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Topic : 11/15 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club, Part 2

Number of Replies: 329
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Created on : Friday, November 11, 2005, 05:27:16 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil and Robin continue working with four bitter women imprisoned by guilt, shame and broken spirits since their husbands walked out. Holly has been divorced for almost a year, but still hasn't taken off her wedding ring. Can Dr. Phil convince her to remove the emotional shackle to her ugly past? Donna has never stood up for herself and rediscovers just how strong she can be -- and even pushes Dr. Phil around! Pam's been accused of being cold and unfeeling. She finally lets her guard down to reveal the real her. Plus, Heidi discovers that the root of her problem isn't her husband after all, but something that happened many years ago.  Will these women be able to leave their pasts behind and start over? Talk about the show here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

More November 2005 Show Boards.


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November 15, 2005, 8:55 am CST

How sad

Yesterday's show was really sad....what I found particularly poignant and intriquing to me was the mom who's two daughters were giving her a hard time about paying a bill for her in order for her to avoid "late fees" .....am I the only one that could see that the mom was BROKEN!!  - even if you Dr. Phil want these woman to "value themselves", "stop playing victim", "stop whinning", etc, etc.....reality is - they are still BROKEN!   - that was so easy to see and so sad to witness - and the daughters just seemed so unempathetic.    I've written to Dr. Phil 30 plus times regarding "fatherless boys".....unfortunately, never receive a response, but what I'd like to say in regards to "fatherless boys" is that those boys, along with those two now "fatherless daughters" fall into the same category when one parent is absent OR putting another parent into a position of needing their children for anything, particularly money - does it occur to anyone how humiliating this is - needing your own children for financial survival - and to add to this scenario, along with a multitude of negative scenarios(so many, you cannot possible air them all), there is the perpetual scenario of DAD TREATING MOM LIKE S***, 

 THEREFORE THAT'S WHAT THE CHILDREN DO - AFTER ALL - WHAT ELSE WOULD CHILDREN KNOW - IT'S JUST A WAY OF LIFE!  if they see one parent treating another parent this way and that victimized parent is forever at their mercy - how could anyone expect anything else to happen - US BROKEN PARENTS NEED HELP!!........the "left" parent has been treated with absolutely NO REGARD WHATSOEVER -  the parent (#1 influence in a child's life)  doesn't care, how would the children learn any other way.    

 
November 15, 2005, 9:20 am CST

It gets better!!

I watched the show with tears streaming down my face.  That was me!!  All four of these ladies represent something that I felt not too long ago.  I married at 18 and gave my entire identity to a man for ten years.  I gave hime my virginity on our wedding night, I gave him two beautiful kids, I gave him my twenties!!  And he gave me the same lousy excuses that these women got:  I'm not happy - I need to find myself - We got married for the wrong reasons, etc, etc, etc....  They were all BS.  He had found himself a girlfriend, seven years younger.  For ten years I was a wife.  And now suddenly my identity was gone.  I did not even remember who I was without him.  But through my faith, family and friends and many, many nights of crying, I have found strength, not from a man, but from myself.  I am a bright, intelligent woman.  I have two beautiful children.  And although the ex is in my eyes scumnot worthy of air, he is still my children's father and we are forever connected as parents. I smile every time we exchange the kids for his visits, he brings his girlfriend and I smile, just keep smiling, "Fake it til you make it"  has become my motto..  It hurts that he is so happy, but in my heart I know I am too.  Looking back the marriage was not working, but I would have never left.  He decided my future in so many ways, but now I am embracing that future and running with it.  I answer to no one but myself and God.  I am greatful for what I do have.  He sees the kids often.  He pays child support faithfully.  His girlfriend is very good to my children.  And unlike married mothers I actually get a break every other weekend!!  I have more than a lot of single moms.  There is always an upside.  To find it you have to put the anger away.  Deal with it, face it head on and then put it away.  The pain I have felt, and occassionally still feel, will never be forgotten.  If I choose to enter another relationship I will do so with my eyes wide open and my baggage in tow, neatly packed and hopefully never to be opened again.  I wish these four women the best and the rest of you that are going through this.  The advice I can give is to be angry, but do not let that anger control you.  You have to remember that that man will always be a part of your life.  Who you are tomorrow is a direct result of the choices you make today.  If your anger and hurt consume you, it consumes your children.  Scream into a pillow every night if you have to.  Cry to your friends, but let your children no matter how old, let them be your children, not your go-between, not your spies.  Find yourself.  Find out who you are and what you want.  Dr. Phil often says "Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you have to make the decision right."  I did not make the decision to be a single mom, HE made that decision for me, but now I am making that decision right, for me and for my children.  Time heals all wounds, but the scars will remain forever, hopefully fading overtime.  My divorce has been final almost one year, and I will celebrate that day with my girlfriends!!  Celebrate your life, because it is your own to direct and make wonderful! 

