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Topic : 08/17 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge

Number of Replies: 100
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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:39:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 11/07/05) Dr. Phil takes his show on the road! Newlyweds already on the brink of divorce compete in a series of challenges to see if they have what it takes to work together in less-than-perfect situations. Can the couples find their way around an unfamiliar city with the men driving and the women navigating? How do the men do when they are in charge of their wives' makeovers? They've cheated on each other, have explosive fights and you wouldn't believe the names they call each other. Will their relationships survive the competition? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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November 7, 2005, 7:24 am CST

i agree with this person's comments

Quote From: ddsmommy

I hope that you have noticed by now that this man is using you to be a baby sitter, maid, cook, and whatever else he may need for his selfishness!  Get out now while you can before he beats you down anymore and makes you feel like you deserve everything he is dishing to you.  You need to tell him that he doesn't deserve you and that you will take his advise and get the **** out!  Tell him you don't agree with him and you need to find someone who respects you and will cherish you and his family more than a stupid trophy or plaque!  He is obviously very insecure and wants to make you feel the same way he does!  Don't fall for his crap!  RUN, RUN, RUN!!!!!!!!!  Go find yourself and be single until you meet someone who can prove to you he will put you first no matter what! 
I totally agree with you that this man is using you and you deserve better...no man should tell you where ur stuff goes or where his goes .. it should be a joint effort and also you do need someone that will value you for who you are and treat you with the respect you deserve.
 
November 7, 2005, 7:55 am CST

hummmm

Quote From: butterbean

  

     My husband and are "newlyweds" also and I cannot even imagine calling him names or having him treat me the way the people on today's show are treating one another. It is a second marriage for both of us and after 5 years together, we are grateful each day to have each other. 

  

     I wish that Dr. Phil would do a show about people who DO get along and have a wonderful partnership as an example as opposed to people who constantly abuse each other. Maybe his viewing audience would benefit more from seeing the RIGHT way to manage a respectful and loving relationship. We have problems like everyone else does but we find ways to handle them. It's no big secret that name-calling and griping don't work in any way shape or form.  

  

     I think that the guests on today's show enjoy conflct and need it in order to feel alive in some way. Personal attacks are not any way to live. I feel sorry for them.  By the same token, I feel incredibly fortunate to have a marriage that works and works well. Our children feel safe and loved when they are around us and hopefully our relationship will serve as a gold standard of sorts for the relationships that they persue.   

  

     Dr. Phil, can you please do a show about the not so secret secrets of relationships that work? 

  

    Sincerely,  

  

Christine Welton of Greenville North Carolina. 

I hear you about the RIGHT way for a relationship... but that's why Dr Phil has this show... to help the people who need help. I think he could add a "RIGHT" couple to the segment for advice to the newlyweds but not do a show just about how good couples make it. Look at him and his wife... he always refers to his own experiences... isn't that a couple that does it the "right" way??? Just my opinion!!!
 
November 7, 2005, 8:01 am CST

VALUABLE FRIENDSHIPS AND MARRIAGE....

I am a mother of three ranging from children of ages  13yr old, to an 8yr old, to a 6yr old and have been married 9 1/2 yrs. From experience I learned through the relationship of my parents how productive tolerance and persistence can nurture a marriage through the financial struggles, through the blame games and through the agonies of dependable friendships seceding during these times. I view myself as  the pillar for my family- we are a UNIT. I AM my husband's shoulder, my children's shoulder, AND others shoulder when in need. I get discouraged by OUTSIDERS who view our situation as UNCHANGEABLE, I get weary of the grief we have been through, YET I WILL NEVER GIVE UP on the commitment I made to:  a) become a mother  b) become a wife  and c) join his family. It is important to know that I have met the approval of others when doing the job I have to do. It is MOST important that I view my job as a job WELL DONE and EVER CHANGING. This never seems to happen when so many have contributions to the job I do.  

I was told my husband had NON HODGKIN'S LYMPHOMA CANCER 1yr and 1/2 ago and my love for him changed, I was no longer bitter or distracted by the financial decisions he'd made for our family I was turned into CLAY. I have allowed every situation to come into our family and the wheels continue to spin out of control. I see the NEED to function without the help of his family FINANCIALLY B/C of his JOB LOSS and I have tried EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to FORCE THIS STORED UP MOTIVATION TO REGAIN SOME INTEGRITY FOR US FINANCIALLY AND SOCIALLY.  I am getting NOWHERE I would love just to go through the motion of life without the humilities and the loneliness I have felt since my father's death, his father's diagnosis of cancer, we were told of his illness, then his job loss, and most importantly our financial BREAKDOWNI would love to know the secrets behind RESURRECTING OUR FINANCIAL CONTROL and REGAINING the valuables it takes to become SOCIAL AGAIN....I VALUE SO MUCH THE FRIENDSHIPS AND SUPPORT OF OTHERS..WITHOUT THE FEELING THAT WE NEEDED HANDOUTS WHEN ALL WE NEEDED Were each OTHER. Because only I can CHANGE THIS SITUATION AND ONLY GOD WILL AND HAS MET OUR NEEDS. 

