Topic : 03/13 Infidelity Aftermath

I grew up from my pre-teens knowing that my dad was cheating on my mom.  Now when people tell me they are "staying together for the kids sake" I think that is the worst possible excuse!  I can't tell you how much it messed me up, and how I thought I should be treated by men.  It took years of counseling to help me overcome my pattern of thought.  Now my husband knows that if he cheats on me - it doesn't matter that we have two kids - he is OUT THE DOOR.  Please ladies, have enough self respect not to put up with this behaviour.  Dr. Phil is so right when he says the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. 

Camille - you are beautiful, sweet and intelligent - you deserve more than Albert and SO DO YOUR SONS.  You may think he is 'all that', but trust me, one day you will be with someone and shake your head in disbelief that you ever stayed with your ex!  And even if you don't care to be with someone in the future, it is better to be alone than to be treated with such disrespect.  I wish you all the best because you deserve it. 

I have dealt with this before, my husband of 17 months cheated on me the entire time that we dated for the first time. The relationship lasted for 3 months and he cheated with at least 5 girls. Yes, after that we got back together and then became married, the problem is that even to this day, I feel like he is not cheating simply because it is not allowed. He has, and has always had a SERIOUS problem with women. Just the other day he took me shopping in Fort Worth for the first time (I just moved here with him from Arkansas), I got so upset that I walked off away from him. We had been shopping for hours, and its just like EVERY woman that walks by he is looking at, with intent. He watches how he looks to them, how he's acting and everything. Maybe part of the reason that I feel this way is because I am very overweight and he has confessed to me that he is not physically attracted to me, and that we can't do some of the things sexually that he enjoys doing. How the hell do I respond to that? Yeah, with me at 235 and him at 160, he can't pick me up and sling me over his shoulder to take me to bed. BIG FRIGGIN deal!  Anyway, like I was trying to say, he has a problem with women. I don't fulfill his visual appetite. It seriously depresses me. I try to tell him, "stop looking at other women because your wife is not 110 pounds. If you truely love me, and I make you happy, all that is going to do is show you what you could have. Put more into me and us."  I want to lose it, for him and for my kids and for me. But I can't when he makes me feel so unattractive. I have never dated a guy that felt that way about me. It makes me question our entire relationship. Its like, how did you fall in love with someone that your not attracted to?? How is that possible? What I don't know is how to deal with this. I know that I am supposed to just suck it up, feel better about me, focus on me and all that, but it makes me sad for him, how could I be so selfish to stay fat and unattractive?? I want to fulfill him, but with the problems that he has with women, I don't think that it would really matter. Even if I was 110, he would look for something better and thinner. Someone, can you offer advice? Maybe relate?? 

    I have a friend who was 235 just like you and her husband always commented on other women in front of her and whoever was around.  She never said a word.   One day she commited herself to weight watchers and within 6 months there was a significant difference in her appearance and 6 months after that she was down to 120 and looked like a doll just like he wanted.  So yes you can do it if you want it bad enough because she's the proof that it works.  It will make you so much more confident.   You wont change who he is but let me tell you it will change your whole outlook on everything.    So never mind what he sees and what he thinks just do it for you.