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Topic : 11/15 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club, Part 2

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Created on : Friday, November 11, 2005, 05:27:16 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil and Robin continue working with four bitter women imprisoned by guilt, shame and broken spirits since their husbands walked out. Holly has been divorced for almost a year, but still hasn't taken off her wedding ring. Can Dr. Phil convince her to remove the emotional shackle to her ugly past? Donna has never stood up for herself and rediscovers just how strong she can be -- and even pushes Dr. Phil around! Pam's been accused of being cold and unfeeling. She finally lets her guard down to reveal the real her. Plus, Heidi discovers that the root of her problem isn't her husband after all, but something that happened many years ago.  Will these women be able to leave their pasts behind and start over? Talk about the show here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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December 1, 2005, 2:11 pm CST

11/15 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club, Part 2

Quote From: cynthesis

My parents are alive and very supportive, but they are long distance, and I've used all my cell phone minutes.  Right now, my mom is in Nebraska taking care of my grandma, and my dad is in Colorado for his job, so they've used almost all their minutes between calling me and calling each other.  There is a lot of stress on my parents, taking care of my grandmother and having to be apart as much as they are.  I actually waited too long to tell my parents what was going on, just because I felt bad for putting more worries on them.  My kids know everything and are spending their first weekend over at their dad's tonight.  I'm feeling pretty crummy this evening because I'm alone and don't have anyone to lean on right now.  My closest friend is in Nebraska too.  I made a mistake not building a better support system here, and I regret that along with so many other things right now.  I've been speaking to God a lot, but sometimes I could really use a physical shoulder to cry on.  It's hard to feel so stupid for not making friends here and feel everything that goes with having my husband leave too.  Thank you for your support.  It does mean a lot for someone in my position.

Found your reply and am wondering how your are doing?  I also remember that first weekend alone.  It does get easier as time passes, but those first weekends were awful.  I kept hoping the kids were having a terrible time and couldn't wait to have them back.  Then came the adjustment period for all of us.  That still happens now and again, but I am starting to do things for me when my daughter visits her dad.  I refuse to be drawn into the "I wish I didn't have to gos" and the "do  I have to go back agains".  I try to make our time together as enjoyable as possible and make new memories.  Remember the memories you make are yours to keep. 

Also, remember you are a strong person.  I remember hearing that and thinking I didn't want to be strong.  I wanted someone to lean on and someone to take part of the burden fromme.  Looking back, I knew and still know how strong I am.  I get stronger everday.  Also, keep talking to friends, and family.  Don't shut yourself off from the world.  The hardest thing I did, was to be in public.  I just knew everyone was talking about me behind my back.  Through therapy, which is still ongoing, I have learned differently.  One of the most amazing things I found out, was that I was an admired person.  There were a lot of people who admired me for my courage and strength in the face of what had been happening.  Yes, there were friends who chose sides.  You don't need the ones who don't support you.  BE YOU and hold your head up.    I also learned there is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely.  I believe you are lonely - you can fix that.  Go window shopping - go to the park and look at the trees, flowers and the area around you. Go to the library and find a great book.  Do you have a hobby you had to set aside in the past.  Go back to doing it again.  Try a community ed class in something you never thought you would need.  I took one on simple auto repairs and maintenance.  Knowledge is power.  Most community ed classes can be taken for free if there is no money for them.  Talk to your church and ask for help.  Remeber you are not the first person this has happened to and you certainly won't be the last.  

If nothing else, you now have time for that long leisurly bath with candlelight and a great book.  No one will interrupt you.  Concentrate on keeping busy - clean out the fridge or that junk drawer you just can't seem to get to.  Just keep busy and the time will pass. 

