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Topic : 11/11 Dating Disasters

Number of Replies: 142
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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:52:56 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

If you’ve been asking yourself "How can I find a man?" Dr. Phil's Dating 101 is for you! Lexi thinks her cousin, Angel, is too shallow because she will not date a man unless he's a perfect 10. Dr. Phil puts Angel to the test by setting her up on three blind dates — and she’s the blind one!  Then, meet Heather, 27, who wants her meddling mother to stop joining her on her dates! Her mom, Anita, says she enjoys being the third wheel and loves staying in touch with her daughter's ex-boyfriends. Dr. Phil challenges Anita to find three eligible bachelors for her daughter, go on dates with them, and then narrow it down to one lucky man!  Plus, a single woman wants to know why all her online dates just want to have sex.  Join the discussion.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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November 11, 2005, 3:27 pm CST

Way to go Girl!

Quote From: jbess17

Lexi (?) was very shallow and I did not feel anything she said about her dislike of African-American men was humorous.  I know the show was meant  to be lighthearted and kind of fun but I was extremely disappointed that this woman was allowed to get away with the things she had to say.  "Black men do not take women to nice places," (in her experience, therefore lump them all into one category). " Black men do not know how to swim," this is a fallacy that to me is another demeaning stereotype attached to African-Americans.  Of course she is not willing to change because she is "A perfect man's perfect ten" but unfortunately, she may have to learn the hard way that a pretty face is not the only criteria to picking a mate.  How sad for her.  I am an African-American woman and I am engaged to a very attractive, intelligent, well-spoken, kindhearted man.  Who happens to be an African-American, over six feet tall, with dreads, and is also by most standards overweight.  However, he is the best thing that has happened to me.  Hopefully Lexi will find someone, but until then maybe she will reevaluate herself after watching how ridiculous and shallow she appeared on the show. 

 Nice to read your note.  Very glad for you!
 
November 11, 2005, 3:27 pm CST

???

Quote From: annadude

After reading through the message boards I found many many people talking about how dating online doesn't work. One lady even refered to online dating as the equalivialit of a brothel!!!!!!!! How dare you!!! 

 

I've been married now for 14 months. I met my hubby online!!! We met and chatted online for 3 months until we felt there could be something more there than just an online buddy. I was living at home with my mom at the time, and when he agreed to meet in person he did it the most noble way! He came up (had to drive an hour) for church! So the first time we met face to face he met mom, pastor, and church family. Talk about guts! We went to lunch and hardly spoke we were so nervous, and of course that drove in seperate cars, at my mothers request. 

 

We dated for 6 months when he "popped the question" only after getting my mom's blessing. Not to mention the fact that we weren't interested in "getting physical" unless and until we were married. We waited until then, and it wasn't easy. 

 

I want people to know online dating can work, it's all about your intentions. I know people think that young people today are all about sex and anything physical. I want to say that is not all true, some of us take pride in ourselves and have morals. I was only 18 when I met my hubby, I was married a week before my 20th birthday. Many people said we'd never make, and yes, we do have our ups and downs, but we're in it for the long haul, we dont believe in divorce except in extreme situations. 

DONT BE SO DEFENSIVE~!!!  Why are you so MAD?  IF your marraige is all that great, then who cares???  Chill. 

 
November 11, 2005, 3:29 pm CST

Thank You!

Quote From: slyons9944

I just saw the show about the EXTREMELY SHALLOW girl, Lexi who would not date Black guys and has sooo very many ridiculous "rules" about what a man should look like. I don't normally do this kind of thing but I am OUTRAGED!!!! Can some one please tell her that she has alot of nerve being so picky about  a guy's appearance when she is not physically attractive herself. And to imply that she is a guy's 10! Puh-lease!!! Halle Berry is a man's physical 10!!! I know many White and Black guys who would pass Ms. Lexi  up on the street! I wanted to jump through the tv and whack her (smile)!   

  

I am an African American woman myself and I have dated outside of my race but not out of preference. It just happened. Which is how it should be. True, alot of Black men do not approach women in a correct fashion. I've had it happen and I just ignore it or even ask them to approach me correctly and respecefully if they want me to respond. But that is not all black men.  I have met plenty of professional, black men who are kind, respectful, fun and absolutely gorgeous!!! And if I might add...I am getting ready to marry one (smile).  What it looks like to me is she is not happy with herself as a Black woman. Clearly the blond extensions say that all day long along with her being willing to tolerate not being treated well just to have a good-looking white guy on her arm. I would have liked to seen one of the guys that she was paired up with be a Black man with impeccable grammar and interests that are stereotypically those of Whites. I would have loved to see the look on her face, if she had chosen him. That would have been priceless. 

