Topic : 11/15 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club, Part 2

My husband had an affair after over 30 years of our marriage.  I reacted as these women and felt shock and loss of caring and feeling.  I had some significant family responsibilities to handle at that time.  A doctor gave me an anti-depressant.  It helped tremendously.  The problem is not basically medical lbut once you become so angry, obsessed and overwhelmed, the medication helps you to return to normal enoughto function and work out your problems.  I's surprised it was not mentioned.  A woman does not need to be at the point of institutionalization to need medication. 

The part of the program that really hit home with me was when Dr. Phil said that the husband said that he didn't ever love the wife - and that is why he was leaving her.   

I went through all of this 9 years ago.  I've had the most challenge with the words that he never did love me.  We were married for 29 years!  It's taken me a while but I now believe that those words were part of the "excuse" - not the real reason. I used to compare the situation of myself, as the wife, with a family pet.  I didn't believe that anyone could have a family pet for a number of years and not love it.  What must I be if he lived with me for 29 years and didn't grow to love me?  Therefore, I thought I must have been a person of very low value. 

 I've enjoyed the program because it's helped me to see how far I've progressed with moving on and getting over it.  it took a while, but, as soon as I began to make a new "future" I started to be more comfortable and confident in myself. 

I see my ex and his girlfriend at family functions.  It's been 9 years and he has never married her.  I can see him from the outside now.  When he left, I begged him to stay.  I really thought I could forget and forgive.  I wouldn't go back  now for anything!  I've made a new life and have a new and different future.  My life is my own now. 

I've never been married, but for about 15 years, my mother and i lived with a man that was very abusive. Both verbally and physically. I feel the way the women do on the show. MY heart goes out to them.  

How I wish my husband would let me go.  I have tried to leave him, but I never felt I have the skills to support myself.  I have been married 37 years and raised 4 children, 2 of which are handicapped.  If I left I would have no money or medical insurance.  So I have to wait 6 more years before I am 65.  He already has said I have to hand over my social security, when I start receiving it. 

The years of stress have taken a toll on my health and maybe I won't have the six years to be free.    

I watched Part 1 of Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club last night, and can't wait to see Part 2.  Some background:  My husband and I have been separated for the past 5 years (not legally).  We have been married since 1980.  When my husband's dad died, he became very unhappy and started questioning his life.  Ours is a classic give and take relationship, i.e., I take and he gives.  I take fully responsibility for my part in our relationship problems and made a good faith effort to change my behavior to make things better between us.  We have both been to counselors, both separately and together.  Our counselor wanted us to sign a contract outlining actions we would both take to improve our marriage; my husband would not sign it.  He doesn't think I can ever change, which makes it impossible for me to do so.  He blames everything on me and won't take responsibility for his part, in effect, enabling my behavior.   In any event, he lives in an apartment and comes over every evening.  He tells me he loves me each time he leaves.  This has been going on for 5 YEARS!!!  We are good friends and get along famously as long as we don't talk about what matters.  I am going crazy and want this to end, but I'm not the one who wants the divorce so I allow this hell to continue.  He has filed for divorce twice, but we have let the legal papers lapse each time.  Obviously I need to get on with my life.  My parents know about this; his mother does not.  No one else knows.  Not at work, not any of my friends.  I'm living a shameful lie.  Virtually all of the emoticons fit me; finally I chose "embarrassed" out of frustration.  Any suggestions?