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Topic : 06/01 "My Kid's a Star"

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Created on : Friday, November 11, 2005, 05:29:55 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/16/05) Every parent believes his or her child is exceptional, but how do you know when you are pushing your children beyond their limits? Bridget is so determined to make her 9-year-old daughter the next LeAnn Rimes, she has had her singing every weekend for the last seven months, and she is constantly criticizing her performances and punishing her when she makes mistakes. The father of the biggest sister act in pop music weighs in. And, Julie is so obsessed with placing her daughters in hundreds of glitz beauty pageants, she has practically bankrupted her family. Her sister, Jamie, says she is forcing her 5-year-old to grow up too soon, and the pageants have torn their family apart. Talk about the show here.

 

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November 15, 2005, 6:13 am CST

Please !

Quote From: karasmom

I am Kara's mother.  I appreciate all the concern you guys have expressed but let me assure you everything you see is not always how it truly is.  My daughter is an extremely talented kid.  She plays soccer and softball and sings almost every weekend at venues across the states of Tx. and OK.  She is in the 4th grade and maintains straight A's.  Her father and I noticed at an early age that she had an interest in singing and also dancing.  We enrolled her in dance lessons but she soon realized that she liked to sing the songs rather than dance to them.  We then enrolled her in voice lessons.  She was a natural and she loved it.  Now 2 years later at 9 years old her goal is to be the next Leann Rimes.  We did not push her into this decision.  She pushed us.  Every weekend she is ready to go .  She loves to meet new people and to see the friends she has made.  The punishment part comes down to this.  It is just like practicing for a basketball game.  You would not let your child play in a game that he or she was not prepared for.  Kara has to practice.  Sometimes she doesn't want to but she has to.  It's like making your kids brush their teeth. your kid doesn't want to brush their teeth but you make them.  Punishment??  We realize that she is just 9 years old, but this is her decision not ours.  Their are times when our family does not want to travel 200 miles for a show but because she loves it and and we believe you have to back up your kids and help them live their dreams, we load up and go.  Is this PUNISHMENT?  We have 2 other children and we would do the same for them.  We just want to see our kids  do what makes them happy.  Yes i agree their are some parents that live through their kids and their are some that go to extremes where some people are concerned but We are not those Parents.  At any time, if my daughter decides she does not want to sing we will support her decision, but we do encourage our kids to finish what they start and not to be quitters when the going gets tough.  And as far as critisism goes, we do not put her down we give her constructed advise because she asks us for it. Check out karahawkins.com and see for yourself!!

Are you for real ?  I dont know about you ,but I punish my children for not brushing their teeth because if they dont their teeth would rot out of their head and I wouldnt want them in physical pain. I would never punish any one of them for not performing at their best. If it really is her idea and her love and you seriously think at 9 she is able to make her own decisions on something like this, then she is certianly old enough to make her own mistakes. She doesnt need your dicipline, that is if she is able to make her own mind up of coarse. If your daghter really is this good and Im sure she is - then slow down she will make it in due time if it meant to be.  

 
November 15, 2005, 5:08 pm CST

11/16 "My Kid's a Star"

Quote From: lettingo

     Shortly after my son's first birthday I put him in a local baby pageant. I was hooked and for the next 3 years my son competed at national level. I usually had him in about 2 big/national pageants a month. The national pageants involve a lot of traveling, money and it's an all weekend event. Believe it or not, competition between boys is just about as bad as the girls. I was sick enough to pay for the $75 an hour pageant coach, the $1000 way over retouched head shots, he even used a h/m person to do his hair. A child would not stand a chance at national level with out these things.  

     I'd give my right arm to go back in time and make the decision to not put my son in that 1st pageant. I will never forgive myself for the damage I have created by exposing my son to the pageant world. He never really liked them to begin with but somehow I convinced myself he did because like most children they make the best out of any situation. Parents always saw how their children love it but what they really love is going to the hotel/out of town and having time with mom and/or dad for the whole weekend and they see doing pageants as the price they pay for it. Besides all kids want to please their parents, especially when they know it means a lot to mommy. 

