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Topic : 06/01 "My Kid's a Star"

Number of Replies: 521
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Created on : Friday, November 11, 2005, 05:29:55 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/16/05) Every parent believes his or her child is exceptional, but how do you know when you are pushing your children beyond their limits? Bridget is so determined to make her 9-year-old daughter the next LeAnn Rimes, she has had her singing every weekend for the last seven months, and she is constantly criticizing her performances and punishing her when she makes mistakes. The father of the biggest sister act in pop music weighs in. And, Julie is so obsessed with placing her daughters in hundreds of glitz beauty pageants, she has practically bankrupted her family. Her sister, Jamie, says she is forcing her 5-year-old to grow up too soon, and the pageants have torn their family apart. Talk about the show here.

 

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November 16, 2005, 6:44 am CST

no is criticising

Quote From: graceysmom

  • I am not sure if people outside of pageants know that some of these pictures are enhanced with makeup,hair,eyelashes,lipstick, and more with COMPUTERS! I didn't know that when I started over a yr ago. I just got my daughters pic enhanced that  is only 18 months by a friend. This picture was taken at a regular picture taking studio. Geezze people get a grip.....AAND REMEMBER  THESE GIRLS MIGHT ONE DAY READ THE TACKY THINGS YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT THEIR PIC ON HERE. THAT IS VERY DAMAGING!           GRACEYS MOM
No one is criticizing the kids on here.  The point is, you have to draw the line somewhere and this is sending a message to this five year old that she is cuter when she is fixed by a computer. As far as I see, all anyone is saying is that she's a darling girl just how she and her parents should do a better job teaching her that.  By the time those kids will be old enough to log onto a computer and bother to go on DR Phil.com and look up these message boards, these messages will no longer be available.  The ones from last season aren't even available anymore, so maybe you should hop off your soapbox.
 
November 16, 2005, 6:50 am CST

Reply to Kara's mom

Quote From: marajomi

Are you for real ?  I dont know about you ,but I punish my children for not brushing their teeth because if they dont their teeth would rot out of their head and I wouldnt want them in physical pain. I would never punish any one of them for not performing at their best. If it really is her idea and her love and you seriously think at 9 she is able to make her own decisions on something like this, then she is certianly old enough to make her own mistakes. She doesnt need your dicipline, that is if she is able to make her own mind up of coarse. If your daghter really is this good and Im sure she is - then slow down she will make it in due time if it meant to be.  

While I applaud and in some cases agree with what you are saying in regards to your daughter, the problem that I have is that you are NOT mom when you are involved in her singing and critiquing her perfomance.  At this age, she needs MOM and DAD, not you (or your husband) being her manager.  While I applaud you for taking an interest in your daughter's wishes, if you insist that she loves it and you are going to keep moving her forward in her training, then I think you should take Mr. Simpson's advice and help her to have FUN.  Your criticism is larger than you may think when it comes to her.  You are the same sex parent.  The criticism she may receive from a manager or voice coach will not be taken in the same light as it is from you.  Punishment can never be a good thing when you are punishing her for her hobby.  How can this be helping her?  When my son has problems with his jump shot or track time, I let THE COACH handle that.  He makes him do the extra laps or practice the jump shots, it is not me out there punishing him for missing the game winning shot.  I am the one saying, " Maybe you should work on your form.  Here let me show you.  Let's go out back and have some one on one"  I do not say, "You missed the easy lay up, now after dinner, no dessert, go out and shoot fifty hoops until you make each one".  That is not encouragement.  Again, I understand the interest that you are having and I understand indulging your children in their interests, but remember that you are MOM first.  Unless you have had some in depth training that we aren't privy too, I can't see where you became the utmost authority on her or her perfomance and stage presence.  Oh and by the way, shame on you and critcizing your mother-in-law about her relationship with the children.  Grandma is NOT the disciplinarian, unless they are cursing or playing with matches.  She is the place where the kids can do NO wrong, and that's the way it should be.  Punishment from her is the WORST thing I have ever heard of.  Shame on you for that.  IN grandma's eyes, the kids can do no wrong, and she is not feeding them false praise.  I am sure that you have enough criticism to cover the both of you.
 
November 16, 2005, 7:17 am CST

You are SO right!!!!

