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Topic : 11/11 Dating Disasters

Number of Replies: 142
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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:52:56 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

If you’ve been asking yourself "How can I find a man?" Dr. Phil's Dating 101 is for you! Lexi thinks her cousin, Angel, is too shallow because she will not date a man unless he's a perfect 10. Dr. Phil puts Angel to the test by setting her up on three blind dates — and she’s the blind one!  Then, meet Heather, 27, who wants her meddling mother to stop joining her on her dates! Her mom, Anita, says she enjoys being the third wheel and loves staying in touch with her daughter's ex-boyfriends. Dr. Phil challenges Anita to find three eligible bachelors for her daughter, go on dates with them, and then narrow it down to one lucky man!  Plus, a single woman wants to know why all her online dates just want to have sex.  Join the discussion.

 

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November 11, 2005, 1:17 pm CST

Online Dating

Hello Everyone,I've just watched today's show and I'm moved to write. All the young women on today's show and younger and more attractive and me and yet I've managed to find a wonderful husband.
We've been married for 6 months (on Sunday) and I have never been happier in my life.I tried online dating off and on for a period of about 6 years before I had success. I started out on conventional sites and like the young woman on the show, I had to learn how to "edit" my words so as to not encourage those men who only wanted sex. It was a trial and error process. Many of the men who wrote to me went away when I wasn't willing to immediately divulge my bra size. Others went away when I wasn't willing to meet them immediately. A couple others I did meet but for one reason or another, we didn't hit it off.In jan 2004, I gave myself a late Christmas present of a membership in eharmony.com. I went through the whole profile answering the questions carefully and honestly. Within about 2 or 3 weeks I began to get potential matches. Again, I asked and answered the questions as honestly as possible. Some men weren't interested in meeting me and some I wasn't interested in meeting. In the 1st month, I think had email contact with about 25 men. Yes, it was time intensive (but not as time intensive as going out on endless bad dates!!) Yes, some of the men were a little further away than I wanted to consider moving for a relationship but I decided that if I were really serious about finding a good match, I wouldn't let a little thing like geography stand in my way!Somewhere in those 25 men, I met the man who is now my husband. We both believe that the eharmony experience was the best thing we ever did. We have so much in common. Honestly, it was almost spooky at first. We emailed volumes to each other and then talked for hours on the phone. We corresponded for about a month before we met in person and in that month, we developed real feeling for each other that transcended physical attraction (but we have that too!)We were married in May. I wish eharmony has been around when I was in my 20s!
 
November 11, 2005, 1:18 pm CST

I liked what you said

Quote From: dreamers

 I am watching todays show and can't  imagine my life with out my soul mate.   It not what a person looks like, how much money they have!   My 90 year old grandmother told me when I was a little girl that you will fall in love when your hearts skips a beat. 

I went on a blind date in the Summer 1982 and my heart skip!   The keeper of the stars were guiding us that night.  We were married in May 1984 and have a beautiful home and god has graced us with two wonderful children. 

We look back and think what if we said no to the blind date where would our lives be??  

We have grown together and have learn so much since.

We DREAM & LOVED one another through the hard times.  

God has a soul mate for each and everyone of us  :)

Dreamers


I agree so much with what you said and my grandmother told me that too. I have got on a dating site and have meet alot of nice people and then some that only want one thing and I have been talking with 2 guys that are both christians and they are liking me for me since we live about 2 hours away and they are getting to know me for me and not what i look like and that is great and am just letting god control things.thanks
 
November 11, 2005, 1:23 pm CST

Online Dating

People need to realize that times change.  The "right way" to meet someone years ago will not always be the only way to meet someone.  Plenty of couples meet online and establish a foundation of friendship before meeting in person and hitting it off.  Who can tell them that is wrong?  How can you judge someone else's "courting" process?   

  

For the record, I met my husband online.  We were both in college and he came across my profile at a college website we both belonged to.  We talked online for several months before meeting for coffee - and the rest, they say, is history.  We are now happily married with a beautiful little boy.  I dare anyone to tell me that the way we met was "impersonal" or "devoid of human contact".  :-P 

 
November 11, 2005, 1:24 pm CST

Agreed

Quote From: kimba2

Eharmony will match you if you sign up with a paying membership.  I found it to be very time intensive and did not do a good job of screening potential matches because of all the stupid, deep questions you are asking someone who has no vested interest to reply with the truth.  They've never met you - why should they feel the need to be more truthful, rather than to trying to answer in a way that will impress.  Really, who likes walks on the beach at midnight?  I live 2 miles from the beach and I have NEVER done that.  Nor would I want to.   

  

Other thoughts on eharmony - you will also get matches if you are willing to get to know people half way across the country.  When I expanded my "distance of willing to date" I got lots of responses.  But, again - how realistic is that?  I gave up on eharmony.  And, you probably are too unique - but there are better sites out there.  I think us women need to help each other, because online dating is really tough.  But we (30 and 40 somethings) are not meeting men in our day to day lives.  We just aren't.   And, at our age, we have soooooo much more to offer a man because this is the age when we get it.  We get ourselves, our needs and our wants.   To have all that clarity and not be in a great relationship is very difficult.   When we were in our 20's we didn't know half as much as we know now...  and I was constantly getting dates.  Oh well.   

  

Keep with it - I think you just need to "run the numbers" when you are online dating.  If you sense something it not right, it probably isn't.... move on till you find the right one.  Learn to screen - the online mentioning of sex too early is a great indication he's a creep.  I only hope I didn't toss aside the right one!   LOL.  Maybe I am shallow. 