     They yank these little girls out of bed on Saturday mornings at like 4:30 am and to have their hair and make-up done (they usually cry all the way through it because it hurts and they are still half asleep) and then put on a 15 lbs dress and  tell the 4 year year old not to jump, crawl, lay down, run, eat, drink because it will mess up the dress and h/m. Sound like fun yet? That's only a small part of the day.  

      Anyway, I was not nearly as bad as most pageants moms. I would never hit my child or call him names for messing up or for any reason for that matter but I am guilty of expecting way too much out of him for his age and ability, putting pressure on him and even though I never verbally said I was disappointed or unhappy with his performance to him, I know he could sense my emotional coldness for lack of a better word. Pageants made my son overly concerned with his appearance to this day. Most boys his age could care less what they wear or how they look. He compares himself to others and is way too hard on himself when he makes a mistake. He's very sensitive to any real or imagined criticism. He expects himself to be better at things than he is,  like skills that come with age as his muscles develop and coordination improves. I know all of this is because of pageants and I will never forgive myself for doing this to him.  

          It was like I just wooke up one day and asked myself why was I doing this? My son plays football now and I see some of the same problems with parents there too. I've learned my lesson and I'm nothing but 100% supportive and I just want him to have fun and be a little boy. I could care less if they win or lose and he wanted to quit tomorrow that would be fine. Unfortunatly the damage is already done and it breaks my heart to see him beat himself up over missing a pass or something like that. 

          There is such a dark side to pageants. I think it's borderline abuse. I will post after I watch the show to give my inside point of view.  

At least you saw all this and stopped what you were doing. remember, all of us as parents are goingt o make mistakes, I know that I have already and my children are only 2 and 4, but when we see our mistakes and acknowledge them to ourselves as well as to those who we have hurt or whatever and also apologize and do what ever we need to do to make things right, our children will grow and mature and see and appreciate all the wonderful qualities that we do have. I am not against pageants and sports and all, I just believe that kids should have the choice of what they want to do and nor be forced into doing something just becasue they like it and are good at it. My daughter is good at several things but that doesn't mean I am going to push her to do something. Like I said in a previous post, my oldest talks about being an artist and a ballet dancer and of course I will encourage her and put her in a class that teacches these things and all but if she expresses that she is not enjoying it or doesn't want to do it then I am not going to make her but if she decides that she does like it and wants to do these things, I will encourage her and she will have to learn the discipline that it takes to make her dreams come true, she is already learning about responsibility and finishing what she starts but in the end, everything that she does when it comes to sports and activities will be her choosing and desire and never will I punish my children when they make a mistake in a recital or a sport, that is redicoulous and so unfair, there is not one single person on God's green earth that does not make a mistake, even in competitions and sporting events and to punish a child for it is absolutely uncalled for and abuse, For those parents who expect perfection from their children, Before yuo put that expectation on your child, you better make sure that yuo fit that criteria as well. Also I believe if a child is not aloud to be a child and play with dolls, cars and trucks, not aloud to get dirty or just to lay around and and have absolutely nothing planned for the day then that is causing that child to not experience childhood, and again that is wrong. I do not believe a child has to pack on the make up to be beautiful and accepted by a group of judges, certainly can give a bad image to a child and can ruin their self esteem. I was asked to put my youngest is a baby contest becasue she is photo genic and her 22 month photo especially was a knock out and it was her natural little self. I did not do it because I know she is a beautiful little girl and she doesn't need competition to prove it. Maybe some day, I will change my mind, but for now, i think I will keep both my beauties to myself LOL. They are beautiful and they know it because I let them know it every day and when they make a mistake, I remind then that we all make mistakes and the imporant thing is to do our best and not to give up and be down on ourselves. I just think things should be fun for our kids and that they should be aloud to have options and make their own choices in life which is something they need to learn in early childhood. Any way, will be interesting to see this show which of course I probably won't watch it but will read it on the sight, but I do hope that these paretns are putting their children's best interest forst and not their own dreams and desires and I hope that they are allowing their children to be kids and have time to them selves to grow and to mature into being what ever they desire to be, they deserve to be who they are and accepted for what they have to offer to this world and that is adifferent then being pushed into something that is giving the parents a high and satisfaction.
 