Also check out the area BE classes.  Stands for Beginning Experience - they are terrific and they also have them for kids.   I found and met lots of new friends and found out we have lots in common.  Good luck and write back.  A NEW FRIEND>>>>>>>> 

 
December 5, 2005, 9:54 pm CST

To Holly

  

You really struck me.  You deserve joy again.   I am assuming you are Catholic because you said that in the eyes of the church, you are still married.    When you are ready, start to think of the exact qualities you really want in a partner and then seek him out.   Get the annullment if possible.  Talk to the priests (Noteworthy: the priests I know make it clear that there are no illegitimate children), but if an annullment isn't possible, I hope you will remember that religion is the way we worship, but it's not God.  Joy and romantic love should be yours again.  Become Episcopal if you have to :)  All the best wishes for you. 

 
December 7, 2005, 10:53 am CST

it,s not so easy

6yrs ago i had a gut feelin and my husband was actting different,and things later came out i never catch him red handed but things looked that way o.k. please don,t judge it,s all been coming back after dr.phils show and i said yesterday this is not working for me and opened my mouth ya see theres a family member i though he was cheating with.they both denided it an my husband talked me into working it out.but it won,t go away.and i know he,s lied to me in the past but i love them both .i,ve gone on antidepressents ,got all kinds of illness popin up,no more friends an find it hard talking to people.so see the dr. phil show i told him my gut won,t let it go and asked him to take a lie detector test or i,m just gonna go if i,m wrong i,m sorry but this is not working for me i have to trust in me it,s not working trying to trust him or the family member so i lose no mater what my husband and my family most of my family are on there side everyone thinks my husbands a great guy if not for this i might think so to. am  i doing the right thing!i gave him a little time to answer about the test but i,m really scared.watching those woman if i have to do it ,i will
 
May 24, 2006, 8:15 am CDT

dont know what to do

 I watched first wives club today in the uk and it could not have come at a better time. My husband left me for  for someone i knew and thought was a friend. He has now decided he wants me back and he made a mistake blameing it all on a mid life crisis ( usual excuse). I am 47 and never been me i dont know who me is, i dont trust people have no friends. do i take him back or am istupid to think he wont do it again. Do i feel this way as i have no one else my confidence has gone i dont know how to get into the world again if i am honest i am terrified. watching Dr Phil & Robin made me think i am not alone i just wish i knew how to move on. Any advice for me how to do this. 

gill from uk 

 
May 29, 2006, 6:25 am CDT

Hope you are doing well

Quote From: trina038

hi, 

i really liked what you said, it makes alot of sense to me, its been a month since my husband left me, and i guess im trying to get over the hurt and pain, and humiliation that i feel, i just want to be able to be strong and move forward.  i need this for me, and to find me again.  thanks so much and good luck to you..  

 I hope things are looking up for you, it is hard no matter what your situation. I have continued to be amazed at the strength I gain daily.
Keep your chin up smile lots and laugh at everything it does make you feel better, remember to do something for yourself!!! Something you would never have done before I have 3 kids and a grandchild and I recently purchased a 2 seater convertable at first even I asked what the heck I was doing I did not drive it for a month, I had never done anything for myself and really did not feel I deserve it.
This has made me change in so many ways, I am amazed at all the things I have done for myself and am happy about it. There are many men out there none decide me life but me I am in control of my life.
This is not about bashing men, please! there are some really wonderful ones out there....... I just finally got it that you need to be yourself first and then you can live a fullfilled life with someone else (as long as you pick the right one).

 
May 29, 2006, 6:57 am CDT

You go GIRL

Quote From: realme

A few years ago after spending a large part of my life being married or in relationships (I am currently single), I began looking back at my life.  During the 50+ years, I had been a daughter, sister, wife, mother (then took care of my mother), grandmother, friend...but never  "me."  On New Year's Day that year, I called my grown children and told them "Welcome to the year of me."  It wasn't that I was going to exclude them from my life, as we are very close, it was that I was going to begin to live my life for me.  That year, among other things, I took three vacations.  One year led to the next and I have just extended the "Year of Me."  Last February I did the best yet.  I purchased a PT Cruiser Convertible and got this personalized license plate:  YR OF ME  You should see the reaction of other women about my age.  They love it!!  Life just keeps getting better and better!!  You really can be happily single and have it all. 

