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Topic : 11/11 Dating Disasters

Number of Replies: 142
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Created on : Friday, November 04, 2005, 02:52:56 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard3

If you’ve been asking yourself "How can I find a man?" Dr. Phil's Dating 101 is for you! Lexi thinks her cousin, Angel, is too shallow because she will not date a man unless he's a perfect 10. Dr. Phil puts Angel to the test by setting her up on three blind dates — and she’s the blind one!  Then, meet Heather, 27, who wants her meddling mother to stop joining her on her dates! Her mom, Anita, says she enjoys being the third wheel and loves staying in touch with her daughter's ex-boyfriends. Dr. Phil challenges Anita to find three eligible bachelors for her daughter, go on dates with them, and then narrow it down to one lucky man!  Plus, a single woman wants to know why all her online dates just want to have sex.  Join the discussion.

 

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November 10, 2005, 3:08 am CST

internet dating

four years ago, i was in an aol chat room when i got an instant message from a man. i checked his profile and found he was from my area. we exchanged phone numbers. i never thought he would call, but he did. we had our first date on nov 5,2001. to be honest, i really wasnt that attracted to him, but he was one of the nicest men i had ever met. i continued to see him and before long i started seeing him with my heart and not my eyes. it was then i realized he was one of the most beautiful people in the world, and on jan 25 we will have been married for 3 of the best years of my life. i am so glad i gave him the chance, and am blessed to have the best husband and my son has the best father in the world.
 
November 10, 2005, 6:31 pm CST

dating

Dating isn't fun.. i'm 34/male.. my family is always asking my dating status.. they say they want to see me "happy".. when i was a kid, my parents fought every day.  My mom smothered me and had inappropriate boundaries.  I do get overwhelmed when a date shows interest in me.. like I'm going to lose control of the situation.   

I tried so hard to be a good catch.. good job, lived in NYC for a few years, worked out, went out, etc.. made some friends but nothing romantic.  I moved back to the suburbs and gave up on dating.. focused on work, reading, etc.  To be honest, without worrying about dating I do feel a LOT calmer and more in control now.  It's lonely to come home to an empty house but not the worst thing in the world, compared to the emotional roller coaster of "does she like me?  what should i do next" etc. 

  

 
November 11, 2005, 2:42 am CST

Some are destined to be alone

Hope I didn't miss a great show (returned to teaching fulltime last week after a 5-yr absence). Here's some thoughts from a woman who has been married (sucessfully and happily) for over 16 years: 

  

Don't go looking for a guy or you'll miss the one you should be with! If you are in search of a guy at a bar or at another place where single's gather, the odds are you are going to find the wrong guy (don't they always seem to be divorced? Or  just out for a "good time?"....). The week I decided I was NOT going to date or develop an interest in a man, I met my husband! It had taken me a long time to come to that point and I was happy with my decision. And there walks in my future husband. I knew he was a great guy when he not only asked me if you could get me something to eat and drink, but he asked others (males and females alike) as he walked up to the table. His character was obvious and we were engaged 4 months later.  

  

Life is what we make of it. Marriage has its ups and downs. I believe in God and committment. I believe you put the welfare of the kids before your own needs. And I believe that too many people walk out when the going gets tough (instead of making the decision to work WITH their spouse and get the juices flowing again). I have a partner whom I love and like dearly. Sure we get angry. Sure we sometimes forget to put the other first. But all in all, we have had over a decade of love, support and happiness together and our best  reward is seeing how happy and well-adjusted our two children are!  

 
November 11, 2005, 3:04 am CST

A Perfect 10?? Is there such a thing?

I have been married for 4 years to a man that I love more than anything.  But...yep...he has a few faults/querks.  But guess what??  So do I!!  Since when do we all have to be perfect??  If we were all perfect 10's then there would be nothing left to discover!!   

  

Please...ladies....look for the best in your men...and they will do the same!!! 

  

Be happy... 

  

Taiwan Mom 

 
November 11, 2005, 6:57 am CST

Online dating

Quote From: wildkardde

 I also don't believe in online dating.  Why take something that should be a personal and intimate experience and religate it to the online world which is none of these things.