November 15, 2005, 5:20 pm CST

Just stop and look

Quote From: funyuns

i would just like to inform you that, you DO NOT know the children, all you see is what the producers WANT you to see therefore, you really truely can't tell if the child is happy, and i am a personal friend of Bridget's daughter and let me tell you she is extremely happy with what she does she loves to sing, all the time.........trust me i know, and if she really doesn't want to do it then she really doesn't have to not only that but its good to be punished because some people just let there kids grow up without punishment and when they make a mistake at something they just quit.and all Bridget wants is for her child to get out of this "great" little town we live in and follow her dreams and if she wants to be a singer then she has to start NOW because there are So many others out there wanting the same thingbut know one is there to push them or even support them...so you just need to back off! 

You know, I don't have to know this little girl to see the hurt in her eyes as her mother is ranting about what she did or did not do during her performances. Its not about her talent, she could be the next LeeAnn Rimes, and in time I am sure she will be! But at nine if she simply posses the ability to get out there and try she's doing great! However... ease up on the kid, she is still a kid. You'll pass by these years far too quickly and realize the pain in her eyes you see here in these few pictures runs a little deeper than you would have ever dreamed. I am sure she loves what she is doing, its fun to get out on stage and entertain, Let it continue to be fun, its when you turn on the complaints that  it  turns out not be fun at all, that you as a parent have gone too far... no doubt this lil one has been brought to tears on several occassions by the complaints of her mother.
 
November 15, 2005, 5:54 pm CST

What an actress!!

Quote From: kckasum

You know, I don't have to know this little girl to see the hurt in her eyes as her mother is ranting about what she did or did not do during her performances. Its not about her talent, she could be the next LeeAnn Rimes, and in time I am sure she will be! But at nine if she simply posses the ability to get out there and try she's doing great! However... ease up on the kid, she is still a kid. You'll pass by these years far too quickly and realize the pain in her eyes you see here in these few pictures runs a little deeper than you would have ever dreamed. I am sure she loves what she is doing, its fun to get out on stage and entertain, Let it continue to be fun, its when you turn on the complaints that  it  turns out not be fun at all, that you as a parent have gone too far... no doubt this lil one has been brought to tears on several occassions by the complaints of her mother.
Not only is my daughter a great singer, she is a great performer also.  The camera crew says action and she can cry on que!!  The so called HURT in this childs eyes is the result of 2 years of performing on stage in front of a live audience.  She is also the middle child that knows exactly how to get her way.  So thank you so much for that compliment, Kara was very pleased with her performance.  And she really wants to try acting classes.  And I totally agree it takes a special person to do what my daughter does and we tell her on a daily basis how extremely proud of her we are. 
 
November 15, 2005, 8:04 pm CST

photos

Quote From: lh2000

Well if your talking about taking 5 year olds to photo studios and spending $500 on glamor shots as being a normal thing to do your not living on the same planet as me.  I have never seen photos where they completely airbrush out the contours of the face like this one.   

  

This poor little girl must have a very odd sense of herself if this is considered to make her look pretty.  When she looks in a mirror with out the makeup and airbrushing what does she think of herself?   

  

If I dressed a 5 year old boy up with make up and heals would that be ok too?   

  

We are talking about apprentice human beings here.  How can we expect kids being taught that vanity is so important turn into caring compassionate human beings? 

  

 

I think if mom want to play with dolls then let them but they should not treat their children like fashion dolls. 