Quote From: jettav

Why can't people just let their children be children and let them decide what they want to do with their lives instead of FORCING them into something that they may not even want to do for life? My children are four and two and no way will I ever force them into being something that I think they should do, they have the right to develop into the person that God has planned for them and they have the right to choose their lives paths. Yes, I encourage my kids to be and to do what they like. My oldest is into dancing and she says she wants to be an artist, I plan on getting her into some classes to help her develop this interest more but in the end, she may not want to do this, the child is only four years old and if she decides that it isn't what SHE wants then so be it, at least she will have had fun learning and attending the groups as she is a very social little girl. Let these kids grow up and enjoy their childhoods, money isn't everything people! and I have a feeling this is what a lot of these parents are after, money and maybe even unfullfilled dreams that they have had and they want to live through their kids, I wonder if this might be a reason why so many child stars grow up and be miserable, they have money and fame, but most of them end up unhappy, they develop eating disorders and enter multiple relationships, cause they don't know how to maintain a good relationship. And to punsih a child for making a mistake in her performance, GET OVER IT parents! children are not perfect and they need to be aloud to mess up, if you teach these kids that it is a bad thing to make mistakes, then they will get over whelmed and think they are failures at some point! Keep it up long enough and you will see.
I think Kara is a little young to be punished for a bad performance. How could a kid at 9 even be critiqued like that, except by a qualified singing teacher? That is just sick. Excuse me, but it is. Let her sing in church, community theater, and move to a bigger town if you don't like it where you are. The Grandma is the only sane one in this family. The parents probably only came on Dr. Phil hoping to get her on television, as they now mention switching to acting. Skip the 200 mile trips and go on a family vacation for all the kids. "Stage Parents"  are harmful to their kids . Let her be a kid and not burn out before she's 16.  or even 12. Get some family counselling. It can't hurt.
 
November 16, 2005, 7:20 am CST

This show hurt some Pageant Girls

My daughter attends some pageants, she's 12.  Sometimes I am ALMOST Embarrassed to tell people this because Pageant Girls for the most part, are stereotyped to be like the girls and Mom's on today's show.  THIS IS NOT HOW MOST PAGEANT Kids are at all!!!!!!  (or Moms) 

Pageants, I feel, Are a GOOD Thing, a Wonderful Opportunity for College scholarships and Fun for the girls, who meet tons of new friends!  Most Pageant instill good values and encourage good Role models for there competions.  And MOST tell you right out, "it's not always the Prettiest Girls who wins, but the one who has the best Personality, so its not about Beauty either!   

As far as the mom's, its a good thing for them too!  In today's world, alot of children are being raised in broken homes, or from parents of broken homes, who don't always know how to raise their children properly or should I say how to instill a good value system.  I can tell you as one of those parents raised in Foster care that a few pageants have helped me to realize what Good Values for girls are!   

I Never thought of my daughter as a trophy kid, or that I am living thru my child,  Only that we are enjoying good quality time together, meeting new people, traveling and Just having fun. IM MAKING MEMORIES for her!  That's what I want people to think of when they think of Pageants.  It's a GOOD THING!!!! 

 
November 16, 2005, 7:25 am CST

11/16 "My Kid's a Star"

Quote From: lavinia

I wholeheartedly approve of parents supporting their childs dreams and ambitions. However this pagaent circus is unnatural behaviour for young children. In fact like Dr Phil I find it quite worrying from a protective viewpoint. I think it sends out the wrong message to promote a little girl like a made-up woman. I hope this family reconsiders this activity for their daughters. There will be plenty of time to showcase their womanly beauty at a more appropriate age later on. I suspect the mother in this case hasnt fully appreciated all the implications of this activity but merely the showing off and winning element! 

  

If I were Karas parents I would thank God for her talent and for her Grandmother. If Kara truly has a singing talent then they should invest time and money in professional coaches always allowing this little girl time be exactly that ,a little girl! Negative critiques by her mother are eventually going to tarnish their relationship and are best left to professionals anyway. Good luck Kara! 

Did you know that MOST pageants, DON'T allow Makeup on young girls. Your Dress and makeup must be AGE APPROPRIATE or you will lose points from the judges. 
 
November 16, 2005, 7:34 am CST

Why go on the show?

Let me state that this is just my opinion. Attack it all you like. 

  

Why did these people go on the Dr. Phil show? From what I saw and have read here, they are convinced that what they're doing is right and nothing he said seemed to make any difference to them. Even the advice of the Simpson girls' father seemed to fall on deaf ears. 

  

Was this just a way to give their kids some free publicity? Looks that way to me.  

  

  

 
November 16, 2005, 7:40 am CST

Parents Need to Chill

Wow!  I can't believe that these parents force these kids to have so much responsibility and adult behaviors.  For the pageant mom all I can say is she needs a clue.  Her daughter is going to be exposed to so many bad men and people who look for these kind of girls.  For goodness sake she is only 5!  Now I don't think pageants in themselves are wrong however, the way this little girl is being paraded around is wrong.  How is she going to socialize with normal girls?  How is she going to have a proper and healthy veiw of herself?  And how dare her mom call the other daughter fat when she herself is overweight, this is so not fair.  Perhapes mom is living out her dreams through her daughter.  All I know is I feel sorry for this little girl who is going to end up not having a clue about the real world when she gets older. 

