Message Boards

Topic : 03/29 Next Generation of Moochers

Number of Replies: 358
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:48:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 11/09/05) Meet the "Boomerang Generation" -- children who attend college and then move back in with their parents after leaving the nest, sometimes multiple times. -- you can put a period at nest and delete sometimes multiple times.  Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family to take care of her for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her parents.  -- change to: Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her folks.  Share your thoughts.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

More March 2006 Show Boards.


As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

March 30, 2006, 11:08 am CST

I agree 30 days is not realistic--

Quote From: naturesgir

When I watch shows on this topic, I always worry that we're making "living with family" so socially unacceptable that living on Welfare will seem like the better alternative.  I seriously doubt that these three adult children -- do ANY of them currently work? -- are, in 30 days, going to become self-sufficient taxpaying citizens...  More likely they'll end up on food stamps, AFCD for the kids, and subsidized housing...  Not on their parents' dime, but on mine (as a taxpayer); better their parents support them as me, as I didn't choose to have them!!!  13 is a trailer is a bit much, but "co-housing" is actually a perfectly viable, economic, and (should be) acceptable alternative to each member of a family paying for an entire household himself.  This family seems to get along and enjoy each other and, in many cases, it can be a mutually beneficial arrangement (say, for a single parent with a grandma who doesn't mind helping babysit; with an adult child caretaker and older parent; with siblings for company and cutting down expenses).  However, it only works if all are responsible and shift from "parent-child" mentality to "room mate" mentality.  I just wish Dr. Phil would make living with family sound like the kiss of death socially; we don't need MORE Welfare recipients in this country.  Just another view. 

If you go to the website that provides the modular house for the moochers at Dr. Phil's expense, the rents are VERY LOW, such as $695 and up for 2 or 3 bedrooms.  This is in Montana.  Now, if that pack of moochers cannot come up with $800 or so rent between ALL of them, they're in a sorry state of affairs.  So I think Dr. Phil did the 30 days as a wake-up call rather than lull them into a false sense of security by providing free rent for a longer time. 

  

However, while inexpensive, these moochers were paying NOTHING to live off Mom and Dad.  So to them, it is going to seem expensive. 

  

I do feel Dr. Phil should have addressed the issue of why Tabitha's husband seems to be content to live off his in-laws in a trailer. 

 
March 30, 2006, 11:13 am CST

You've made some good points!

Quote From: onthatday

Why doesnt Dr. Phil deal with this fact, that NO ONE would live at home given a choice? Many people CANT GET JOBS! or the pay is so low, they can't sustain even the most humble standard of living--ie keep rent paid and transportation. He calls them moochers while never facing the fact that the wages of todays especially entry level jobs are so low, no one can live on their own. What does a young adult do who makes so little money they have the choice between crawling to the ghetto, endangering their health or well-being or ending up in a shelter? Are those parents to tell them get out? 

 <<<I believe the economic realities out there are ignored to the extreme. When most kids come crawling back home, they arent MOOCHERS, they are BROKE.  They are SICK, they are UNEMPLOYED.

I wish Dr. Phil would face the facts about the modern working world. That wages are so stagnant, people can barely make a living. Even older people are having a hard time making ends meet. . That even for many people especially young and inexperienced FINDING a job is near impossible.  There is a trend in society for wealthy or middle class Baby-Boomers to be told just throw those kids out. Used to be in the old days families did come together to share resources.  Not anymore.

Im tired of this whole MOOCHER mentality like they are all lazy instead of UNABLE TO GET A JOB.>>> 

  

  

There is NO doubt that today's graduate is getting a degree while being FLAT BROKE with little job opportunity.   

  

Here is what I am teaching my kids now. (7 and 11)  

You WILL grow up to be adults with your own homes, own bills, own jobs.  YOU will be responsible for them. 

  

You will need jobs that have some security.  Pick a field that brings you passion AND look at the longevity of that career field.  WILL it pay the kind of lifestyle you want?  If not, what needs to adjust-the dream of your lifestyle or your career?  Pick a minor that IS marketable.  It may not be your passion, but it will get you by in the hard times. 

  

(BTW, I have a brilliant freind that graduated at a theatre major and Social Studies Minor.  Yep, his degree in social studies pays the bills) 

  

I teach my kids NOW about credit, saving and borrowing.  Except for our house, we are debt free.  We still give to charity and the community with our time and resources.  We discuss with them about credit cards and how many college students get themselves into HUGE trouble.  The companies DO know they can have financial slaves for life by offering credit to people who have NO responsibility. 

