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Topic : 08/17 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge

Number of Replies: 100
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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:39:20 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 11/07/05) Dr. Phil takes his show on the road! Newlyweds already on the brink of divorce compete in a series of challenges to see if they have what it takes to work together in less-than-perfect situations. Can the couples find their way around an unfamiliar city with the men driving and the women navigating? How do the men do when they are in charge of their wives' makeovers? They've cheated on each other, have explosive fights and you wouldn't believe the names they call each other. Will their relationships survive the competition? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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November 7, 2005, 11:02 am CST

Scared Single

Quote From: philosophy

I have watched the Dr. Phil show today and I was saddened.  Maybe it is because I can't seem to make relationships in my own life work.  Heck, most of the women in my family, it seems ,cannot make marriages work.  I am divorced, my mother has been married twice, my sister has been married twice and is now going through a divorce, and my grandmother was also divorced and remarried.   

  

My marriage ended after thirteen years and it was painful.  I went through a three year long relationship later and we ended it recently.  Maybe there is something in my genes?  I don't know.  I am trying hard to make sense of everything without trying to be bitter.  I have several friends that don't even believe in love.  I don't think that I am at that point, yet.  But-- 

  

Marriage?  I don't know if it is even worth the gamble. 

  

  

I too have the gene... My fathers mom was married 6 times, my dad will be divorced for the 3rd time on the 19th of December, my sister is divorced twice, I am divorced twice... I am now in a relationship with the most wonderful man in the world of which I have told repeatedly that I will never marry him. I even told him on our second date not fall in love with me... if I were him I would've ran and ran fast!!! He wants a child eventually, I am questioning children because I don't know if I could ever get married again. I have such bad luck with marriage as does almost my whole family.  He has been through one divorce which he is only the 2nd in his family to get divorced. Everyone tells me I will change my mind but I don't think I have been more sure of anything in my life. I love him dearly and would love to have a child with him but don't want to without being married and I don't want to get married and ruin what we do have. I am so lost and scared. He doesn't ever pressure me but I know there is going to be a day where we need to make a decision and I don't want to make the wrong one again!!!
 
November 7, 2005, 11:03 am CST

Marriage is scary

After watching today's show, I think I more scared of marriage than ever. I'm 24 years old and have been divorced for 4 years. I have a 5 year old son from that marriage. I'm engaged to be married again this spring to the most wonderful man in the world. He seems so right for me and is great to my son. I guess I worry that things will change after we're married. These people on the show haven't been married that long, and already their marriages are a mess. One would presume something was good before the wedding, otherwise they wouldn't have gotten married, right? It just makes you realize things can go bad so quickly. How do you know things will be ok after the honeymoon is over?
 
November 7, 2005, 11:18 am CST

Poor Kids!

All I could think about while watching this show is that each of these newlywed couples already had kids and major problems they'd neglected to deal with prior to getting married.  What pathetic role models they are.  May God and Dr. Phil help the innocent children drug into such chaos by these immature adults.  
 
November 7, 2005, 11:30 am CST

Hence why we're not married yet

Quote From: philosophy

I have watched the Dr. Phil show today and I was saddened.  Maybe it is because I can't seem to make relationships in my own life work.  Heck, most of the women in my family, it seems ,cannot make marriages work.  I am divorced, my mother has been married twice, my sister has been married twice and is now going through a divorce, and my grandmother was also divorced and remarried.   

  

My marriage ended after thirteen years and it was painful.  I went through a three year long relationship later and we ended it recently.  Maybe there is something in my genes?  I don't know.  I am trying hard to make sense of everything without trying to be bitter.  I have several friends that don't even believe in love.  I don't think that I am at that point, yet.  But-- 

  

Marriage?  I don't know if it is even worth the gamble. 

  

  

I haven't seen today's show yet but your post REALLY caught my attention.  My family, I guess, is pretty old fashioned because everyone seems to be happily married or at least they were before their spouse died.  Not that there's not a few who have married twice for lack of getting it right the first time, but still happiness seems to prevail. 