 
November 15, 2005, 9:24 am CST

Struck a nerve

I just happened to catch part 2 of  the first wives club and when I heard their stories, could relate to a part of each of those women.  I have been legally separated for over a year from a man that I allowed to belittle and degrade me for over 8 years. He did not leave me. I left him last May after begging him for the last 3.5 years we were together to just have enough respect for me to be honest and tell me if he wanted out. He did not, and I decided enough was enough, and moved out.  He thinks I had an affair on him after I met a man in Feb. of that year that I had met before I met my husband, and we kept in contact and talked. I did not have an affair, and he is free to think what he will.  This man and I went out after we both got out of the bad relationships we were in,  and have been together ever since.  I remember asking him at one time if it made him feel like a big strong man to degrade and belittle me the way he would and he said, "Yes."   Now he can be a big strong man to someone else...I refuse to allow him to do this to me any more and have to remind him on a regular basis that his control over me ended the day I walked out the door.  The relationship I was in before my husband was similar, and he can't stand to hear that for the first time since the latter 1980's, I am treated with dignity and respect. He simply says, "Yeah, well." and walks away. I am here to tell you ladies, that your life has just begun, not ended. You are now free to be who you are and decide what you want, and how you want to do things. There is life out there....a peaceful one.  I am determined to have peace in my life, no matter how many underhanded things this man tries to do. His new lady will see this enentually, maybe.  I honestly hope he's listened to me and treats this lady better.  It is not an easy task, and it's a day by day process. Keep your chin up. You can do it.
 
November 15, 2005, 9:36 am CST

11/15 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club, Part 2

Quote From: westie305

Yesterday's show was really sad....what I found particularly poignant and intriquing to me was the mom who's two daughters were giving her a hard time about paying a bill for her in order for her to avoid "late fees" .....am I the only one that could see that the mom was BROKEN!!  - even if you Dr. Phil want these woman to "value themselves", "stop playing victim", "stop whinning", etc, etc.....reality is - they are still BROKEN!   - that was so easy to see and so sad to witness - and the daughters just seemed so unempathetic.    I've written to Dr. Phil 30 plus times regarding "fatherless boys".....unfortunately, never receive a response, but what I'd like to say in regards to "fatherless boys" is that those boys, along with those two now "fatherless daughters" fall into the same category when one parent is absent OR putting another parent into a position of needing their children for anything, particularly money - does it occur to anyone how humiliating this is - needing your own children for financial survival - and to add to this scenario, along with a multitude of negative scenarios(so many, you cannot possible air them all), there is the perpetual scenario of DAD TREATING MOM LIKE S***, 

 THEREFORE THAT'S WHAT THE CHILDREN DO - AFTER ALL - WHAT ELSE WOULD CHILDREN KNOW - IT'S JUST A WAY OF LIFE!  if they see one parent treating another parent this way and that victimized parent is forever at their mercy - how could anyone expect anything else to happen - US BROKEN PARENTS NEED HELP!!........the "left" parent has been treated with absolutely NO REGARD WHATSOEVER -  the parent (#1 influence in a child's life)  doesn't care, how would the children learn any other way.    

I can relate to children treating one parent as they have seen the other parent does/did. My children did, and at times, my 7 yr. old daughter still does treat me that way. I think since we are the adults and in charge of our children that we have to just keep reinforcing that we are all in charge of our own behavior, and just because we've seen someone behave in a certain manner, that does not make it right or ok to behave in that manner. I teach my kids to treat people the way they want to be treated. It is not easy, and my 17 yr. old seems to be coming around, and my 7 yr. old understands that if someone hurts her feelings by behaving a certain way, that she will hurt someone else's feelings by doing the same.
 
November 15, 2005, 9:36 am CST

what about the men

I watched the show and thought what about these men yes there bad but they were hated proably from every women who watched the show I had my wife cheat on me and then tell me our daughter was not mine so i feel for these ladies also
 
November 15, 2005, 9:37 am CST

First Wives Club

I hope the women on today's show will listen to Dr. Phil & Robin and get on with living their lives.  After being single for 20 years I remarried 15 years ago.  My husband fully expected me to forget about being me,  an independent person, and become an obedient faculty wife.  Although I loved and respected him, I  refused to surrender my identity and live vicariously through him.   

  

 My taking a stand did affect our marriage negatively.  Consequently after he retired he tended to blame every problem that arose on my not being a full time homemaker.   I refused to take responsibility for all of our marital difficulties.  My husband withdrew and sulked but I remained steadfast because I knew I deserved to fulfill some of my dreams as well.   He died a few months ago and I loved and cared for him to the end, through three year of illness.   

  

I have no regrets for the way I choose to live my life.   I don't think I was selfish and if I had to, I would do it again. 

