Topic : 03/13 Infidelity Aftermath

Please don't give up or settle for the way he treats you.  You don't deserve to be treated like this. You shouldn't feel ashamed.  He is the one that should be feeling shamed! He is the one that has done the wrong, not you. 

I commend you for being courageous enough to speak out.  You are not alone. This guy is manipulating you. He is lying  and doing whatever he wants while keeping you on the backburner, but   THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  You deserve a husband that will treat you right.   

Don't be afraid to reach out for help.  Pray about it, tell someone you can trust, be honest with yourself about his behavior.  No woman deserves to be manipulated like that.  

I've asked myself all the same questions.  How does someone who vows to be true to you, and love you and honor you all the days of your lives---how do they feel that it's ok to break your heart in tiny little pieces.  How can they feel it's ok to pull their love from your heart, when you've done all you ever could do to be there for them.  Why, why, would anyone jeopardize their family, a child included, for some cheap slut? In my case, he cheated with her, broke it off for 2 years (I thought things were going along peachy). and in those 2 years she became pregnant with her 4th child by an unknown person (to me).  Why would he go back to such a situation.  I don't think I'll ever understand it.  Some people are just "broken in the head."  I don't want to be one of them. 

The saddest thing, is that I still love who I married---and when he acts lovingly, I just cave.  It's hard to get over.  I'll pray for us all!  God bless us, everyone. 

Let him go, honey. 

You are young and absolutely free to enjoy your life without having to be true to some out of state boyfriend. 
  

PLEASE DO NOT GET PREGNANT.  

YOU WILL BE TRAPPED FOREVER AND HE WILL STILL NOT BE THERE FOR YOU. 

He is young and is doing what he is suppose to do; and that is run around and play the field. God bless him. I applaud him. I do not applaud his emotional abuse of you by holding on to you while he is enjoying his freedom and life. 

Be with him when you see him, if you want, and without strings attached. Otherwise, go out date, have fun, enjoy this time of your life. I am here to tell you that when you leave school you are going to understand that you should have enjoyed this moment in time, because it will never come back again. 

Stop wasting time, thought, and emotion on this boy. 

You are young, probably beautiful, and guys are panting to be with you. Enjoy your time at college. Be responsible, protect yourself, and enjoy dating without stress. 

Why are you wasting energy and emotion on questioning this guy about his fidelity and behavior. Leave Him Alone And Worry About Your Own Happiness. 

Take Your Power Back. 

Drop him as a boyfriend.  

YOU DO NOT NEED A BOYFRIEND IN COLLEGE.  

(Don't stress over no dude) 

Dear John this fellow and get on with the business of education, partying responsibly with your friends, and enjoying college without the restraints of some long distance relationship with a boy who is doing what he is suppose to do at this time in his life. 

Honey, THIS TIME IS ALL ABOUT YOU! 

FOOTLOOSE AND FANCY-FREE! 

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** I have two college graduated daughters so I must add this, in enjoying the college experience, unencumbered, beware that binge drinking kills: drink responsibly. KNOW YOUR LIMITS OR DON'T DRINK AT ALL. 

Do not drink and drive -- One better do not get into a car with a driver who has had a drink. THIS IS AN UNBREAKABLE RULE. I do not care that he/she is capable of walking a straight line. He/She should not have had a drink knowing that they would be driving. CALL A CAB, CALL A FRIEND. 

NO DRUGS: Self-explanatory. No Exceptions. NO DRUGS. 

DON'T DO IT, NO MATTER WHAT! NO MATTER WHAT THE REASON OR EXCUSE. JUST DON'T DO IT!!!!!!   PROTECT YOURSELF AND PROTECT HIM FROM AN UGLY EXPERIENCE AND FUTURE! Don't cry foul if you accompany some boy/man to his dorm room/hotel room at 2am. It is not rape. Don't destroy his life crying rape, when you are smart enough to know that the implication in a man's mind is that he is "going to get him some..." You don't take a man to the "sticking" point and then decide that you have changed your mind. Emotionally immature men/boys are incapable of stopping once they have your initial consent. Protect yourself by not accompanying him to his room, otherwise do not cry foul. You knew and we knew what would happen and you do not have the right to ruin that person's life because you changed your mind. 

Also, be aware of the fact that cameras are everywhere; know your environment and realize that if you are not careful your sexual act could be viewed on the internet the next day. 

By the way, it is possible to have a great time without alcohol, sex, and drugs. Good conversation, joking, dancing, and laughing with your friends and dates and just loving life and youth will make you fly. 

ATTEND ALL CLASSES!   EDUCATION IS KEY TO A VERY SUCCESSFUL LIFE! 

My daughters are safely and happily graduated from university AND without incidence.  

ENJOY YOUR LIFE WITHOUT STRINGS RESPONSIBLY.  

I also had an affair but my husband knows because I told him.  Now I don't know if we are going to make it through this.  Between my struggles with it and his, it makes life very hard on us both.   

We have been married for 22 years and it seems like now we may lose it all because of my mistake. 

If you are willing to turn a blind eye to what he is doing and doing to you, at least do this: 

First make a list, decide how much money you are going to need to start anew, and start saving money. DO NOT TOUCH THIS MONEY NO MATTER WHAT.  

SAVE SAVE SAVE!  

MONEY IS POWER! 

Once you have enough money to start over, make a decision: Stay or leave! 

If you decide to remain in the marriage, continue to save save save. The next time if anything comes up AND you want to leave you have the means. No excuses. 

Good Luck!