESPONSIBILITY and the VALUE of money! 

Instead of shopping .... why doesn 

  

 
November 4, 2005, 2:21 pm CST

Shopping issue

I truly believe that Bridgette needs to stop what she is doing and be grateful she has a husband that is a successful doctor. They obviously have deeper issues in their relationship that need to be taken care of. She needs to get help professionally and he needs to cut back on working so much. Money isn't everything, and once they realize that they can try to build their relationship back up, if that is possible.   

  

Bridgette should go get a job and see what it is like to earn "HER" own money. Maybe she wouldn't spend it so fast. 

  

***GOOD LUCK--- Michael your going to need it. 

 
November 4, 2005, 2:23 pm CST

I am in the same boat

 Hi,

I am 29 years old.  I have been married to a wonderful man for 3 years now.  I LOVE to spend money, regardless of who brings it in.  My husband works his rear end off, tries to work all the over time he can so we can at least pay our bills.  We are middle to lower class house hold.  I will go shopping but my shopping is wal-mart, or other stores ( I feel like we can afford) when actually, we can't afford to go shopping when our next bill is coming due in just a couple of weeks.  My three children reside with there father in Oklahoma, I live in Alabama, and when my husband tells me because of my spending, I might not get to go and see my kids that I haven't gotten to see in several months.  So, my husband finally had enough and took over the finances, and controls the money now.  I don't touch it, unless I talk to him first about it.  I feel better because now I don't have to worry about all the overdrafts that end up hitting our checking account.  I am ashamed of myself in alot of ways, I can image how Bridget must feel.  It is hard work to do the right thang.  Bridget can make it through this with her husband and children.  Her husband, the hard part for him is giving her his time, since like my husband, feels like they have to work extra hard, just to make the ends meet.  Yes, me and my husband has had to file bankrupcy just recently, we have also in the last three months, browed $5000.00 to get caught up on our house payment that was in forcloser.  Now, I see what my spending has done, and it is very hard to control that urge to go and spend (which is not a problem due to husband taking control).  It is hard, but it is something that needs to be done.  I have a problem with trust with him, and feel like it is just a way to control me.  But it is something again, that needs to be done.   Sorry I ramble.  I believe Bridget and her family will make it through, it will be a hard road, but all things can be done when you put your heart and soul into it.    Thanks for listening,

Detra, AL
 
November 4, 2005, 2:32 pm CST

Dr Phil did not get through to them

Quote From: onlygsd4me

I didn't catch what kind of doctor he is, but I would not want to put my life in the hands of someone that words too many shifts and probably can't concentrate on what they are doing. 

He could put a freeze on all the credit cards except one.  Since she has no income of her own, how would she be able to get more cards?  That would be one way to stop her. 

If my 16 yr old quit school, she wouldn't get another thing until she either went back or got her GED.  You can barely do anything with that now a days much less quitting school. 

She wants him home more, but how can he be there when he has to work all he can just to pay for her selfishness.  

I didn't see any signs of love between them at all. 

You summed it up so well. I would never go to a doctor who is overworked and it is SAD that he is an ER doctor.  

  

Somehow, I got the feeling that Dr Phil today acted very politically correct in his conversation. Either that or they just edited out the moments where he really laid it into the family. The wife/mother showed no remorse for what she is doing. It is as if she just can't wait to get off the show and go back to her habits. She is selfish with everything...'my children', 'my credit cards' my this my that' What on earth is she an alien from another world!!! Does she think at all!!!  

  

What is it about those selfish children can someone paint them a picture of what happens in the real world!!! Go to school, finish something you have started that will benefit you in the longterm. No one can take an education from you. You are young beautiful children don't throw it away. 

  

I could not CARELESS what has happened in the past NOTHING is worth sacrificing your soul, your husband, your children and your lifetime to pay for it.  

  

Get it together, find some peace in your life and just try to live. 

  

I don't know and unfortunately families like this pervades our society and and they do not add one iota of anything to the betterment of human kind....then again the one person who is trying to do his best at saving lives is being leeched on. WHAT AN UNFORTUNATE SITUATION FOR ALL INVOLVED. 

  

BUT THERE IS HELP IF YOU REALLY WANT IT. 

 
November 4, 2005, 2:38 pm CST

Dr. Phil !

I rarely disagree with Dr. Phil, in fact, I usually know exactly what he's going to say.  My girls are always amazed that I can predict his responses so well.  This time you got me, Dr. Phil!!! 

Why in the world did you disagree with Bridgette's husband that she needed to get a job???  That is exactly what she needs !!!  If she had to earn the money she spends, she would appreciate it much, much more!  And...she'd have less time to spend money!  I am a single mother, working part time three days a week, and keeping my elderly mother the other four days, and that makes seven days a week, that I don't have time to spend money! 

She needs to go to work to appreciate having money to spend.  I have been without, and I have been rich, but I've learned to be content with whatever state I am in! 

Melody in Georgia 

 
November 4, 2005, 2:42 pm CST

OMG!! 19 Credit Cards?!?