 

I'm not feeling so hopeful for myself, however.  I've been with my boyfriend (the father of my 17 month old son) for over 5 years & just the THOUGHT of marriage is enough to rumble my stomach.  His side of the family has seen worse times than mine so I honestly don't know if the man even knows LOVE.  He comes from a much different world than I do so it's hard for us to find a happy medium.  He bottles up his feelings, I pour mine out like a book.  He sort of looks at marriage as a "loss of freedom".  I look at it as...  ???  I guess it can be perfect if you make it so or it can be a rough ride for some. 

 

Anyway, my family believes we should be married.  They have accepted the fact that our son was conceived out of wedlock but they firmly express that we should not even THINK about extending our little family before we take the vows.  As part of the younger generation I believe in my own way that God had this in the cards for us or we'd not be where we're standing today.  I don't believe he insists on a ring & a piece of paper to prove our worthiness of love although I know it is still a very sacred milestone in life.  Part of me wants the fairy tale wedding but then part of me believes it's just not as big of a deal these days. 

 

I want to know what the rest of the world thinks.  Should my boyfriend & I get married for the sake of the family or is it okay to live as though we are married without taking the vows at the altar??? 

 
November 7, 2005, 11:40 am CST

REMARK FROM NICHOLE - ON THE SHOW

Quote From: shrimpety

  

while i am sure these dramatic situations make for more interesting viewing, how about showing how hard people work at making good relationships work. I too have a wonderful husband who I would not trade for anything. My good friends are also in great marriages. i get tired of the drama trauma, childish behaviour and would love to see dr. phil reward people who have taken his advise and have great relationships. 

  

  

My name is Nichole and My husband Tom and I were on the Roadshow challenge.  I find it funny that everyone can get on here and start praising their marriage, especially the lady who just said this is a SECOND marriage for the BOTH of you.  Obviously you had problems in your first marriage and you didn't care enough to admit your faults and try to say OK we are not perfect but I love my husband, help us make it through these HORRIBLE times.  No, you gave up!!  I refuse to end my marriage without knowing that I put myself out there and I'm giving it the best opportunity to work this out.  We do have have children, and we our worth saving our marriage.  Also, please let me say that the 5 or 10 minutes you see us arguing, there is another 12-13 HOURS of us laughing and having fun that did not make the show.  My husband and I kissed and hugged, laughed and had a great time.  That was not the focus of the show, we did have a good time.  We do need time to RECONNECT as a couple and put our relationship on the mends.  So for people who want to judge and pretend that their marriage is so perfect, it makes me feel sorry for YOU! 

 
November 7, 2005, 11:57 am CST

Message from Nichole - from the show

Hi My name is Nichole and my husband is Tom.  We were recently on the Roadshow Challenge this morning.  I find it kind of disturbing that people are so judgemental.  I read through these messages and all of the sudden people are so quick to put someone down and praise their own relationships.  I feel that if there were cameras in everyone's house we would all see something that we didn't like.  The fact that one woman says her marriage is so perfect now but this is BOTH of you and your husbands SECOND marriage.  So obviously you had problems in that marriage that you felt were not worth saving.  This is my FIRST marriage and I am putting my self out there to say OK I'm not perfect, but I do love my husband and I want to know what I can do so we do not end up in divorce.  I will not GIVE UP and I will make sure we go to all ends to mend our marriage.  My husband and I are worth it.  So, I don't feel that anything the woman is saying about her second marriage has any validity to it, because you know what you failed once TOO!!  Please just let me say this that for every 5 to 10 minutes you see us fighting, there is also 15-17 HOURS of us laughing and having a great time.  My husband and I kissed a lot and showed a lot of support towards each other during the show, but you will not see that because it was edited.  Please keep in mind as well, we are human beings who make mistakes.  We pick ourselves up and learn from these mistakes.  We have a lot going for us and our marriage is better now that we have admitted our faults.  I feel sad for the people who want to always live in denial and will not admit that it is hard to be in a marriage and NO ONE is always happy, I don't care who you are.  Everyone has bad days.   

