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Topic : 11/15 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club, Part 2

Number of Replies: 329
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Created on : Friday, November 11, 2005, 05:27:16 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil and Robin continue working with four bitter women imprisoned by guilt, shame and broken spirits since their husbands walked out. Holly has been divorced for almost a year, but still hasn't taken off her wedding ring. Can Dr. Phil convince her to remove the emotional shackle to her ugly past? Donna has never stood up for herself and rediscovers just how strong she can be -- and even pushes Dr. Phil around! Pam's been accused of being cold and unfeeling. She finally lets her guard down to reveal the real her. Plus, Heidi discovers that the root of her problem isn't her husband after all, but something that happened many years ago.  Will these women be able to leave their pasts behind and start over? Talk about the show here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

More November 2005 Show Boards.


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November 15, 2005, 7:09 am CST

Dr phil and Robin together

I am totally amazed by the way Robin and Dr Phil worked together. WOW! I have never seen two people become real partners. My parents were divorced when I was young, and the result was a childhood of sexual and emotional abuse while my mom was at work to provide food for her family of four. The show was amazing for the women involved, but it was amazing to watch as a child of a divorced family. I never knew it was possible to actually have a family. Maybe some day, I can find this too.  

 
November 15, 2005, 7:29 am CST

Do men ever leave without someone waiting??

Quote From: misellf

It was hard listening to those women stories my husband started to leave for someone else we finally talked before he walked out on me and he stayed. Dr. Phil was right they are always warning signals. I should of asked questions then, also I felt like a piece of throwaway garbage when he talked about leaving after 18 years. I want to know from women do men ever leave ther wives without someone waiting to wash there clothes and cook there food for them? Because if that is the way women get men nowadays thats sad.

I am 51 years old and have been divorced for a year.  Two years ago I found out that my spouse of 27 years had a double life going.  Were there signs I ignored?  You betcha!  He fought the divorce only because of the financial liability.  Translation:  he didn't want to be forced to split his military retirement.  I was devastated and saw myself in each of the women.  I am also a Catholic but have applied for a sacremental annulment so that I am not "married" in the eyes of the Church.   

  

I have found support groups and am amazed how many women have similar stories.  I put my spouse first for many years, raised his children, entertained his bosses, did his laundry and listened (and believed) his criticism that I was less than a person.   

  

I have come to realize that he is the loser in this.  My children are adult but he buys them with gifts.  What I hear is that he is miserable in the new relationship but is looking around and again will not leave until he has someone to pick up his dry cleaning for him.   

  

I am looking forward to seeing part two. 

 
November 15, 2005, 7:30 am CST

Learning

 After 22 years, he left on 1 July.  He is gone but he does not want to let go.  He still pays all the bills  since I am looking for work.  When he left we said we were going to be nice about the whole thing.  But all he wants is control.  He checks the credit cards every day and  puts the bare minimum in the checking account.  Don't laugh but I make dinner every nigtht.  I go to a support group that has been very helpful.  Dr. Phil's show today was very eye opening.  It came after a conversation that  covered - Did I have a job yet? and then when I said no he asked if I thought it was because I was fat.  What a jerk, right.     Anyway, as the song says, "I will survive" and be a stronger person.

Thanks for letting me vent.
 
November 15, 2005, 7:34 am CST

11/15 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club, Part 2

Dr. Phil I don't understand the wives on your show.  I am younger than the woman on the show,(30) but I also went through the same thing.  I am the one who stood up, filed for divorce, and moved forward.  I see it as if it is over it is over, you can't dwell on it.  My goal was to pull together and do something positive for myself and my son.  Yes, there were times that I struggled, but I made it through and with what I went through I am a better person for it. 

  

I also believe and understand the men on your show.  Everyone says that sex is not the relationship BUT If you do not have a sexual connection with your partner, how can you consistantly stimulate there needs.  It should be an experience and a growth.  Not monotony.   

