Topic : 11/04 A Shopping Intervention

You summed it up so well. I would never go to a doctor who is overworked and it is SAD that he is an ER doctor.  

Somehow, I got the feeling that Dr Phil today acted very politically correct in his conversation. Either that or they just edited out the moments where he really laid it into the family. The wife/mother showed no remorse for what she is doing. It is as if she just can't wait to get off the show and go back to her habits. She is selfish with everything...'my children', 'my credit cards' my this my that' What on earth is she an alien from another world!!! Does she think at all!!!  

What is it about those selfish children can someone paint them a picture of what happens in the real world!!! Go to school, finish something you have started that will benefit you in the longterm. No one can take an education from you. You are young beautiful children don't throw it away. 

I could not CARELESS what has happened in the past NOTHING is worth sacrificing your soul, your husband, your children and your lifetime to pay for it.  

Get it together, find some peace in your life and just try to live. 

I don't know and unfortunately families like this pervades our society and and they do not add one iota of anything to the betterment of human kind....then again the one person who is trying to do his best at saving lives is being leeched on. WHAT AN UNFORTUNATE SITUATION FOR ALL INVOLVED. 

BUT THERE IS HELP IF YOU REALLY WANT IT. 

Dr. Phil finally came through for me today in an "aha" moment that resonates in my spirit.  This couple is so badly damaged, like me & my spouse that our "psychological skins are burned and just brushing up against each other is painful" WOW!! After the rage, we do nothing to resolve or confront or connect!  This statement was more powerful than the whole shopping thing...which by the way, I love to do, but not destructively.  But I do get the "fill the void"  piece.  I also finally realized we can't come to conflict resolution as a couple, but must first ungo indivual counseling as per Dr. Phil.  I am not normally one of his avid supporters, but today, Dr.. Phil, you touched me at my core! 

Having money can be confusing, especially if you didn't grow up with it.  Both my husband and I were very unused to handling money or having fiscal freedom before we started practicing (we are a lawyer/psychiatrist couple). I was from a large working class family and he lost his dad when he was 2. Both of us grew up poor. 

In the beginning, we spent more than we could afford and dug a debt-hole for ourselves.  The result was that we had to delay our plans to move to a smaller city, buy a house and start our family until we paid ourselves out of debt.  When I was ready and wanting to start our life and family and I couldn't, it felt like a prison sentence. I cursed the vacations and fancy evenings out that chained us up but it was a good lesson and I am grateful that we woke up when it was still a manageable problem. 

Now, we have a financial plan that includes being able to retire and educate our children comfortably .  We figured out what we can spend in certain areas and we for plan those expenses.  I won't say that we only buy what we need because it isn't true but we did make priorities for our life and made some decisions about how we use our income.  We have some simple rules: 

1. pay ourselves first. Our education and retirement contributions come before anything;
2. we don't carry debt except a mortgage (for another 4 years:)
3. we contribute monthly to a tax account, a vacation account, a large purchase account (for vehicles, appliances, tires) and a home repair account.  We know we will have these expenses and get ready for them in advance.
4. if we can't pay for something with real money, we don't buy it.
5. we don't go shopping unless we need something.  Wandering around to try and find something to cause an impulse purchase isn't something we do at all.

Money can give you freedom, but debt is a jail sentence.  It really doesn't matter aa much what the total income of a family is, what really matters is what you spend.  The highest income earning family can live in a prison of poverty and debt and a well planned family can live comfortably on a meager income. 

 Because we have a financial plan and self control, we can choose to have freedom.  Neither of us work a full case load.  We both work weekdays only, from 9 til 3 or 4.  We both have lots of time to spend with each other and with our children.  At least once a month we stay home together on a business day and play the day away while the kids are at school.  It helps us remember why we got  married in the first place :)  We don't need to max out on earnings because we follow a financial plan and exert self control.   

It sounds like Micheal and Bridgette are in a much deeper hole and their wake up happened when they were much older so the remedy is likely going to hurt much worse but it won't get better with time. You both have to bite the bullet and get your financial life under your control so you can get out of the prison you have built yourselves.  Good luck! 

Contrary to what many of you have been posting, it is not the responsibility of all people who make above average incomes to give to charity, or do volunteer work, or help those less fortunate! 

Money is money.  Some people have it, some do not.  It does not make you good or bad. And, how you choose to spend your money is your own business. 

For those of you judging this woman for being to lavish, or not giving to charity, or not having a job- wake up!   There are many, many people in this world who live exactly the way she does.  Her life experience is different than yours, but that does not mean you are better than her or she is better than you.   

I do not think this couples issue is about money.  It is really about the way they treat each other, and what they both need or want out of their relationship that they are not getting. 

Like Dr Phil said, the shopping is just a symptom. 

The money issues can be easily resolved, if each of them commit to a new way of dealing with money in their household. 

Fixing that marriage is a whole other story!