  

Thanks, 

Nichole 

 
November 7, 2005, 12:01 pm CST

Kids & Marriage

Quote From: apathetic1

I haven't seen today's show yet but your post REALLY caught my attention.  My family, I guess, is pretty old fashioned because everyone seems to be happily married or at least they were before their spouse died.  Not that there's not a few who have married twice for lack of getting it right the first time, but still happiness seems to prevail. 

 

I'm not feeling so hopeful for myself, however.  I've been with my boyfriend (the father of my 17 month old son) for over 5 years & just the THOUGHT of marriage is enough to rumble my stomach.  His side of the family has seen worse times than mine so I honestly don't know if the man even knows LOVE.  He comes from a much different world than I do so it's hard for us to find a happy medium.  He bottles up his feelings, I pour mine out like a book.  He sort of looks at marriage as a "loss of freedom".  I look at it as...  ???  I guess it can be perfect if you make it so or it can be a rough ride for some. 

 

Anyway, my family believes we should be married.  They have accepted the fact that our son was conceived out of wedlock but they firmly express that we should not even THINK about extending our little family before we take the vows.  As part of the younger generation I believe in my own way that God had this in the cards for us or we'd not be where we're standing today.  I don't believe he insists on a ring & a piece of paper to prove our worthiness of love although I know it is still a very sacred milestone in life.  Part of me wants the fairy tale wedding but then part of me believes it's just not as big of a deal these days. 

 

I want to know what the rest of the world thinks.  Should my boyfriend & I get married for the sake of the family or is it okay to live as though we are married without taking the vows at the altar??? 

Maybe it's not about what God wants as much as it's about what kids need to feel secure.   It's not about a fairy tale wedding, it's about providing a firm foundation into which your child can plant some roots.   The schools and family service agencies today are overrun with kids who have emotional problems as a result of their parent's failure to realize how important stability is to kids.    

  

I've got several 20-somethings I mentor who have had children out of wedlock, but they are sure where they stand with each other and their kids are just fine.  It's true that children being born out of wedlock no longer carries the social stigma it once did, but it's also true that children benefit from having a stable family life instead of living a "mom and dad are kind of together and kind of not, and they can't decide how committed they are to each other but I'm supposed to believe that that they both committed to me - at least when they're not fighting".    

  

Kids are pretty adaptable, but if you can't decide where your relationship with the father is going, how do you expect your child to know how to define his family?   Did you not consider in the 3 years before you had your son what effect it might have on him to have a father who might not even know how to love, and who might not be comitted for the long haul? 

 
November 7, 2005, 12:21 pm CST

How Can You Be Sure?

Quote From: jmm745

After watching today's show, I think I more scared of marriage than ever. I'm 24 years old and have been divorced for 4 years. I have a 5 year old son from that marriage. I'm engaged to be married again this spring to the most wonderful man in the world. He seems so right for me and is great to my son. I guess I worry that things will change after we're married. These people on the show haven't been married that long, and already their marriages are a mess. One would presume something was good before the wedding, otherwise they wouldn't have gotten married, right? It just makes you realize things can go bad so quickly. How do you know things will be ok after the honeymoon is over?

I've been married for 31 years, and the first 5 or so weren't so rosy.   What made the difference for us was that we REALLY knew each other, knew each other's friends and family, knew how each other felt about having and raising children, how we felt about money issues, how we felt about religion issues, how we felt about ourselves and each other, what we felt consituted a good marriage versus a bad marriage, how we felt about our reputations, and what things would be deal breakers.   Then we resolved to have a "refuse to lose" attitude - not about who is right and wrong, but a refuse to lose our marriage mindset.    We were 18 and 19 years old and NOBODY thought we would make it but us due to our ages and our differences.  Our kids are college graduates who often jokingly said "thanks a lot for making us the odd kids in class whose parents are still married and get along."   