 
November 7, 2005, 9:07 am CST

lifting up verses tearing down

  I just saw the show and I am amazed at how each couple seemed to make it their mission to tear each other down. I never once saw either husband or wife attempt to lift each other up.  If husbands and wives were to spend their time trying to find out what they could do to make their partner's life easier, thereby lifting them up daily, it would make for a much better marriage. Dr. Phil said marriage is a partnership, and he is right. How much better would these couples marriages become if they spent their lives, getting to know each other firstly, and secondly serving each other in love on a daily basis.

  

 

 

  

 

In my view women spend way too much time verbally attacking their husbands. When they do that they crush their husband’s spirit. Men like to know that their women have confidence in them, that they trust them, and trust their decision making.   How destructive it is to a marriage when a woman is calling her husbands names like: Idiot, stupid, moron, ect... Women need to build their husbands up primarily through trusting them with decisions. A man who doesn't believe that his wife trusts him is deeply wounded.  Each time a woman attacks her husband through attacking his abilities to make decisions it is like giving the knife another twist that is barricaded in his heart. Wives: I hate to say it but men do not like our unsolicited advice. I don't mean to say that they value us less  as human beings but If they need advice they would much prefer to ask another man whom they have a respect. (call it a man thing)I think that when a woman can do that her husband will interpret that as love. and he will be able to return that love to her a hundred fold.. Men need to realize that women are more emotional.  Truly we are ruled by our emotions. Learning how to master and control our emotions is a bit of a challenge for us. It is easier sometimes to fly off the handle =) Women are emotionally attached to the house, and the children. We want to be good wives, mothers and housekeepers. Men can deeply wound us by attacking our abilities as mothers, wives and housekeepers.  Because men are less emotional, they should take the lead role through complementing his wife on her abilities as a wife, mother, and housekeeper, then women will be able to respond to that love, the more confidence that a man shows to his wife in her abilities in these areas, the more a woman will be able to trust and love her husband.  Wives: the more you show that you have confidence in your husband's abilities to make decisions for the family the more they will feel loved and return that love back to you. Wives: If your husband has had an especially rough day, go the extra mile to do something special for him, after all he should be your top priority. Men: If your wife has had an especially rough day at work, or at home, go the extra mile for her. Offer to do the dishes, bathe the kids, or take out the trash. She should be your top priority.

  

 

 

  

 

 Its worked for us for more than 10 years but it was a skill we both had to learn, and we are still learning. We didn't start off that way, we had to learn how to treat each other and that takes time. The best advice I once received was that it takes an entire lifetime to get to know someone as intimately as you are supposed to know your spouse.  I think that is true.

  

 

 

  

 

Just my 2cents worth.

  

 

Shelly from Ohio

  

 

  

 
November 7, 2005, 9:43 am CST

Get Real People

We in this society feel the need to constantly point the finger at everyone and everything else, other than ourselves. Come on people, take some responsibility for your own actions and the failing of your marriages. WHO EVER SAID MARRIAGE WAS EASY?  I have only been married for two short years, but my husband and I have had our ups and downs, In law problems, financial problems, death of a loved one and many other obstacles in our marriage, thus far. I know when we have children it is going to change our lives, our relationship and all we have worked so hard to make right, but not in a negative way, but in an amazing, wonderful way we will not fully understand until we have our child in our arms. We in this society go into marriage, with the thought in the back of our minds that if this doesn't work we can just get divorced. I know for myself, when I entered into marriage, I took my vows very seriously . I'm not saying at times, I didn't think to myself "this is not what I signed up for" or "Maybe this is not really what I wanted", but when I really took time to think about my life i realized, how was it going to get better, if I, ME, NOT MY HUSBAND, didn't WORK HARD at making things right in this relationship I vowed before GOD and our families to have for the rest of our lives.  

I do have to say, GOD is a large part of our marriage and what keeps us going, with him all things are possible. He strengthens us and our marriage everyday, as we lean on him and our families for support and guidance. Please everyone quit pointing the finger and everything else and check yourself and what you are contributing or not contributing that is leading to the failure of your marriage. 

