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Topic : 08/17 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge

Number of Replies: 100
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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:39:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 11/07/05) Dr. Phil takes his show on the road! Newlyweds already on the brink of divorce compete in a series of challenges to see if they have what it takes to work together in less-than-perfect situations. Can the couples find their way around an unfamiliar city with the men driving and the women navigating? How do the men do when they are in charge of their wives' makeovers? They've cheated on each other, have explosive fights and you wouldn't believe the names they call each other. Will their relationships survive the competition? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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August 17, 2006, 8:58 pm CDT

My First Marriage and my Last.................

  Hi, I finally married when I was 35 years old. My husband was 30. I ahd been through an abusive relationship in the past , and he had his share of bad one too. He is white and I am black. That was the first hurdle to get over. The second was his father and is attitude towards me not my kids. I felt alienated and angry all the time. Because my husband would listen to his father and not to me. Plus he had a gambling problem. And do you know when I finally took a look back I saw the problem just refuse to address it. Oh, we argued all the time called each other names even through things at one another. But, yet the true test came seven years later when hurricane Rita took all of our worldy possessions. And we were put at the mercy of another and the kids. With all of our doubts and worries we packed our two kids up and brought them to Kentucky. Where I can say that we both did some changing. We talked to each other and really listen. Our relationship is stronger than ever.We don't argue as much or throw things at one another anymore. We hug and just thank God that we all got out of it alive. But, still in all honesty, somrtimes what we think we hate the most in a person is what we choose in the first place. You can't change them only yourself. And hopefully rest will come along. If we can get through the first 3 1/2 years and make it to seven years any body can.

 

S. Sorrell

 
August 17, 2006, 9:06 pm CDT

Not the right words to say>>>>>>

Quote From: flthomcat

Geesh, you have TEENAGERS. They're enough to drive any good parent crazy, even if they're not a part of a mixed family!!!

 

You two need a game plan. You need to sit down, hold hands, promise not to raise your voices, promise not to accuse and DO tell the other what YOU need from him/her. Kids will play parents against eachother if allowed to (even the GREAT kids), and these kids probably know what buttons to push. They can make you feel guilty easily and quickly turn each of you against the other.

 

You are now a family unit with teenagers. You've really been a family for 23 years considering you have maintained a friendship that long (that's a very good thing). When you think about all that you've shared over the years, I am quite sure neither of you wants to hurt the other's feelings. APOLOGIZE for what you said and ask your lovely wife to sit down with you to come up with a game plan for dealing with the kids. There has got to be a plan for dealing with all the added stress (and all those TEENAGERS can cause stress:).

 

The kids are now YOUR kids (both of yours). There should not be mine and hers. Unless the two of you work TOGETHER as a team (as one, as the Bible teaches us), you will continue to have problems. Find out what your wife needs from you with regard to dealing with the kids. Then tell her what you need. DON'T tell her what she's been doing wrong (and vice versa). DO come up with a plan on how to make the family unit stronger and healthier and DO make a promise to try your best NEVER EVER to say what was said (that was so hurtful to her).

 

If you've been friends for over 2 decades, you CAN make the marriage work and you CAN make the kids come together as OURS (as opposed to mine and yours). I just know you'll make this work; you sound like a genuine, caring spouse (and one who can admit his mistakes). God bless you both.....ALL (even those dang teenagers...can you tell I am a former high school teacher whose hair has started turning gray due to them?:)

No matter what happens those children belong to you both. And think about one thing, could the kids be pitting you both against each other. No saying it's possible but, hey my two kids especially my daughter still tries to play me and her step father against one another. But, I changed the program what rules he sets forth are what go and vice-versa. If you truly love each other you can work this out together. You can't be afraid to hand out punishments without worrying if the other will strike back in some way.

Talk have family meeting, let everyone discuss their feeling without being afraid of being judged. You'll be surprised what kids have to say at times. It can even make you laugh and grow.

