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Topic : 11/14 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club

Number of Replies: 382
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Created on : Friday, November 11, 2005, 05:25:24 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

They gave everything to their husbands: years of support, a good home and children. Then out of the blue, their husbands tell them they love someone else and walked out forever. Now, four angry, jilted first wives join Dr. Phil and Robin for an intensive two-day retreat to pick up the pieces, reclaim their independence and move forward with their lives. Will a wake-up call from Dr. Phil and Robin empower them to start over? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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November 13, 2005, 5:46 pm CST

lawyer

Quote From: hopegraham

Well my husband just dumped me and my two babies still in diapers to run off with a married co-worker, and as far as a 10 year plan, I am still trying to make it day to day.  The overwhelming anger and humiliation are giving me frequent panic attacks.  I have to keep myself together in order to take care of my babies, so I cant even fall apart properly.  And while I continue to soldier on for the sake of my children, he gets to run around with this homewrecker from cheap hotel to the next.  I pray for justice.  In today's society, I cant even legally confront her or even him properly, so I have to hope the man upstairs will take care of that along with protecting what is left of my shattered family.   Plus, there is no real support for mothers like me; it is becoming so common place for men to walk off from their responsibilities that he wont even lose any friends over this.  That doesnt seem right.   

hopegraham@msn.com 

I think you  need to see a family lawyer to see what your options are.......as in court ordered child support while you are separated. They can garnish his wages - take the money out of his check. each paycheck. Sounds like he's employed if he's seeing a coworker. I was just thinking of my friend - actually looking at it from15 -20years or more later. It still affected her in terms of trust, but  she was then   way past the kids at home phase. That makes a BIG difference. She moved closer to her sister and that helped. Do you have a relative that could help you?  I would think to see a lawyer right away to keep access to the checking,etc. for the kids. They will know the laws in your state. Maybe the husband of the girl he's with would help you? Maybe you 2 could get together and throw the 2 losers out. Hope it gets better for you. Love and prayers.
 
November 13, 2005, 5:52 pm CST

help from a church

Quote From: hopegraham

Well my husband just dumped me and my two babies still in diapers to run off with a married co-worker, and as far as a 10 year plan, I am still trying to make it day to day.  The overwhelming anger and humiliation are giving me frequent panic attacks.  I have to keep myself together in order to take care of my babies, so I cant even fall apart properly.  And while I continue to soldier on for the sake of my children, he gets to run around with this homewrecker from cheap hotel to the next.  I pray for justice.  In today's society, I cant even legally confront her or even him properly, so I have to hope the man upstairs will take care of that along with protecting what is left of my shattered family.   Plus, there is no real support for mothers like me; it is becoming so common place for men to walk off from their responsibilities that he wont even lose any friends over this.  That doesnt seem right.   

hopegraham@msn.com 

a church near you might be able to help with childcare for you or some counselling, It seems it would be a route to check into..  

 
November 13, 2005, 5:54 pm CST

Can't Wait?

Quote From: what2do

Yay! 

  

Can't wait for my married boyfriend to walk out on his wife.  I'll be watching this show for sure. 

You said you "can't wait" . Interesting choice of words. Sounds like you already ARE waiting............................................
 
November 13, 2005, 6:13 pm CST

Don't be naive

Quote From: socalgal

Whatever it is he's telling you, he once told her.  

(and may still be telling her) 

Only at the time, at least SHE was worth marrying.  

  

Your relationship is based on lies, and self serving acts of impulse to say the very least, and if you can't wrap your head around these few concepts. Good luck trying to start a relationship with someone with the old addage in undertow.  

"If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you " 

Good luck in your uphill endeavor of growing up and growing older.  

I had one of those boyfriends once too a very long time ago and he told me the same thing.  He was going to leave his wife and be with me.  The day he broke up with me 6 months later was the hardest day of my life but it was also the best day of my life because now that I'm older I can see that if he did it to her, he would have eventually done it to me too!  Now I can't believe I ever had that affair...I was young and naive and I hope you don't waste too much time on your "boyfriend".  Get out while you still have a heart.
 