 
November 7, 2005, 10:03 am CST

I agree completely!

Quote From: butterbean

  

     My husband and are "newlyweds" also and I cannot even imagine calling him names or having him treat me the way the people on today's show are treating one another. It is a second marriage for both of us and after 5 years together, we are grateful each day to have each other. 

  

     I wish that Dr. Phil would do a show about people who DO get along and have a wonderful partnership as an example as opposed to people who constantly abuse each other. Maybe his viewing audience would benefit more from seeing the RIGHT way to manage a respectful and loving relationship. We have problems like everyone else does but we find ways to handle them. It's no big secret that name-calling and griping don't work in any way shape or form.  

  

     I think that the guests on today's show enjoy conflct and need it in order to feel alive in some way. Personal attacks are not any way to live. I feel sorry for them.  By the same token, I feel incredibly fortunate to have a marriage that works and works well. Our children feel safe and loved when they are around us and hopefully our relationship will serve as a gold standard of sorts for the relationships that they persue.   

  

     Dr. Phil, can you please do a show about the not so secret secrets of relationships that work? 

  

    Sincerely,  

  

Christine Welton of Greenville North Carolina. 

  

while i am sure these dramatic situations make for more interesting viewing, how about showing how hard people work at making good relationships work. I too have a wonderful husband who I would not trade for anything. My good friends are also in great marriages. i get tired of the drama trauma, childish behaviour and would love to see dr. phil reward people who have taken his advise and have great relationships. 

  

  

 
November 7, 2005, 10:06 am CST

Is Marriage worth investing in?

I have watched the Dr. Phil show today and I was saddened.  Maybe it is because I can't seem to make relationships in my own life work.  Heck, most of the women in my family, it seems ,cannot make marriages work.  I am divorced, my mother has been married twice, my sister has been married twice and is now going through a divorce, and my grandmother was also divorced and remarried.   

  

My marriage ended after thirteen years and it was painful.  I went through a three year long relationship later and we ended it recently.  Maybe there is something in my genes?  I don't know.  I am trying hard to make sense of everything without trying to be bitter.  I have several friends that don't even believe in love.  I don't think that I am at that point, yet.  But-- 

  

Marriage?  I don't know if it is even worth the gamble. 

  

  

 
November 7, 2005, 10:14 am CST

11/07 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge

Quote From: happilymarried2

  I just saw the show and I am amazed at how each couple seemed to make it their mission to tear each other down. I never once saw either husband or wife attempt to lift each other up.  If husbands and wives were to spend their time trying to find out what they could do to make their partner's life easier, thereby lifting them up daily, it would make for a much better marriage. Dr. Phil said marriage is a partnership, and he is right. How much better would these couples marriages become if they spent their lives, getting to know each other firstly, and secondly serving each other in love on a daily basis.

  

 

 

  

 

In my view women spend way too much time verbally attacking their husbands. When they do that they crush their husband’s spirit. Men like to know that their women have confidence in them, that they trust them, and trust their decision making.   How destructive it is to a marriage when a woman is calling her husbands names like: Idiot, stupid, moron, ect... Women need to build their husbands up primarily through trusting them with decisions. A man who doesn't believe that his wife trusts him is deeply wounded.  Each time a woman attacks her husband through attacking his abilities to make decisions it is like giving the knife another twist that is barricaded in his heart. Wives: I hate to say it but men do not like our unsolicited advice. I don't mean to say that they value us less  as human beings but If they need advice they would much prefer to ask another man whom they have a respect. (call it a man thing)I think that when a woman can do that her husband will interpret that as love. and he will be able to return that love to her a hundred fold.. Men need to realize that women are more emotional.  Truly we are ruled by our emotions. Learning how to master and control our emotions is a bit of a challenge for us. It is easier sometimes to fly off the handle =) Women are emotionally attached to the house, and the children. We want to be good wives, mothers and housekeepers. Men can deeply wound us by attacking our abilities as mothers, wives and housekeepers.  Because men are less emotional, they should take the lead role through complementing his wife on her abilities as a wife, mother, and housekeeper, then women will be able to respond to that love, the more confidence that a man shows to his wife in her abilities in these areas, the more a woman will be able to trust and love her husband.  Wives: the more you show that you have confidence in your husband's abilities to make decisions for the family the more they will feel loved and return that love back to you. Wives: If your husband has had an especially rough day, go the extra mile to do something special for him, after all he should be your top priority. Men: If your wife has had an especially rough day at work, or at home, go the extra mile for her. Offer to do the dishes, bathe the kids, or take out the trash. She should be your top priority.