In regards to the "Perfect 10" thing,  that isn't something that has a finite definition.  Any relationship is always growing and evolving.  People change and what people want changes.   However I would say that I could never marry someone who I didn't think was the most beautiful I had ever seen.   I just couldn't do it any other way.
I have some close family friends who met online and have ben married for about 11 years.  He is from UK and she is from US and they would have never met otherwise, but through the internet teh were able to establish a mental and emotienal bond through good communication before they met in person.  Internet dating is often misused, but I think it can be a very good tool. its good to go out of yoru way to meet people and a personal ad is nice becaus eyouc an say this is who I am, if we have something in common lets talk in a safe evironment where you don't share too much personal info. If it doesn't go well, log off and try again.  I.D. just needs to be done responsibly.
 
November 11, 2005, 7:03 am CST

dating online CAN work!

I was a single mother for 7 years and had dated online until a few years ago, being very careful how I selected my dates and what kind of responses I received.   Being a woman in online dating means that you have more options than the men.  There are roughly 3 to 4 men for every woman online, so being careful and selective comes with the responsibility of dating online.   If you are well-written and have a good sense of what kind of life you want to live, then finding the right man comes more easily and reading whatever those men have to say becomes easier to target which of those men might be a good candidate to date.  I found the best man I've ever known online and I married him 2 years ago.  I wouldn't have changed anything because I've also never known any couple that was more compatible than we are. 

  

I met my husband online 3 years ago on match.com.  I wrote to him, ironically, for one of the first times in my online dating experiences.  I was able to discern certain things that only online dating could provide: that he be a single father, be a professional, have an education similar to mine, and that he was literate (that from his profile).  I DID NOT go to bars to pick up men; dating online was the only way I was going to meet a person with a similar philosophy to dating as me.  But more importantly, it was my attitude about dating that was key in my success.   I DID NOT go online to meet a potential life partner, but to find out what kind of people were out there with whom I might have something to share time with, and I WAS ALREADY HAPPY to begin with (ie. I did not need a man to complete my life, as I was fine the way I was).  If I give any other caution, its to recognize that those qualities were attractive to other men.  Those stable, content and mature sorts of men were the ones who usually wrote to me. Sure, there were dating disasters, and certainly some scary men out there, but my filters were very good and for the most part, my several years of online dating were very good.  

  

Dating online can work for you, but taking the right approach and attitude is a requirement for its success.  Give it time and be able to ask yourself and your dates the hard questions.   My husband and I are extremely happy and recognize what a miracle dating online was for us.... 

  

  

 
November 11, 2005, 7:53 am CST

Lexi is in denial

Dear Dr. Phil,  

I am surprised that you didnt address Lexi's real issue. She doesnt like Black men. She is trying to find a knight in shining armor in any white face. She uses the stereo types of her lack of poor judgement in men by using all the cliche's that many racially prejudiced white american's think. She should have been on the "Why I dont date Black men and I am Black" show. As an African American man and originally from the "Ghetti" I am so sorry of black people going on nationally syndicated shows blaming there poor choices in men on race. I live in suburbs now and most people Black or White dont think I even know what the "ghetti" is about. I never forgot where I came from. It helps me be who I am today. A successful well respected Black man in my community. 

  

By the way. he sleepy eyes and and about a level 7 body dont even make HER a 10 so go figure. 

  

Remeber she said as long as he is cute he can even treat her bad but she will stay anyway. Issues of race are strong in our country and it is pitiful to see a black woman hate herself so much and embaress the good black men in Ameica. I would love to tell that to her myself. 

  

God bless. and thanks for a great show 

 
November 11, 2005, 8:20 am CST

I agree . . .

Quote From: holmes26

Dating isn't fun.. i'm 34/male.. my family is always asking my dating status.. they say they want to see me "happy".. when i was a kid, my parents fought every day.  My mom smothered me and had inappropriate boundaries.  I do get overwhelmed when a date shows interest in me.. like I'm going to lose control of the situation.   