November 13, 2005, 6:30 pm CST

Don't go it alone...

Quote From: hopegraham

Well my husband just dumped me and my two babies still in diapers to run off with a married co-worker, and as far as a 10 year plan, I am still trying to make it day to day.  The overwhelming anger and humiliation are giving me frequent panic attacks.  I have to keep myself together in order to take care of my babies, so I cant even fall apart properly.  And while I continue to soldier on for the sake of my children, he gets to run around with this homewrecker from cheap hotel to the next.  I pray for justice.  In today's society, I cant even legally confront her or even him properly, so I have to hope the man upstairs will take care of that along with protecting what is left of my shattered family.   Plus, there is no real support for mothers like me; it is becoming so common place for men to walk off from their responsibilities that he wont even lose any friends over this.  That doesnt seem right.   

hopegraham@msn.com 

I'm so sorry for what happened to you.  Is there anyone, friends or family, you can call, and just say "I need help?"  If so, do it right now!  Ask just for some grownup company, or for a coffee and muffin from the local shop.  You'd be surprised how people want to help, but don't want to invade.  Hope things look up soon. 
 
November 13, 2005, 7:39 pm CST

11/14 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club

Quote From: paulmish2

I'm so sorry for what happened to you.  Is there anyone, friends or family, you can call, and just say "I need help?"  If so, do it right now!  Ask just for some grownup company, or for a coffee and muffin from the local shop.  You'd be surprised how people want to help, but don't want to invade.  Hope things look up soon. 

I will be praying for you. My husband had an affair with a co-worker when I was 6 months pregnant with our second child. He left when our son was 12 days old and our daughter was 19 months old. I understand the trying to make it day to day. The best advice I can gice you is to get in a support group, even if you don't feel like facing the world. It will do worlds of good to have others who have experienced the same type of trauma. Others that want to help mean well, but many don't understand. Many churches have Divorce Care type groups that meet weekly and have child care. You really need to connect with others. Even though it seems hopeless, it will get easier as time passes. Don't get discouraged if you feel better one month and terrible the next, you will have ups and downs for a long time. I still do, but I know God will take care of me. I go to a verse that is in Job 23: 10 when I feel alone. It says, " But he knows the way I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold."  

     On the other hand, my ex-husband is now a miserable man and is looking for happiness everywhere. He can hardly live with himself for what he did to his kids. Your husband will eventually hit rock bottom too. 

 
November 13, 2005, 8:03 pm CST

Loser

Quote From: what2do

Yay! 

  

Can't wait for my married boyfriend to walk out on his wife.  I'll be watching this show for sure. 

As an ex-wife of a man that did walk out, I feel sorry for you and your desperate state of mind. My ex and his mistress have had nothing but a miserable relationship because of his guilt and regret for what he did. Think about it... what is wrong with a man that would do such a thing to someone he pledged his life too. You are going into a relationship with someone that may appear to you as Mr. Fabulous, but he is CHEATING on his wife with you. He has got major baggage and problems, emotionally, self-concept, honesty.  He is not a stable person to be doing what he is doing and you will soon see that if you end up with him. You'l be sorry and stuck.... you too will be a divorcee. Welcome to the club !
 
November 13, 2005, 8:09 pm CST

11/14 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club

Quote From: hopegraham

Well my husband just dumped me and my two babies still in diapers to run off with a married co-worker, and as far as a 10 year plan, I am still trying to make it day to day.  The overwhelming anger and humiliation are giving me frequent panic attacks.  I have to keep myself together in order to take care of my babies, so I cant even fall apart properly.  And while I continue to soldier on for the sake of my children, he gets to run around with this homewrecker from cheap hotel to the next.  I pray for justice.  In today's society, I cant even legally confront her or even him properly, so I have to hope the man upstairs will take care of that along with protecting what is left of my shattered family.   Plus, there is no real support for mothers like me; it is becoming so common place for men to walk off from their responsibilities that he wont even lose any friends over this.  That doesnt seem right.   

hopegraham@msn.com 

I feel for you, myself having a similar experience, right down to the panic attacks. It may seem like he has it all but it is important to realize that he is the loser. In the end, he will not even have the respect from  his own children. Once you pick yourself back up, and yes you will, you will be stronger than ever. My girl, take any help that is offered to you and don't be afraid to ask since there are many good people in this world.  

