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Topic : 06/16 Childhood Secrets

Number of Replies: 501
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Created on : Friday, November 18, 2005, 03:38:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/21/06) Do you have a secret that burns inside of you and you've been hanging onto it since you were a child? Dr. Phil speaks with three sisters whose lives and relationships have been gravely affected by their own childhood secret. Cathy and Micki say their stepfather abused them as children and they want nothing to do with him. But their half-sister, Hollie, says her father has changed and it's time they forgive and forget. Cathy and Micki speak out about what really happened to them as children and why Hollie needs to be concerned. Then, a message from their stepfather has Cathy and Micki outraged. Can these divided women heal their painful pasts and come together as sisters? Talk about the show here.


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November 19, 2005, 7:26 pm CST

11/21 Childhood Secrets

Quote From: airose05

I am 14 and my father molested me when I was 7 years old.  I have just told my mother last week.  I am in therapy and trying to get over it.  Even though it was 7 years ago, it is very hard to talk about.  Sometimes it seems to be a strugle to get through the day!!! 

  

My questions now are... 

How can someone and so many men do that to their children??? 

And Why?????? 

Don't they know the pain that is felt because of that? 

I think people who do these things are sick and was probably molested themselves or abused in some ways, I think it jas a lot to do with power and taking control of something in their lives, when in all reality they are powerless. I don't understand why they want to hurt their own children, I think that is my bif=ggest problem as well, innocent littel children are being dragged downbecasue of these sick people. I am glad that you went to your mom for help and that you are getting counseling, it definetly helps, I have been through this as well only with a foster father who had a good name and status with the state, talk about sick! I went trhough a very angry stage and was very angry at children's services for I believe they should have known that something was not right, for I can look back as an adult and I can now see signs of an abused child but they either didn't see it or didn't want to accept it, what ever the reason, it doesn't matter, I certainly do not have faith in the system but I also know that help is there and I have benefitted great things form counseling and true friends. Life is good for me now. Don't give up and don't dwell on the negative, help your self and stick wotht he positive and believe that you can and will be the person that you were meant to be, Have faith in God and pray daily for His help and healing, Believe me, it works and all the work and effort that you put in to help your self will be worth it in the end. My prayers are with you.
 
November 19, 2005, 9:14 pm CST

So true!!

Quote From: judyblue22

I HATE the use of the word "fondling" for sexual abuse of children.  The word arises from loving relationships between adults- defn: to show fondness or affection by caressing.   

  

What adults do when they sexually abuse children is NOT fondling! 

 The definition of fondle is:  to handle tenderly, lovingly, or lingeringly  

  

That is no way to classify abuse! 

  

     Jen 

 
November 19, 2005, 9:18 pm CST

That's a little narrow in thought

Quote From: eskarina

Because they don't CARE! They are pure evil, read the statistics on sexual assault if you don't believe me. Why do you think the laws are so bad in regards to sexual assault, they WRITE the laws in favour of themselves.

Because they don't CARE! They are pure evil 

  

There is a lot of sexually abused young girls and boys that were abused by women. Why do you think the laws are so bad in regards to sexual assault The truth in that is the women get off with lighter sentences then the men do. Read the statistics if you don't believe me. Abuse is abuse, no matter what gender is performing the disgusting act! 

 
November 19, 2005, 10:02 pm CST

PEOPLE LIKE THAT ARE>"SICK>SICK>SICK"

Quote From: airose05

I am 14 and my father molested me when I was 7 years old.  I have just told my mother last week.  I am in therapy and trying to get over it.  Even though it was 7 years ago, it is very hard to talk about.  Sometimes it seems to be a strugle to get through the day!!! 

  

My questions now are... 

How can someone and so many men do that to their children??? 

And Why?????? 

Don't they know the pain that is felt because of that? 

IM SO GLAD THAT YOUR IN THERAPY. I HOPE YOUR MOM "KICKED YOUR DAD TO THE CURB". THE THERAPY WILL WORK AND YOU`LL JUST NEED ALOT TIME TO HEAL. AS FOR YOUR QUESTIONS 1.>BECAUSE THERE SICK...2>BECAUSE THERE SICK...3>THEY DON`T, BECAUSE THERE SICK. THAT ABOUT SUMS IT UP>>>"PEOPLE LIKE THAT ARE SICK".
 
November 19, 2005, 10:25 pm CST

"I AGREE WITH YOU 110%"

Quote From: eskarina

Because they don't CARE! They are pure evil, read the statistics on sexual assault if you don't believe me. Why do you think the laws are so bad in regards to sexual assault, they WRITE the laws in favour of themselves.

I READ THE PAPER A FEW DAYS AGO. THIS GUY WAS ALWAYS IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW. HE HAD DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ON HIM SEVERAL TIMES, CHILD PROTECTION, EXPARTAS AND OTHER CRIMES. HE GOT CHARGED WITH SATUTORY RAPE AND ALL HE GOT WAS 5 YRS. SUPERVISED PROBATION WITH A SPECIAL CONDITION THAT HE ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH TO A POLICE OFFICER. "WELL HOW STUPIED IS THAT"? LIKE THIS GUY IS REALLY GOING TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH. "HE`S A REPEAT CRIMINAL". THIS GUY SHOULD HAVE WENT TO "PRISON". THIS GIRL WILL BE MENTALLY PAYING FOR WHAT HE DID TO HER WAY LONGER THAN HIS 5 YR. PROBATION. "TO THINK HE`S WALKING THE STREETS". ITS NOT RIGHT>>>ITS NOT RIGHT. THE LAWS ON SEX OFFENDERS SHOULD BE TOUGH. I THINK IF THEY SEXUALLY ASSAULT SOMEONE EVEN IF ITS THERE 1ST. OFFENSE THEY SHOULD GO TO "PRISON". BUT I ALSO THINK THAT THE PRISON SHOULD PROVIDE SOME TYPE OF THERAPY FOR THEM. "THERE SICK". 

