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Topic : 08/18 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge, Part 2

Number of Replies: 99
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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:45:55 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 11/08/05) Dr. Phil's Road Show continues as he puts newlyweds to the test! Three barely married couples on the verge of divorce go through a series of stressful challenges so Dr. Phil can see how they really communicate and work together. How will the women do when changing a tire under the direction of their husbands? Plus, what happens when the couples have to learn the Tango in only 30 minutes and then perform for a celebrity judge? Dr. Phil tells them exactly what they need to do if they don't want to end up another divorce statistic. Plus, big prizes for the Road Show winners.  Join the discussion.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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November 8, 2005, 5:06 pm CST

Re: ending of show

At the end of today's show Page said how she saw a spark between the couple who won the dance contest and that they seemed happier not only to win but happier as a couple  Did anyone else hear the wife of this couple say to her husband as they finished their dance " I'm so prould of you." ?   And she looked at him with pride and love in her eyes. I'm sure I didn't  imagine it.  That was what told me this couple had made progress towards a loving and sucessful marriage.  
 
November 8, 2005, 6:07 pm CST

You are so right

Quote From: askphoebe

OK the one couple  with the heavy set tall man were so unbelievably NEGATIVE!  He and she ALWAYS had nasty frowns and scowls on their faces! No wonder they don't get along. it was almost embarrassing to watch them act like pouting little children.! They should be ashamed of themselves. I can guarantee they will be divorced in  no time.
That is exactly how I felt after the program.  It makes me sad to know that Dr. Phil was trying to cheer them up at the end of the program and they could barely smile then.  It makes me think - if you don't want to be on the show - don't agree!!!!!!
 
November 8, 2005, 6:21 pm CST

You Can't Change - Only within Yourself

Quote From: katrin

The hardest thing people deal with in relationships is that you "can't" change the other person or "make" them understand. Men are not like women, we all know this. Unfortunately, quitting smoking isn't a reason to withdraw from someone. I know it can make you cranky, but it doesn't change who you are and your feelings towards people. It sounds as if he has some issues stemming from deep within himself. I know the road seems endless when you have run out of turns to take when communicating with your spouse. You will soon become so fed up that you will lose the love you once held in such high regard for him. The only thing I can offer in opinion is that you get some professional help. If he refuses to go, I would go myself. It will show you either how to deal with him in a productive way or show you that you are better off without him. Please keep fighting for your marriage but don't get knocked down in the process. If you need to be away from him don't be afraid to leave for the sake of being alone. I once was in a verbal and physically (not saying your hubby is physical) abusive relationship, I am so thankful that I got a backbone and put an end to it. I would rather be alone and happy than with someone and so sad. Keep that in mind.
Thanks for the advice, from whomever gave it.  Not sure if its staff or its another viewer like myself, but I keep telling myself the same advice, just having a hard time taking it........why are we so afraid to be alone only by times to find out that its okay!
 
November 8, 2005, 6:59 pm CST

11/08 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge, Part 2

Quote From: writeaway

At the end of today's show Page said how she saw a spark between the couple who won the dance contest and that they seemed happier not only to win but happier as a couple  Did anyone else hear the wife of this couple say to her husband as they finished their dance " I'm so prould of you." ?   And she looked at him with pride and love in her eyes. I'm sure I didn't  imagine it.  That was what told me this couple had made progress towards a loving and sucessful marriage.  
You weren't the only one that saw it.  It made me know there was hope for them and out of the two shows, that was the most poignant moment.  It only takes a lot of "littles" to give each other and yet, it makes all the difference to the other's heart amd sould.  They are on the right path and I pray they continue - and make it.
 
November 8, 2005, 7:03 pm CST

Newlyweds

I reckon I am just a little awed by this whole mess.  I must agree with Jay when he asked the question, "How did these couples get together to begin with?"  My husband and I have been together for 22 years, and let me tell you, we do not have a storybook romance.  But I would never under any circumstances call him a moron or idiot or worse yet, cuss him to pieces.  Mind you, that doesn't mean I think he is a saint or that he ISN'T a moron; I just wouldn't call him that!  I think sometimes people need to remember that it isn't always about THEM; it could actually be okay to be a blessing to one's spouse once in a while.  I don't always feel like looking out for his best interests or cooking a nice meal when I can, but love isn't always about feelings.  Love is more often than not about choices; one must choose to love because it is the right thing and not because one feels mushy all the time!  My husband and I have been through the mill, and we are still on shaky ground, but I believe we could accomplish most of those challenges without a whole lot of difficulty.  Maybe it is because we have been in the same harness for so long . . .  We surely could have done it 22 years ago when we were in the first throes of love and marriage!  I hope these  young couples make it and accept the help Dr. Phil is so graciously offering, but I hope their first step is to make a choice to stop attacking and start striving to be a blessing to their spouses.
 