  

My kids are being taught NOW that my responsibility as a parent is to get them to be self-sufficient adulthood as healthy in every way as possible.  HAPPINESS is THEIR option, not their guarantee.   

I am not giving them everything they want.  They have to earn "luxuries".  Our son paid for half of his exspensive Playstation and we paid for half.  It will be the same when he gets a car. 

  

We do everything we can to give him growth in his education NOW.  Interactive camps, extentions programs, etc....ALL geared to his best skills.  Science.  He has a great chance of scholarships just be keeping up this dedication.  When he gets to his HS graduation-he will have 10-12 years of consistent extra curricular education.  No doubt he will need student loans and help from Mom and Dad.  Our parents did it for us too.  We were also expected to WORK part time if we needed the $ for anything beyond our education, rent, food, etc.  FUN stuff was up to US. 

  

We lived with ROOMATES or dorms that were not luxurious by ANY means.  We lived in areas we did not want to live in, at HIGH rates, with people we did not want to live with.  We had Ramen for meals and did not eat out.  We did pot lucks or ate at resturaunts we worked for.  

  

Guess what? That stuff motivates you to work hard to GET OUT of it. 

  

I have met too many graduates with their sob stories they can not find a job.  Finding the job should be THEIR full time job until they are in gainful employment.  They might have to MOVE.  They might need roomates.  They might live in a less desirable neighborhood.   

  

I have met some spoiled princesses that had everything provided to them their whole life long, then Mums and Dads pays every little bill in college.  College is a "party" time and they barely get that degree.  They never had to work really hard for anything.  Then before you know it, they are 22-23 and have NO clue about real life.   

  

When I was 18, my P's told me.  "Your room and board is now $".  I was flabbergasted.  How DARE they!  It was the BEST thing they ever taught me.  I forced me to plan ahead and save.  I was living hand to mouth, but I never owed anyone a penny.  I never had any debt.  I could not buy myself ANYTHING fancy or on credit.  I could not party either.  SO, I learned to save and get a better job until I could have enough money to have some fun.   

  

When I moved out, there was no way I could live on my own.  I moved four hours away and had a roommate.  One time, I was not paying attention and realized I may not make it one more month to pay my rent AND eat.  I got a fast food job to help pay rent.  I HATED that job. 

  

My roomate said I was the first person that lived with her that always paid the rent on time.   

When I got married, I had a job to contribute to our savings.  My H paid all the exspenses, but someday we wanted a house.  We were fortunate that both of us had good credit.  When that day to buy a house finally came, we had $30,000 to put down-that lowered our house payments.  We were desireable home buyers because we had no other debt.  We were low risk.    

  

That hard work paid off.  I became a Stay at home Mom for many years and we live off one income now!   

  

IT CAN BE DONE!!! 

  

I got stuck 'helping out' my daughter when she was in her own apartment at age 19.   Finally, she wound up moving home because of an abuse situation with her boyfriend, and had a child.  I'm not happy with the situation, but would rather let them live with me than pay her rent! 

  

However, many of her friends have it MADE.  One girl was given a brand new Cadillac Escalade at age 17.  When I suggest saving for a used car, her friends look at me in disbelief.  I pointed out that nobody ever gave ME a free car, so why should I buy one for my child?  The cost of insurance and gas is high as well.   

  

The cost of living in an apt. is not just the rent, utilities can be high as well as the omnipresent CELL PHONES. 

  

Today's generation is very materialistic.  $50 fingernails, $150 sneakers, etc. are commonplace.  I'd like to know how these 20-somethings plan to retire some day with these spending habits! 

 
March 30, 2006, 11:43 am CST

Good point!

Quote From: naturesgir

When I watch shows on this topic, I always worry that we're making "living with family" so socially unacceptable that living on Welfare will seem like the better alternative.  I seriously doubt that these three adult children -- do ANY of them currently work? -- are, in 30 days, going to become self-sufficient taxpaying citizens...  More likely they'll end up on food stamps, AFCD for the kids, and subsidized housing...  Not on their parents' dime, but on mine (as a taxpayer); better their parents support them as me, as I didn't choose to have them!!!  13 is a trailer is a bit much, but "co-housing" is actually a perfectly viable, economic, and (should be) acceptable alternative to each member of a family paying for an entire household himself.  This family seems to get along and enjoy each other and, in many cases, it can be a mutually beneficial arrangement (say, for a single parent with a grandma who doesn't mind helping babysit; with an adult child caretaker and older parent; with siblings for company and cutting down expenses).  However, it only works if all are responsible and shift from "parent-child" mentality to "room mate" mentality.  I just wish Dr. Phil would make living with family sound like the kiss of death socially; we don't need MORE Welfare recipients in this country.  Just another view. 

