Quote From: lyanna96First let me tell you what happened.
I come from a very dominating matriarchal family. As soon as I graduated, i went to college about 5 states away from my parents. I met my husband, we bought a 5 bedroom house, had a baby, and were working careers in the computer industry that let us live comfortably.
I had been gone for about 10 years and became pregnant with our second child when my parents called us and asked us to move back home to take over the family business so that they could retire. They owned a small software corporation.
After some thought, we sold our home, paid off all of our debts and squirrelled the rest away as a down payment for our new home once we got there. The three (and a half) of us went to upstate NY.
At my mother's suggestion, we moved in with my parents so that we could look for a house without feeling like we had to take the first one we saw. Also, she said, that would make it easier to train us on the ins and outs of their jobs and clients.
After a few months of training, they told us that there was a customer not paying their contract off timely enough for them to make their ends meet that month. Would it be all right if they borrowed some $$ from our savings- temorarily- until that contract came in? It shouldn't be more than a week.
So we loaned them the $$. It totalled about 9 G. It hurt a lot since we were already living off of our savings (groceries, gas, doctor's appts.) until we could take over the company officially.
After another 2 or 3 months, they still hadn't paid us, and Mom came to us again.
"Things aren't working out very well. We've hit a big slump and we don't know when it'll ease up. Dad's looking for work outside of the business. Maybe you should too- just until we can get more contracts."
I even helped my dad write a resume.. he hadn't had to write one for about 40 years. But here we were with no house and nothing in our savings, a baby on the way and a toddler needing care too, and no way to care for them! As well, who will hire a visibly pregnant woman? No one! They know that I'll need maternity leave almost as soon as they hire me.
Fortunately, my husband is very experienced and in a much demanded career, so it wasn't too long before he got work. My father got work, too.
Another month goes by and my mother comes to me again. How are we doing? Do we have enough to get by? They're in a spot and need to borrow about $2000.
Ok, we're not stupid. We told her we didn't have that much left. Suddenly there's no heat in our section of the house. She says something must be wrong with the propane tank. We should probably move out into the guest house until it gets fixed....
My husband checked the propane tank. The feed to the house was shut off, but mom was adamant. We needed to move out until they could "get it fixed."
So we moved our (now 4) family into the tiny (made for 2) guest house. We're paying for all of our own utilities, groceries, etc- the same as before, but we refuse to help with anything. No mowing, trash service, snow shovelling, etc. We are paying no rent. And we are avoiding any "fun" activities whatsoever in order to quickly recoup our losses and have our house built.
I badgered her for another month until they paid back a third of what they borrowed, but we're not expecting to see the rest ever again.
Mom is over about 2-3 times a day without even knocking to tell us exactly what we are doing wrong with our children, our housekeeping, our finances (*snort*), and on and on and on...
And recently, I caught her admitting that there was never a slump and that my dad never needed to or did look for a job! They just didn't want to hand over the company.
Even at the earliest, we won't have a proper down payment until at least next summer and then will still have to wait a few months until the house is actually built. Renting an apartment will only slow us down to get our own house done, but I don't know if I will be able to keep my temper in check that long.
Any advice that anyone wants to give will be appreciated more than you know! We feel like moochers but we know we aren't. HELP!
Your parent's lured you and your husband to sell your home, quit your jobs and move based on a promise that they have now withdrawn? They borrowed money from you and aren't paying it back?
I think you should consult a lawyer about recovering your losses and having the loan paid back from your parents. If they are real family, they would pay you back and offer you some compensation for changing their minds and screwing up your life.
(Original Air Date: 11/09/05) Meet the "Boomerang Generation" -- children who attend college and then move back in with their parents after leaving the nest, sometimes multiple times. -- you can put a period at nest and delete sometimes multiple times. Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family to take care of her for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her parents. -- change to: Then, Kirsten, 36, has a great education but has depended on her family for the last 18 years, and she's still living at home with her folks. Share your thoughts.