  

 

 

  

 

 Its worked for us for more than 10 years but it was a skill we both had to learn, and we are still learning. We didn't start off that way, we had to learn how to treat each other and that takes time. The best advice I once received was that it takes an entire lifetime to get to know someone as intimately as you are supposed to know your spouse.  I think that is true.

  

 

 

  

 

Just my 2cents worth.

  

 

Shelly from Ohio

  

 

  

Shelly, 

  

I want to agree with you.  However, some of what you say seems to advocate for the woman to be subservient to a man.  Household decisions should be made by both partners.  You can't just accept that your husband should go to a man "that he respects more" to make family decisions.  Seems a little archaic to me.   

  

That being said, I totally agree with the name calling.  Calling names can be more damaging than physical violence.  I think the most important thing for a marriage is to understand that your spouse is not there as a financial provider, dictator, or babysitter.  A true partner is there as a soft place to land emotionally, sexually, and spiritually.  That is a tough assignment to fill for any husban or wife and impossible if name calling and yelling are always involved.   

  

   

 
November 7, 2005, 10:40 am CST

Todays Show

Was saddened by what I saw and heard from these couples.  I hope they will be able to get to a better place.  Received this e/m and thought it may lighten the mood: 

  

To Be 6 Again

  

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,  observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the  mirror.  Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd  like to have for her birthday. 

  

I'd like to be six again, she  replied, still looking in the mirror. 

  

On the morning of her  birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and  then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every  ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming  Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they  staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her  stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's, where he  ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then  it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy,  M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure! 

  

Finally she wobbled  home with her husband and collapsed into bed, exhausted. He leaned over  his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it  like being six again?" 

  

Her eyes slowly opened and her  expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you  idiot!" 

  

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong. 

 

(Definately a right brain left brain situation!;)  

 
November 7, 2005, 11:00 am CST

11/07 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge

Quote From: philosophy

Shelly, 

  

I want to agree with you.  However, some of what you say seems to advocate for the woman to be subservient to a man.  Household decisions should be made by both partners.  You can't just accept that your husband should go to a man "that he respects more" to make family decisions.  Seems a little archaic to me.   

  

That being said, I totally agree with the name calling.  Calling names can be more damaging than physical violence.  I think the most important thing for a marriage is to understand that your spouse is not there as a financial provider, dictator, or babysitter.  A true partner is there as a soft place to land emotionally, sexually, and spiritually.  That is a tough assignment to fill for any husban or wife and impossible if name calling and yelling are always involved.   

  

   

Hi there Philosophy. 

  

  

 In my marriage  My husband is the financial provider. I fulfill a completely different role in the home. I don't work. I believe that I was put on this earth to be a wife specifically for him and a mother to our children. Does that mean that I am less of a person? No absolutely not. Does that mean that we don't discuss finances together? No. Does that mean that he doesn't value my opinion? No. The Gist of my message was in my first paragraph. How much better would a marriage be if wives were constantly  lovingly fulfilling  the needs of  their husbands and husbands were in turn constantly  lovingly fulfilling the needs of their wives. If those couples were lifting each other up in love instead of tearing each other down destructively in words and in deeds, and sabotaging each other's efforts in the marriage. How much better off would they be?

  

 

  

   

You can't just accept that your husband should go to a man "that he respects more" to make family decisions.  Seems a little archaic to me.   

  

 

  

  

  I think that the reason many couples end up in divorce today is because there is a  power struggle going on inside the home. There can't be two chiefs to an Indian tribe. It doesn't work. With that being said that does't give the husband the right to be a tyrant, nor do I think the wife should be a doormat. But I think that if she is uplifting her husband on a daily basis and he is uplifting her on a daily basis that tyranny or doormats will not be an issue because each will be fulfilling the needs of the other continuously.  The end result will be a loving relationship where there is mutual respect between the two partners.

  

 

  

  A true partner is there as a soft place to land emotionally, sexually, and spiritually.

  

 

  

  

I agree. and I think the only way to achieve this is to place your spouse above yourself.  Spend your life placing his needs first, and yours second. He should do the same  also be placing your needs above his and fulfilling his own second. If you do that then I think you will have marital bliss.

  

 

  

  

It may seem old fashoined but so what? 

  

Obviously the newer ideas are not working (women's lib and all that) since the divorce rate is 50 percent for 1st marriages and even higher for subsequent marriage. 

  

again just my 2 cents worth. =) 

  

Shelly 

 
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