Take comfort in what goes around comes around. He will get his & so you need not worry about this. Concentrate on you. You will get through this. 

friendz 

 
November 13, 2005, 9:18 pm CST

SHAME ON YOU!

Quote From: what2do

Yay! 

  

Can't wait for my married boyfriend to walk out on his wife.  I'll be watching this show for sure. 

You should be ASHAMED of yourself, and your boyfriend should be even more ashamed!  People don't have the right to mess up other people's families like that.  Common decency should dictate that you don't mess around with married men!  Your relationship just gets in the way and is just a convenient excuse for him to not work hard on his marriage.  Maybe your boyfriend just shouldn't be married, but regardless, he IS and should either work to keep the marriage going and leave it.  Only cowards take the easy road!
 
November 13, 2005, 9:32 pm CST

boy do I know it!

I can empathize with "Holly" on the show.  I myself am "Catholic" & my ex husband walked out on me for an ex:g/f. It was at my 21st B-day celebration when I found about him cheating on me. anyway....we had only been married barely 2 years, but you still put yourself in the mind set your going to "grow old" together.  It was still just as much a  blow to a woman that has been married for wel over the 10year mark. but anyway...........myself being a "Christian Catholic" I felt feelings of being a failure to God....I felt like I had failed God......I pleaded with my ex at the time........that I could move past all this..I was willing to forgive....offered counseling..you name it...I did what I COULD to quote "reconcile wih my husband" but....it was HIM.....that was NOT having it at all!!! anyway.......I went & spoke to a priest.  & I was told.....in the eyes of the church....I was actually NOT considered to be "married" because we did not marry in the Catholic church or by any Christian denomination. we were married at the court house. so an "anullement through the church was not even neccessary" according to them  I was only guitly of  "living with a man unwed" & the priest was SOOOOOO NICE.....not judgemental. told me all would be ok.    NOW......I am assuming "Holly" did marry in the church,......IF SO.......SHE CAN SEEK OUT AN ANULLMENT through the church to clear her to remarry in the church again! all they would need is some form of proof that HE LEFT the marriage not her!! & what better proof than the tape of the Dr.Phil show she was on......in all her hurt, & anger.    Iam CONFIDENT .......she CAN get this cleared with the church.....& WITH THAT.....get some ....spiritual closure as well. my own mother  ..married young like myself & her ex walked out on her & my older sis. (my 1/2 sis)......she remarried........& my parents were married in the Baptist faith.....being my mom was a preacher's daughter....&my dad being Catholic. anyway........YEARS LATER....my mom decided to become Catholic......& with that......she wanted to marry my dad in the church......well she needed an anullment from her prior marriage.....even though......it was not a "Catholic Union"  ,,,,,,,,,her & her ex were both Baptist.....BUT........because they WERE married in a "CHRISTIAN DENOMINATION" the church did still see her as married to her ex............she started the process & by golly.....she got her ANULMMENT.....& her & my dad had a vow renewal service.......& had their marriage blessed/recognized in the Catholic church. I am just saying.....Holly really NEEDS to do her homework......SHE CAN GET an anullment.......& that would help her aide in some form of  "closure"   I know for me.........I was SOOOOO THRILLED to know......I was ok to remarry in the church..  I met another guy at a Bible Study.........TOTALLY unexpected....when I wasn't looking........& a year & a half later we married........we now have been together for 4years.....married 3. & still as in love as the day of our first kiss. we  ourselves got married by a noatry.......a friend of ours in my mom's backyard........BUT.......have ALL intentions to have our Catholic Wedding. we've got all of our paperwork processed, compatitibility test done, all we need now is to go on our pre-marital counseling retreat.....& we start planning our shin dig! anyway.......I just know what she is going through spiritually........& I'd LOVE for her to know that......ALL HOPE IS NOT lost......in that Catholic Christian sense.  