  

my dd got her frist glitz photo when she was 1y and we didn't spend $500  if you don't like it then do go around it  and yes we do live on the same planet o and by the way we just went to get are chrstmas  photos and o my god we spend 90$ me and my dd do pageants and we love  

 
November 15, 2005, 8:06 pm CST

11/16 "My Kid's a Star"

Quote From: luvpageant

I, myself, have been competeing in pageants since the age of 7 years old and am now over 30 years old and still enjoy the hobby with my daughter.  I want to say from my own personal experience that pageants are not a bad hobby, however, just as in any hobby (dance, sports, etc.) it is all in how you approach them.  You, ofcourse, have to keep with the times in the level of pageantry that you choose to compete and it can be very expensive but there are several levels and you can compete in the level that fits your budget.  I believe that you should teach your contestant (in any hobby) that they are to win gracefully and loose like a queen.  I would never punish my daughter for not preforming how I believe she should have because we all have our good days and we all have our bad days...I know that personally.  I guess what I want to say is that I did pageants as a little girl with all the fancy clothes and make-up and I believe that I turned out just fine...to each their own, I say....if you enjoy pageants then have a great time doing them but if you don't then they are not for you.  My daughter and I don't like playing sports but we are not going to bash the families that love them.
you go gril we love pagants to
 
November 15, 2005, 8:29 pm CST

hello???

Quote From: lh2000

Well if your talking about taking 5 year olds to photo studios and spending $500 on glamor shots as being a normal thing to do your not living on the same planet as me.  I have never seen photos where they completely airbrush out the contours of the face like this one.   

  

This poor little girl must have a very odd sense of herself if this is considered to make her look pretty.  When she looks in a mirror with out the makeup and airbrushing what does she think of herself?   

  

If I dressed a 5 year old boy up with make up and heals would that be ok too?   

  

We are talking about apprentice human beings here.  How can we expect kids being taught that vanity is so important turn into caring compassionate human beings? 

  

 

I think if mom want to play with dolls then let them but they should not treat their children like fashion dolls. 

  

  • I am not sure if people outside of pageants know that some of these pictures are enhanced with makeup,hair,eyelashes,lipstick, and more with COMPUTERS! I didn't know that when I started over a yr ago. I just got my daughters pic enhanced that  is only 18 months by a friend. This picture was taken at a regular picture taking studio. Geezze people get a grip.....AAND REMEMBER  THESE GIRLS MIGHT ONE DAY READ THE TACKY THINGS YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT THEIR PIC ON HERE. THAT IS VERY DAMAGING!           GRACEYS MOM
 
November 16, 2005, 3:05 am CST

Unnatural behaviour

I wholeheartedly approve of parents supporting their child`s dreams and ambitions. However this pagaent circus is unnatural behaviour for young children. In fact like Dr Phil I find it quite worrying from a protective viewpoint. I think it sends out the wrong message to promote a little girl like a made-up woman. I hope this family reconsiders this activity for their daughters. There will be plenty of time to showcase their womanly beauty at a more appropriate age later on. I suspect the mother in this case hasn`t fully appreciated all the implications of this activity but merely the showing off and winning element! 

  

If I were Kara`s parents I would thank God for her talent and for her Grandmother. If Kara truly has a singing talent then they should invest time and money in professional coaches always allowing this little girl time be exactly that ,a little girl! Negative critiques by her mother are eventually going to tarnish their relationship and are best left to professionals anyway. Good luck Kara! 

 
November 16, 2005, 6:40 am CST

finding your authentic self

Before I turned 13 my Mom let me try and quit ballet, tap, gymnastics,tennis,piano, and cello. She also signed me up for YMCA classes like creative writing and sewing.  When I was 13 she bought me a guitar and I have been playing and writing ever since. She never called me a quitter or criticized me, she as just happy to let me explore.
 
November 16, 2005, 6:43 am CST

take a look at the audience

at these pagents. Not all of the men sitting there are fathers, grandfathers, uncles...there are perverts window-shopping out there
 
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