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Topic : 03/29 Next Generation of Moochers

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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:48:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 11/09/05) Meet the "Boomerang Generation" -- children who attend college and then move back in with their parents after leaving the nest, sometimes multiple times. -- you can put a period at nest and delete sometimes multiple times.  Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family to take care of her for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her parents.  -- change to: Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her folks.  Share your thoughts.

 

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November 9, 2005, 8:49 am CST

A Lesson For Future Parents

This was a great show for current parents and future parents alike.  I have a best friend that is so enabled by her parents that she will make decisions that she KNOWS will end in failure but does so knowing her parents will pick up her pieces afterwards.  I love her to death but I feel like throttling her parents most of the time.  They NEVER speak about consequences with her, nor do they ever make her live with the consequences of her actions. 

  

I moved out at 17 and never moved back.  In the past ten years that I have lived on my own, I have gone hungry, been evicted from apts, and even had to ride the bus because I didn't have a vehicle.  I rode the bus to/from work, to/from grocery shopping, etc.  I worked multiple jobs when I had to.  My mom (single parent of 4) asked me to move home numerous times but I never would - she couldn't afford for me to even if I had wanted to!  Looking back I am so proud of how far I've come and I am so appreciative for the good Lord and the wonderful life He blessed me with.  I hope that I can enable my children (when we have them) to stand on their own two feet and build a life they can be proud of even in the hardest of times.  Life was never meant to be easy!!  It's hard every day!! 

  

I hope to never parent out of guilt and that I will be able to make the decisions I need to for their sake, and not to stroke my own feelings.   

  

Good luck to the "moochers" on today's show.  It can be done!!  And no matter how hard it gets, it is so worth it in the long run.  :) 

 
November 9, 2005, 8:55 am CST

adult moochers

Of course these adult parasites would rather live with their parents even though they wont admitt that is what they want to do why because it is easier to stay there and have there parents support them rather than working 2 jobs if necessary to make ends meet.  You grow up and do what is necessary to be an independant productive adult in this world and I feel that these parents are making it easy for these adults to stay unproductive and in the mooching role.  It is time to get off  your butt and make a life of your own.  I am a single mother of  two children my daughter is 17 and my son is 15, however due to complications at birth my son is developmentally, emotionally and intellectually delayed and it has been a struggle from day one.  The father of my children has been absent since there birth so I have never received child support.  I did have some assistance from my parents but I did not live with them and I worked and I went back to school and made a career for my self working in the veterinary field.  I am making more money than I ever thought possible and I still find that there are times when money is tight.  I am teaching my daughter that if you want anything in life you will not get it without hard work.  I am teaching this life lesson by not allowing her to obtain a drivers license until she has worked a minimum of 6 months on her part time job or saved at least 3 months worth of an insurance premium to cover her on a vehicle.  My daughter stated to me yesterday she never realized how hard a person has to work to make a small amount of money.  Yes she is learning that no one in this world is just going to hand you things and working for what you want makes it even more valuable.  The reason I am doing this is I dont want her mooching off me when she is an adult and should be making her own way.  My son works for his allowance as well.  He has specific chores designed with his disablities in mind and he does them all with out any pushing from me and he gets his allowance regularly.  It is difficult to raise children and they dont come with little handbooks but both my children know that I love them with all of my heart and because of that I encourage independance and hard work because when you can depend on yourself no one can take advantage of y ou and you will feel good about yourself if you are not taking advantage (even subconsiously) of someone else. Those three adults on todays show need to get up and get moving and stop abusing the kindness of their parents.  They also need to understand that they are cheating their younger siblings by being in this situation.  They were not homeless at a young age but they dont seem to mind that their parents and younger siblings are going to be if they dont move out.  That is selfish and immature thinking and it needs to change today.
 
November 9, 2005, 9:20 am CST

Disgusted

Watching the show today left me very "angry" with the attitude of the adult children. Sarah especially was completely and utterly out of line. Talking to her is just like you say Dr. Phil; "Like trying to nail jello the the wall" I have two grown children that have not come back home, we have helped them out financially at times, however, there is no way I would allow a revolving door at our home. Sarah and the other two need to get a clue.
 
November 9, 2005, 9:25 am CST

Opinions please!

First let me tell you what happened. 

  

I come from a very dominating matriarchal family.  As soon as I graduated, i went to college about 5 states away from my parents.  I met my husband, we bought a 5 bedroom house, had a baby, and were working careers in the computer industry that let us live comfortably. 