  

The church may have strict views on marriage......BUT...they also know that we are human.....& things do happen that are out of our control....its not as black & white as they are made out to be. they worked with me on my situation took ALL the circumstances into account....as well as my mother's situation too.   The key....is finding a priest that will be THAT understanding & compassionate......& they are out there.......where I am originally from.....we have been VERY BLESSED with awesome priests! our whole church & diocese is just full of wanderful priests. who I KNOW would work with Holly.  & I know we have priests like them all over the world. It didn't take me long to find a priest......it was the 1st one I spoke to . I know she can find one on her area as well.    My cousin as well......Married in the church to a Catholic guy......HE LEFT..... she spoke to a priest......& she got an anullment herself....& 7yrs later.....re-married. to another fellow Catholic. her exhusband though......the church will not grant him an anullment because HE Was the one that went back on his vows to GOD that he'd love honor cherish her till Death, but anyway.......Holly is no differernt than all of us who are divorced  Catholic. & believe me there are LOTS of us out there!! with many similar stories.....mine are just a few out of  the bunch. anyway.....I hope she does her homework through her church & seek out that other aspect of "closure"  

  

& to all you women who have gone through the B.S. of a husband leaving you..........remember what GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!! you don't have to take revenge out on your ex. as for me it was a series of unfortunate events that happened to my ex.......that I laughed at silently...I didn't have to acrew him in anyway at all! infact.....I even remained "FRIENDS" with him..........& let me tell you the pickles this man got himself into......priceless to me........not long after S*** hit the fan at my B-day party. I packed up myself & our son &moved back to my parents.   I let him have the house becauuse well...I couldn't afford it, I was a homemaker no degree.......ALL the bill's were in his name....&I wanted a REAL CLEAN SLATE to start over. anyway...about 2mo down the road he recieved a phone bill of $900   one of our ROOMATES  we had.....was upset with him for doing me wrong....he wrang up a $900 phone bill....& bailed on my ex. ....I thought that was kind of funny.  then there was the misstress he had moved in after I moved out.........& she learned real quick all the B.S. I had to put up with from him. living with roomies.....not having any say in the household, expected to cater & clean after "friends" oh yeah....she found out real quick......just how "lazy" I infact WASN"T!  about a year and a half later......they were no longer togther.....but my ex had met another girl at work.....& I met this girl.....&now...She was NICE.....naturally I had no real probs with her becauase she wasn't the one girl that he initally left me for........BUT.......he ended up cheating on HER while they were dating....& got THAT girl pregnant!!!!! so you see.......the guy just kept digging himself a deeper & deeper whole! .......he got LUCKY though........his G/F forgave him..& they ended up getting married.......& have seemed to really work things out....especially with the kids........& the lastest......about a year ago......his new wife not even a year into the marriage.....left him....she went back to her mama's threatened divorce..................& HE CALLED ME.........BALLING...I mean.......BOO HOO crying on the phone.....BEGGING for FORGIVENESS!!!! & I quote    " I am sooo Sorry _____ for ever have making you feel this way. I had NO IDEA that this is what you were going through...I had no idea this is what I put you through....I KNOW NOW......PLEASE PRAY FOR ME...I want this marriage to work, I don't want to lose my wife."  yes....I admit.....I was silently laughing at the man. & THANKING GOD for answering my prayers! & then I felt bad.......& as a "friend" counseled him. I literally told him..........what I did......to live each day.....how I moved on!!! & this was SOOOO HARD for me to do.....because I am telling him......"well back when I was going through my S**T with YOU" instead of.............."well back when  I was going through my crap with my ex" I wasn't just counseling a friend...........I couldn't just word it like that when I was talking to him ya know!! it was SOOO wierd!! & yet felt sooooo good! in many ways.....it felt good to know that he NOW KNOW what I went through for that short period.......& yet.....it did feel good to be there as a "friend"  that was my ULTIMATE Closure! now all this was over the course of like.......3years  ......so to all of you.....maybe not today..maybe not tomorrow but one day........those ex's will get just what they deserve without you having to do anything!    ok well......good luck to all..hang in there.......IT DOES GET  BETTER!  

 
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