  

Now as for Kara's mom, man I don't know.  Every weekend?  Does this kid know how to be a kid?  I think a certain level of performing is good.  I did various things with singing when I was a kid.  I also was in honour Chior in highschool and have played an instrument for years.  I can say I have been in music since I was 6.  However, there is a balence to everything.  Sure I wanted to be famous, but my mom did not let me focus on that.  She taught me to enjoy my music and enjoy being a kid.  Do I still love music and all it entails? Sure I do, has my mind changed about being professional? sure.  Does that mean I am any less talented?  No it doesn't.  Further it bothers me that someone who has had no musical training is trying to critique her child.  This is wrong, you could be doing more harm than good.  Do you know how to sight read music?  Do you know the difference between alto, soprano, and the other parts?  Do you know the difference between sharp and natural notes?  Do you know about pitch and sound, half notes, whole notes, and quarter notes?  All these are important and then some, singing is more than just the voice and if your daughter is not being taught all these things and thensome, then it will hurt her career.  She should spend more time learning about music and how it all works then performing.  It will help her later on.   

  

Any ways that is just a few thoughts from someone who has been in music for years.  I hope your daughter is truely happy, but she needs more balence.  And I would suggest you get someone who knows something about music to be critiquing her if it is that important to you.   

 
November 16, 2005, 7:49 am CST

my defense

Quote From: carlise

While I applaud and in some cases agree with what you are saying in regards to your daughter, the problem that I have is that you are NOT mom when you are involved in her singing and critiquing her perfomance.  At this age, she needs MOM and DAD, not you (or your husband) being her manager.  While I applaud you for taking an interest in your daughter's wishes, if you insist that she loves it and you are going to keep moving her forward in her training, then I think you should take Mr. Simpson's advice and help her to have FUN.  Your criticism is larger than you may think when it comes to her.  You are the same sex parent.  The criticism she may receive from a manager or voice coach will not be taken in the same light as it is from you.  Punishment can never be a good thing when you are punishing her for her hobby.  How can this be helping her?  When my son has problems with his jump shot or track time, I let THE COACH handle that.  He makes him do the extra laps or practice the jump shots, it is not me out there punishing him for missing the game winning shot.  I am the one saying, " Maybe you should work on your form.  Here let me show you.  Let's go out back and have some one on one"  I do not say, "You missed the easy lay up, now after dinner, no dessert, go out and shoot fifty hoops until you make each one".  That is not encouragement.  Again, I understand the interest that you are having and I understand indulging your children in their interests, but remember that you are MOM first.  Unless you have had some in depth training that we aren't privy too, I can't see where you became the utmost authority on her or her perfomance and stage presence.  Oh and by the way, shame on you and critcizing your mother-in-law about her relationship with the children.  Grandma is NOT the disciplinarian, unless they are cursing or playing with matches.  She is the place where the kids can do NO wrong, and that's the way it should be.  Punishment from her is the WORST thing I have ever heard of.  Shame on you for that.  IN grandma's eyes, the kids can do no wrong, and she is not feeding them false praise.  I am sure that you have enough criticism to cover the both of you.
First of all you only see part of the whole picture.  Yes, a grandmother place is to be just that grandmotherly, but you do not know Kara's MeMaw.  She needs to be the disciplinarian when my children stay at her house.  You mention playing with matches or cursing ,well let me inform you that it gets more out of hand than that at her house.  I will not go into detail because I understand you don't know all the facts, but let me assure you that the tension on our trips is not because of Kara's performance or my attempts to correct Kara, it is mainly because of Memaw way overstepping her boundries.  And most of the yelling that occurs on the trip is between Memaw and PaPa, not me and Kara.  I am Kara's biggest supporter and her biggest Fan, but MOST of all I am her MOTHER and it is my responsibility to ensure she has a great childhood and I take that very very seriously.  You're only seeing part of the big picture.  Once again, check out Kara's website and look at the picture page and then let me know if you think she looks truly miserable.  Believe me, my  instruction has not hurt this happy child in the least.
 
November 16, 2005, 7:54 am CST

Unbelievable

I can't believe these parents.  Absolutely insane and in denial of how what they're doing is impacting their children.  Parents like that make me think that there should be a license to be a parent.  These parents make me angry.  The father and mother of the singer totally missed the point.  The mother of the other girls is so obviously in denial it's pathetic.   

  

None of these parents get the point.  None of them listened to what Dr. Phil had to say.  They're going to go on doing what they're doing.  I don't know why they even bothered to come on tv.  Seems to me *they* wanted their moment in the spotlight.  "Hey look!  We're on tv."    They're only interested in themselves and I think the term "trophy kid" describes what these parents want perfectly.   

 
November 16, 2005, 7:57 am CST

stage parents

  michael jacksons parents pushed him as a kid, robbing him of a childhood, and now he is like a child stuck in a mans body. hobbies are suppose to be FUN. whats fun about getting yelled at, punished, and criticized???   if these girls are being shuffeled around from activity to activity, why not let them do one thing at a time?  when i was a kid, we were very poor. i had to find ways to entertain myself, making me more creative using my imagination. kids who do too many things dont learn how to entertain themselves, and thats what being a kid is all about 

 
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