  

I had been gone for about 10 years and became pregnant with our second child when my parents called us and asked us to move back home to take over the family business so that they could retire.  They owned a small software corporation. 

  

After some thought, we sold our home, paid off all of our debts and squirrelled the rest away as a down payment for our new home once we got there.  The three (and a half) of us went to upstate NY. 

  

At my mother's suggestion, we moved in with my parents so that we could look for a house without feeling like we had to take the first one we saw.  Also, she said, that would make it easier to train us on the ins and outs of their jobs and clients. 

  

After a few months of training, they told us that there was a customer not paying their contract off timely enough for them to make their ends meet that month.  Would it be all right if they borrowed some $$ from our savings- temorarily- until that contract came in?  It shouldn't be more than a week. 

  

So we loaned them the $$.  It totalled about 9 G.  It hurt a lot since we were already living off of our savings (groceries, gas, doctor's appts.) until we could take over the company officially. 

  

After another 2 or 3 months, they still hadn't paid us, and Mom came to us again. 

  

"Things aren't working out very well.  We've hit a big slump and we don't know when it'll ease up.  Dad's looking for work outside of the business.  Maybe you should too- just until we can get more contracts." 

  

I even helped my dad write a resume..  he hadn't had to write one for about 40 years.  But here we were with no house and nothing in our savings, a baby on the way and a toddler needing care too, and no way to care for them!  As well, who will hire a visibly pregnant woman?  No one!  They know that I'll need maternity leave almost as soon as they hire me. 

  

Fortunately, my husband is very experienced and in a much demanded career, so it wasn't too long before he got work.  My father got work, too. 

  

Another month goes by and my mother comes to me again.  How are we doing?  Do we have enough to get by?  They're in a spot and need to borrow about $2000. 

  

Ok, we're not stupid.  We told her we didn't have that much left.  Suddenly there's no heat in our section of the house.  She says something must be wrong with the propane tank.  We should probably move out into the guest house until it gets fixed.... 

  

My husband checked the propane tank.  The feed to the house was shut off, but mom was adamant.  We needed to move out until they could "get it fixed." 

  

So we moved our (now 4) family into the tiny (made for 2)  guest house.  We're paying for all of our own utilities, groceries, etc- the same as before, but we refuse to help with anything.  No mowing, trash service, snow shovelling, etc.  We are paying no rent.  And we are avoiding any "fun" activities whatsoever in order to quickly recoup our losses and have our house built. 

  

I badgered her for another month until they paid back a third of what they borrowed, but we're not expecting to see the rest ever again. 

  

Mom is over about 2-3 times a day without even knocking to tell us exactly what we are doing wrong with our children, our housekeeping, our finances (*snort*), and on and on and on... 

  

And recently, I caught her admitting that there was never a slump and that my dad never needed to or did look for a job!  They just didn't want to hand over the company. 

  

Even at the earliest, we won't have a proper down payment until at least next summer and then will still have to wait a few months until the house is actually built.  Renting an apartment will only slow us down to get our own house done, but I don't know if I will be able to keep my temper in check that long. 

  

Any advice that anyone wants to give will be appreciated more than you know!  We feel like moochers but we know we aren't.  HELP! 

  

  

 
November 9, 2005, 9:38 am CST

Good For You

Quote From: judyblue22

Congrats on succeeding, in spite of an illness.  I have some crappy illnesses too and I have never allowed them to affect my Independence.  

  

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger :) 

It 's nice to hear from all that have mental illnesses and are still able to work full or part-time.  My question is why do you think or expect others to be just like you when people with your illness may not be as high functioning as you are.  Some weren't lucky like you to be able to function well enough to make it on their own.  Being severely mentally ill doesn't ALWAYS MAKE US LAZY- OR INCOMPETENT - Think before you write - we are not all the same.
 
November 9, 2005, 9:58 am CST

11/09 Next Generation of Moochers

Quote From: kleesun

Good for you, but without knowing more about the daughter I don't see how anyone can judge whether or not she should have been able to stay in school, is employable, etc.  While I agree that she doesn't seem to be pulling her own weight and that her dad doesn't sound like he's holding her accountable for anything, nobody here tell from that post how functional or not the girl is at the bottom of it all.  "Mental issues" is a very vague description, and I'm sure you know yourself that psychological problems come in a full range of types and severities. 

