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Topic : 03/13 Infidelity Aftermath

Number of Replies: 558
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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:51:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

(Original Air Date: 11/10/05) Lies, deceit, sex and scandal. Dr. Phil speaks with husbands and wives who've been caught cheating — and are paying the price. Albert and Camille have been married 11 years, but she hasn't been able to trust him since his affair three years ago. Albert admits to cheating, and says he would do it again if he knew he could get away with a "freebie!" Camille is convinced he's still involved with other women, but Albert says he's not cheating. Then, Danielle and Chris were high school sweethearts, but less than three months after getting married, Danielle found herself in the arms of another man. Numerous affairs later, Danielle is pregnant with another man's child. Can these marriages survive this much betrayal?  Join the discussion.

 

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November 6, 2005, 6:18 am CST

Infidelity

I believe any marriage, after MUCH counseling, can survive many things.  But I believe Camille needs to tell Albert to get out until he gets his act together and after they see a professional.  No woman should degrade herself to this extent.  My marriage is based on trust.  If I didn't trust my husband, I wouldn't stay with him.  Well, and too, I know plenty of people who are ignorant enough to get married out of a cheating situation as if that person will never cheat on them.  Get real.  I feel sorry for the kids if they have any.  I, personally, do not have any divorce in my fam, but I think kids suffer ruthlessly at the hands of parents who just don't give a rip about anyone but themselves.  It makes me so upset for them.
 
November 6, 2005, 3:55 pm CST

Gotta be kidd'in

Those two are so jacked up- IF they stay together or if they don't does it really matter? Dr. Phil in his own words "If they will do it with you, they will do it to you". Those two will never change, maybe just move from this drama to another drama. Hey it is a choice - how is it working for them? 

  

kmpossible 

 
November 7, 2005, 8:24 am CST

Been there, done that....

I am very interested to see this show, mainly because it is something I am dealing with right now.  For the last 2 years I have been making excuses for his behavior but this time when I found out he came home, after being out of town, to the locks changed, his stuff packed and gone and me out of his life.  I have heard everything I have wanted to hear from him but I have learned that he is good an telling me what I want to hear but not so good in following through with what he says.   

  

I have found our relationship carries much a parellel to the cycle of abuse - things get better (honeymoon period) things start to slide, I catch him with another ad on a dating website, it blows up, it gets better, it starts to slide...well you get the idea.  I did not go back this time as I figure if I do all am I telling him is it is okay to treat me this way, because there are no consequences for his actions.  But I will not be treated this way, and I do not want my son to think that this is how you treat women.  He says he is going to go to counselling.  I told him if he completed 6 months and then I got to talk to his therapist about how he is doing and the progress they feel he is making then maybe we can talk about other stuff, but sadly I am not holding my breath 

  

It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, I cried myself to sleep and then woke up crying for almost two weeks, my wedding is cancelled, I had to take personal leave from work at a job I just started at (fortunately I have the most understanding boss in the world) and I have a very confused little boy who's main concern is "who is gonna love you mommy if *name* does not marry you?".  but with it brings a freedom of choice and freedom of autonomy.  I now control my life instead of him controlling it thorugh his actions.  I have found out how strong I really am.   Living with constantly not being sure if you can trust your partner is mentally, emotionally, spirtually, and physically exhausting.  And as lonely as it can get some days, I do not regret my choice for one minute.  

 
November 7, 2005, 1:32 pm CST

11/10 Infidelity Aftermath

Quote From: kmpossible

Those two are so jacked up- IF they stay together or if they don't does it really matter? Dr. Phil in his own words "If they will do it with you, they will do it to you". Those two will never change, maybe just move from this drama to another drama. Hey it is a choice - how is it working for them? 

  

kmpossible 

I totally agree with you. My sons divorce was final last week. They got married 1998. In 2002 she left him for another guy. Then she left that guy and went back to the other one. Then she left him and went back to my son with that guys name tattoed on her leg.  Without my son or us knowing about it, she starting dating this guy Dec. 28, 2004, she left my son for this guy in Jan. 30,2005. Then she left him for his brother, left his brother and went back to him. Then she left him for another guy. "ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER", at least in my sons case. 

 
November 8, 2005, 5:12 am CST

good for you!

Quote From: katia1975

I am very interested to see this show, mainly because it is something I am dealing with right now.  For the last 2 years I have been making excuses for his behavior but this time when I found out he came home, after being out of town, to the locks changed, his stuff packed and gone and me out of his life.  I have heard everything I have wanted to hear from him but I have learned that he is good an telling me what I want to hear but not so good in following through with what he says.   

  

I have found our relationship carries much a parellel to the cycle of abuse - things get better (honeymoon period) things start to slide, I catch him with another ad on a dating website, it blows up, it gets better, it starts to slide...well you get the idea.  I did not go back this time as I figure if I do all am I telling him is it is okay to treat me this way, because there are no consequences for his actions.  But I will not be treated this way, and I do not want my son to think that this is how you treat women.  He says he is going to go to counselling.  I told him if he completed 6 months and then I got to talk to his therapist about how he is doing and the progress they feel he is making then maybe we can talk about other stuff, but sadly I am not holding my breath 

  

It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, I cried myself to sleep and then woke up crying for almost two weeks, my wedding is cancelled, I had to take personal leave from work at a job I just started at (fortunately I have the most understanding boss in the world) and I have a very confused little boy who's main concern is "who is gonna love you mommy if *name* does not marry you?".  but with it brings a freedom of choice and freedom of autonomy.  I now control my life instead of him controlling it thorugh his actions.  I have found out how strong I really am.   Living with constantly not being sure if you can trust your partner is mentally, emotionally, spirtually, and physically exhausting.  And as lonely as it can get some days, I do not regret my choice for one minute.  