 

 

S.Sorrell

 
August 18, 2006, 6:41 am CDT

08/17 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge

Quote From: flthomcat

Geesh, you have TEENAGERS. They're enough to drive any good parent crazy, even if they're not a part of a mixed family!!!

 

You two need a game plan. You need to sit down, hold hands, promise not to raise your voices, promise not to accuse and DO tell the other what YOU need from him/her. Kids will play parents against eachother if allowed to (even the GREAT kids), and these kids probably know what buttons to push. They can make you feel guilty easily and quickly turn each of you against the other.

 

You are now a family unit with teenagers. You've really been a family for 23 years considering you have maintained a friendship that long (that's a very good thing). When you think about all that you've shared over the years, I am quite sure neither of you wants to hurt the other's feelings. APOLOGIZE for what you said and ask your lovely wife to sit down with you to come up with a game plan for dealing with the kids. There has got to be a plan for dealing with all the added stress (and all those TEENAGERS can cause stress:).

 

The kids are now YOUR kids (both of yours). There should not be mine and hers. Unless the two of you work TOGETHER as a team (as one, as the Bible teaches us), you will continue to have problems. Find out what your wife needs from you with regard to dealing with the kids. Then tell her what you need. DON'T tell her what she's been doing wrong (and vice versa). DO come up with a plan on how to make the family unit stronger and healthier and DO make a promise to try your best NEVER EVER to say what was said (that was so hurtful to her).

 

If you've been friends for over 2 decades, you CAN make the marriage work and you CAN make the kids come together as OURS (as opposed to mine and yours). I just know you'll make this work; you sound like a genuine, caring spouse (and one who can admit his mistakes). God bless you both.....ALL (even those dang teenagers...can you tell I am a former high school teacher whose hair has started turning gray due to them?:)

My son has decided that he hates Lisa, I've asked him why and explained that Lisa has bent over backwards to get him to like her and all she has ever wanted in return was for him to like her.  At one point he had started acting like he liked her, but then all of a sudden, he did a 180 and started disrespecting her.  This is day 4 of our argument but it seems to be coming to an end.  The arguement started when Lisa left for work and took her children to school, and I felt hurt because she didn't take my son.  I asked her about it when she got home and I was getting ready for work and that is when the arguement started.  I made the comment with a cocky attitude, and I always do.  Yesterday, I called and set up an appointment to start counseling.  Lisa was so mad and hurt, I took my son to his mother's house to help her calm down.  My son has came between my second marriage and the next long term relationship, and now he's trying to come in between this marriage, and I am not going to allow that.  When it is good between me and Lisa, there is nothing better in the world.
 
August 18, 2006, 9:22 am CDT

Not newlyweds, but......

This wasan eye-openingshow-pretty funny, but a bit scarey!? :-

I live with my boyfriend of 3 yrs. & part-time with his 2 children.  

I see me as the "Lindy" in the show.  We fight over "nothing".   We love each other so, I feel like this bickering/disagreeing is definitely ruing our relationship.  I also think I have an anger issue.  I lash out @ him-curse (which is not me), call him names, cry, ....,I just get so angry & I'm scared I just may hit him.  I want this to work, probably need help but don't know who to turn to or what to do.

Please help-any advise would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks-

 
August 20, 2006, 9:21 am CDT

Here's to You...............