After watching the show today, I was not having a sticker shock.  I was having a massive coronary sticker shock.  19 credit cards?!?  8 hrs in a jewelry store to buy 25 grand of jewelry!?!  And Bridgette had the audacity to hide items from Michael so that he won't get mad at her?  That is a waste of time doing it in the first place because he IS already upset with her anyway.   

  

YES, YES, YES Dr. Phil....get that truck over to the house and anything....ANYTHING.... that has a price tag on the item or anything that has not been worn over a period of time.....TAKE IT BACK TO THE STORE....ASAP!!!  It is the utmost ridiculous idea that  you buy something of importance and not use it or wear it.  Come on, give me a break here!!  And maybe...just maybe....it would be a good idea that Bridgette is not around when the truck gets there because she maybe in the process of hiding some items so that the crew won't find it.  You might want to call the police to have her on lock down when the time comes.  And Michael....man oh man I feel for you.  I don't see this as a husband and wife team, I see this as a master and slave issue.  She has the whip, and he's dragging his butt to work day after day after day.  I am surprised that he has not killed himself over this.  Or better yet....RUN MICHAEL RUN!!! 

  

As a frugal person, my motto is this...."If the item is not on sale, I don't touch it."  And thank God for dollar stores.  I rather shop in discount stores that spend my time in a store that sells Prada....UGH!! 

  

And the children!  You've got one that has the "SHOPPING BUG" from her mom, and another who is upset about this, plus she said that she dropped out of school at 16 (if I remember correctly).  OMG....these children should not be in this situation, they should be getting their education.  To me, an education is a top priority.  Look at Micheal....he went to med school and became the doctor that he is now due to his education.  He started at the bottom and worked....WORKED... his way to the top.  Heck, the majority of us in the United States and abroad have done the same thing.  But some of us don't need a person to spend our money on useless or unused items. 

  

Dr. Phil, beside trucking all the items from their house, see if you can make Bridgette give her heart to someone that needs it.  As in, yes she does need to work so that she can learn to give, give, give and not take, take, take by irresponsible means. 

  

From one hard working frugal person, my prayers go to you. 

  

Signed, 

Andrea A. (Memphis, TN) 

 
November 4, 2005, 2:46 pm CST

Shop-aholic

I think the doctor should leave his wife and look me up.  He'd be better off without her.  It would be cheaper to pay her support .  He's a very handsome man and they definitely don't look happy together.  She is not in love with him, she's in love with his money.   

  

 I'm a hard working divorced mother of 2 grown childen and I'd give anything to spend my time making someone like him happy.  I like nice things but I know my limits.  I buy what I need.   

  

Wake up doc! 

 
November 4, 2005, 2:47 pm CST

not to be unkind

Quote From: detkna1

 Hi,

I am 29 years old.  I have been married to a wonderful man for 3 years now.  I LOVE to spend money, regardless of who brings it in.  My husband works his rear end off, tries to work all the over time he can so we can at least pay our bills.  We are middle to lower class house hold.  I will go shopping but my shopping is wal-mart, or other stores ( I feel like we can afford) when actually, we can't afford to go shopping when our next bill is coming due in just a couple of weeks.  My three children reside with there father in Oklahoma, I live in Alabama, and when my husband tells me because of my spending, I might not get to go and see my kids that I haven't gotten to see in several months.  So, my husband finally had enough and took over the finances, and controls the money now.  I don't touch it, unless I talk to him first about it.  I feel better because now I don't have to worry about all the overdrafts that end up hitting our checking account.  I am ashamed of myself in alot of ways, I can image how Bridget must feel.  It is hard work to do the right thang.  Bridget can make it through this with her husband and children.  Her husband, the hard part for him is giving her his time, since like my husband, feels like they have to work extra hard, just to make the ends meet.  Yes, me and my husband has had to file bankrupcy just recently, we have also in the last three months, browed $5000.00 to get caught up on our house payment that was in forcloser.  Now, I see what my spending has done, and it is very hard to control that urge to go and spend (which is not a problem due to husband taking control).  It is hard, but it is something that needs to be done.  I have a problem with trust with him, and feel like it is just a way to control me.  But it is something again, that needs to be done.   Sorry I ramble.  I believe Bridget and her family will make it through, it will be a hard road, but all things can be done when you put your heart and soul into it.    Thanks for listening,

Detra, AL

Detra, 

  

Please go to college and obtain some education, not only for you but for those of us reading your uneducated writing.... 

Quit expecting others to support you financially, emotionally and every other way...   

  

Barbara Ann 

 
November 4, 2005, 2:49 pm CST

Addiction is an adjective?

 

Hello, Dr. Phil!  I love your show.  I am a retired teacher.   I want to say that I am not an overly critical or picky person.    

 

I was watching your show today (like I do most days).  You repeated the word addiction and said it was an adjective.   This is a friendly correction.  Addiction is a noun.  I hope you aren't offended. 

 
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