Topic : 06/01 "My Kid's a Star"

Why can't people just let their children be children and let them decide what they want to do with their lives instead of FORCING them into something that they may not even want to do for life? My children are four and two and no way will I ever force them into being something that I think they should do, they have the right to develop into the person that God has planned for them and they have the right to choose their lives paths. Yes, I encourage my kids to be and to do what they like. My oldest is into dancing and she says she wants to be an artist, I plan on getting her into some classes to help her develop this interest more but in the end, she may not want to do this, the child is only four years old and if she decides that it isn't what SHE wants then so be it, at least she will have had fun learning and attending the groups as she is a very social little girl. Let these kids grow up and enjoy their childhoods, money isn't everything people! and I have a feeling this is what a lot of these parents are after, money and maybe even unfullfilled dreams that they have had and they want to live through their kids, I wonder if this might be a reason why so many child stars grow up and be miserable, they have money and fame, but most of them end up unhappy, they develop eating disorders and enter multiple relationships, cause they don't know how to maintain a good relationship. And to punsih a child for making a mistake in her performance, GET OVER IT parents! children are not perfect and they need to be aloud to mess up, if you teach these kids that it is a bad thing to make mistakes, then they will get over whelmed and think they are failures at some point! Keep it up long enough and you will see.

It seems unfair for you to say back off to this person. I don't really think they're attacking your friend. It was a general comment. There are SOME children who are absolutely miserable doing what their parents push them to do, and I do know that firsthand. I was a competitive tap dancer for 18 years, and I am a dance teacher now, and some of my kids (I call my students my kids :-) ) will actually come up to me and tell me that they like to dance, but don't want to do it competitively, but they can't tell their parents that because the parents would have a fit. Competitive dancing is really tough on kids, and even tougher if your heart isn't in it. Parents will be angry at me for not putting their little "Star" in the solo role or for not putting them in the front row, even if the child really shouldn't be there. The parents could care less if the kid actually likes to dance, or is even good, they just want their child to be the star of the show, and that is unfair. My youngest competitors are 7 years old, and there is one girl who literally comes to me crying every day the week before a competition and tells me how much she wants to play soccer, but her mom won't let her. Her mother was a dancer as well, and wants her daughter to do the same thing, and be better than she was. Her mother didn't get to compete very much and is openly bitter about that fact. I always tell her to let her mom know that she likes to dance, but doesn't want to do it 5 days a week, and would like to play soccer with her friends. She tells me that her mother absolutely won't allow that because "Mom knows best". It's really a shame to watch, and it breaks my heart. I wanted to dance, and my mom told me that whenever I wanted to stop, I could. It turns out that I love tap dancing, so I pushed myself. My mother always supported me, never pushed me. There is a difference between supporting your child's dreams, and pushing your own.

Children should not be punished for making mistakes in a hobby/activity such as dance, sports and things that are basically for entertainment purposes. That is wrong and cruel .now, I am not against discipline when it comes to wrong/bad choices and when it comes to participating in sports or whatever but if it is something that a child dreads and something that parents are FORCING their kids to do then that is plain wrong! Supporting and encouraging a child in something that they WANT and have a DESIRE to do is one thing, but to MAKE them do something that they don't really care about or want to do is selfish and not thinking about the child's best interest. Now, as far as my posts go, it has absolutely nothing to do with the particular kids on the show as the show has not aired yet, BUT I will respond and goive my opinions on the matter regardless of what others think and believe so get used to it, I post all over this these boards and I am not about to back off of responding or giving my opinions. As far as the little girl that you are talking about, I do hope and pray that it is HER wanting to go this route and it is for her benefit, not for the parents benefit. LEt's face it, whether you want to admit it or not, there are parents out there who control their children and force them in to doing something. just becasue a child is good at something doesn't mean they have to pursue it as a career and they should have the right to decide on their own. As I said before, my children have their interests and strong points which is something that we encourage but once they say they are not interested, then that is what it shall be, I refuse to FORCE my children into do something that they don't want to do.My daughters are four and two and they are still young and I will encourage them to be all they want to do and at the same time, they will not be ridiculed for something they don't want to do, not when it comes to sports and extra curriculum. They may be little people, but they certainly have minds of their own and when aloud to express them selves and talk about their dreams and able to go their own pace then they will succeed and be happy in the end, so many children are not happy. I remember when I was in 5th grade and I wanted to help in the lunch room as an assistent after lunch, well, I did it and had fun with it plus I got free lunches. Well, when the next semester came, I wanted to do something else but I was not aloud to, and I dreaded it. It was fun to begin with and I did my time but there was other things that I wanted to explore that following semester. To me that was bad parenting becasue I was forced into something that I did not want to do. Yes, at first, i did, and I signed the little contract for that first part of the year and when it was presented the second part of the year, I was forced to sign it, why? FREE LUNCHES and we had the money to pay for them but all the other kids in my home got to pack their lunches. it was not for any other reason but the parents wanting it. I feel that children have the right to develop their own interests and goals and when they discover something is not for them, then parents need to back off and accept that their little ones are growing and it is ok for them to explore nad discover them selves and parents need to be there to encourage and teach discipline but not punish over a mistake in a field. Any good parent will be able to see whether or not their kids are really interested or enjoying something and they will listen to their kids and allow their kids to be their own person, kids go through phases in life whne they talk about what they want to be when they grow up and it is usually severl different things because their interests and knowledge grows and int he process of exploring and trying different things, they then have the opportunity to figure out what works and doesn't work for them and this is what my children will be doing. Now, when they decide on something, they will be taught to keep a committment but once that committment has expired (such as mine at the end of the semester) then they will have more options. I had a friend who wanted to be on the drill team in the 10th grade, she made the team but discovered that she didn't like it, she finished out the school year but was encouraged by her parents to try something else that she might think she likes. Well, she did find that something eventually and she certainly has not failed in life. my point is to love and encourage our kids to be all that they desire to be and to be there for them and allow them to discover who they are and what they want to do in life, communication is a big key here and giving children choices definetly has it's advantages. I want my children to enjoy their childhoods and at the same time develop into the beings that they were meant to be, and I am not goingt o force my kids into something just becasue it is MY desire, not neccessarily theirs.

