Topic : 03/13 Infidelity Aftermath

What is wrong with everyone.  It seems to be to the point where some people who can't control themselves (cheaters) are just like a bunch of animals.  They don't have any remorse or morals and just do anything anywhere with anyone.  Self controll and self respect have just gone out of the window with some people, and it seems to just be getting worse and worse.  And the one's that are being cheated on that know about it just let it happen.  I really like what Dr. Phil said  " don't let the door hit you in the a**, jack".   I did that about a year and a half ago when I found out my husband was cheating on me, and had been during our entire 19 years of marriage.  Only he wasn't cheating with other women, but with men.  I was so discusted and hurt.  I waited till he went out of town on business and I confronted him about it and told him not to come home.   We've been divorce for about 7 months now and I feel so free and happy.  As Dr. Phil says, I got my backbone.  After I found out what he was doing I wasn't going to let 19 years and one day go by and let him get away with it.  I'm a single mother now and I've had some struggles along the way but I'm much happier then I have been in a long time. 

I think not.  You have already wasted enough time on a worthless cause.  Your life is precious to God and to your family and friends.  You can get a new life.  I know it is hard but no one deserves to be mistreated.  Go to a therapist and get some counseling and set goals for yourself. You may need an anti-depressant for awhile who knows?  But what I do know is that nobody is worth killing yourself over.  If you have children they need your love as a parent.  This is painful I am sure but do not do this to yourself or to your children.   

Maybe, there is something much better in store for you.  Just continue to pray to God to give you strength right now to make the right decisions.  You need to stand up for yourself.  Every time you think about this and how much it hurts think about how you could use the same good God given time to do something nice for you and your children.  Be a little selfish right now and focus on yourself! I promise, little by little you will feel better about yourself.  Never allow someone like this to take away your self-esteem again.  I know. I went there myself. God Bless!  

If you are in doubt have him followed now, while the signs are early. I noticed all of these differences too and by the time I realized what was going on the secretary had been fired.  So follow him and you will know if he is just unhappy or if he is up to his same old tricks.  Sometimes a leopard just can not changes his spots.   

You will need this info. to go to an attorney.  If anything it certainly will not hurt! Good Luck!  

I was the cheater in my marriage.  I had an affair a year ago that lasted about a month.    The questioning, watching, and checking up on me are simply a part of everyday life now.  If this is what it will take for my husband to feel comfortable and trust me again, then this is what I will do.  I have answered every question about the affair, listened and responded to his feelings, apologized in every way possible and been to couples counseling.   

No problem in my marriage in any way gave license for cheating.  There is no excuse for my destructive behavior and how this has demeaned my husband and forever altered our relationship.  This was entirely MY responsibility, not his.  I carry the guilt and shame with me every  day. I can see the pain I have caused my husband and it is my job to do what I can to ease that. 

"Harp" on it? "Get over it"? Neither of you will ever get over it.   

The greatest gift my husband has ever given me is to forgive me.  I don't intend to squander that.  I think your husband doesn't realize how lucky he is. 

Hey everybody, 

I have been married before with a husband that cheated. He was/is in the United States Navy. He cheated with a 19 year old high school girl, and he was 27 at the time. I was a faithful military wife and a little naive when I married him at 19. I had always believed that marriage was forever, so I stuck around a little too long in the relationship. It literally killed me when I found out. What floored me was at 19 I had already gotten my Associates Degree in Psychology, and this girl was still in high school. I felt that it was a complete down grade on his part. We were married for about two years when he started cheating. I felt I wasn't good enough for anybody if my husband had to go to someone who was not a the same mental level as I was. Part of me felt that he might have a fetish with 19 year olds, but that was a mute point. The relationship got abusive. Because I couldn't let go of my beliefs on marriage, it frustrated him to abuse; plus I think the insurance money he would have gotten because of my demise. He tried to kill me on a few occasions. He cut the breaks on my car, and when that didn't work he hit me over the head with a tire iron.  I had gotten JAG involved, but their investigation went nowhere when it was brought before his Commander. I tried to live with his infidelity, but I could not live with the abuse; so I left.  I haven't seen him in the past couple of years, and  am grateful that I left the situation.  What I learned:  once a cheater, always a cheater; once an abuser, always an abuser.  

Hello! 

Watching yesterday's show was difficult and painful. It sure hit home with me, the diffence being... my husband of 20 yrs (3 children) would not come clean about his affair. It all started last year...we were about to put our house up for sale, things were great, excited about moving ietc. Unfortunetly, I came down with a horrible 7 day case of food poisening. It was during that time I 1st noticed a change in my husbands behavior. He showed little concern for my health....I was literally bedridden & lost weight . He didn't even offer a glass of water. When I questioned why, his excuse was...he didn't want to catch what I had. I now know that was not the reason. 

We finally moved and settled into our new home. This particular day when my husband came home from work  I noticed a long, black curly hair on the floor directly where he laid his sweater. I didn't think too much of it at the time, but saved it, just in case.  I didn't say a word, only kept my eyes opened. Well, let's just say the red flags and my gut instinct were working overtime.  The next couple of months I continued to find these hairs, only when he came home from work or wherever. Also, peroidically I've seen what looked liked scratch marks on his back . He was overprotective of his cell phone. He was cranky, became suddenly interested in exercise, he was distant, yet seemed more experienced sexually. He was making nightly trips into our garage, secretly checking his cell for messages etc. You can imagine how draining and horrible this was. One evening while he was taking a shower I decided to check his voicemail. I heard a very sexy, flirtatious message from an an older female co-worker. She's an architect who worked in a seperate building but had ties to my husbands job. She didn't incriminate him, but , I knew instantly this was the woman he was messing around with. The message was not business like at all...it oozed sex. She was asking him to call her and that he knew the number. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I also found her number on his cell phone late at night. 

Anyway, I finally confronted him and he denied EVERyTHING!!!!! Although he did say  he didn't feel like I was very interested in him, which is not true at all.  He was just saying that, I believe,  to cover his own butt. We're still together, but I feel empty inside. I just wish he would tell me the truth...but he won't. Unless I walked in on him ...that's the only way I'll  get a confession . Sadly, I believe he's done this before (11 ys ago), while I was pregnant with our last child. I confronted him and same damn thing, he denied everything, even though he lied about driving this girl home late at night . I found a fine, dainty gold chain under my sofa cushions when I came home from the hospital...yup, he didn't have a clue where it came from. Right!!! All I know is that it sure as hell didn't belong to me or our children, 

I don't know what to do. I'm not financially capable of leaving right now.  He will not attend counceling. I don't believe he's involved with this woman anymore, but who knows. I'd appreciate some advice!!  He's trying to get close to me but I'm not there yet!!! 

Any advive?? 

Thanks.