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Topic : 11/14 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club

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Created on : Friday, November 11, 2005, 05:25:24 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

They gave everything to their husbands: years of support, a good home and children. Then out of the blue, their husbands tell them they love someone else and walked out forever. Now, four angry, jilted first wives join Dr. Phil and Robin for an intensive two-day retreat to pick up the pieces, reclaim their independence and move forward with their lives. Will a wake-up call from Dr. Phil and Robin empower them to start over? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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November 14, 2005, 4:05 am CST

11/14 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club

As a woman from the other side of the fence, my married boyfriend just left his wife of 23 years and our lives are now fantastic.  I know this may not last a lifetime, but I'm having a great time in the here-and-now and at this moment I don't really care what the future brings, only what today brings.  I just want to say to the first wives out there: if you want to keep your husband from straying with another start treating your husband with respect.  I'm sure this doesn't apply to all married women out there, but I have seen it many times: the wife nags, complains, lets her appearance go, and doesn't want sex anymore and then has to wonder why her husband ends up in the arms of another.  I have also had a marriage where fidelity was an issue so I'm speaking from experience.  Wives: stop treating your husband like he owes you something and start making your husband's happiness a #1 priority.. before someone else does!   

 
November 14, 2005, 5:23 am CST

11/14 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club

Quote From: what2do

Yay! 

  

Can't wait for my married boyfriend to walk out on his wife.  I'll be watching this show for sure. 

Married boyfriend????? Does anyone have any respect for marriage these days? If he cheats on his wife with you, he will cheat on you with someone else. Have some respect for yourself. Find a man who will respect and cherish you and put you first, not someone else's leftovers.
 
November 14, 2005, 6:03 am CST

Hope you really aren't as dumb as you sound

Quote From: what2do

Yay! 

  

Can't wait for my married boyfriend to walk out on his wife.  I'll be watching this show for sure. 

If you think for one nanosecond that you have something magic and special that the wife doesn't have I have a bride to sell you.   

I hate to to tell you this precious but we all age, and we all gain a few pounds.  You want be cute for ever and when he trades you for a "newer model" you are going to look real stupid.   

you aren't the first girlfriend this cock roach has had and you won't be the last. 

  

p.s. I am not an ex wife, I'm just wiser than you. 

 
November 14, 2005, 7:22 am CST

looking at my own

As I watched the show, and even the preview on "The Early Show", I knew that I would feel emotional about this subject.  It has been 5 years since my divorce.  I have 4 teenage daughters and while life is full with them, I cry more for what I am missing than anything.  I hate him.  He gets to "have his cake and eat it too" while I am stuck in poverty wondering how to survive.  He doesn't get caught to pay child support and for the first 3 years we lived in hiding or protection as he tried to kill or harm us. I know how these women feel.  I miss the thougth that all those dreams and plans were for nothing.  I was so taken by surprise that even several years later, I was surprised to find all that others knew were happening during my marriage that I didn't.  How could I have been so dumb?  So naive?  Why did he leave?  As I watched these women beat their chairs I cried.  I feel that way sometimes too and their are times I stop the car and scream at God.  Am I clinically depressed?  Not according to doctors.  They tell me that I am suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome because of the abuse afterwards.  I don't know.  I wish these women well.  They, we all deserve better.
 
November 14, 2005, 7:31 am CST

Oh Puleeeeeeeeeeze

Quote From: bdkrmwpi

As a woman from the other side of the fence, my married boyfriend just left his wife of 23 years and our lives are now fantastic.  I know this may not last a lifetime, but I'm having a great time in the here-and-now and at this moment I don't really care what the future brings, only what today brings.  I just want to say to the first wives out there: if you want to keep your husband from straying with another start treating your husband with respect.  I'm sure this doesn't apply to all married women out there, but I have seen it many times: the wife nags, complains, lets her appearance go, and doesn't want sex anymore and then has to wonder why her husband ends up in the arms of another.  I have also had a marriage where fidelity was an issue so I'm speaking from experience.  Wives: stop treating your husband like he owes you something and start making your husband's happiness a #1 priority.. before someone else does!   