 I feel that hobbies and activities should be fun for Kids.  I do not feel that Kids should be punnished if they have a bad performance.  If your Kid doesn't seem to be performing at his/her best, than you should ask them if they really want to continue.  Kids should choose their own activities and they should be able to quit and persue other ones at any time. 

Oh... And I think that 4 Years Old is a bit young for a Little Girl to be in Beauty Pagents.  That Little Girl looked like a Barbie Doll.  Let Kids be Kids.

I, myself, have been competeing in pageants since the age of 7 years old and am now over 30 years old and still enjoy the hobby with my daughter.  I want to say from my own personal experience that pageants are not a bad hobby, however, just as in any hobby (dance, sports, etc.) it is all in how you approach them.  You, ofcourse, have to keep with the times in the level of pageantry that you choose to compete and it can be very expensive but there are several levels and you can compete in the level that fits your budget.  I believe that you should teach your contestant (in any hobby) that they are to win gracefully and loose like a queen.  I would never punish my daughter for not preforming how I believe she should have because we all have our good days and we all have our bad days...I know that personally.  I guess what I want to say is that I did pageants as a little girl with all the fancy clothes and make-up and I believe that I turned out just fine...to each their own, I say....if you enjoy pageants then have a great time doing them but if you don't then they are not for you.  My daughter and I don't like playing sports but we are not going to bash the families that love them.

I am Kara's mother.  I appreciate all the concern you guys have expressed but let me assure you everything you see is not always how it truly is.  My daughter is an extremely talented kid.  She plays soccer and softball and sings almost every weekend at venues across the states of Tx. and OK.  She is in the 4th grade and maintains straight A's.  Her father and I noticed at an early age that she had an interest in singing and also dancing.  We enrolled her in dance lessons but she soon realized that she liked to sing the songs rather than dance to them.  We then enrolled her in voice lessons.  She was a natural and she loved it.  Now 2 years later at 9 years old her goal is to be the next Leann Rimes.  We did not push her into this decision.  She pushed us.  Every weekend she is ready to go .  She loves to meet new people and to see the friends she has made.  The punishment part comes down to this.  It is just like practicing for a basketball game.  You would not let your child play in a game that he or she was not prepared for.  Kara has to practice.  Sometimes she doesn't want to but she has to.  It's like making your kids brush their teeth. your kid doesn't want to brush their teeth but you make them.  Punishment??  We realize that she is just 9 years old, but this is her decision not ours.  Their are times when our family does not want to travel 200 miles for a show but because she loves it and and we believe you have to back up your kids and help them live their dreams, we load up and go.  Is this PUNISHMENT?  We have 2 other children and we would do the same for them.  We just want to see our kids  do what makes them happy.  Yes i agree their are some parents that live through their kids and their are some that go to extremes where some people are concerned but We are not those Parents.  At any time, if my daughter decides she does not want to sing we will support her decision, but we do encourage our kids to finish what they start and not to be quitters when the going gets tough.  And as far as critisism goes, we do not put her down we give her constructed advise because she asks us for it. Check out karahawkins.com and see for yourself!!

I couldnt agree more!!! Parents should not be forcing activities on their kids if they dont want to do them! I think its absolutely crazy that some parents get all worked up if their child has a bad performance & then punishes or yells at them for it! What is the whole point of that anyway??? People need to realize that they might NOT always win and that thats OK!  I believe parents need to teach THEMSELVES, then their children how to be GRACEFUL losers or they're going to end up being angry about something totally ridiculous!!! When its something like this, like choosing hobbies & activities, parents need to ask their kids what THEY (the kids) want to do and if its something they might be interested in. If they are NOT interested, then thats THEIR choice & the parents need to deal with that! That also goes with If their kid(s) ARE interested in doing something and they persue it, THEN down the road the kid decides they dont want to do it anymore....... the parents need to accept that & move on!! And some of these parents are putting all their time & MONEY into these activities, which ends up taking a HUGE toll on their marriage and/or family life! When things get so bad that their S/O wants out of the relationship and/or that its becoming hard to keep up with neccessary bills...... then its time to STOP & think about your priorities!!! Some parents do these types of things (forcing activities on kids) because they wanted to do them as a kid but wasnt allowed to or didnt have the chance to, so they end up trying to live out their dreams through their kids and that's WRONG! Kids need to decide for THEMSELVES what hobbies & activities they want to pursue!  

 

I also think that 4 years old is just a bit too young to be in beauty pagents! And forget about the little girl looking like a barbie doll...... and that is DEFINATELY WAY TOO CREEPY & DISTURBING! No child should be THAT done up with make-up, there's absolutely NO NEED for that! These parents should be ashamed of themselves!!! 

I am fourteen years old. And I know if my parents ever forced me to do something like that or punish mef ro a bad performance I would NOT like it AT ALL! That's just horrible, well, coming for a teens point of view. That's just not right! Do you know how much rpessure we're under already with school and homework and eveyrthing else???