November 8, 2005, 7:43 pm CST

Low esteem men

Quote From: ssmith_13

I for one agree that it seems that some of the men have no self esteem of are not happy with their own life or career and end up taking it out on their wives!  These men all seem to have little patience, though some of the women guests could as well open their ears and listen better.   In my own situation since the communcation sucks, I tend to try and read between his lines!  Does it work, sometimes, and sometimes not! 

  

I seek advice on what to do with a hubby of 6 years who know that he is working for himself and quit smoking a year ago, seems further and further withdrawn from connection to me - continually says he does not care, angry or has something spiteful or disrespectful to say everyday.........its too hard on the head and I am not sure I can continue to play strong one trying to salvage this marriage. 

  

Why do men get cokcy after the get what they think they want and act as if you had no part to play in it..i gave up my freedom so he can have a work van.we have only one vehicle now, feel i need permission to use it and so the saga continues...............i ask viewers whats wrong with men who seem so low on themselves that they turn it all on to their partners and even try to create a wall between wife and her adult child....that is not his...... 

I once dated a man who constantly said things bad about himself. He then started to be critical on me. Whatever I do or however I look was not good enough. I told him that he should start thinking positively about himself. Then, he can start to think positively about others. He didn't change and I stopped seeing him. Women can give men love, good cooking, a clean house, children and many other things. But we can't give a man his self-esteem. He has to earn it himself. You are better off without such a person. A woman can be happy by herself.  

 
November 8, 2005, 7:58 pm CST

Thoughtful.

   It was very gr8 & thoughtful of Dr Phil 2  give away so many gifts, but on the other hand i was even concerned that if Dr phil will ever consider about couples who are not TROUBLE-MAKERS, i mean who r happily married and he`d call them and give away so many gifts. I definately would be NUMBER=ONE, to be present on the show. Couples like us too deserve to go on a holiday. We r happily married couple and even planning to have a baby. We r so much in love. I`m definately sure that many happily married couples will aggree to my comment. May some of them can even say that i was jealous. I wish i would be the lucky one.Me and my husband definately deserve a relaxing holiday.
 
November 8, 2005, 8:24 pm CST

Advice

Quote From: mariejosee

Hi everybody..  I have been very confused lately.. My husband  and I have been married for 4 years.. just had a baby, 5months old .  Already have a 12 years old son from previous relationship..    Everything was fine until  my husband  started to have a anger probleme  with me .   We have fight all the time  if I give my opignon.    But  if I agree to everything his way then it's good..    When He get's mad he always call me  bad names. like  "B" word..  "C'' word  etc...  anything you can think of..     At first he wasn't like that he would just  lose patient easly..   That it  but now since he lost his job after the baby came he  getting worst.. .   He call my other son of 12 years old . lazy ,, coach potatoes ..  I tell him to stop because this is not good for his self- estem.     He take  this  lightly..   I try to talk to him many time make him understand ,  read  books about this..   nothing work ,, the minute he is mad he start again..    He even don't really say he is sorry .   He think  I give him reasons for getting like that ,       What I don't undertand is why he can be the nicest person   in  the day   with stanger  and in close door so disrespectful..   Last time we got  in a big fight he pushed me ,, with the baby in my arms.    That's when I realise !!!    it's getting pretty bad ,   I told him never do that again of I would leave him...    3 weeks after that he called me again names....   IF he love me why can he change.     I love him but very desapointed and have a hard time to forget and forgive him.  He know this hurt me so much  ,, and still does it....      I told him to go in therapy  but he once told me he think that's bull"""'    is there's hope  in this marriage .  Maybe this is because of his lost job....  I hope  ,,   I would feel guilty to leave because of my little baby... who would be without a father.... so young  .    

Hi there, 

  

Look, I was in a very bad relationship at one point in my life. I took the stupid abuse for about 1 year then I decided that I was worth more then he can offer me. You seem to be a very nice woman and that you tolerate this crap from him way to easily. He first of all should never ever call your the b word or even worse the c word. This shows a great deal of disrespect from his part. You are the mother of his baby. Pregnancy and taking care of a baby is hard work im sure and you have your fair share of stress to deal with to. He is basically taking all of his stress out on you instead of working with you to communicate better and try to resolve the issues together !!!  

