Topic : 06/01 "My Kid's a Star"

Superficial?   Ladies get a grip, what you are doing with your children?  You are teaching them to 'act', 'lie', and pretty much be a fake!!  Maybe you should listen to a man who is very objective, and from what I could see he was being too diplomatic.  Do something with that money that is more productive, or contributing.   There are hundreds of people who would love to see your girls in a pair of sweats, without makeup, visiting at a hospital, or doing Meals-on-wheels.   What sort of 'resume' skills are you teaching them?? 

  I think that's about it -- more exposure for the daughter.  The thing that disturbed me the most is that this girl must think her parents only love her for her singing talent. She may be right. If they really love their daughter, they didn't do much to show it. They focus only on her performances and don't speak to her when she doesn't do as well as they want?  They punish her if they think she hasn't sung well enough? They're just looking to use her to make $ for themselves.  I wish Dr. Phil had a chance to ask the girl directly how she feels about this. I suspect the parents wouldn't have allowed it. They aren't interested in advice. I feel parenting decisions shouldn't be second guessed or micro-managed in general, but what these parents are doing to this little girl borders on emotional abuse.    

   

   

 I gotta agree with what Dr. Phil said about telling her how good she did when she comes off stage. And saving the critisizing for later...My daughter plays basketball and when she comes of the court I tell her what all she did well and that it was a great game. Later I discuss what she might do diffrently...But never, never do I punish her for playing badly...It is all in fun...and missing out on birthday partys and hanging with friends shouldn't  be punishment for a bad performance. Did you see your daughters face in the video tape on Dr Phil when you was critisizing her.?...It was heartbreaking...she didn't get to even enjoy her spotlight on stage for the night....she was putting her head over into her grandmothers arm and holding her hand because she knows no matter what, in her grandmas eyes she is a star ...And it is a shame that she doesn't get that from you... And the traveling 200 miles for a performance?  she may like to perform...but you also need to see that this child needs down time...whether she thinks she does or not... Lets not forget who rules the roost here...Just because you cut back on few performances doesn't mean you aren't supporting her...it means that you are also looking out for her and that you aren't willing to let her burn out on a wonderful dream...buy booking soooo many weekends for her...you are heading for serious burn out and some serious emotional scars from all the critisizing, .. 

   Your a smart woman....you heard how the audience reacted to you on stage  and how everyone on this messege board is reacting to the show, ( and believe me...all these people have different opinions on other issues) but on this perticular show...they are all agreeing with Dr. Phil on the advice he give you...will it really hurt to take it and make some changes ....I know you will have a happier little girl in the long run?.... 

. . .in more ways than one.  She needs to be able to be nine.  That is not up for debate. However, please let her 'get' a voice.  Her singing voice isn't there, it is only developing, and right now, she really can't sing.  Sure she has been pushed into a 'personality' but her voice was less than impressive, she has to develop her own style, and not just parrot others.    

   

& Mom.  get a real theatrical coach, you are surely not qualified.   Constructive criticism from Dr. Phil should have told you that there is something that needs looked at & changed for your daughter.  Phil didn't have you on there to show off her voice, he would have let her sing. (There's a clue!!)  

I am embarrassed to be in the same human race with you guys.  Open your ears, and realize that Dr. Phil is talking on behalf of your daughters. (Like Dr. Phil would say " YOU'RE ON THE DR. PHIL SHOW.!!" There's a clue.)  

When you started making comments here at the Phil Posts, the "Cat Fight Element" started showing up, the flavor of 'posts' on the Bash Boards at the Pageant sites.  Ladies leave the cat scratching somewhere else, and be aware that your daughters will be reading those posts (When they are old enough to read), and they'll realize that you guys are not in their best interest, you are only on YOUR side.   

Kids first, abuse isn't always from bruising, it can come in the form of overindulgence or neglect, and that can be worse.  Wake up, take off the make up, and put on your 'listening ears' !!! 

  

ps.Just a tiny note, If I can grab this photo off the internet, and use it, can you imagine what pedophiles & perverts can do?   What are you thinking?

 

 

I have a hard time believing that this was not just about publicity.  The parents of Kara did not even have a small open mind to what Dr. Phil was saying.  And...if you check out Kara's website, her bio brags that she was featured on the Dr. Phil Show.  HUH????  I'm sorry - I thought the show was to encourage those parents to give her the childhood that every kid needs.  Her mom punishes and criticizes her performance???  One time I was singing in a play and FORGOT half of the words to my song and what did my mom say???  "I was so proud of you honey, you did great!"  Now, I knew that it was not even close to my best performance but I had confidence that my mom loved me and stood behind me whether or not I was that perfect trophey child all the time!