  

  

 
November 15, 2005, 7:46 am CST

Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club, Part 2

Quote From: cynthesis

As soon as I saw the preview for this show, I was crying. My husband moved out three weeks ago and doesn't know if he wants to stay married or not. I feel so delicate right now. Do you think this show would still help? Right now, I feel like anything I do that has to do with divorce is just giving up, but yet, I know I'm not in control of this situation at all. I'm a stay-at-home mom with two children (15 & 10) with not much of a support system where I live because I moved here seven years ago so he could be close to his family. I'm alone and scared and so very depressed.
What a show yesterday!  I also wanted to throw up my hands and advise those whiners..to cease talking.  What a waste of their time. They all needed to take a look in the mirror; get in touch with Today, get in touch with The Now; let go of the past, make a list of their assets and qualities and MOVE ON WITH THEIR LIVES!!!   Even I, a completely objective person, could do a quick "take" on their outstanding, positive qualities.  All they have to do is LET GO. In the book  "Winning Through Intimidation", a fun little book by Robert Ringer that was required reading during my college days at the University of Arkansas, I learned this one lesson from him: "Deal with things the way they really are, NOT with how you WISH they were".. what a lesson from 1981 even.  Now, I have Cancer, got a terminal diagnosis in June of this year, am fighting and WINNING this battle and long to tell these beautiful Women on the show how to take their first step toward LIVING IN THE NOW and stop wasting their precious time by living in the Past and not living for today.  Today is the only day that we have.  I know from watching yesterday, that Today, Dr Phil is going to set these lovely ladies on a new, winning track for which they will be forever grateful.  They have so much to live for and so much to give to others.  I will look forward to seeing that happen today.  Patricia, LIttle Rock, AR 
 
November 15, 2005, 7:51 am CST

hit home

Watching the show last night hit me so close to my heart, those women had the same feelings as I do.  I was married for 31 years, knew him for 36 , we were high school sweethearts.  Life was good we had no problems , small ones, money, kids, but never anything we couldn't work out.  We were getting ready to retire, I set up a new home and waiting for the day of retirement life, instead he came to me on the day of retirement and he said " he didn't love me and wanted a divorce" said it wasn't me, that he had some problems to work out.  Come to find out he was with my best girlfriend (who's husband just died 4 months earlier) I guess he consoled her a little to much.  It is now a divorce between her and I.  I never did anything wrong, just like the women on the show, I DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS, he's taken my life that I had and now ripping the rug underneath my feet, I'm lost and the hurt in my heart is so unreal.  By watching the show I can relate what is happen to me, I hope part 2 will help me get back in to life it self, and move forward.  BB
 
November 15, 2005, 7:53 am CST

11/15 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club, Part 2

Quote From: realmaria

There is life after divorce. I'm not saying it's easy at first but as time puts some space and hopefully perspective onto the situation; life improves. It does take effort. Initially it seems everything spins out of control. Emotions are so raw. My first suggestion would be to make a long list of everything you dislike about the guy. Put it on paper and get it out of your system. The negativity can harm your health and spirit. Throw yourself a pity party-burn his picture, curse him and see how unworthy he was of your time, energy, love. He's the loser!     Now YOU be the winner! Be kind to yourself and do things you couldn't do when whats-his-face was around. YOU are in charge now. He has no voice in any of your decisions. You make yourself shine. Think positive, be positve and good things will come your way. Stay busy and productive and remember  The BEST revenge is living well.

I couldn't agree more.  After 19 years of marriage, my husband left me for another (older, go figure) woman.  I had followed him around the world supporting him in his chosen career to be told that he no longer loved me etc.etc.  Originally from England, I could not file until my green card came through a year after he left.  Two years later the divorce was final.  Initially, I was hurt, angry, sad and bitter.  I took the blame for the demise of our marriage but figured out quite early on that while I had made mistakes, (we all do, we are human) he needed to take ownership for what he had done.  Thereafter I realised that the best revenge was to be successful, to cherish each and every day, to take this opportunity to grow and learn and become a better person.   I returned to work after a 15 year absence two years ago on a part time basis.  Just last month I was offered a full time position which I take up next Monday.  I am proud of who I am,  happier than I ever can remember and blessed with the life I lead.  I didn't get here alone.  I am lucky to have the most amazing friends and family who have been so supportive.  My children have also been just wonderful in spite of their own pain. 

  

My advice to the women on the show and others like them is allow yourself to grieve and be angry.  At some point however, you need to make a concious decision to move on.  It is tough at first but dwelling on the negative aspects of your life is bound to have a negative effect on your psyche.  I am no Pollyanna but I refuse to be dragged down by what is bad in my life when there is so much that is good.  Those of us with kids usually end up getting custody.  Celebrate it!  The everyday humdrum of life is tiring but we get to see these youngsters everyday.  We see them grow and change and learn.  What a gift.  The ex loses that even if he does see them regularly.  And, however badly you feel toward your ex please never ever bad mouth him to your kids.  They need their dad.  Don't make them feel guilty for loving him.  And, if he is taking the kids on a regular basis, enjoy your time off!  We all need time to recharge our batteries. 