I tried so hard to be a good catch.. good job, lived in NYC for a few years, worked out, went out, etc.. made some friends but nothing romantic.  I moved back to the suburbs and gave up on dating.. focused on work, reading, etc.  To be honest, without worrying about dating I do feel a LOT calmer and more in control now.  It's lonely to come home to an empty house but not the worst thing in the world, compared to the emotional roller coaster of "does she like me?  what should i do next" etc. 

  

I really disliked dating!  The thought of meeting someone, getting to know them and stressing over if they liked me or not was more than I could handle!  I finally decided to get out of the game and just watch my friends play!  I never turned down an invitation to do things with friends and co-workers.  Eventually, a co-worker (that I never thought of as more than a friend) turned out to be my husband!  We have been married eight years!   

  

If I had to find a husband through the dating game, I would still be single.  It just wasn't my thing! 

 
November 11, 2005, 8:22 am CST

Shallow Lexi

I just saw the show about the EXTREMELY SHALLOW girl, Lexi who would not date Black guys and has sooo very many ridiculous "rules" about what a man should look like. I don't normally do this kind of thing but I am OUTRAGED!!!! Can some one please tell her that she has alot of nerve being so picky about  a guy's appearance when she is not physically attractive herself. And to imply that she is a guy's 10! Puh-lease!!! Halle Berry is a man's physical 10!!! I know many White and Black guys who would pass Ms. Lexi  up on the street! I wanted to jump through the tv and whack her (smile)!   

  

I am an African American woman myself and I have dated outside of my race but not out of preference. It just happened. Which is how it should be. True, alot of Black men do not approach women in a correct fashion. I've had it happen and I just ignore it or even ask them to approach me correctly and respecefully if they want me to respond. But that is not all black men.  I have met plenty of professional, black men who are kind, respectful, fun and absolutely gorgeous!!! And if I might add...I am getting ready to marry one (smile).  What it looks like to me is she is not happy with herself as a Black woman. Clearly the blond extensions say that all day long along with her being willing to tolerate not being treated well just to have a good-looking white guy on her arm. I would have liked to seen one of the guys that she was paired up with be a Black man with impeccable grammar and interests that are stereotypically those of Whites. I would have loved to see the look on her face, if she had chosen him. That would have been priceless. 

  

Although the show today was fun to watch it was disappointing to me to see a woman so unbalanced. She needs to understand that a true, healthy relationship will not be one based on superficial standards. A superficial relationship will not last. Good looks do not last. She has probably blocked her blessing of a wonderful relationship in a black man, short man, eyes too close together man because of her shallowness. The relationship with her and the guy she chose won't last because he clearly had an issue with her being shallow. She will surely be in my prayers.   

 
November 11, 2005, 8:28 am CST

11/11 Dating Disasters

Quote From: holmes26

Dating isn't fun.. i'm 34/male.. my family is always asking my dating status.. they say they want to see me "happy".. when i was a kid, my parents fought every day.  My mom smothered me and had inappropriate boundaries.  I do get overwhelmed when a date shows interest in me.. like I'm going to lose control of the situation.   

I tried so hard to be a good catch.. good job, lived in NYC for a few years, worked out, went out, etc.. made some friends but nothing romantic.  I moved back to the suburbs and gave up on dating.. focused on work, reading, etc.  To be honest, without worrying about dating I do feel a LOT calmer and more in control now.  It's lonely to come home to an empty house but not the worst thing in the world, compared to the emotional roller coaster of "does she like me?  what should i do next" etc. 

  

You sound like a nice guy. Be patient. Be you. I do not know your spiritual background but when God says it is time you will find your soul mate. Spend your time enjoying being single and not worrying about coming home to an empty house. Been there done that. When I changed my attitude and prayers I began to enjoy being single and enjoy my time alone in my house. I am getting ready toi get remarried and I have been blessed with the most wonderful man. But things are different. The freedom and flexibility is different. But it's good. When that right one comes you will not worry about whether she likes you or not...you will know with great confidence. Take Care 

 
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