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Topic : 06/01 "My Kid's a Star"

Number of Replies: 521
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Created on : Friday, November 11, 2005, 05:29:55 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/16/05) Every parent believes his or her child is exceptional, but how do you know when you are pushing your children beyond their limits? Bridget is so determined to make her 9-year-old daughter the next LeAnn Rimes, she has had her singing every weekend for the last seven months, and she is constantly criticizing her performances and punishing her when she makes mistakes. The father of the biggest sister act in pop music weighs in. And, Julie is so obsessed with placing her daughters in hundreds of glitz beauty pageants, she has practically bankrupted her family. Her sister, Jamie, says she is forcing her 5-year-old to grow up too soon, and the pageants have torn their family apart. Talk about the show here.

 

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November 16, 2005, 8:06 am CST

It's my opinion

I sat and watched this show amazed that none of these parents could hear themselves.  These are CHILDREN.  Life is a growing experience.  When we learn to walk we fall - that is how we learn.  If your child truly wants to perform, fine, but the bottom line is they are children and frankly you would not let them make other life decisions at age nine...  As a little girl I wanted to be a million different things including a singer, a dancer, and a movie star.  That is part of being a little girl.  Thank God my parents provided love, support and guidance...  Hopefully you will hear that word - GUIDANCE.  You are the parents, be exactly that - if and when their career takes off become their manager if you must, but the truth of the matter is, how are you going to handle it when your little girl's heart is broken and you are the last person she wants! 
 
November 16, 2005, 8:07 am CST

re: My kid

 
November 16, 2005, 8:11 am CST

Doesn't it scare you?

I have not yet seen this show and due to a scheduling conflict probably will only see a portion of it.  I have seen enough from the trailers and reading the web site to see these parents are very far out of bounds here. 

  

I also have a 9 year old daughter who wants to be a star.  She has said this from the time she was 2.  "I want to be a singer, dancer, movie star girl", those were her words from a very young age. She does have a gift of a beautiful voice.  She has voice lessons, is in the choir at school, as well as the the childrens choir at church.  She is talented and I know she does have the voice to make it, but that does mean that she has the emotional or mental capacity to persue it at this point in her life.  For now I will keep her involved in things that normal 9 yr olds do.  I will allow her to work on her voice and performance and when she is old enough to see the big picture and understand the things you must give up in order to follow that dream it will then be her decision as to wheter or not we persue that avenue. 

  

It is a dog eat dog world out there.  I am very fearful of the life she would have if we ventured into it at this stage of her life.  In my heart I really do think she can make it, I encourage her and I pray for her daily to become the person God wants her to be.  Not some pipe dream I have for her.  I feel she will be a star, my hope is that she goes for a career in Christian music and she is used by the Lord to fulfill His purpose, not the purpose of the music producers or the companies that only care about selling records and making a quick buck by exploiting young girls.   

  

Have you people looked around at the messed lives of child stars?  I can honestly say, If I were to propose to my child right now to pursue this she would love it and she would choose to do it, but as her mother and the one responsible for her well being, it would be a poor choice on my part.  Yeah she could probably make it big in afew years when she hits her teens and earn lots of money, but at what cost to her?  At what cost to her livelyhood, and her emotional well being?  And what is I sent all that energy and she didn't make it, what would that do to her?   

  

These children are not old enough to make their own decisions about what is best for them.  You can sit back and say "But how do I explain that to them now", Fact of the matter is this:  If they are too young to understand the reasoning of why not, then they cannot understand the risks involved in the first place.  Why?  Because they are children and they think like children and they act like children.....because they are children. 

  

Stop living your life through your kids and find out who you are, if you give them time and unconditional love they will find themselves as well...when it is time!!!! 

  

      

   

 
November 16, 2005, 8:18 am CST

Confused

Quote From: marajomi

Are you for real ?  I dont know about you ,but I punish my children for not brushing their teeth because if they dont their teeth would rot out of their head and I wouldnt want them in physical pain. I would never punish any one of them for not performing at their best. If it really is her idea and her love and you seriously think at 9 she is able to make her own decisions on something like this, then she is certianly old enough to make her own mistakes. She doesnt need your dicipline, that is if she is able to make her own mind up of coarse. If your daghter really is this good and Im sure she is - then slow down she will make it in due time if it meant to be.  

If these parents didn't want Dr. Phil's advise why were they on his program? Most of us know the direction his common sense advise will go if you are a viewer. If you do not respect his opinion and have no interest in hearing another viewpoint why make the trip and put your family in such a position. Was it just another way to have their children seen by the world?
 
November 16, 2005, 8:20 am CST

We agree

Quote From: atlswan

Let me state that this is just my opinion. Attack it all you like. 

  

Why did these people go on the Dr. Phil show? From what I saw and have read here, they are convinced that what they're doing is right and nothing he said seemed to make any difference to them. Even the advice of the Simpson girls' father seemed to fall on deaf ears. 

  

Was this just a way to give their kids some free publicity? Looks that way to me.  

  

  

DITTO
 
November 16, 2005, 8:21 am CST

11/16 "My Kid's a Star"

JULIE has a dream! I don't buy her thinking here, she is putting her family in debt and putting her other child down for not meeting up to HER expectations, she better stop her immaturity and sstart stepping up to the plate for her WHOLE family, or she is gonna lost them and her little princess is gonna fail becasue of false hopes and the reality that she may not be voted most beautiful, Julie is setting her daughter up for a lot of disappointment, beauty isn't about make up, and expensive clothes and hair do's, it has to do with the inner self, attitude and a good sense of confidence, I think little Emily has absolutely no clue what pageants are all about, it certainly is a dream and a goal to be Miss America but unfortuanetly it is the dream of a mother, let the child play and be her self and decide on her own what her life team dreams are and if iit is to be Miss America, then let her make the gola herself and to do it the right way as she was advised to do. If this mother keeps it up, she is going to lose everything that is imporant, the most imporant, being her family but of course the only one she really cares about is herself and her dreams that she is living through her daughter with, Julie, get a grip on life and do something to help your family.............
 