Quote From: missingaz

I watched this episode and halfway through it I taped it (I love my DVR) I did so hoping I can get my husband to watch it with me...doubtful but I need to try something. We are newly married and I do mean newly...May 6th,2006. We met while I was in another relationship...a jerk that treated me like his nanny, housekeeper,etc. and was not being faithful to me. I ended that relationship and immediatly starting dating my new husband, we got married 3 weeks later. I know...I know...why so soon? Well we really felt as if we were meant to be together...there were just things that matched perfectly...that is another story all together. When we got married he was in school, he graduated in July and moved us 1700 miles away for his new job. We left Arizona for Louisiana...talk about culture and weather shock! And before I go any further let me add he is 33 and has been married twice before..I am 31 and been married once before...we have 3 kids..I have 2 boys(15 &7)...he has a daughter(11)..none of them are with us right now. Now back to the problem....everything was going well with us until we moved. He used to pay attention to me and do couple things with me now all he does is come home and want to look at porn either on TV or the internet and relieve himself. I am so depressed I have gained almost 20 pounds in a month! We used to have a great sex life and now nothing! When he does decide to have sex with me he doesn't finish with me but instead gets up and goes to the computer to finish. He has also put a password on his screen and changed his email password so I can't see what he is doing on the internet. I told him at the begining of the relationship that whenever we fight we need to fight fair...no personal attacks...no name calling...well I stuck to that but he goes for the jugular when we argue. Which by the way is all the time mostly about the porn. I am begining to see why he has been divorced twice! Help me!! I am ready for a divorce and to back to Arizona!!
I am very surprised that you would even tolerate someone treating you in this manner. Heck!!!!! if he wants the internet and the porn let him have it. Tell him to marry the damn thing. And you if you love yourself at all. LEAVE HIM. he is not going to change. And one more thing I use to live in Louisiana and finally moved away. Never did like the place nor the culture. You need to love yourself first and far most. And you shouls really not let this man you married bring you down. No kids in the home. You have a chance to make your life what you want to make of it. Please don't be scared and please don't belittle yourself by staying because he makes a good paycheck either. There is somone better out there for you. Just give yourself a chance.
 
August 25, 2006, 7:18 pm CDT

08/17 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge

Quote From: bellasinalb

I am 22 yrs old . I have a little 3 yr. old and I was married 4 months ago to the father of my son.  ON THE WAY to get married to the courthouse I told him to slow down and not speed and he told me to " SHUT THE F**** UP" . I knew I should've told him to turn around but I make excuses for him in my head all the time.  WELL heres my story .....

      I met him at 14 yrs. old. Fell in love . Been with him ever since then. never dated or slept with another man. Throughout the past  8yrs. he has cheated on me. Been addicted to herion. ( hes clean now) He slapped me for  the only time when I confronted him about using herion. He dropped out of high school. Had his license suspended twice. He has 6 misdeamors. ( 2 DWI, 1 assault, 3 possieson) and one case pending. I was working at a doctors office and had a good job. I decided that I wanted to join the NAVY see the world for awhile. THEN he got arrested again. This time for repeated offender of driving on a suspended license. now I can't go becasue he might go to jail. and who will watch my son. and I'm waiting to se what happens. Supposely he can get this case dismissed. but we are spending all our money on his lawyer.i am considering blowing of my dream of joining the NAVY and just telling him I want my marriage anulled.   -- I am the complete opposite of him. i like going to school. I've never been arressted. I graduated from a technical school recently and plan on going back to get my BA. I just am stuck. I feel like he has mind control over me. When I told my father that I am consdering leaving him . he told me not to. That I should support him. and if all goes well  we can leave for the NAVY soon and hopefully he will change once hes in a different enviorment. His father gave us 6,000 dollars to buy a house. and he blew every cent on I DON"T know what. He said he paid bills with it. YEAH right!!!! . I never saw a penny of it. i am assuming he spent on drugs or strip clubs.  I am soo confused. I am soo young and I want soo much. but he keeps holding me down. He ruined my credit. I tell him not to use my credit or debit cards and he does anyway. He discourages me from having a career. If my own family thinks I should stay. It confuses me.  WEll hopefully somebody out there has been in the same position that could help me. ......

You need to go into the Navy like you plan.  If your hubby goes to jail, no court will give him custody.  Find a friend or TRUSTWORTHY relative to take care of your child while you goto basic traingin.  You'll have a better chance of a great life if you do this for yourself.
 
August 25, 2006, 7:36 pm CDT

08/17 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge

Quote From: apathetic1

Thanks for your post.  I appreciate it a lot.  Also made me see things in a different perspective.  My boyfriend is very committed, a wonderful boyfriend & an even better father BUT I think the finality of marriage is what scares him.  It kind of scares me but at the same time I'd still go through with it.  It does kind of stink that I don't share the same last name as my son because I gave him his father's last name.  I guess maybe he'll have to try to explain that to people when he gets a little bit older if we don't do the right thing & tie the knot huh??? 