  

Although the show today was fun to watch it was disappointing to me to see a woman so unbalanced. She needs to understand that a true, healthy relationship will not be one based on superficial standards. A superficial relationship will not last. Good looks do not last. She has probably blocked her blessing of a wonderful relationship in a black man, short man, eyes too close together man because of her shallowness. The relationship with her and the guy she chose won't last because he clearly had an issue with her being shallow. She will surely be in my prayers.   

Stay tuned for my very similar comment.  I indicated that Dr Phil should have this lady back on another show that will address more of her many issues and dating should be last on her list!
 
November 11, 2005, 3:29 pm CST

I also agree but ....

Quote From: walkindead

i agree with you 100%

her statements made me wonder what her father was like.
I think Lexie needs to look in the mirror.  She wants someone who looks like a model and looks perfect.  I don't think she is being realistic......  beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  I don't think she looks perfect (like most of us)  Wake up Lexie!
 
November 11, 2005, 3:30 pm CST

11/11 Dating Disasters

Quote From: whatdoikno

As an over 30 male, divorced, employed professional, church going, non drinking, father of one who does not want to date till my son graduates from high school. I find it is not that hard to enjoy the life I have,  where I am today.   

  

I would be lying if I didn't acknowledge that I miss having a relationship with someone I can trust with my heart.  And to have no one to share my thoughts, feelings, and dreams with is a form of pain I find hard to put into words.  It is a lonely life I have but to be available 24/7 to my son as he grows up, is more important at this time.  

  

I get to talk and socialize with a lot of single, widowed, divorced men I would  be proud to introduce to my sister.  So I thought I would share the words of many single men who don't date. 

  

With a world that produces attitudes like this in Good men.  The pool of available men for dating is severely depleted leaving too many men I would not want my sister dating or marrying. 

  

But I am shocked the number of women who don't realize how many men don't want anything more to do with women.  Here are some hard comments I have heard repeated from single male friends about dating, being married and women. 

  

1.  I would give a million dollars to bring my deceased wife back, but I wouldn't give a nickel for another one. 

  

2.  What do you call a wife who has the attitudes and actions of an abusive husband? 

  

3.  All women are controling and vindictive if you don't do what they want. 

  

4.  Show me a husband who can have a two way discussion with his wife about her opinion during one of her moods. 

  

5.  If I have to be accountable to everything my wife says, I expect her to be responsible for everything she says. 

  

6.  Why would I want a relationship with a woman who won't show the same respect and interest in my interests, as she expects me to show in her and her interests. 

  

7.  I am good enough to marry, why am I never good enough to be married too? 

  

8.  I have never met a woman who wants her husband to treat her and talk to her the way she treats and talks to him. 

  

9.  Why would I want to spend the rest of my life dealing with some woman's negative moods. 

  

10.  Show me a woman who is strong enough to be kind and I will ask her to marry me. 

  

11.  Go into a primary gradeschool or churchschool and ask the children who makes the decisions in their home, mom, dad, or mom and dad.   They will say mom makes all the decisions.  Then ask them what happens when dad disagrees with mom.  The answer is that mommy will get real mad at dad and there will be a terrible fight. 

  

12.  I have been on church retreats and have asked the other men how they make decisions in their marriage?  At the beginning of the retreat the answer is that they will discuss the question and come to a decision together.   

By the end of the retreat and the men trust and open up - the question "who makes the decisions in your house?  The men answer, my wife makes the decisions. The men are then asked, But what if you disagree?  They answer I never disagree unless it is really important.  Why don't you disagree?  And the men answer,  My wife will take it personally.  What does that mean?  They reply my wife will start saying every hurtful thing she can to push my buttons,  and she doesn't get what she wants she will start throwing things or hitting me.  And it is World War III or the Cold War for a long time.  What happens if you apologize?  My wife won't accept an apology for a long time until she believes I understand how much I have disrespected and hurt her.   

  

  

  

 So sad there is such hurt--all the way around!
 
November 11, 2005, 3:30 pm CST

computer daing works

Not only my husband and I found each other with an on-line dating service, but my daughter and her husband found each other at the same site.  She found someone only 70 miles away.  Mine was almost 1800 miles.  But with 4 years a marriage next week, it was the greatest thing we ever did.  The marriage is all we ever wanted it to be.  If you are careful and truly looking for the same type of value it can be done.
 
November 11, 2005, 3:33 pm CST

Sistah Girl Needs A Serious Reality Check

This woman angered me.  And I think Dr. Phil just laughed it off as if it was nothing.  So did his audience. 

If Angel thinks she has nothing in common with Black men, then I have a few neighborhoods I would like to drop her off in here in Florida.  Let's see how much she doesn't have in common with Black men then. 

A person like her that would totally discount her own people when so many of them have died, been beaten, arrested, disparaged - just to be treated like humans - does not deserve the rich heritage that is her gift.  Black men especially in this country fight to be treated with the same respect as white men and then you this woman come on television and say the same rotten things that white people say - making them feel justified to hold their prejudiced ideals.   What made it worse was that this was treated with an "oh well" attitude and as amusing.  If this had been a Black man downgrading Black women, and saying that we were no good and not worth dating/marrying, I don't think things would be treated so lightly.