  

I'm learning disabled (and what I guess could be called "socially disabled"--I have problems interacting with people, which can make if extremely difficult to deal with professors, school counselors, etc.).  I went to a good four-year college and graduated, which was something my parents feared I would never be able to do.  I would not have been able to do it without their support.  Honestly, if they had been as big on "tough love" as some of my friends' parents, I would not have finished high school and , frankly, I probably would have committed suicide a long time ago.  I've learned to compensate for my disabilities as I've gotten older, which is a mixed blessing in that I am more functional, but it also makes it even more obvious to me how different I am, which is painful. 

  

I'm a little offended by what seems to me like generalization of the natures of adult children living at home.  We're not all spoiled, whining, sponges.  I came back home after college initially because I was having a hard time finding a job that I could live on, and my mother was ill and my father needed someone who could help with the housework that she couldn't do.  I've been out of college for five years and still live at home, but I have worked full-time the whole time, paid rent, do housework, run errands, paid for my own personal expenses, etc., etc.  I finally have a job that pays me decently and that gives me enough benefits that a couple of sick days won't put me behind, but I'm getting ready to go back to school and, once again, will not really have the money to move out.  My parents don't mind having me around but they do want me to be self-sufficient (which is why they are letting me stay if I go back to school).  They don't pay my expenses. 

  

I hate the term "Boomerang Generation", especially at a time when everyone is complaining about how much harder it is to earn a living.  I was paying $200 out-of-pocket a month for health insurance--I was 27, not overweight, never smoked, essentially never drank, never did drugs, did not sleep around, had no preexisting health conditions, etc..  It was ridiculous.  I got a sinus infection the week before a job interview and had to go to the doctor.  I didn't even get a real exam--the consultation and five antibiotic pills cost me almost $90 WITH INSURANCE.  I had to take an unpaid day off work to go. 

  

As far as I can tell, Jay still does quite a bit of work for his dad, and I'm sure that being Dr. Phil's son hasn't hurt his situation in life at all.  If Dr. Phil is really going to talk about the Boomerang Generation, how about some discussion of costs of living and diminished employment compensation instead of just pointing out how spoiled and worthless we all are?  I hate to see the "kids" on this show held up as examples of my generation and my situation.   

I finally have a job that pays me decently and that gives me enough benefits that a couple of sick days won't put me behind, but I'm getting ready to go back to school and, once again, will not really have the money to move out.  

  

You already received a 4 year degree at your parent's expense.  You have lived with them after graduation until you obtained a good starting position.  Do you not see that you are choosing to continue be dependant on them by quiting this position and returning to school?  

  

Could you not save money and complete further education later, when you can afford to?  Could you take part time courses and still work and support yourself?  I can't see anything in your post to suggest your continuing dependence on your parents is not a cozy choice.  

  

  

 
November 9, 2005, 10:31 am CST

have no choice

At least you guys have options and possibilities, i came home from varsity and applied for hundreds of jobs all over south africa and i did not manage to get a job. six months of applying for jobs i managed to get a job that was below minimum wage and had to work over time. i resigned from the job because of the verbal abuse. as much as i would love to get out of the house and get started on my own i cant. i cant even work as a casheer! i am sick of being stuck at home but i have tried everything! so i am going back to study to get a honours degree and hopefully that will help towards finding a job.  

ok i have vented thanks for reading my point of view! 

 
November 9, 2005, 10:43 am CST

that is bad

Quote From: lyanna96

First let me tell you what happened. 

  

I come from a very dominating matriarchal family.  As soon as I graduated, i went to college about 5 states away from my parents.  I met my husband, we bought a 5 bedroom house, had a baby, and were working careers in the computer industry that let us live comfortably. 

  

I had been gone for about 10 years and became pregnant with our second child when my parents called us and asked us to move back home to take over the family business so that they could retire.  They owned a small software corporation. 

  

After some thought, we sold our home, paid off all of our debts and squirrelled the rest away as a down payment for our new home once we got there.  The three (and a half) of us went to upstate NY. 

  

At my mother's suggestion, we moved in with my parents so that we could look for a house without feeling like we had to take the first one we saw.  Also, she said, that would make it easier to train us on the ins and outs of their jobs and clients. 

  

After a few months of training, they told us that there was a customer not paying their contract off timely enough for them to make their ends meet that month.  Would it be all right if they borrowed some $$ from our savings- temorarily- until that contract came in?  It shouldn't be more than a week. 