 Thank GOD you did it! I did it too after devoting my life to my husband never doing anything for myself, as soon as he left I sold jet boat I purchased for him, bought myself a convertible, went to the islands I had dreamed of going he always told my if that was what I wanted then it was not him so I went then came back went to Vegas, started taking care of ME and now I actually am proud of who I am.
With or without a man in my life I take care of me first.
It was great to find another woman who learned to do something for herself! Don't stop you are teaching your kids a valuable lesson.
Too proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
August 8, 2006, 12:06 am CDT

I can relate

Quote From: viewer111

  

You really struck me.  You deserve joy again.   I am assuming you are Catholic because you said that in the eyes of the church, you are still married.    When you are ready, start to think of the exact qualities you really want in a partner and then seek him out.   Get the annullment if possible.  Talk to the priests (Noteworthy: the priests I know make it clear that there are no illegitimate children), but if an annullment isn't possible, I hope you will remember that religion is the way we worship, but it's not God.  Joy and romantic love should be yours again.  Become Episcopal if you have to :)  All the best wishes for you. 

People, please, don't look at my grammar, because English is not my native tongue, I'm from Holland/Europe.

I can relate to what these women go through, I've been there, but got out so much stronger than I ever was. I was desperate and frustrated, but more than happy right now. When I was going through this, I thought about my life like this. When there was nothing wrong in my marriage, we were on this road and when I looked at that road, it was my husband and me and our 3 kids, growing up, getting married, getting kids, we became grandparents and grow old together. Suddenly, when my ex told me he did not love me anymore (and never did, duh....) there was a wall in front of me and my life was behind that wall and I could not see how my life would go on. It was scary and it made me cry and I did not want to live anymore. Ladies, believe me, the wall came down, although not in one day, not even in one week, it took about 2 years for me, but I came out so very strong and independent. I had some boyfriends after that, but decided to stay on my own and I did and I am very happy with the Lord in my life and my daughter is married with 2 kids, my 2 boys live together for many years and also have 2 kids. So, here I am, happy with my life and 3 kids and 6 grandbabies from 15 to 2 years of age. I live in the Netherlands, my kids live in Belgium (I went back to Holland after my divorce), but we see each other a lot and call each other, email each other and I never ever would like my husband back into my life as my spouce.

I'm praying for you all, knowing what you're going through.

God bless you

Roswitha

 
February 2, 2008, 7:20 pm CST

11/15 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club, Part 2

Quote From: deuce_coup

Why would any man in his right mind mistreat Heidi. I happen to catch the show and was totally appalled that a guy would emotionally hurt Heidi. She is such a beautiful woman how could she possibily do anything to deserve such treatment. I wish her much happiness in the future when she finally gets this " LOSER " out of her life and emotional system. There is bound to be a Gentleman out there somewhere that will recognize and appreciate all the attributes that Heidi has to offer. When he finds her I truly hope that he will treat her like an absolute goddess and love her forever. My best wishes to you Heidi and unmeasurable happiness down the road.
Thank you so much for that beautiful compliment!!!!  It has been 2 years since the show and I am still single, not looking though hoping it will just "happen".  School was keeping me really busy along with the girls and work.  I haven't had much time to focus on me.  My ex-sociopath is still making my life miserable after being divorced for a year.  I wish he would just leave us alone so this transition can be as easy as possible for the girls sake.  I would love to find a man that will treat me like a "princess", but I think it will be very difficult for me to ever be able to trust another man in our lives.  Thanks again for the words of encouragment.  Take Care, Heidi
 
June 20, 2008, 3:19 pm CDT

fired

Divorced 6 years after 30 years of marriage. I have had to move as much as changing jobs. I am so tired of being tired. I know there is a way out of this black cloud but this show was my first one I have seen since my divorce. I don't watch tv hardly at all & an not depressed. It's just my body & eyes are hardly holding out & seeing a way to get thru this. Will I ever see or walk by myself again? Iam not ready for this to be it in life. I have read man self help books & talked with may, but nothing helps yet.

Oh well, Iam probably beating a dead horse on this topic.

Many questions!

dieinginside

 
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