(I wonder how Sistah girl will react the first time one of her white boys take her to meet his parents and they call her the n-word?  Hmmmm...)

I understand that everyone has preferences for the type of people they like to date.  I totally get that.  But to totally discount perfectly good candidates based on their race only and then ignore everything else about them, just feels wrong somehow.

The other thing that made me angry with this child (because no mature woman would have her mindset) is that it was all about her.  I remember something my grandmother told me before she died when I asked how she and Granddad managed to stay married for 70 years and still love each other AND be happy.  She said, that it meant caring more about the needs of my grandfather more than her own.  She said the problem with people today is that they get married but still want to be single and selfish and that "ain't gonna work chile!".  Now my grandmother was no push over, she looked out for herself, but her marriage to my grandfather was a partnership.  Not some fantasy play-date.

Angel will never find what she is looking for because she won't give a damn about her mates needs.  Men may not admit it, but they need to be cared for also.  This sounds like something Angel isn't willing to give.  She needs to grow up if you ask me.
 
November 11, 2005, 3:38 pm CST

Angel

Quote From: musicmin

 I agree with those who said Dr. Phil dropped the ball on the segment about Angel.   Although she says she's a perfect 10, I wonder if she really believes that.  To say you'd stay with someone even if they mistreat you shows (IMO) some pretty low self-esteem... like she needs to elevate her own self-worth by showing the world, "See, I must be pretty wonderful if this great-looking man wants to be with me."

Also, I was kind of disappointed Dr. Phil did not ask her this... if you do get married, guess what?  You are going to age.  So is your mate.  He may grow a bit of a belly, lose his hair, lose his teeth or need thick glasses.  He may get sick.   Would you leave him b/c his physical appearance and health is no longer what it once was?

Also, those things may happen to YOU as you age.  Would you want your man to leave you b/c you no longer "look good"?

I hope she re-evaluates her attitude, otherwise I fear she's in for an empty life full of disappointment.  :(
good points. 

side note: she said she doesn't like them short.  i used to feel the same way  and then cam the show "Threshold".  i have a HUGE crush on Peter Dinklage.  he is so cute! (o;
 
November 11, 2005, 3:39 pm CST

Online Dating

I have tried eharmony, match.com and yahoopersonals over the past year. I have come to this conclusion: It's not for ME. I've heard success stories from friends, and it has grown over the years, so I know it works for some....just not for me. Out of the few million online members, there might be a few dozen success stories.  I am a 44 year old African American Christian female who doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, is independent, with no children.  I do not wish to have children.  This seems to be a problem for a lot of people I've met. I stay true to myself, and my values. I cannot change to please others.  Needless to say, online dating was an adventure for me, with a very colorful cast of characters. While watching the show today, I believe the young lady who had issues with black men had a lot of issues within herself. She has a lot of growing to do. She will have a lot of self discovery along the way, and will discover that white/other men are just the same as black men, but another color.  I have been told that I will probably never meet anyone, I'm too old, etc. etc. I don't listen to naysayers, because I know that there is someone out there for me, just not in cyberspace.  Since I have decided to stop "looking" , and let go and let God, I stopped spending so much time focusing on myself and that I'm "alone", and started helping others.   My life has become richer and fuller, and I know the more I grow, the better I will be, and WHEN, not IF, but WHEN he comes along, I will be an even BETTER person! Best dating advice? STAY AWAY FROM THE NAYSAYERS, GET OUT OF YOURSELF, DON'T MAKE DATING A JOB! YOUR MATE IS OUT THERE, JUST ENJOY LEARNING YOURSELF!
 
November 11, 2005, 3:39 pm CST

For LEXI

Hey guess what sweetheart?  You're not exactly the CREAM of the CROP yourself, so why are you so picky with the looks of your future boyfriend (should you ever find one that lives up to your expectations)?   

I found it absolutely UNBELIEVABLE that you could actually go on national television saying the things you did about men and dating.  Are you actually serious that you would stay with a guy JUST because he was "hot??"  What if this guy belittled you EVERY day ?  What if he was emotionally unavailable?  What if he abused you physically?  Would you stick around then? 

The guy that you did pick was WAY too good for you...I can't believe he actually wanted to go on a date with you...I was sitting here at home HOPING that he was going to say, "Gee, I'm sorry, but you're not my type."  But he just seemed like he was just too nice....but if I had to guess, I'd say you weren't still dating...I'm sure you found a flaw somewhere...were his ear lobes too saggy?  Did his cuticles go too far up his fingernails?  Damn, I just HATE when that happens!   

Seriously dear, get over yourself, you're not the most beautiful woman in the world.  I think you should get the hell off your high horse, come back down to earth, and maybe try picking a guy who's at least CLOSE to your level. 

 

 
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