  

We truly are happy but like I said, I think the finality of marriage is what scares us the most.  I do understand though that my son needs to be able to feel structured by "family" & we should cement that down for him as his parents. 

  

Thanks again. 

You don't have to make a big production of a wedding....just got to your local clerk of courts license and get married there, if your state doesn't recognize common law marriage.  Plus this will help in case something happens to you or him in reguards of you kids and belongings.   I learned the hard way and was screwed out of several thousands of dollars of military benefits because my b/f died before I could talk himinto legalizing out relationshipeven though we had been together for 7 years.....the state of FL doesn't recognize common law marriages.
 
August 26, 2006, 4:52 pm CDT

we all deserve to be happy

We all deserve to live happily with the ones we love.  But the fact is that conflict happens.  A good marriage takes a lot of hard work, tolerance, and knowing when to speak up, and when to hold your tongue.

 

My husband and I have been married 25 years.  I was 19 and he was 21 when we married...just kids.  We were committed to each other from the start...in sickness and in health...in richness and in poverty...in anger and in peace.  We have never hit each other, although, we used to slam doors and give each other the "silent treatment".  That wasn't very productive...we soon learned other more constructive ways to disagree.  We have been through a lot...my husband is diabetic and has some other related health problems.  I have recently survived breast cancer, and 5 major surgeries in the last year.  My husband is my best friend...I couldn't have made it through without his support and love.

 

After hearing of all the health problems I have had in the last year, and the mastectomy, somebody asked my husband why he stays married to me.  (what a rude question!).  We are committed to each other for eternity...in this life and in heaven.

 

We've had our share of bad times, and we've had to make the best of it.  We didn't even get a honeymoon...the snow on the ski hill all melted, and our car broke down.  We tried to sneak back home and not  tell the relatives that we were home for a few days, but word got out.  Some day, when the kids are grown, maybe we'll get that honeymoon.  In the mean time, we've got each other, and God in our lives.

 

I would advise all who are considering marriage, go to pre-marital counseling.  We know of several couples who decided NOT to get married because they were truely not compatible.  Learn of each other's shortcomings BEFORE you tie the knot, so you can decide if you can live with this person for the rest of your life.  If you are constantly bickering before you get married, what makes you think it will get better after the wedding?  Do you really want to spend the rest of your life bickering? 

 

Dr. Phil says that you teach people how to treat you...this includes your spouse.  If you allow yourself to be yelled at and called names, or worse, before you get married, you've already established a pattern that will continue until you put a stop to it.  Instead, be respectful of each other...make it about more than the sex.  If it were only about the sex, we would have been divorced a long time ago. LOL  Again, keeping a marriage alive is hard work...you have to be best friends to survive.

 

Good Luck

 
August 31, 2006, 4:28 pm CDT

Is it just me???

or was this show unwatchable?  I couldn't stand to watch all these couples bickering non-stop.  Why in the heck did they get married?  Were they in heat and the sex was good?  When will adults mature and see there has to be more in relationships than just sexual compatibility.

 

 

 
September 12, 2006, 10:01 am CDT

It's not just you...

Quote From: mscoffee

or was this show unwatchable?  I couldn't stand to watch all these couples bickering non-stop.  Why in the heck did they get married?  Were they in heat and the sex was good?  When will adults mature and see there has to be more in relationships than just sexual compatibility.

 

 

I found the show disturbing...they treat each other so badly.  They need to grow up and learn to respect each other and their differing opinions...and not to take everything as an insult.  Nope, it's not just the sex...not enough to make a marriage last...thank God for that.  When I was watching them, though, I did see the things that my husband and I are doing right with our marriage...25 years and on to eternity.  If we can survive building a patio cover and deck, we can survive anything...working on it every weekend...not much fun, but the end result will last for years.  Those couples have some major work to do if they are to stay together...I hope they can do it.
 
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