Topic : 03/13 Infidelity Aftermath

Yes You Do That Is Why You Are Crying. 

Kick his ass to the curb. 

You don't love him, Hell you don't love yourself. 

Take Your Power Back. 

College123, you are experienceing what so many college students experience. You and your boyfriend are both young, and meeting alot of new people while trying to maintain a long distance relationship. When you throw cheating in the mix, it might look like there is no hope. Your bf might actually love you and want to stay with you. However, this is unfair to you if he continues seeing other girls. Maybe he will grow out of it. Ultimately the decision is yours. Tell him what you need in order to be happy in your relationship. If you want him to be exclusive, ask him if he can be exclusive. If he says yes and you think he is sincere, move forward with him. Look at the possibility of counseling to sort through your hurt and anger. If you don't believe he can be exclusive, maybe you could change your relationship. Either break it off or become less exclusive, depending on what you feel is right. Just so you know my boyfriend and I are working through infidelity in our relationship. It is possible, but its not easy. If you want to talk to me about my experiences or tell me more about yours, just email me. Good Luck!  

     To all you people who are having problems in your marriage,  the only way to make it work is to do what it takes TO BECOME BEST FRIENDS!   Would you desrespect your best friend or talk to them like they are stupid or embarass them etc...   NO!    

    So turn the TV off have a drink together go for a walk together talk about everything that comes to mind share secrets date each other compliment each other be thankful for what the other is doing for you,  hold each other be funny be helpful.  I'm sure you can come up with more yourselves.   

    Just dont be  too surprised if it doesnt all lead to awesome feelings and awesome sex!   What more would you want in life than to feel happy?  So work at it!  Most of all let your kids see you laugh and hug!    

I read your post and felt compelled to respond as I sensed the pain behind your words. I too was cheated on and terribly wronged as were my 2 children. Yes, it seriousl;y affected them and me also. No, life will never be the same. But, truthfully, life never does stay the same. I understand that you were a "good boy" as I was always a "good girl". I was taught that the guys in the white hats always win. Not true. Life isn't fair. Life is hard. I look back on the "good years" and am grateful for them. I often wonder why things couldn't have worked out differently. I have come to the conclusion that some people just have no conscience and are emotionally detached from thier families without necessarily being obvious about it. If you allow yourself to get some enjoyment from the small things in life and to enjoy your children and participate in their lives fully, you will tend to not focus on your pain as much as you are now. I also found that volunteering helped alot. Helping others took my mind off my own hurts many times. Yes, I am still lonely and yes I am still angry, but, I know there's nothing I can do about it. The damage has been done. It can't be undone. I refuse to create more damage than their father already has. You are the one that you rchildren need. They need you to rely on and look up to. You can't do that when you're an inpatient. Life and health is a lot about an optomistic outlook. I know it doesn't solve all our problems, but it does help. Try to look forward, not back. Your children need you to not desert them, either physically or emotionally. I will pray for you and your children. 

I have a humorous and ironic tale about infidelity! 

Years ago when I was married to my first husband he cheated on me.  I had gone to a friend's dinner party and our roommate had a huge party.  I found the evidence (used condom) on the floor next to our bed.  At first he said the guys were just playing around blowing up the condoms (I didn't get close enough to it to examine it), but then when we were lying in bed he told me he had slept with someone in our bed during the party.  I became so livid I made him throw the bed away and buy me a new one.  He told me details about the encounter to try and make me feel better, things in extreme detail about her sexual skills that put her in a very bad light.  So the next day I went in to work and a dozen red roses showed up.  A lady I worked with asked what they were for.  I told her the whole story, going into the extreme detail about the sexual encounter as my husband had told it, how this girl wasn't very skilled and it was the worst sex of his life, etc etc. 

I kept asking him who it was (I really did want to know), but he wouldn't tell me. 

Several months later while we were living in a different place, he told me who it was.  Come to find out it was that coworker of mine who I had spilled the beans to, without realizing that she was the one I was talking about.  I started laughing really really hard.  He asked me what was so funny.  I told him, "Hey, remember the day after that party where you cheated on me?  Well, when I went to work the next day I told S all about the gory details!"  By this time I'm laughing so hard...but my husband was not so amused.  He was completely embarrassed and mortified. 

In short, I got my *revenge* without even realizing it!  

This was the first but not the last time he did this to me.  I'm not sure why people want to be married to someone they are planning on cheating on anyway (stability, I suppose).  If you want to play the field, be single for cripes sake! 

My husband and I have been married for 7 years and 5 of those years he has been in the military.  Because of the military we haven't spent a full year together since he enlisted.  We have 2 kids together ages 5 and 1.  He was deployed when I was about 6 months pregnant with my last child and he came back after she was about 7 months old.  He came back from that deployment and a few months later he was sent to Iraq for another year.  I recently (last week) found out that he had an affair during his last deployment.  Though he has yet to admit it, I know that my husband must take ownership of what he did.  I am so confused.  I have good self-esteem and I love myself.  That part of me tells me that I must end this marriage, but the mother part of me tells me that I need to work things out.  I've spoken to several people and most all of them say that all men cheat and I should just work things out because he is the father of my children.  Is this so?  Am I just going to find myself in the same situation if I leave and eventually do find someone else?   

Amen!