I wonder what this "man" and I use that term loosly will tell the next woman about you
 
November 14, 2005, 7:53 am CST

MARRIED MAN LEAVING HIS WIFE

Quote From: scorned33

You should be ASHAMED of yourself, and your boyfriend should be even more ashamed!  People don't have the right to mess up other people's families like that.  Common decency should dictate that you don't mess around with married men!  Your relationship just gets in the way and is just a convenient excuse for him to not work hard on his marriage.  Maybe your boyfriend just shouldn't be married, but regardless, he IS and should either work to keep the marriage going and leave it.  Only cowards take the easy road!
  • YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF RUINING ANOTHER WOMENS LIFE BY MESSING AROUND WITH HER HUSBAND...HOW WOULD U LIKE THAT DONE TO YOU.  CAN YOU NOT FIND ANOTHER MAN THAT IS NOT ATTACHED?  I KNOW THERE IS PLENTY OUT THERE.  DO YOU GET SOME SATISFACTION RUINING HIS WIFES ESTEEM AND SELF VALUE, NEVER MIND IF CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED.  REMEMBER WHAT GOES AROUND, DOES COME AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
 
November 14, 2005, 7:57 am CST

been there/ still there

My ex-husband walked out 3 years ago after 17 years of marriage.  When he did he left me with a 16 and 9 year old.  Only when it started to get very ugly did he have anything to do with one of our children.   He was not give a choice, our 16 yr old (just turned 17 then) moved in with him.  She had ask to do this many times but he refused her.  One day she just packed and moved in.   

  

He took up with our next door neighbor.  He would be in her yard and refuse to acknowledge our youngest daughter.  He at this time gave our oldest daughter money and said leave me alone.  (what teenager would not love this)  My story gets much uglier, cant type that much. 

  

We were divorced in March 2004.  He married the neighbor in June.  (For both of them--3rd marriage)  He then was living next door and still refusing to acknowledged our youngest daughter.  He now is someone in his church.  (not sure I would want to attend this church, I dont)  I think maybe God has changed him but then he still refuses to contact our youngest.  He will speak to her if she calls him but she says he is the adult and should call her.  I can not argue with her. 

  

The new wife will not give our daughter 2 minutes alone with her dad and he will not tell her he needs go spend time with our daughter to build back their relationship.  Maybe one day they will realize our daughter will NEVER like his new wife until she allows her to spend time with her dad without her there.  It is their lost. 

  

After being divorced 1 1/2 years we are not settled up in our divorce.  I want to get him out of my life.  It looks like if he wanted to leave me so bad then he would want to settle things up and get me out of his life.  Sometimes I feel like he does not want me out. 

  

I have been trying to move on but sometimes it seems impossible. He does have child support garnished from his wages but this plus my income does not make ends meet.  It is very hard not to let my daughters know how much I hate this man.   

  

I will survive (have so far).  I ask God to handle this situtation.  But it is hard to let him have control and not tell God what I want done and when!  :) 

  

 
November 14, 2005, 8:09 am CST

It feels like he died - like I am in mourning.

My husband of 17 years walked out a few years ago. He had been cheating at work  (and other places as well - I keep finding out more).   I know he knows he made a mistake - he has been pretty miserable.  First he was alone and he hated that, then he remarried 2 weeks after our divorce was final - and things have not been good for him.   

  

I seen him when we go to court for child support, which he does not pay.  He does not see our three children very often and he lets them down quite a bit.    He is an emotional wreck but he is just not "owning what he did".  I don't even feel like he is the same person when I see him.  It is very strange when the person you planned on spending the rest of your life with, your hopes, dreams - everything just says - bye.    

  

I don't think I will ever be able to trust anyone again.   

 
November 14, 2005, 8:09 am CST

11/14 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club

Quote From: what2do

Yay! 

  

Can't wait for my married boyfriend to walk out on his wife.  I'll be watching this show for sure. 

Don't kid yourself. 

  

This is a guy who's only out for himself--he doesn't care about his wife enough to be honest with her and he doesn't care about you enough to be honest with you, or he would tell you that he's stringing you both along. 

