Topic : 08/17 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge

Quote From: flthomcat

Geesh, you have TEENAGERS. They're enough to drive any good parent crazy, even if they're not a part of a mixed family!!!

 

You two need a game plan. You need to sit down, hold hands, promise not to raise your voices, promise not to accuse and DO tell the other what YOU need from him/her. Kids will play parents against eachother if allowed to (even the GREAT kids), and these kids probably know what buttons to push. They can make you feel guilty easily and quickly turn each of you against the other.

 

You are now a family unit with teenagers. You've really been a family for 23 years considering you have maintained a friendship that long (that's a very good thing). When you think about all that you've shared over the years, I am quite sure neither of you wants to hurt the other's feelings. APOLOGIZE for what you said and ask your lovely wife to sit down with you to come up with a game plan for dealing with the kids. There has got to be a plan for dealing with all the added stress (and all those TEENAGERS can cause stress:).

 

The kids are now YOUR kids (both of yours). There should not be mine and hers. Unless the two of you work TOGETHER as a team (as one, as the Bible teaches us), you will continue to have problems. Find out what your wife needs from you with regard to dealing with the kids. Then tell her what you need. DON'T tell her what she's been doing wrong (and vice versa). DO come up with a plan on how to make the family unit stronger and healthier and DO make a promise to try your best NEVER EVER to say what was said (that was so hurtful to her).

 

If you've been friends for over 2 decades, you CAN make the marriage work and you CAN make the kids come together as OURS (as opposed to mine and yours). I just know you'll make this work; you sound like a genuine, caring spouse (and one who can admit his mistakes). God bless you both.....ALL (even those dang teenagers...can you tell I am a former high school teacher whose hair has started turning gray due to them?:)

Quote From: flthomcat

Geesh, you have TEENAGERS. They're enough to drive any good parent crazy, even if they're not a part of a mixed family!!!

 

You two need a game plan. You need to sit down, hold hands, promise not to raise your voices, promise not to accuse and DO tell the other what YOU need from him/her. Kids will play parents against eachother if allowed to (even the GREAT kids), and these kids probably know what buttons to push. They can make you feel guilty easily and quickly turn each of you against the other.

 

You are now a family unit with teenagers. You've really been a family for 23 years considering you have maintained a friendship that long (that's a very good thing). When you think about all that you've shared over the years, I am quite sure neither of you wants to hurt the other's feelings. APOLOGIZE for what you said and ask your lovely wife to sit down with you to come up with a game plan for dealing with the kids. There has got to be a plan for dealing with all the added stress (and all those TEENAGERS can cause stress:).

 

The kids are now YOUR kids (both of yours). There should not be mine and hers. Unless the two of you work TOGETHER as a team (as one, as the Bible teaches us), you will continue to have problems. Find out what your wife needs from you with regard to dealing with the kids. Then tell her what you need. DON'T tell her what she's been doing wrong (and vice versa). DO come up with a plan on how to make the family unit stronger and healthier and DO make a promise to try your best NEVER EVER to say what was said (that was so hurtful to her).

 

If you've been friends for over 2 decades, you CAN make the marriage work and you CAN make the kids come together as OURS (as opposed to mine and yours). I just know you'll make this work; you sound like a genuine, caring spouse (and one who can admit his mistakes). God bless you both.....ALL (even those dang teenagers...can you tell I am a former high school teacher whose hair has started turning gray due to them?:)