My daughter is 21 and has a child.  Some of her friends are in the same pathetic situation, where the boyfriends don't pay child support because they are in jail.  Guess how the other girls are able to have their own apartment?  SECTION 8 housing!   

  

If they HAD to pay $1,500 a month for a 1 bedroom apt. like me, they would not be living in their "own" apt.!!!  They're all on food stamps as well yet somehow manage to afford $45.00 Air Force Ones for their one year old children as well as cell phones. 

  

I am stunned. 

 
March 30, 2006, 11:52 am CST

Not all adult children who live at home waste 100 bucks on shoes

I dunno where you get this info that adult children who live at home waste 100 bucks or so on just a pair of shoes. Maybe in California or something but Im trying to save up money but I have loans to pay off and by my own clothes and groceries. And right now I am in the process of finding a roommate to move in an apartment or house out of town. Not every child who is an adult living at home is a lazy bum. Yeah sure there might be half of them who do nothing but there are some like me that do take care of our own business
 
March 30, 2006, 12:36 pm CST

PLEASE!!!!!!!

Quote From: judswing

My husband and myself at the end of our rope. Our 29 year old son who has two DUI's one month apart and can not hold down a job and is still at home. He moved back home after being on his own because he could not make it and asked if he could come home for short period of time till he was back on his feet, that was over 2 years ago.   He will not acknowledge that he has a problem, he messes up every good job or break he gets by not going to work on time or just not going at all. He is very verbal with me(his mother) he knows how to push his fathers buttons. Any advise?

Please start practicing "tough love" before your son kills someone!!!  TWO DUI's one month apart??? I bet those are just the two times he got caught.  That is just disgusting. 

  

DO NOT allow him to continue to live with you without very specific criteria.   

He needs a plan for his life and has to understand that you as his parents will no longer tolerate or subsidize his behavior.   

  

Either he admits he has a problem, gets into some treatment, and holds down a job or you must kick him to the curb.   If you quit making it so easy for him to be a bum he may get uncomfortable enough to actually decide to make some changes.  Sure he may be angry with you at first.  Don't react in anger back at him.  Just keep telling him that you love him enough to not help (enable really) him unless he starts helping himself. 

  

Don't allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed by him telling you he will have to sleep in his car or that you really don't love him if you kick him out.  He is a bum! He will say whatever he thinks he has to say to guilt you into letting him continue to live like he is now.   

  

The best thing you can do for him now is be strong enough to quit contibuting to his poor behavior. 

  

 
March 30, 2006, 12:56 pm CST

Education is your answer

Quote From: singmom22

I am a 22 year old single mom i dont get child sapport and i am still living with my mother i want so badly to be on my own. I feel like such a horrible mooch and worse like a failure. I feel like im trapped in a cycle i can go to work but the most i make ends up just covering the cost of my two year olds day care. I started going back to school got a 4.0 in my classes and then had to leave because i couldnt come up with the money to go the next term. Now IM trying to start my own biz in graphic design learning how to do it as i go. I dont know what to do really i feel like my mom is just paying my bills and telling me its impossible to live on my own. Is it? How do single moms do it? I just want to give my daughter a good life. I just dont know how to do it?

You want to know how other single mores do it successfully? 

  

Get an education honey.  Look into your local community college at the 2 year associate programs.  Since you have so little money you should quality for Pell grants or low interest loans you pay back AFTER you graduate and start working.   

  

I promise you, getting and education and being trained to actually do something is your ticket out.  Use this time you are living with your mother rent free to find a way to do get certified in a job that is in high demand.  Most anything in the medical field will assure you of a good living and job security, IF you get the education.  The kinds of jobs you can prepare for in just 2 years are medical transcriptionist, dental hygenist, pharmacy technician, medical records specialist, ect...Call your local community college and make an appointment to see a career counselor - they will have lots of info and ideas. 

  

Also, educate yourself about the child support issue.  Even if your baby's father can't pay right now; maybe he's in jail, rehab, whatever.  If you at least go to court and get it established that you are seeking support the courts will follow him and make him start paying later when he is able.  And if he won't they will garnish is wages or tax refunds to get the money for you.  You need to call your county Child Support Enforcement Agency.  The help they give is FREE.  But no one can help you if you don't start the process by filing with them in the first place. 