It is sad to say that there are those who do not wish to allow the child to be just that - a child doing all the things that children do and we did when we were a child. I agree with Dr. Phil that in the event you notice that the child is not comfortable with being a "star image"  then you need to step back and reach inside their thoughts about it and let it go or wait until they feel more comfortable with the "glammer".  There were things that I really wanted to do as a child that was totally out of the question because I was told that it would not be fair to my older sister not to first.  I always dreamed of becoming a dancer (my grandmother was on broadway) but it was not possible for me to yearn for it.  I wanted to learn to play an instrument and my cousin taught me "Hang Down Your Head Tom Dooley" in a matter of hours on his guitar.  I did not get the guitar for Xmas - my sister did.  So what is the point of this post???  Just this---if it is something the child yearns for do all you can to support and incourage that child to persue that dream - it is their dream and not the parents dream that will last a lifetime with them.  And it will be their heartache and not the parents when they are told that they can not pesue it.  Take time to listen to children, they are very intelligant people and in tune with their needs and dreams.  We can learn so much from them.  Are we missing the point of Dr. Phil is trying to make?  Remeber the old saying "You will never know unless you try"......  allow that to happen if they want to try for themselves as a part of their identity and it does need to be their identity not the parents.  Thanks for reading...

first of all.....what the HELL are you thinking? being mad at grandma for telling your daughter she did a good job?! Are you retarded?? did u ever wonder that your daughter asks what she did wrong because she ASSUMES to did something wrong? what is wrong with you? she's 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i've done theater for 13 years and have been in a number of musicals. even if i screwed up something, my mother was always there to reassure me that i still did a great job! you're a sorry excuse for a mother.  

  

i have no problem with you allowing these opportunities for your daughter to prepare her. the problem i have is that you punish her IN YOUR OWN WORDS (so don't play the victim of "oh is making sure she is practiced PUNISHMENT?" to roughly quote an old post of yours). To ground her for not holding her mic right, to take away privileges and even keep her from visiting GRANDMA?! you're a sick woman! how about instead of punishment for something small she did wrong, you congratulate her for things she did right?! 

  

there will come a time when she realizes her childhood is gone. she's 9 now so she hasn't developed the gift of foresight. but trust me....the time will come when she says....where did my childhood go? wait til she gets interested in boys. 

  

the truth is, yes she has a cute voice...but she's 9. once puberty hits, that may change. keeping a note is one thing but if shows like American Idol or, in your case, Nashville Star, have taught us anything, it's that critics and the music corporation are tough as nails. the odds of her making it in, even with her voice now, is a shot in the dark. No amount of stage presence/correct mic-holding/dancing on stage will make her a sure-fire shot. If she isn't "marketable" she won't make it. Period.  

  

Give it a rest with the punishment, please? no child deserves to have her mother...her one constant cheerleader...making her cry because of everything she sucked at on stage. 

I have the most beautiful girls around. They are in their home right now playing dress up, I think I will keep them all to myself and enjoy their company............. My children will definetly make it in this world, for not only do they have choices but they are encouraged and given compliments on a regular basis and when they are ready to step out and try something new, the time will come and they will help decide what their future will be like, no agenda here, just to raise up two kind hearted, loving , caring, productive girls into becoming the great adults that they are meant to be...........And as faras hollywood, why in the world would any one want to use those people as role models, yes, even those who grew up ont he screen, not oo many good role models out there, they might be raking in the bucks but for the most part, are they really happy! I doubt it, Britney Spears, the Olsen twins, the Hilton sisters, as well as others, look at the divorce rate out there in holly wood, these people might be breinging in the bucks but they have absolutely no idea how to maintain a relationship? Well, I could go on and on but really, there isn't no sense in that for all any one has to do is turn on the tv and they will see what hollywood really is about............role models for my children come straight from THEIR real lives and believe me they have plenty good ones...............I think goals and activities are wonderful and children need to learn to have them and to enjoy their lives, they need encouragement and compliments and uplifted and they need to know and feel acceptance even when they fail cause it WILL happen. It is my job and opportunity and privelege to care for my kids and to teach and to guide them into being good productive caring adults and to lead and direct their paths in helping them to make the right decissions for their lives, no way will I criticize them for doing their best and no way would I expect them to follow my dreams but to follow their own and I am here to help them with that and in the mean time of growing up, I have absolutely no desire to give them to the world to judge them and to put them down, make them feel like failures casue they are far from failures, tehy are worthy of love and respect and at the same time they are worthy to be treated as children and I have the privelege of enjoying my children for who they are and I have the feeling that when they get old enough tog et out there on their own, they are gonna have a good foundation....................Having goals for our children is one thing but to allow OUR dreams to rule them is right out wrong and for those who are pushin their children to fullfil dreams of the parents, I say get a grip and get a life and teach your chidlren to dream and to follow those dreams, help them be successful with what they want, even if it isn't what you the parent had in mind.....ok, I am off to enjoy my children, they want to play games so that is what we are gonna do.