  

So we loaned them the $$.  It totalled about 9 G.  It hurt a lot since we were already living off of our savings (groceries, gas, doctor's appts.) until we could take over the company officially. 

  

After another 2 or 3 months, they still hadn't paid us, and Mom came to us again. 

  

"Things aren't working out very well.  We've hit a big slump and we don't know when it'll ease up.  Dad's looking for work outside of the business.  Maybe you should too- just until we can get more contracts." 

  

I even helped my dad write a resume..  he hadn't had to write one for about 40 years.  But here we were with no house and nothing in our savings, a baby on the way and a toddler needing care too, and no way to care for them!  As well, who will hire a visibly pregnant woman?  No one!  They know that I'll need maternity leave almost as soon as they hire me. 

  

Fortunately, my husband is very experienced and in a much demanded career, so it wasn't too long before he got work.  My father got work, too. 

  

Another month goes by and my mother comes to me again.  How are we doing?  Do we have enough to get by?  They're in a spot and need to borrow about $2000. 

  

Ok, we're not stupid.  We told her we didn't have that much left.  Suddenly there's no heat in our section of the house.  She says something must be wrong with the propane tank.  We should probably move out into the guest house until it gets fixed.... 

  

My husband checked the propane tank.  The feed to the house was shut off, but mom was adamant.  We needed to move out until they could "get it fixed." 

  

So we moved our (now 4) family into the tiny (made for 2)  guest house.  We're paying for all of our own utilities, groceries, etc- the same as before, but we refuse to help with anything.  No mowing, trash service, snow shovelling, etc.  We are paying no rent.  And we are avoiding any "fun" activities whatsoever in order to quickly recoup our losses and have our house built. 

  

I badgered her for another month until they paid back a third of what they borrowed, but we're not expecting to see the rest ever again. 

  

Mom is over about 2-3 times a day without even knocking to tell us exactly what we are doing wrong with our children, our housekeeping, our finances (*snort*), and on and on and on... 

  

And recently, I caught her admitting that there was never a slump and that my dad never needed to or did look for a job!  They just didn't want to hand over the company. 

  

Even at the earliest, we won't have a proper down payment until at least next summer and then will still have to wait a few months until the house is actually built.  Renting an apartment will only slow us down to get our own house done, but I don't know if I will be able to keep my temper in check that long. 

  

Any advice that anyone wants to give will be appreciated more than you know!  We feel like moochers but we know we aren't.  HELP! 

  

  

i have no advise but i feel for you! give your self a time out from your folks. change the locks on the guest house and make it your own! you are no mooch you have been mooched and mooched badly! good luck! wish you all the best on your saving!
 
November 9, 2005, 10:50 am CST

11/09 Next Generation of Moochers

Quote From: krewing

At least you guys have options and possibilities, i came home from varsity and applied for hundreds of jobs all over south africa and i did not manage to get a job. six months of applying for jobs i managed to get a job that was below minimum wage and had to work over time. i resigned from the job because of the verbal abuse. as much as i would love to get out of the house and get started on my own i cant. i cant even work as a casheer! i am sick of being stuck at home but i have tried everything! so i am going back to study to get a honours degree and hopefully that will help towards finding a job.  

ok i have vented thanks for reading my point of view! 

Agggh!  The first job is the worst! I always hated applying for jobs and 6 months of it must feel like torture!   

  

One thing you might try is to go back to a few of the employers that you applied with and didn't get the job.  Ask if the person would speak candidly with you about why you didn't get the job.  Maybe there are some changes you need to make in presentation that would help you land one? 

 
November 9, 2005, 12:26 pm CST

Wow!

 I'm stunned. I can't believe these kids, I'm 19 and I'm shocked by the behavior of these so-called adults. I live on my own, I go to school, I work and I'm not relying on my parents for everything. Sure my parents help me out every now and then but my god. My roommates and I have been screaming at the tv that they're adults get a life. The oldest girl is biggest most spoiled brat on the planet...wow I can not believe her attitude. I can't believe that guy is 30 and doesn't understand why it's an issue that he's living with his parents. The only one I could stand was the 21 year old. She's still young, she isn't bringing her kids there, and she's actually willing to move out on her own. That Tabitha though....wow! What a baby...wow. I feel sorry for her family and for her children how have to depend on someone whose maturity level isn't much higher then theirs. Wow.
 
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