November 16, 2005, 8:32 am CST

been there

The damage that these parents are doing to their children is enormous.  Especially with the 9 yr. old, if you look at the expressions on her face after the shows, DOES SHE LOOK LIKE SHE'S HAVING FUN?   I came from a background where my Mother was critical and never satisfied with what I did.  Therefore, I can tell you that the damage is far reaching into the future.  I spent years thinking that I was a bad person because I didn't look a certain way and was not perfect.  I am  40 yrs. old and there are times, even now, that I have to work hard to get my Mother's critical voice out of my head!!!   Also, the criticism (and approval) can get equated, in a child's mind, with love.  I remember thinking that my Mom hated me when I messed up and loved me when I did well. 

  

Now that I am a parent, I make sure to encourage my son every step of the way.  I think it's important for him to learn that mistakes and failures are a part of life.  He's only going to be little once in our lives.  I'd hate to waste it criticizing how he does insignificant things. 

 
November 16, 2005, 8:40 am CST

You've got to be kidding

Quote From: zapatasred

I think Kara is a little young to be punished for a bad performance. How could a kid at 9 even be critiqued like that, except by a qualified singing teacher? That is just sick. Excuse me, but it is. Let her sing in church, community theater, and move to a bigger town if you don't like it where you are. The Grandma is the only sane one in this family. The parents probably only came on Dr. Phil hoping to get her on television, as they now mention switching to acting. Skip the 200 mile trips and go on a family vacation for all the kids. "Stage Parents"  are harmful to their kids . Let her be a kid and not burn out before she's 16.  or even 12. Get some family counselling. It can't hurt.
Who said anything about not liking where we live?  We actually came on the show because of my mother-in-law  and my disagreements, not about Kara's schedule or performances.  We do go on family vacations and Kara does have a professional vocal instructor and she also takes guitar lessons because she wanted to learn to play.  She does get to be a kid.  once again I think you guys only see part of the whole picture.  I am NOT a bad mother.  And as far as counseling goes, WE WILL PASS ON THAT!!!!
 
November 16, 2005, 8:45 am CST

TO KARAS MOM

I am worried about Kara's well being.  You stated that you support her  and if at any time she wanted to stop singing you would support her and in the same breath you stated that you will not let your children become quiters. That if they start something they must finish it.  So you are waiting for the day she is a "star" and making the money that you think she can if she succeeds. Is this worth your daughter possibly holding this against you in the future for not letting her HAVE FUN and pursue her other dreams?    Children will start and end MANY activities in their lifetimes , some they will follow through with and continue into adulthood (sports, singing , dancing etc) but lifes experiences come from pursuing their dreams (all of them) and learning from their mistakes and failures and successes.  They must understand that no one is perfect and not everyone succeeds in everything they set out to do.  You need to let her decide .   AND Dr Phil was trying to tell you to take it easy on her.........TIMING IS EVERYTHING..........praise her when she has a smile on her face after performing ( or whatever she is smiling about doing) and let her know that she did a good job , whether or not it was "perfect" for  yours or anyone elses standards, she had fun, obviously enjoyed herself (she's smiling) and let it go for a time THEN when the excitement of it all has calmed down, like when she is getting ready to practice for another show, tell her in a non criticising way, "there are some things we need to work on..........."  and she will listen to your criticisms at that time and still feel good about herself.  Isnt that what its all about, helping  your child grow up with a sense of accomplishment and selfworth.   AND DAD  if she asks about what she can improve on or what she did wrong, let her know that she did a good job and you are proud of her and that during the next practice session you will work with her on a few things.  Think about what you would want to hear from someone, Im not saying sugar coat it but be gentle in delivering criticism. IT can scar a person for life and affect them for the rest of their lives and their childrens etc etc etc .
 
November 16, 2005, 8:45 am CST

Been There/Done That

I wish I could have been on today's show.  I raised one child who actually did make it in the profession of her choice.  She is now a principal dancer in a wonderful (my choice of word for the company) ballet company here in North Carolina.  When she was young - as in elementary through junior high school, my husband and I encouraged her to be herself each and every day.  Once she started taking ballet lessons we put no artificial expectations on her achievement.  We were also careful in choosing a school that insisted on a healthy life for the children while they were children.  She had sleep overs, parties and Saturdays watching cartoons, Trick or Treating and all the rest.  Now she brings her past to the stage and is a growing artist in her own right.  All parents have a right to believe their child is gifted and talented.  They are.  The difference is keeping a grip on reality and knowing that it takes the child time to grow up and choose their life.  They truly do live what they learn in the young impressionable years.  So lighten up, Moms and Dads.  The world of the arts is tough and competitive.  It is better for the reality of "the life" to come to your child when they are adults, with a solid past behind them and the education to be able to handle the "game."  And a special note to the parents of the singer.  My mother was a professional singer and we were friends with opera singers.  A person's vocal cords are not developed enough to take the strain of professional coaching until age 13 or older.  Forcing vocalizing at a young age can actually damage these vocal cords and destroy what you are helping and hoping to achieve. 
 
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