It is better to be single and alone than with someone and alone. Good for you for standing up for yourself and making I'm sure the hardest decision in your life. There is someone out there that will be true to you and love you and YOU will be enough. It may take time but in the end, you'll have it. I wish more people were as strong as you are. I don't even know you and I am so proud of you! Love your child and take care of you and you will find happiness!
 
November 8, 2005, 7:04 am CST

Ughhh!!!

I don't know why people continue to stay married if all they are going to do is cheat. What is the point??? Numerous affairs... would do again if wouldn't get caught... I just don't get it. What happened to the vows these people took. I am so sick of it. This is one of the things that make me not want to get married!!! It seems like more than not, in married couples, one of the two are being unfaithful. Does anyone care about people other than themselves??? I am tired of it. I could never imagine being with anyone other than my boyfriend, but I can tell you one thing... If he ever cheated, even kissed another woman, I would be gone faster than he could say he was sorry. I am worth more than that. He knows it, but that's the thing... No one tells anyone, it's a big society secret among all. Everyone has everyone's back. I can honestly tell you that out of all the couples I know and there are a lot... Only 2 couples have been 100% faithful (that I know of). It makes me sick to my stomach. One of the couples I know... the husband is married to his best friends sister... They both have cheated on their wives... but what gets me is that it's his SISTER'S husband he is doing this with. They go out, find other women, have sex, and go home to their wives. It's sad when you have even more loyalty to your friends rather than your family. Needles to say, we don't hang out with those couples anymore... I can't look at those women and know what I know and have them not believe me when I tell them what I know about their husbands. What has happened to the sacred marriage, and the vows people take??? That's what I want to know.  
 
November 8, 2005, 1:57 pm CST

Should I talk to the other woman

I found out 6 months ago that my husband had been cheating on me.  We are married over 30 years.  He became friendly with a woman and after a long time they began an affair which has lasted over 3 years.    He ended it when I found out, and since then he has done everything to make amends.  However there are so many questions that I have, and he is getting very tired of answering them, he says it is time to move on.  I just do not believe that he has told me the whole truth and while I do not think he is seeing her at the moment , i think in time they may meet and it will start all over  We live so near to each other.  I keep wanting to go and ask her her side of the story and then I stop myself.  What do others think, should I go and ask her or should I leave it.  I am so upset and I feel so betrayed by my husband and I want to move on and forgive but I am stuck.  I can think of nothing else but his betrayal of me and my family. H e swears it is all over but how do I know. 

What experiences do other wives have about talking to the "Other Woman" 

 
November 8, 2005, 4:24 pm CST

Aftermath Suggestion

Quote From: beirne

I found out 6 months ago that my husband had been cheating on me.  We are married over 30 years.  He became friendly with a woman and after a long time they began an affair which has lasted over 3 years.    He ended it when I found out, and since then he has done everything to make amends.  However there are so many questions that I have, and he is getting very tired of answering them, he says it is time to move on.  I just do not believe that he has told me the whole truth and while I do not think he is seeing her at the moment , i think in time they may meet and it will start all over  We live so near to each other.  I keep wanting to go and ask her her side of the story and then I stop myself.  What do others think, should I go and ask her or should I leave it.  I am so upset and I feel so betrayed by my husband and I want to move on and forgive but I am stuck.  I can think of nothing else but his betrayal of me and my family. H e swears it is all over but how do I know. 

What experiences do other wives have about talking to the "Other Woman" 

My opinion is no.  

The basis for the affair lies in the marriage not with her.  

You'll relive those feelings all over again like the day you found out.  

Your anger will be directed at her whether you want it to or not. 

Then you'll compare yourself to her completely picking yourself apart.  

You may try to convince yourself it was her fault depending how convincing she is.  

It will bring up a whole new set of questions... etc. Remember an affair is about lies and deceit. 

Typically your confrontation will not be wanted and it will never turn out the way you had anticipated. Confronting her would be self gratification and it doesn't change anything.  

Love yourself enough to put yourself through that again. 

It is only my opinion. 

I'll pray for you  

  

 
November 8, 2005, 4:30 pm CST

11/10 Infidelity Aftermath

Quote From: cagle2

My opinion is no.  

The basis for the affair lies in the marriage not with her.  

You'll relive those feelings all over again like the day you found out.  

Your anger will be directed at her whether you want it to or not. 

Then you'll compare yourself to her completely picking yourself apart.  

You may try to convince yourself it was her fault depending how convincing she is.  

It will bring up a whole new set of questions... etc. Remember an affair is about lies and deceit. 

Typically your confrontation will not be wanted and it will never turn out the way you had anticipated. Confronting her would be self gratification and it doesn't change anything.  

Love yourself enough to put yourself through that again. 

It is only my opinion. 

I'll pray for you  

  

I meant to say love yourself enough not to put yourself through that again. 

 
November 8, 2005, 4:41 pm CST

Been there, too, but not done yet

 My wife has had two affairs, both more than three years ago. After I found  out I wanted a divorce and went as far as retaining an attorney, but coincidentally it was the very week that the Dr. Phil show first aired. My wife reassured me she would do whatever it took to save our marriage, and to our credit we have done the work outlined in Relationship Rescue. BUT, I am having problems truly trusting her, even now after three years, because one of the affairs was with a woman. I won't go into the details here, but my wife HAS done everything she can to save our marriage, to be fully accountable for everything she does, to be an open book. The girl "friend" is long gone, the job with the male coworker she had the affair with is long gone, our communication has improved immensely, our desire to heal our issues feels sincere. We have done the work, but I don't know if I will ever be able to trust her on a deep, spiritual level. The fear that it could happen again, and that it could be with a man or woman, haunts me. I have good days and bad. I know I can't predict the future, but I wish I could look forward with a little more trust.
 
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