Kimba, I agree with you summation of eHarmony. My friends who have tried it said similar things. One of my friends has responded to her matches only to get a response of "I'm on a dating hiatus right now." Why is this guy even on the system if he's "on hiatus"? He shouldn't even be on there if that is the case. I just think it's poorly set up altogether. 

  

I also agree with you that single gals need to help each other out in the dating world. It's so much nicer to meet someone through friends than going at it alone. I was single until I was 35. It was really hard finding guys to date. That's why I went online. Now that I'm married, I'm doing all I can to see if I can find guys for my single friends since I know what it is like. Not that we have to be married to be happy. My single friends are content. But they do long to have a special someone some day. Most people do.  

  

Your online guidelines are good, too. If it smells fishy, it probably is! You just can't be too careful these days. 

 
November 11, 2005, 1:35 pm CST

Were does she get off!!

A lot of people go on looks alone.  That is so sad.  I don't think that girl has looked in the mirror lately.  She really is not all that.  She would be lucky to have someone who treats her nice, but she could careless if he hit her or not.  She needs to wake up and get over her self.  And how in the world could she not have anything in common if they are both black??
 
November 11, 2005, 1:38 pm CST

Met my Husband online

I met my husband in an AOL chatroom in Nov of 02.  We got married in July 04, and I will have our first child in Feb 06.  He is absolutely the love of my life, even after being together for 3 years I still get so excited when I hear his car in the driveway at night.  he knows me inside out, "warts and all" and he still loves me.  I was out of work for three months in 2004 and he worked two jobs to support both of us until I found another job. 

Now I will quit being mushy and be serious.  If my husband and I had met in a bar, we wouldn't have connected because we don't look like what the other was looking for.  Internet dating is not for everyone but I think you have as good a chance meeting your spouse online as anywhere else.  There are lunatics at church, in bars and at work,  the weirdos don't just frequent the internet. 

 
November 11, 2005, 1:47 pm CST

Dating

I watched this show today and just had to post.  I thought the Angel girl was VERY superficial and shallow...how in the world is she EVER going to get married being like that.  I would much rather have an ugly guy that treats me like a queen than a hot guy that treats me like crap.  She needs to be more open to other people...she's prolly turned down dozens of other guys that could possibly be her future mate.  Looks is one characteristic that I never really paid any attention to...a good personality goes a long way whether they look like Brad Pitt or not. lol.   And to the mom going on dates..not to be mean but she needs to get a life!  I can understand going w/ her on dates when she's like 14 or 15 but not when she's 27!!!  Most guys dont want to date their girlfriend's mom sorry Anita!! 

 
November 11, 2005, 1:53 pm CST

You tell em sister!

Quote From: sherrimo

Internet dating is only a means of meeting people, nothing more.  The two people will either hit it off, find an attraction, or not.  It is no different than meeting someone at a social event for the first time. The internet is simply a way for single people to meet other single people in their area that they would never otherwise meet.  Many singles do not have the opportunity to meet people at work, they do not like to hang out in bars, and they do not feel comfortable trying to approach people they may run into in public, not knowing if they are single or not. 

  

I met my current boyfriend on match.com.  He has been wonderful, and we both feel such a strong connection to each other, and so comfortable together.  In December we will have been together one year.  He has been one of the greatest relationships in my life.  And no, there are not guarantees it will work out.  But there would be no guarantee either, had I met him across the produce island at the market. 

  

Don't be so critical of something you know nothing about. 

I met my husband online and he is the most sane normal easy going person you will ever meet.  There are Lunatics all over they don't only frequent chatrooms. 

 
November 11, 2005, 1:56 pm CST

agree with those who said he dropped the ball

 I agree with those who said Dr. Phil dropped the ball on the segment about Angel.   Although she says she's a perfect 10, I wonder if she really believes that.  To say you'd stay with someone even if they mistreat you shows (IMO) some pretty low self-esteem... like she needs to elevate her own self-worth by showing the world, "See, I must be pretty wonderful if this great-looking man wants to be with me."

Also, I was kind of disappointed Dr. Phil did not ask her this... if you do get married, guess what?  You are going to age.  So is your mate.  He may grow a bit of a belly, lose his hair, lose his teeth or need thick glasses.  He may get sick.   Would you leave him b/c his physical appearance and health is no longer what it once was?

Also, those things may happen to YOU as you age.  Would you want your man to leave you b/c you no longer "look good"?

I hope she re-evaluates her attitude, otherwise I fear she's in for an empty life full of disappointment.  :(
 
November 11, 2005, 1:57 pm CST

I think your wrong....

Quote From: s_wgauvin

 eHarmony and the like have no value and should not even be included in a conversation about love, marriage and relationships. Its embarassing to see women and men devalue  human contact and all that marriage and love has to offer by portraying themselves as leftovers and societies throwaways. I can see it as entertainment....possibly...somewhat like those hideous gossip magazines.  Does one honestly think that there is respect and admiration to be found here? Personally, these sites and matchmaking organizations are the equivalent of a brothel...you best put yourself on the corner and catch the best thing rounding the bend. What are we teaching the generation behind us watching the selling block ..moreover...what would you tell your children attempting to find love like this!? Madness....

Mrs.G
I have to differ with you, I met my husband due to on-line dating  we could not be any happier i am the love of his life and hes the love of my life and out of that love we are ready to share a child together in march. So in my book there is nothing wrong with on-line dating as long as you keep your smarts about it and when our children get older i will tell them how i met their father and i will not be ashamed of it either.  Mrs S
 
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