Quote From: lettingo Shortly after my son's first birthday I put him in a local baby pageant. I was hooked and for the next 3 years my son competed at national level. I usually had him in about 2 big/national pageants a month. The national pageants involve a lot of traveling, money and it's an all weekend event. Believe it or not, competition between boys is just about as bad as the girls. I was sick enough to pay for the $75 an hour pageant coach, the $1000 way over retouched head shots, he even used a h/m person to do his hair. A child would not stand a chance at national level with out these things.
I'd give my right arm to go back in time and make the decision to not put my son in that 1st pageant. I will never forgive myself for the damage I have created by exposing my son to the pageant world. He never really liked them to begin with but somehow I convinced myself he did because like most children they make the best out of any situation. Parents always saw how their children love it but what they really love is going to the hotel/out of town and having time with mom and/or dad for the whole weekend and they see doing pageants as the price they pay for it. Besides all kids want to please their parents, especially when they know it means a lot to mommy.
They yank these little girls out of bed on Saturday mornings at like 4:30 am and to have their hair and make-up done (they usually cry all the way through it because it hurts and they are still half asleep) and then put on a 15 lbs dress and tell the 4 year year old not to jump, crawl, lay down, run, eat, drink because it will mess up the dress and h/m. Sound like fun yet? That's only a small part of the day.
Anyway, I was not nearly as bad as most pageants moms. I would never hit my child or call him names for messing up or for any reason for that matter but I am guilty of expecting way too much out of him for his age and ability, putting pressure on him and even though I never verbally said I was disappointed or unhappy with his performance to him, I know he could sense my emotional coldness for lack of a better word. Pageants made my son overly concerned with his appearance to this day. Most boys his age could care less what they wear or how they look. He compares himself to others and is way too hard on himself when he makes a mistake. He's very sensitive to any real or imagined criticism. He expects himself to be better at things than he is, like skills that come with age as his muscles develop and coordination improves. I know all of this is because of pageants and I will never forgive myself for doing this to him.
It was like I just wooke up one day and asked myself why was I doing this? My son plays football now and I see some of the same problems with parents there too. I've learned my lesson and I'm nothing but 100% supportive and I just want him to have fun and be a little boy. I could care less if they win or lose and he wanted to quit tomorrow that would be fine. Unfortunatly the damage is already done and it breaks my heart to see him beat himself up over missing a pass or something like that.
There is such a dark side to pageants. I think it's borderline abuse. I will post after I watch the show to give my inside point of view.
At least you saw all this and stopped what you were doing. remember, all of us as parents are goingt o make mistakes, I know that I have already and my children are only 2 and 4, but when we see our mistakes and acknowledge them to ourselves as well as to those who we have hurt or whatever and also apologize and do what ever we need to do to make things right, our children will grow and mature and see and appreciate all the wonderful qualities that we do have.
I am not against pageants and sports and all, I just believe that kids should have the choice of what they want to do and nor be forced into doing something just becasue they like it and are good at it. My daughter is good at several things but that doesn't mean I am going to push her to do something. Like I said in a previous post, my oldest talks about being an artist and a ballet dancer and of course I will encourage her and put her in a class that teacches these things and all but if she expresses that she is not enjoying it or doesn't want to do it then I am not going to make her but if she decides that she does like it and wants to do these things, I will encourage her and she will have to learn the discipline that it takes to make her dreams come true, she is already learning about responsibility and finishing what she starts but in the end, everything that she does when it comes to sports and activities will be her choosing and desire and never will I punish my children when they make a mistake in a recital or a sport, that is redicoulous and so unfair, there is not one single person on God's green earth that does not make a mistake, even in competitions and sporting events and to punish a child for it is absolutely uncalled for and abuse, For those parents who expect perfection from their children, Before yuo put that expectation on your child, you better make sure that yuo fit that criteria as well. Also I believe if a child is not aloud to be a child and play with dolls, cars and trucks, not aloud to get dirty or just to lay around and and have absolutely nothing planned for the day then that is causing that child to not experience childhood, and again that is wrong.
I do not believe a child has to pack on the make up to be beautiful and accepted by a group of judges, certainly can give a bad image to a child and can ruin their self esteem. I was asked to put my youngest is a baby contest becasue she is photo genic and her 22 month photo especially was a knock out and it was her natural little self. I did not do it because I know she is a beautiful little girl and she doesn't need competition to prove it. Maybe some day, I will change my mind, but for now, i think I will keep both my beauties to myself LOL. They are beautiful and they know it because I let them know it every day and when they make a mistake, I remind then that we all make mistakes and the imporant thing is to do our best and not to give up and be down on ourselves. I just think things should be fun for our kids and that they should be aloud to have options and make their own choices in life which is something they need to learn in early childhood. Any way, will be interesting to see this show which of course I probably won't watch it but will read it on the sight, but I do hope that these paretns are putting their children's best interest forst and not their own dreams and desires and I hope that they are allowing their children to be kids and have time to them selves to grow and to mature into being what ever they desire to be, they deserve to be who they are and accepted for what they have to offer to this world and that is adifferent then being pushed into something that is giving the parents a high and satisfaction.
(Original Air Date: 11/16/05) Every parent believes his or her child is exceptional, but how do you know when you are pushing your children beyond their limits? Bridget is so determined to make her 9-year-old daughter the next LeAnn Rimes, she has had her singing every weekend for the last seven months, and she is constantly criticizing her performances and punishing her when she makes mistakes. The father of the biggest sister act in pop music weighs in. And, Julie is so obsessed with placing her daughters in hundreds of glitz beauty pageants, she has practically bankrupted her family. Her sister, Jamie, says she is forcing her 5-year-old to grow up too soon, and the pageants have torn their family apart. Talk about the show here.