  

Do an autopsy on your first marriage and really understand what went wrong there.  And realize that things WILL change after you're married.  But if you know who you are and you know who is he, and you've taken the time to practice dealing with changes before you get married you'll have a pretty good indication of how'll you do after you're married.   Have some faith and KEEP A SENSE OF HUMOR!!!! 

 
November 7, 2005, 12:24 pm CST

11/07 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge

Quote From: cablekidz

Maybe it's not about what God wants as much as it's about what kids need to feel secure.   It's not about a fairy tale wedding, it's about providing a firm foundation into which your child can plant some roots.   The schools and family service agencies today are overrun with kids who have emotional problems as a result of their parent's failure to realize how important stability is to kids.    

  

I've got several 20-somethings I mentor who have had children out of wedlock, but they are sure where they stand with each other and their kids are just fine.  It's true that children being born out of wedlock no longer carries the social stigma it once did, but it's also true that children benefit from having a stable family life instead of living a "mom and dad are kind of together and kind of not, and they can't decide how committed they are to each other but I'm supposed to believe that that they both committed to me - at least when they're not fighting".    

  

Kids are pretty adaptable, but if you can't decide where your relationship with the father is going, how do you expect your child to know how to define his family?   Did you not consider in the 3 years before you had your son what effect it might have on him to have a father who might not even know how to love, and who might not be comitted for the long haul? 

I just think it's really selfish of both you and your husband to be treating each other that way.  I'm not saying my relationship is perfect.. God knows I'm not.. But I'm just saying ya'll should apperciate each other more than you do.. My husband is on his second tour to Iraq in the last year and half.  And I would do anything to be with him now..  If you really can't stand each other that much just get over it and move on. 
 
November 7, 2005, 12:24 pm CST

11/07 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge

Quote From: apathetic1

I haven't seen today's show yet but your post REALLY caught my attention.  My family, I guess, is pretty old fashioned because everyone seems to be happily married or at least they were before their spouse died.  Not that there's not a few who have married twice for lack of getting it right the first time, but still happiness seems to prevail. 

 

I'm not feeling so hopeful for myself, however.  I've been with my boyfriend (the father of my 17 month old son) for over 5 years & just the THOUGHT of marriage is enough to rumble my stomach.  His side of the family has seen worse times than mine so I honestly don't know if the man even knows LOVE.  He comes from a much different world than I do so it's hard for us to find a happy medium.  He bottles up his feelings, I pour mine out like a book.  He sort of looks at marriage as a "loss of freedom".  I look at it as...  ???  I guess it can be perfect if you make it so or it can be a rough ride for some. 

 

Anyway, my family believes we should be married.  They have accepted the fact that our son was conceived out of wedlock but they firmly express that we should not even THINK about extending our little family before we take the vows.  As part of the younger generation I believe in my own way that God had this in the cards for us or we'd not be where we're standing today.  I don't believe he insists on a ring & a piece of paper to prove our worthiness of love although I know it is still a very sacred milestone in life.  Part of me wants the fairy tale wedding but then part of me believes it's just not as big of a deal these days. 

 

I want to know what the rest of the world thinks.  Should my boyfriend & I get married for the sake of the family or is it okay to live as though we are married without taking the vows at the altar??? 

"I want to know what the rest of the world thinks.  Should my boyfriend & I get married for the sake of the family or is it okay to live as though we are married without taking the vows at the altar??? " 

  

And the difference would be . . . ? 

  

I, personally, am not in favor of having kids/more kids outside of marriage, but my life is not yours and I know you don't want somebody preaching to you.  Moral and religious arguments aside, be practical.  If the relationship needs help, it will need help whether or not it is recognized by law and/or your church (really, I guess the big issue here for me would be, why would you have more kids before you two have the relationship stabilized?).  From what you said, I wouldn't be inclined to get married at this point, but can you get him to talk to someone--counselor, clergy--to find out what it is that bothers him so much? 

  

If all else fails you at least need to make sure that you and your child have some rights to support if you and your boyfriend don't last.  Find out what your state laws are about common-law marriages.  I hope you DO last, if that's what you want, but please take care of yourself and your baby. 

  

  

 
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