  

You should not take this crap from his another day !!!! Im sure that all of the mental abuse you have suffered has left you with little self esteem but please hear me loud and clear, do not tolerate or accept this abuse from him another day.  

  

I can guarantee you this, if he is starting to push you around now just wait 'till later. Your baby deserves alot better then this and i'm sure that you want better for your baby. Unless he is willing to work on his issues or it will get worse, I guarantee it !!!! I know trust me !!! 

  

If I was you I would definetly try to talk to him about this when all is calm in your household. Tell him how you feel and tell him that you will not tolerate one more day of abuse !!!  

  

You are the mother of his child and you deserve alot better then that !! 

  

Tell him that you will not accept his behavior or things will change.  

  

You have ressources out there to help you, there are places you can go that will keep you and your baby safe from the abuse. Go to the nearsest clinic and they will help you. :))) 

  

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that things get better for you. 

 
November 8, 2005, 8:37 pm CST

Nichole - Blue Team

Quote From: aallene

 I somewhat agree...however, I think it's silly to give these couples gifts to begin with.  Will they even appreciate them? I understand that they put themselves out there on national television, but they aren't even nice to each other and they are winning trips, etc. The only thing I feel they should be winning is counseling...but that's just me :)

Hello, 

I know alot of people are saying that we did not deserve trips.  I do not think Dr. Phil commended our actions at all, but he did see more to our side than what was aired.  One of our biggest problems was that now I am a stay at home mom.  We have one income and we are very busy with our children now that our daughter is very active in school activities.  Even if we had the time we do not necessarily have the money to spend an evening out together.  In my letter to Dr. Phil I told him I miss my husband, and we get in the rut of life, we get exhausted from our daily duties and we unfortunately take each other for granted.  After awhile we DO start living our lives in a negative manner.  My husband and I never took a honeymoon, or a vacation in the last 4 years of our relationship.  Dr. Phil told us after the show that Tom and I were the inspiration to do the trips.  Not to reward us for our awful behavior, but to give us time to reconnect again on another level.  We can spend our time remembering why we got married.  I can tell you the week in California together was amazing.  I forgot that my husband was so fun to be around.  We had a wonderful time and that has spilled over into our lives again.  I know everyone has their own opinion, but please remember you only saw little pieces of our life.  We talked with the producers everyday, all day long for 4 days and they only show you the negative fighting and bickering that we did on the show.  My husband and I can get along very well, but it is getting fewer and fewer.  I was begging Dr. Phil to show me how to "fall back in love with my husband".  I think this was his answer, for us to spend "alone" time, without children, without work, and without our daily stress.  I'm also a college student, so for us to take a trip that we can afford right now probably wouldn't happen for another 3 years.  I don't think our relationship could handle that. 

  

Thanks, 

Nichole 

 
November 8, 2005, 8:51 pm CST

Thanks from Nichole - Blue Team

Quote From: strongstuf

You weren't the only one that saw it.  It made me know there was hope for them and out of the two shows, that was the most poignant moment.  It only takes a lot of "littles" to give each other and yet, it makes all the difference to the other's heart amd sould.  They are on the right path and I pray they continue - and make it.

Thank you for those kind words.  I can not even explain to anyone, nor do I expect anyone to feel what I felt the day of the tire experiment.  We had 3 very early mornings of getting up at 5:30 am to work on projects all day long.  We sometimes did not get back to the hotel until very late.  Not to mention I live in a different time zone.  By the day we did the tire challenge and I lifted the tire, I felt every ounce of energy drain from my whole body.  I was sweating to death in that body suit and I felt the heat because whenever I need help my husband does it for me.  My husband loves control and I have found it so easy to rely on him.  I have NEVER had to do any maintenance on our cars ever.  My dad was never handy with cars and would rather pay anyone to fix it for him.  That was my breaking moment and watching the show I kept saying to myself "Quit Whining".  After that challenge my husband and I talked for a long time, because it brought out a lot of emotion from me.  When we arrived at the dance studio, my heart fell because my husband HATES to dance.  I was so proud that he learned this dance, and he actually lead me.  There were times that I forgot a move, but he LEAD ME!  When we got back to the hotel my husband was so excited he even asked to dance again in the room!!!!!  I (weirdly enough) learned alot from this lesson and our talk with Dr. Phil that maybe its Ok to not always be right, because Tom will be there to help me in the right direction.  He is a very strong provider, a nurturing father, and now I have to allow him the space to be a wonderful husband. 

  

Thanks, 

Nichole 

 
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