Quote From: missingaz

I watched this episode and halfway through it I taped it (I love my DVR) I did so hoping I can get my husband to watch it with me...doubtful but I need to try something. We are newly married and I do mean newly...May 6th,2006. We met while I was in another relationship...a jerk that treated me like his nanny, housekeeper,etc. and was not being faithful to me. I ended that relationship and immediatly starting dating my new husband, we got married 3 weeks later. I know...I know...why so soon? Well we really felt as if we were meant to be together...there were just things that matched perfectly...that is another story all together. When we got married he was in school, he graduated in July and moved us 1700 miles away for his new job. We left Arizona for Louisiana...talk about culture and weather shock! And before I go any further let me add he is 33 and has been married twice before..I am 31 and been married once before...we have 3 kids..I have 2 boys(15 &7)...he has a daughter(11)..none of them are with us right now. Now back to the problem....everything was going well with us until we moved. He used to pay attention to me and do couple things with me now all he does is come home and want to look at porn either on TV or the internet and relieve himself. I am so depressed I have gained almost 20 pounds in a month! We used to have a great sex life and now nothing! When he does decide to have sex with me he doesn't finish with me but instead gets up and goes to the computer to finish. He has also put a password on his screen and changed his email password so I can't see what he is doing on the internet. I told him at the begining of the relationship that whenever we fight we need to fight fair...no personal attacks...no name calling...well I stuck to that but he goes for the jugular when we argue. Which by the way is all the time mostly about the porn. I am begining to see why he has been divorced twice! Help me!! I am ready for a divorce and to back to Arizona!!

Quote From: bellasinalb

I am 22 yrs old . I have a little 3 yr. old and I was married 4 months ago to the father of my son.  ON THE WAY to get married to the courthouse I told him to slow down and not speed and he told me to " SHUT THE F**** UP" . I knew I should've told him to turn around but I make excuses for him in my head all the time.  WELL heres my story .....

      I met him at 14 yrs. old. Fell in love . Been with him ever since then. never dated or slept with another man. Throughout the past  8yrs. he has cheated on me. Been addicted to herion. ( hes clean now) He slapped me for  the only time when I confronted him about using herion. He dropped out of high school. Had his license suspended twice. He has 6 misdeamors. ( 2 DWI, 1 assault, 3 possieson) and one case pending. I was working at a doctors office and had a good job. I decided that I wanted to join the NAVY see the world for awhile. THEN he got arrested again. This time for repeated offender of driving on a suspended license. now I can't go becasue he might go to jail. and who will watch my son. and I'm waiting to se what happens. Supposely he can get this case dismissed. but we are spending all our money on his lawyer.i am considering blowing of my dream of joining the NAVY and just telling him I want my marriage anulled.   -- I am the complete opposite of him. i like going to school. I've never been arressted. I graduated from a technical school recently and plan on going back to get my BA. I just am stuck. I feel like he has mind control over me. When I told my father that I am consdering leaving him . he told me not to. That I should support him. and if all goes well  we can leave for the NAVY soon and hopefully he will change once hes in a different enviorment. His father gave us 6,000 dollars to buy a house. and he blew every cent on I DON"T know what. He said he paid bills with it. YEAH right!!!! . I never saw a penny of it. i am assuming he spent on drugs or strip clubs.  I am soo confused. I am soo young and I want soo much. but he keeps holding me down. He ruined my credit. I tell him not to use my credit or debit cards and he does anyway. He discourages me from having a career. If my own family thinks I should stay. It confuses me.  WEll hopefully somebody out there has been in the same position that could help me. ......

Quote From: apathetic1

Thanks for your post.  I appreciate it a lot.  Also made me see things in a different perspective.  My boyfriend is very committed, a wonderful boyfriend & an even better father BUT I think the finality of marriage is what scares him.  It kind of scares me but at the same time I'd still go through with it.  It does kind of stink that I don't share the same last name as my son because I gave him his father's last name.  I guess maybe he'll have to try to explain that to people when he gets a little bit older if we don't do the right thing & tie the knot huh??? 

  

We truly are happy but like I said, I think the finality of marriage is what scares us the most.  I do understand though that my son needs to be able to feel structured by "family" & we should cement that down for him as his parents. 

  

Thanks again. 

Quote From: mscoffee

or was this show unwatchable?  I couldn't stand to watch all these couples bickering non-stop.  Why in the heck did they get married?  Were they in heat and the sex was good?  When will adults mature and see there has to be more in relationships than just sexual compatibility.