  

Best of luck to you!! 

 
March 30, 2006, 1:31 pm CST

I definitely agree with you!

Quote From: frisco1959

I too noticed her annoyance that she wasn't getting her OWN HOME, she'd have to share with the others.  Jeez!  Life is rough!  Why did she have children she could not support?  And what kind of sorry excuse of a man is her husband?!!! 

  

I am positive she will be back at her parents' house as soon as the 30 days is up...if she leaves at all, that is! 

I am 100% agreeing on what you just said. From the way I see it, I am quite disgusted by Tabitha's actions, as I think that she's the worst one out of the three. I mean, she already has two kids, & her husband who does absolutely nothing. I feel real sorry for their two kids that are going with this, as their lives will be hard in the long run. They both don't deserve to be parents & someone should call Social Services on them! At least her other 2 siblings have a lot of sense of what they did. They need to get a grip & face reality.  

  

And I think that Kristen can do better, as long as she starts to do something with her life. I can't imagine going to college, finishing up, & not finding a good career, and working as a waiter. She can do it. I know she can! 

 
March 30, 2006, 3:16 pm CST

47 years old

I just had to write after seeing Dr. Phil yesterday.  My brother is 47 years old.  He STILL lives with my parents.  He DOES NOT help out at home at all.  My parents are 75 years old.  My mom packs his lunch(cooks chicken the night before so he can take something other than a sandwich), does his laundry, wakes him for work,  cleans his room AND has a curfew.  My dad will change the oil in his car and shovel his car out if it snows.  He does NOTHING FOR THEM.  My dad is 75, in fairly good health, but MY BROTHER SHOULD AT LEAST CUT THE GRASS, but he doesn't. 

I am 45, have a husband, two children, a mortgage, bills, etc.  Do I get help, free food, free rent....NO 

They love me and I love my brother, but it just cracks me up. 

 
March 30, 2006, 5:24 pm CST

NO NOT ALL R I MOVED HOME ALOT

Quote From: urrutiap

I dunno where you get this info that adult children who live at home waste 100 bucks or so on just a pair of shoes. Maybe in California or something but Im trying to save up money but I have loans to pay off and by my own clothes and groceries. And right now I am in the process of finding a roommate to move in an apartment or house out of town. Not every child who is an adult living at home is a lazy bum. Yeah sure there might be half of them who do nothing but there are some like me that do take care of our own business

I WAS AT HOME ALOT AND HELP COOKED DISHES CLEANED I COULDNT WORK CUZ 6 WEEKS AFTER BABY U CANT BUT I ASKED AND WENT BACK ALITTLE EARLY. I ALSO LIVED ON MY OWN AND WOULD RUN TO TAKE CARE MY DAD HE WAS SICK BEFORE HE DIED!! 

GO LUCK ON ROOMATE I WISH I COULD FIND ONE................... 

 
March 30, 2006, 5:33 pm CST

WELL WHAT STATE IS THAT CUZ I M MOVING

Quote From: frisco1959

My daughter is 21 and has a child.  Some of her friends are in the same pathetic situation, where the boyfriends don't pay child support because they are in jail.  Guess how the other girls are able to have their own apartment?  SECTION 8 housing!   

  

If they HAD to pay $1,500 a month for a 1 bedroom apt. like me, they would not be living in their "own" apt.!!!  They're all on food stamps as well yet somehow manage to afford $45.00 Air Force Ones for their one year old children as well as cell phones. 

  

I am stunned. 

THEY DONT JUST HAND OUT WELFARE. I AM A SINGLE PARENT AND NOW CANT WORK DO TO ACCIDENT. I CANT GET HOUSEING CUZ I WAS WORKING TILL I COULDNT DO IT ANYMORE SO I HAVE PAST BILLS AND THEY WONT LET ME LIVE THERE BUT YET OTHER FIND WAYS????? I QUESS HONESTY ISNT GETTING ME ANYWHERE BUT I WONT LIE TO GET STUFF...WHAT IS WRONG IS KIDS R LAZY NOW....MEN ARE NOT TAKING CARE THERE RESPONSIBLITYS AND BOTH MEN AND WOMEN R LOSING MORALS!!!! 

IT ISNT FAIR I WORKED TILL I GOT SICK AND SUPPORTED 2 KIDS NOT GETTING HELP NOW THAT I AM SICK NO HELP???  

 
First | Prev | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | Next | Last