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November 7, 2005, 6:58 am PST
time for a backbone
Quote From: pickle427I am in my 2nd marriage and only been married for 2 1/2 years. I am 44 and my husband is 33. We seem to get along great for a few days and then the s*** hits the fan. It seems like when we don't agree it's world war 3. He calls me names (something he learned in his first marriage) and then he tells me "If you don't like it here, get the f*** out!" I feel disposable! I do EVERYTHING for him... from taking total care of his children.... taking them to and from school, to taking them to their activities, checkign their homework, doing ALL the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yardwork, grocery shopping, errands, taking care of him, packing his lunch, preparing his plate...etc. He goes to work, and that's it. I am not working right now, but I do go to school. When I tell him how I feel about something, if it's not how he wants me to feel about the subject the fight starts. He has never actually cheated on me, but has gotten on the internet and put a fake profile on there to look at porn. I caught him and he lied about it, then confessed. He says he has not done it sense then, but who knows. Everything we do is about him, his children, his family, his wants... heck we have sex when he wants to! I almost have to beg when I want it... He thinks I am being overly dramiatic and blowing things out of proportion. Lat night for instance, he won a trophy and wanted to put it front and center on our fireplace mantle. We already had something there, so I said we could put it on the left side of the mantle. He got mad and threw a fit and put the trophy on his son's dresser and said obviously his trophy doesn't mean as much as my stupid pictures (which by the way, are family pictures). He also wanted to put his plaque (a winning plaque) on the wall above the mantle, which has a family picture of our wedding, so I took the family picture down, put it where the plaque was hanging, on another wall, put the plaque up, put his trophy on the mantle and moved the family picture off the mantle. He told me I was a selfish a**-hole and if he gets more trophies he is putting them there and if I don't like it, I can get the fu** out! It seems like he makes all the rules and I have to like them, live with them, not say anything or get out! Any suggestions????? Is this a doomed marriage too??????? HELP DR. PHIL AND VIEWERS...... Pickle427 In my opinion... I think that the more you give in to him with the "little things" like a trophy, he just knows he can treat you badly and then get his way when he wants at all times... at all costs. Marriage is a partnership... Dr Phil has said that so many times. You are enabling him to treat you bad by letting him get away with the name calling and the tantrums (which is what they sound like to me). Unfortunately, things won't change over night. You both need help dealing with one another. I bet if you asked him to go to marriage counseling with you he would decline saying he doesn't have a problem and blame it on you... "you can go, there is nothing wrong with me, you're the one who needs help". I've been there, to his dismay, he did have issues that stemmed from before we were ever married or together for that matter. We are now divorced. To save your marriage I would get some help as soon as possible. Also, even if he won't go with you, I would recommend going on your own to counseling. It may help you to be a stronger person and get a backbone! Plus, you don't want "his" children to grow up thinking that this is how you treat people and that it is ok. You sound like a wonderful women who needs to be appreciated rather than broke down. Keep your chin up!!! (no matter how many pillows you need to put under it). Good luck to you!
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(Original Air Date: 11/07/05) Dr. Phil takes his show on the road! Newlyweds already on the brink of divorce compete in a series of challenges to see if they have what it takes to work together in less-than-perfect situations. Can the couples find their way around an unfamiliar city with the men driving and the women navigating? How do the men do when they are in charge of their wives' makeovers? They've cheated on each other, have explosive fights and you wouldn't believe the names they call each other. Will their relationships survive the competition? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