 
November 15, 2005, 9:38 am CST

A Husband's Words

I made it a point to talk to my husband last night about this cheating subject.  I asked him first why he cheated on his ex-wife.  (They were divorced in 2000).  He said that she stayed at home with the baby but didn't clean, cook or EVER have sex with him.  I also found out from his family that she was also abusive toward him.  I asked him "am I doing everything right to keep you happy and in OUR bed?"  The response I received was hilarious.  He looked at me like I was insane and said "h*ll yea baby.  You make me feel like I am wanted and needed.  You make me feel like I am the sexiest man alive."  (I weigh appx. 110 and my husband a quite a bit overweight but is still VERY sexy to me!)  His personality is the type where he loves attention and loves to feel like he is #1 in my life...which he is.  I know he was wondering where all of this came from so I told him it was on Dr. Phil.  Of course he laughed, rolled his eyes and said " you are watching way too many talk shows."  :-) 

  

~Jenn 

 
November 15, 2005, 9:42 am CST

Can they be serious?

I just have to jump in here and put my two cents in.  I can't believe that these women would embarrass themselves on national tv with their emotional baggage. I didn't say that there wasn't any to divulge but, I would have been humiliated and ashamed to admit that one couldn't see their relationships disinigrating long before being served divorce papers. Any woman that finds herself being disrespected or verbally abused by their spouse should read Dr. Phill's books  or just look within herself and make the necessary changes in herself so that they don't end up like those on the show. I have been verballyand emotionally jerked around since I was a child. I think most of us from my generation were because we had no recourse to talk back or pose an opinion to our parents back then. Phill has stated that because we are no longer children and have the opportunity to be all that we can be - as grown ups now we don't have to accept the put downs or 

the little inuendos that we did as a child. Why can't we stand up to our husbands and refuse to 

accept that what they say and feel about us is true? I know from experience that as long as you allow that kind of behavior to go on then you have no one to blame but yourself. If you have low selfesteem and feel worthless sometimes as I do, then your spouse knows he can push your buttons to upset or hurt you. Unless your husband is physically abusive, He can't feel superior, 

in control of or intimidate you if your hand is in his face and you refuse to listen to him. A man can only control your feelings if you allow him to. If you have given up after years of being brow beaten by him and just keep taking it to save peace and further confrontations then the cycle will continue. I worried too much about hurting my husbands feelings by standing up to him so I would just allow him to feel in control. What's so wrong with sticking your whole hand up open in his face and saying you can't talk to me like that or I don't deserve that? What is so wrong with women that they 

feel so inferior about themselves that they accept what their husbands tell them as the truth? I sure don't any more. I refuse to go through a divorce and possibly lose all that I have worked for to. If my husband can't learn to treat me with respect, courtesy that he shows everyone but me and the thoughtfulness that he shows other people then too bad for him. I won't sign divorce papers and try to manage on my own as I have invested too much into this relationship. He will never change, but I will. When I actually believed what he did without my knowing about it and kept saying it was my fault I was the only one that was miserable. Now, I could care less if I hurt his feelings or he yells at me or tries to control how or what I do because I don't look to him for approval or dissapproval. Any comments?   I am who I am 

 
November 15, 2005, 9:45 am CST

Change the Dance

Can you  4  Lady's  please  tell  me when you  lost  your self . You all  are very nice Lady's, and  yes the men you  picked  are  jerks But You  are  still  giving them  power  over your life, The  more you  sit and fell  sorry  for your self  the more you  give  them power, The all the time  you think about  what they have  done the more time you are  giving them,  

  When was the last time you do something  for you and only  you?  not you  family  but  just  for  you ?? Well  if you have to  think  that long about when  it was  maybe  it is time you took the  time  to  go  for it and  do  something for you. CHANGE The Dance 

 
November 15, 2005, 9:53 am CST

I Think I finally get it

I watched part one yesterday.  I was in tears most of the time.  They were talking about my life.  I was married for 30 years, have two grown children.  I caught my X on the phone with his girlfriend talking about going to a hotel, and to make sure the shower was big enought for the both of them.  He was alway verbally abusive, and when the end finnally came, it blow him away.  I got strong, knew what I wanted for the first time in my life.  But I still felt like it was my fault, until last night.  I did the hit the chair and scream  "It was not my fault".  It felt so good to get ride of that guilt.  I have been divorced for over three years, but was still holding on to the guilt.  Even with grown children, they took it very hard.  It has been hard for me.  I started a new relationship about 4 months after my divorce that has just ended about over 3 years.  I plan to do the chair thing with that tonight, that relationship ending "IS NOT MY FAULT EITHER",   

  

Thank you Dr Phil.  Your are just what I needed.  I now have hope that I can make it throw anything.  I just need to have a plan.  I am working on it.  I know what I want for the first time in my life and am willing to do whatever I have to to get it. 

  

 
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