Topic : 03/13 Infidelity Aftermath

Quote From: luvsjrts

Are any of you out there women who have cheated on their husbands or boyfriends?  I got a lot out of the show from the other side of the fence, so to speak.  What jumped out at me was when he said "would you do this with your wife standing next to you...".   I also wonder why someone stays with people like me.  I doubt I would have stayed with my husband had tables been turned.   

  

  

Quote From: aandcsmom

I have been married for almost 6 1/2 years.  My husband started having an affair a month before we were married.  That affair went on for over a year.  He chose to end the affair and stay with me.  He changed jobs and then finally quit talking to her.  Almost 3 years ago I found out he was talking to her again (by then we had moved across the country to the opposity coast).  He still goes to the West Coast to see his son.  I asked him to quit speaking to her as it hurt me and was the most hurtful thing he could continue to do.  He said he would stop.  Well, I found out recently that he is still talking to her and even had lunch with her recently when he went out to see his son.  She is now marrried, again,(she was then too, but left her husband thinking mine would leave me) and told my husband that her current husband knows all about him.  I don't think they are sleeping together again, but I still feel very cheated on.  Of all the people in the world that he could choose to still be friends with, I believe that this woman (a polite thing to call her) is the last person he should choose.  I don't know what to do.  We have two small children (2 and 3) and I only work part-time and am thousands of miles from my family.    I do know my husband loves me, but he doesn't think about my feelings like he should.  He was raised by a very selfish mother who didn't teach him to show any one respect (nor did she give him any).  I don't think he really understands.  He's highly eduacted, well-employeed, but sometimes just doesn't get it.    I can't leave, but I don't know what to do.  I guess I just needed to vent a little.  Thanks for listening.

Quote From: college123

I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years and we are currently both in college.  We attend seperate schools which are 7 hours apart.  Therefore we dont see eachother all that much.  When we are home and physically togehter thigns are wonderful.  But when we are away at school he lies, cheats, and decieves me.  It has gotten to the point where I just am tired of questioning him and alwasy feeling like hes up to somehting.  Last year was his first year away and since we are so young (21) and neither of us is ready to be 100% seroius it was left that the relationship would be open but we werent supposed to get consistent with anyone else and if we did we were supposed to break it off with one another.  Needless to say he started seeing someone behind my back for over 5 months.  I found out about her from her and then he admitted everything.  He then ended things wiht her in hopes that we would work things out.  He has made it clear to her that she is more for convienience and I am the one he is in love with but she is so insecure she will take whatever she can get wtih him.  This happened 2 or 3 times.  We always get back together and then its stressful becuase there is no trust and then I find out he is lying again. This time he says really he is changed and he would never wawnt to hurt me again.  

He makes me feel like I am the center of his world.  He alwasy tells me how much he loves me and we plan a future together.  But I dont want a future with a liar and Im so young I dont want to waste time. I just dont knwo if this is something that he will grow out of because he is immature or if this is one of those cases where I sound like an abused vicitim making excuses.   

Quote From: philkkd

Camille,  

I understand.  My husband of 10 years cheated on me on a business trip while I was at home 7 months pregnant with our third daughter.  I took him back and we were in counseling for 18 months before he started up again with someone else.  That was the final straw.  I had spent 10 years trying to make him happy.  He went where he wanted when he wanted and I gave him unfaltering trust.  He would say "I'm not going to stay in a marriage just because there is kids."  In other words, "Make me happy or else."  He tried to blame me for his infidelty with comments like "You're a good person, a great mother and your employer is lucky to have you but you are a terrible wife."  I too worried about my children.  However, once I made the decision it felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders.  I make no apologies to my children and here is why.  What they see if what they become.  I did not want my daughters to think that the way their Dad treated me was okay.  I don't want them in a marriage like mine and think it's normal.  Your boys know more than you think and may well grow up to be like their father if you don't stop the cycle.  My ex's father was a philanderer and bully too.  My ex swore when I married him he would NEVER end up like his father.  Send your son's a message - having children does not give a man a right to hold his wife hostage. 

Quote From: kodonnell

So sad!!! I will be praying for you!!!  =(  *hug*

Quote From: beirne

I found out 6 months ago that my husband had been cheating on me.  We are married over 30 years.  He became friendly with a woman and after a long time they began an affair which has lasted over 3 years.    He ended it when I found out, and since then he has done everything to make amends.  However there are so many questions that I have, and he is getting very tired of answering them, he says it is time to move on.  I just do not believe that he has told me the whole truth and while I do not think he is seeing her at the moment , i think in time they may meet and it will start all over  We live so near to each other.  I keep wanting to go and ask her her side of the story and then I stop myself.  What do others think, should I go and ask her or should I leave it.  I am so upset and I feel so betrayed by my husband and I want to move on and forgive but I am stuck.  I can think of nothing else but his betrayal of me and my family. H e swears it is all over but how do I know. 

What experiences do other wives have about talking to the "Other Woman"