  

Even if the unlikely happened and he did leave her, you'd just end up in her place in a couple of years.  He didn't pick you because you were his soulmate or whatever line he's been using--he picked you because he's a selfish SOB and you're letting him get away with it.  Don't waste your time, go find somebody who is actually available for you. 

 
November 14, 2005, 8:16 am CST

Trying to start over

Well after a long 6 yrs relationship (which I'm so embarrassed to admit the signs were all there) 4 months ago i got a phone call from a 20 year old telling me my finance was her boyfriend!! Sadly i guess i knew r relationship was doomed from the beginning but i guess i was to weak to walk away.  Within the first year his x was calling and clamming that they were still together, the first lie 1 "She cant get over the fact that its done", however i found cards, phones bill (which conversations went both ways), gifts.  Then she went away for awhile about 8 months. Now into or 2 and 3 year she moves to Vegas and its starts all over again cards, calling text message, gifts.  My heart was broken and my self esteem just crushed but i stayed, god i don't know why.  Then her mom passed and little did i know that on a day everyone would remember the Black out of the east coast, he left me at his up north cabin for 3 days while he went to her moms funereal. No he didn't tell me, i later found out when i found her thank cards.  Shortly after that a tragedy happened to him and i couldn't leave him (or wasn't stronger enough once again).  That x-mas she sent gifts once again.  Did i mention we started living together into our 1st year.  So ya merry Christmas to me.  The sickest part is his own mother hid the gifts for him after clamming they were sending them back to her.  Anyhow. Just the year i moved out about 7 months ago finally having enough and at the very least gonna try and put me back together.  Well on 4th of July while visiting my mother in the hospital i get a phone call from a 20 year old girl saying "I've been with him".  My heart just sank, even with the problems before the other girl never would say they were intimate and in the last 4 yrs just wanted to be his friend, but now heres the real deal.  The hole time he was with her he begged me "Baby please come home".  We went engagement ring shopping 3 weeks before i moved out which would've been during the 1st month of there "Whatever"!  He took to what was our home, slept with her in my bed that i left behind because i had no place for it!  I spent that entire day talking to this girl whom i felt sorry for she was only 20 and i just kept telling her how sorry i was she was brought into an already messed up situation.  I never yelled at her 4 what!   The girl and her sister were telling me they'd pray for me.  Here i am thinking I've spent 6 years with him she(self-admitting) was with him for 2months, and I'm consoling her.  Then come to find out that she didn't call to tell me to be a good person she called cuz he ended it with her a month before and she was stalking him, she showed up at his house July 3 completely drunk barley able to stand up crying and saying she took a bottle of volume.  which stupidly mad me feel worse for her.  Well after that day i never contacted her again, my boyfriend calls me up saying that that day she cut herself had her sister punch her a few times then call the police saying he did it.  Her brother was a cop and was going to somehow get him in trouble.  Which to my own stupidity pulled at my heart strings and i talked to him. Then the next day his father had a stroke, and i had 2 deaths in my family one being a very close relative.  Which in my own state of depression made me allow him to still be apart of my life.  I know I'm stupid!  So i decided that after 6 years i would try to get passed his infidelity.  Why promises from him to go work on himself with a professional.  About 3 weeks later after her calling  20 times a day he changed his phone number.  Within 3 days the real side of her was shown to me, she started calling my phone leaving graphic disgusting messages, leaving message to him crying saying i love you, and having her girlfriends do the same.  So i just changed my number i figured she was freaking out cuz she couldn't get a hold of him so mess with me and my head.  Her own sister leaves a message to me saying sorry and that shortly before she met him she was involved with a married man that she drove his wife so crazy she tried to run her off the road.  So i thought its over!!!! GUESS again she somehow begged one of his friends for his new number and has been calling sending text messages and so on.  No he didn't tell me. But i think i had told him when it first happened was if you have any contact ANY what so ever I'm done.  Little did i know its been going on for a couple months now, his excuse is "I didn't want to tell you cuz i was afraid you wouldn't believe that she got my number", "I just messed back with her and ripped on her telling her was a psycho loser she was".  All i know is i can't take it any more!! I haven't spoke to him in days and I'm trying to be stronger and just move on.  I feel lost and alone and devastated.  The worst part i blame myself!!!!!!
 
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