  

I just couldn't go without saying something to the "other women" out there.  Your posts are sad.  If you could see the hurt and destruction caused to our children you would maybe think twice.  My two were 7 and 9 when their dad left.  My youngest had an obsession with scissors, never actually self mutilating but cutting his hair, his clothes, whatever he could lay his hands on.  My older one, who has always been self confident went through terrible separation anxiety with me and would not let me out of her sight even refusing to go to school because she was afraid that she would never see me again.  They have both been through several years of therapy.  And me?  Yes, I guess he did tell her that I was the devil incarnate but if I was the "perfect wife" he wouldn't have left me would he?  We are people not cartoon characters.  We try our best, we screw up sometimes just like you do.  Imagine yourselves in our shoes before you judge us on the lies you have been told. 

  

In closing, to all you jilted wives out there, I wish you peace, happiness, love and strength.  Your life will get better if you want it.  Make it happen.  Life is too short to be miserable. 

  

Go well. 

 
November 15, 2005, 7:54 am CST

bravo!

I just wanted to let you know that your way of handling these women was right on.  I am no expert, but have lived this first hand.  You made me cry for joy for them and sadness at the same time.  I am so thankful to you for doing something like this.  Extreme, but necessary.   My heart swells for them and for you.  God bless all involved.
 
November 15, 2005, 8:03 am CST

11/15 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club, Part 2

Quote From: cynthesis

As soon as I saw the preview for this show, I was crying.  My husband moved out three weeks ago and doesn't know if he wants to stay married or not.  I feel so delicate right now.  Do you think this show would still help?  Right now, I feel like anything I do that has to do with divorce is just giving up, but yet, I know I'm not in control of this situation at all.  I'm a stay-at-home mom with two children (15 & 10) with not much of a support system where I live because I moved here seven years ago so he could be close to his family.  I'm alone and scared and so very depressed.

I was where you are almost 6 years ago.  I posted another (long!) message earlier so hopefully you will see it. 

  

Your husband doesn't know whether he wants to stay married or not so, what do you want?  This is your life not his.   Don't let him decide for you.  There is no middle ground here while you allow him to put you through hell.  It is tough.  It is horrible.  But it doesn't last.   You will heal.  You will become stronger.  You will amaze yourself at what you can do.  Take it a day at a time.  Don't ever give up.  You are not alone.  There are those of us who have been there too and have come out the other side.  We are with you in spirit. 

  

Stay strong. 

 
November 15, 2005, 8:09 am CST

To the first wives from a first wife

My ex husband left me four years ago.  He left me with two preschool-aged girls and no home, no car and no money.  He told me no one would ever want me; that because he was a man he could have anyone he wanted, but I was too ugly and too fat for a man to find attractive.  The first month or so I was devastated.  I lived off his last words to me like they were the new mantra to my life.  Then I got mad; then I got p*ssed.  How dare this morbidly obese man tell me I was too fat to love?  How dare this guy tell me how I was going to live my life now that he was gone?  Who did he think he was?  I got up enough money to hire an attorney, I filed with social services for child support, and I went back to college.  I decided to make a beautiful life for both myself and my kids, because we ALL deserved a great life. 

  

A funny thing happened on the way to this great life as a single mother.  A week after the divorce was finalized, I was invited to a wedding and did NOT want to go as the lonely divorced woman.  A friend offered to set me up with a date, just for the wedding.  He wasn't looking for a relationship and neither was I, so the idea was perfect.  We met at her house for a friendly dinner, and something clicked.  We talked on the phone constantly (he lived across the state), we saw each other at every available opportunity, and in short, we fell in love.  Today I am remarried with another precious child, a son celebrating his first birthday tomorrow! 

  

I'm not saying that a man is the only way a woman can make it in life.  That's just the way my path turned.  I'm saying that I was SOOOO much happier with the certainty of the divorce than I ever was sitting at home, wondering if tomorrow he would leave or if he was going to pay the bills that month.  And, despite my ex husband's abusive and self-serving prophecies for me, things worked out so different than he predicted.  I am happy now with my new life.  And I can tell you for a fact that my ex is absolutely green with envy of the good fortune the good Lord bestowed upon me!  You are all beautiful and intelligent women who will make your mark on this world, I have no doubt.  Leave those arses you once called husbands in the gutter where they belong.  They are filth, and they have no bearing on the fabulous life you are about to lead.  Believe me, the joys of unloading the excess trash are endless! 

 
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