Topic : 06/01 "My Kid's a Star"

I understand the protective instinct of a friend, and it is a wonderful thing.  However, what if you're wrong.   

What if you are not aware of the whole picture.  Often we minimize the tantrums and dramas in front of others.   Maybe your friend is putting it all out there and is allowing her daughter to express all her feelings, both good and bad in front of you, her friend.  But what if you are wrong.  Has there ever been a time that you have any questions about this situation?  I doubt so many months later you'd still read this, but even if you do, please I don't need a response;  just think about it.  Can you say within yourself, that if this were to turn into a bad situation for this little girl, would you have the integrity and strength to be a real friend and say "stop, you've gone too far".  Yes, it is a risk to the friendship.  But it is the responsibility of EVERY ADULT  to put the needs of children first.  Yes, you are able to write in defense of your friend, but can you honestly say that you would speak the truth to your friend EVEN IF SHE NEVER SPOKE TO YOU AGAIN IN DEFENSE OF THIS CHILD.  Because now you are on record saying this little girl is happy and this is not a detriment to her developement, supporting your friend.  I hope to God you are correct.  But as an adult, how will you feel in 15 or 20 years if this little girl becomes a woman and tells you she was miserable, angry and it has scarred her.  Will you rest easy knowing you did everything you could for your friend, to help her maintain balance in the convoluted and difficult world of show business, to call attention to possible short sightedness and lapses in judgement:  to help her be the best mom she could be, raise the healthiest and happiest child she could raise.   Did friends of Dana Plato's mom and Judy Garland's mom, (endless list) have regrets?  Can you honestly say you are a true friend to mom, looking out for her when she may not have the vision, the love for her (mom) to say the tough things that need to be said despite her reaction and the integrity as an adult to do right by a child if needed, no matter what anyone thinks. 

Good luck. 

Hmm...I guess the issue here is whether or not this is the parents  desire or the childs. 

I must admit that I really don't care for pageants, no matter the age...sometimes, it comes down to who can buy the best clothes or services...such as hairstylist, makeup artist, dance and singing instructors...at age 5..certainly this is the mother's desire, and not the childs.  It just so happens, that at this point, the child still thinks it's fun, and probably loves the attention. 

But when it comes to the singing girl...I think I would cut the mom some slack.  It is entirely possible that Kara *does* want to sing.  And found her passion. 

People who don't *have* have passion don't understand this.  If this is truly Kara's passion...she probably doesn't care if she sings in bars!  If the girl loves to sing...she will.  And if it's truly your passion...you really don't get caught up in the technicality of your craft...it's an art...and the quirks make it truly *your* art. 

My husband is musician.  When he was 14 he wanted a baby grand piano.  His parents didn't know where to put such a monstrosity in their modest home...he said he didn't mind putting it in his room...he'd sleep on it or over it...but music was HIS passion...and he got a job to earn a baby grand. 

When he was 9...this fire burned inside of him.  This is what he wanted to do...he practiced for HOURS. No one made him...no one pushed him... 

How sad..."life" dealt him a different hand of cards... 

But every now and then... 

My home is filled with lovely music, when he doesn't think anyone is listening. 

Kara...if this is what you want...go for it...I hope you reach the stars...just know...you are *already* a star... 

Marie 

Why can't these parents look at the discussion with an open mind. I don't care if mom thinks you're only showing the negative parts...they are more than enough to offset ANY benefits. Let the girl grow up as a normal kid. If their daughter decided she wanted to go to a birthday party, would the parents agree? Not by what I saw on the show. And the father, even with advice from the Simpson's dad, said "if she asks me I'll tell her exactly how the performance was." I agree that there should be praise for her performance and use criticism for a later practice session. The parents have an un-natural compulsion to put everything into this girls future. Are they looking for 'easy street' down the way so they can live 'large'? And grandma...being a three time grandparent, I know the special bonds that exist between the different generations. Everything that grandma is doing is correct for the role she plays in this girl's life.  

I'm sorry, I just can't find anything positive in the statements from either mom or dad. I raised four children and they picked their professions as they developed skills or saw examples. they all turned out to be responsible and happy adults. I did try with one daughter to teach her piano because I loved the sounds. I found out from another daughter (after years of lessons) that this student actually resented the instrument and would rather be making mud pies. Would these parents let their daughter quit if she truly was tired of the charade?