Topic : 06/01 "My Kid's a Star"

You are so right - none of us really know what is going on in your family - between you, your husband and your daughter and your entire family.  However, what was observed on Dr. Phil's program on 11/16  "My Kid's a Star" segment - was a major disappointment to many.   Trust me... Your objective for being on the show was what exactly?  Really, why? 

And in your comments above - you are saying that your daughter is also a great actress stating thank you for the compliment? With tongue in cheek obviously.   And I quote:  "She is also the middle child that knows exactly how to get her way."   

Emphasizing that your daughter, as a middle child, also manages to manipulate everyone to get her way?  Why would you as her mother say that?  I see a child's manipulation being defined as "a way for a child to get 'what are her perceived needs' met."   Perceived Needs, not their actual needs. Only we as parents can best determine their real "needs", especially the needs of those at age 9. 

Implying that Kara's crying comes easily (by design?) due to the past 2 years of acting on stage in front of a live audience.   Are you serious?   Then saying you praise her for that talent.  Are you not talking out of 2 sides of your mouth?  

There are far more dynamics going on in this family than anyone had imagined (as with many families - really).  I sincerely hope you consider getting counceling, truly, from professionals who can offer solutions on how to better understand everything, now that you have opened up pandora's box.   

Hoping your family's focus and goals improve for a more meaningful and happier life.  Try to lighten up, relax and enjoy each other.  That is where professionals can help... 

These are not bad parents. They love their kids as much as any other parents do. None of us have all the answers. I think though that for Cara's mom who asked for Dr. phil's opinion she should also look closely at what he said. He did not say she should not do this. He said it should be fun. I would love to be able to do what she does. This is not something she sould have to get frustrated about. I think anyone who can get up in front of people and perform without throwing up did a wonderful job. There is such a thing as pushing kids too hard. I do not believe we were given enough information to make this decision, but the fact that she also play soccer, and softball and gets straight A's does not prove that she is not pushed to perform. I think that those things make it all worse. Does she spend any time not practicing a sport, or her music, or doing homework. I have a teenager who has recently started cheerleading at her school. She is also a straight A student, But between the cheerleading and the homework she is already severely limited in her free time. If we added one more thing I do not see how it would be possible for her to just "chill" ever.  

I just got done watching the show and I have to say this is the first of all Dr Phil's programs which has made me want to log on to this message board.  The parents (in both segments) totally missed the advise given to them today.  I personally think it is wonderful to help your children find something they are interested in and support them in it...but not at the expense of harming them in the meantime.  I have more of a problem with Kara's parents.  First I would like to say...every weekend for 7 months??...where is her childhood going??  She might enjoy singing but does it have to be like a job?  She is not old enough to make those decisions for herself and the parents are doing her a grave injustice by allowing it to happen.  I don't doubt Kara loves to sing but how long will she love it with both of them (especially her mother) criticizing her during and after her performances.  To see the look in lil' Kara's eyes when here mom was yelling at her and punishing her in the car...yeah, that looks like she enjoys it.  I wanted to reach through the TV and cover the mom's mouth and hug that little girl.  I am 35 years old and as a young girl I was involved in all sorts of sports (cheerleading, soccer, softball, track, golf, bowling...you name it).  I can still remember the events where I did not perform the way I wanted to but every time I walked to the car with my parents, with a smile of their faces, they both told me how proud they were of me and pointed out the best part of my game that particular day.  I knew there were things I could have done better but I felt like I was on top of the world to hear those things from them.  It was those words and that type of encouragement which made me prepare more for the next event.  Dr. Phil was absolutely right when he said the things that need "fixed" should not be addressed right after the event but rather after the emotion of the event has past.  How ignorant of the mother to continue to defend herself and flat out lie about things she had said during the interviews and then for the father to comment that he is not going to lie to his daughter. 

As Kara and her voice matures, she might very well be a great talent in the music industry but the way they are going about it, none of us will ever find out.  

I just finished watching the "My Kid's a Star" program.  I am still upset at how kind you and the audience were to these two sets of parents.  Clearly, they are not putting the children's feelings and emotions first.  The primary focus of both MOM's  were award trophy's and contracts. Neither were expert or trained coaches in their kids chosen fields. And what about the long term financial burden they are putting the entire family through.   College education?   Retirement?   I believe both Mom's are trying to fufill a hidden need and both need counseling.   I was really suprised the Dad in one case was suprisingly silent (who wears the pants in that family). 

I have two wonderful boys who enjoy many seasonal sports programs.   It it up to me as a parent to set limits and boundaries on how many sports/extra curricular activities they can become involved in.  I truly believe they must also enjoy every day life experiences which includes non-competitive time spent with friends.   I see some of my children's friends become so involved in wrestling that it has consumed their entire family life.   The once social and bubbly family have become distant (personally and because of travel) and they are not as happy as they once were.  My kids even comment on how they wish their friend could spend more time with us - but they are always gone to a tournament.      I would love to see a follow-up program on these two families in a year or two.   I hope both parents go home and discuss as a family what extremes they are putting their children through and limit their activities in the immediate future.