Topic : 11/04 A Shopping Intervention

    Bridgette and Michael are taking a journey on a treadmill to Hell.  What should be a wonderful time in their lives is a nightmare for them and their children. 

    I think being a shop-o-holic is the female version of the guy who heads for the bar after work and sits there drinking and playing dice  with his drinking buddies , putting off going home as long as possible.  In Michaels case, it isn't drinking but work that he uses to avoid going home. 

    Bridgette would feel better about herself if she used some of that money and time to become who she always dreamed of being.  How about music lessons, or art school, or becoming a model.  Mature, full figured women have come into their own lately.  How about learning fashion design since clothes are such a passion.  Or interior design,  It's time for her to decide what she wants to be when she grows up.   She might also engender a little enthusiasm in her children for their future life rather than just indulging them now. 

    I'll bet Michael would enjoy coming home to a wife who is accomplishing something and becoming a person in her own right, not someone who is just waiting for him to entertain her.  He has become so disconnected from the family, I don't even have any suggestions for his problems. 

    What went through my pointy little head as I watched Bridgette go through her closet was.  "If she is really that terribly unhappy, why isn't she using that money to feather her own nest.  Invest in some rental property or get into a good mutual fund instead of just blowing it on stuff.  Then, if she really wanted to stay married to Michael, she would have made a contribution to the family, albeit kind of a sneaky one.  That's another thing she could learn to do,  become an accomplished investor.   

He has to work many hours to pay her bills.  She spends the money because he's not there.  It's just a vicious cycle that neither seems wants to break.  She needs to spend her time more creatively until the bills are lower, and then he needs to spend more time at home.  But what I worry about are the kids.  What kind of life did they have?  What (or more accurately, how) is society going to treat these kids?   

Sad.  Hopefully everything will work out... 

Although Bridgette having a job is certainly not the panacea to the issues that Micheal and Bridgitte have, but it is an essential step to start her on the road to growing up! There is a definate parent/child relationship there and she is rebelling in spades.  She needs to move forward into being an adult. 

I also believe that if she earned some of the money needed to pay back what she has stolen from her family, she might gain some self esteem. 

I spent the entire hour in tears.  This really touched my heart when Michael said that all this work is killing him and Bridgette said that she is afraid his working so hard will give him a heart attack.  Those statements are truer than you think.  I could see the pain in his eyes.  It brought back a lot of memories for me.  You see, my husband, Mike, had that same look in his eyes.  He worked a lot.  Not because I was a shop a holic but,  because of circumstances with my poor health, he had to take on two jobs.  He worked 6-7 days a week.  He was hardly ever home because he had to work.  When he was home, he slept.  He'd be in tears on occasion because he was so burnt out and missed being with his family.  I didn't know how to help him.  He died February 23, 05 from stomach cancer.  I firmly believe that if he didn't have to work so much and wasn't under so much stress, he would still be alive.  I believe that stress killed him and I feel responsible.  Responsible because if I had been able to help him out more he wouldn't have had stomach cancer.  I want to save Bridgette from the agony of feeling responsible for Michael's death.  Stress does kill.  As a physician, Michael should know that fact.  You don't want that kind of guilt.  I'm sure Bridgette would take all that crap she bought back in a heart beat if she knew it was really killing him.  I know I'd give anything to have my Mike back.  So, please, Bridgette, get help. 

Dr. Phil, 

I feel terrible for Micheal. It was very apparent that he is a drowning man. As he described himself like a frog with an anchor around his leg  trying to keep his head above water. 

SHE needs a JOB, for sure. She doesn't seem to care about what she is doing to another human being and worst of all she seems ungrateful for the lifestyle he has managed to provide for her and their children. 

He was only looking for peaceful solutions to their problems. 

The best advice you gave was telling her to return the merchandise!!  

They may be able to recover tens of thousands of dollars.  

All her cards need to be cancelled and put on a cash diet 

Todays show made me sick to my stomach.  To be sooooooo numb, to live like that would be like 

living a slow death.  She is out of touch with reality.  All of those matearialistic things mean nothing. 

They don't own many of those things, Especially with all of that debt.  She is out of touch with herself,  with him - her husband... I could not imagine the guilt.  It would be a very sick feeling in the  

very pit of my stomach, Michael should have gotten help with this problem a Long Long time ago. 

This obviously has been going on for some time.  They need help.  Michael has been working to support an ugly deep dark secret,  what ever it may be, she needs to get to the botttom of it, and 

so does he.   That is the problem-  They are both...out of touch and need some serious counseling. 

I just wanted to send my sincerest sympthies on the loss of your husband, Mike.You are right 

about stress,  and the daily responsibilities that  are put upon us in life, can be very hard 

on ones health.  But please do not blame yourself.  I hope you are okay, and just wanted you to 

know, I too, worry about my husbands health, and think often to myself,  Everyday is a gift with my 

husband, and I take every moment for what it is, because you never ever ever know.... 

what tomorrow will bring.  Take Care, and....my thoughts are with you. 

Contrary to what many of you have been posting, it is not the responsibility of all people who make above average incomes to give to charity, or do volunteer work, or help those less fortunate! 

Money is money.  Some people have it, some do not.  It does not make you good or bad. And, how you choose to spend your money is your own business. 

For those of you judging this woman for being to lavish, or not giving to charity, or not having a job- wake up!   There are many, many people in this world who live exactly the way she does.  Her life experience is different than yours, but that does not mean you are better than her or she is better than you.   

I do not think this couples issue is about money.  It is really about the way they treat each other, and what they both need or want out of their relationship that they are not getting. 

Like Dr Phil said, the shopping is just a symptom. 

The money issues can be easily resolved, if each of them commit to a new way of dealing with money in their household. 

Fixing that marriage is a whole other story!