 
November 20, 2005, 1:11 am CST

"IM SUPRISED IM EVEN ALIVE"

I GUESS I`LL START FROM THE BEGINNING. I CAN`T REMEMBER HOW YOUNG I WAS WHEN I 1ST. WAS SEXUALLY MOLESTED BUT IT CONTINUED UP UNTIL I WAS ABOUT 16. IT HAPPENED ALOT. MOST OF THE ABUSERS WERE ON MY MOMS SIDE OF THE FAMILY. THERE WERE 4. THEN MY DAD, A GUY FROM SCHOOL AND MY STEPDAD. SO ALL TOGETHER 7. MOM WAS OVERWEIGHT AND VERY ABUSIVE. DAD WAS A SMALL MAN AND SHE USE TO BEAT HIM UP AND TAKE HIS MONEY AND LEAVE US KIDS WITH DAD.  I SPENT THE NIGHT WITH MY MOMS PARENTS AND "LIKE A KID" I GOT SASSY WITH THEM. MY MOM TOOK ME HOME AND MADE ME GET NAKED AND SHE HAD ME LAY ACROSS THE BED AND SHE BEAT ME WITH THE BELT UNTIL I HAD BLEEDING WELPS ALL OVER MY BACK AND LEGS. SHE USE TO SIT ON ME AND HIT ME IN THE FACE WITH A ROLLED UP NEWS PAPER. SHE USE TO TELL ME IF I LIE "ID GET A YELLOW STREAK ON MY BACK AND IF IT WENT ALL THE WAY DOWN MY BACK ID DIE AND BURN IN HELL". MOM CHEATED ON DAD SEVERAL TIMES. WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH MY BROTHER SHE WENT BEHIND THE HOUSE AND TOOK A ROCK AND TRIED TO BEAT MY BROTHER OUT OF HER. DAD DIED OF CANCER WHEN I WAS 15. I TOOK HIS DEATH HARD. "I STILLED LOVED HIM EVEN AFTER EVERYTHING HE DID TO ME, WHEN I WAS YOUNGER". MOM MARRIED MY STEPDAD 3 MTHS. AFTER MY DADS DEATH. I DIDNT LIKE MY STEPDAD,  DIDNT TRUST HIM AND I FELT LIKE IT WAS TO SOON FOR MOM TO REMARRY. HE HAD A SMALL SUITCASE FULL OF PERSCRIPTION & NONPERSCRPTION MEDICATION. HE USE TO OFFER MOM & US KIDS SOME. I NEVER TOOK ANY. I FEEL MY STEPDAD DRUGGED MY MOM & BROTHER. "THEY BOTH WERE MENTAL". HE WOULD VERBABLLY & PHSCIALLY ABUSE ME. "I HATED MY STEPDAD". HE USE TO TELL ME "FORGET ABOUT YOUR DAD. HES A BAG OF BONES AND MAGGOTS ARE EATING HIM UP". I TOOK A OVERDOSE OF PILLS THAT A GUY FROM SCHOOL GAVE ME. MY SISTER FOUND ME AND I ALMOST DIED. I WAS DATING THIS GUY. WE DRANK BEER, GET DRUNK & DO DRUGS. I RAN AWAY FROM HOME AND WENT TO HIS HOUSE. MOM CALLED THE POLICE AND I WAS IN JAIL FOR 4 HRS. "MY GOD I WAS SO SCARED AND AFRAID I CRIED THE WHOLE TIME". MOM & STEPDAD KNEW HOW SCARED I WAS AND THATS WHEN THINGS STARTED GETTING WORSE. I HAD TO DO ANYTHING THEY ASKED OF ME IF I DIDNT THEY WOULD SAY "WHERE GOING TO CALL THE POLICE". THEN I MEET A FRIEND OF MY BROTHER. MY MOM GAVE HIM A 20.00 AND TOLD HIM BUY HER SOME BEER AND FUN. WHEN WE`D GO OUT ON DATES HE`D NOTICE ID ACT ALITTLE STRANGE AT TIMES. EVERYTIME I SEEN A POLICE CAR I WOULD DIVE INTO FLOOR BOARD OF PASSENGER SIDE AND START CRYIN AND SAY "THEY`VE SENT THE POLICE OUT TO GET ME". SO IT WAS THEN WHEN HE KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING ON. SO I TOLD HIM EVERYTHING. ONE NIGHT WE WERE LATE GETTIN HOME AND WE WERE WALKIN IN THE DOOR AND MY STEPDAD DIDNT SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND MY STEPDAD WAS GETTIN READY TO HIT ME WITH THE BELT WHEN AND MY BOYFRIEND STEPPED IN FRONT OF ME AND MY STEPDAD PUT THE BELT AWAY. THEY GOT INTO A BIG ARGUEMENT. MY STEPDAD SAID "IM GOING TO CALL THE POLICE AND YOUR GOING BACK TO JAIL". MY BOYFRIEND SAID "GO RIGHT AHEAD. YOU AINT GOING TO CALL THE POLICE, BECAUSE YOUR ABUSING THIS GIRL". STEPDAD WENT TO BED. MY BOYFRIEND SENT ME 12 DOZEN PINK ROSES, BOX OF CHERRY CHOCOLATES, CARD FOR VALENTINES DAY. MY MOM & STEPDAD ATE THE CANDY WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL. WHEN I CAME HOME THEY GAVE ME THE GIFTS. I WAS UPSET ABOUT THEM EATING THE CANDY. I WOULD HAVE LIKE TO OPEN THE CANDY MYSELF AND I WOULD HAVE SHARED. WE ALL GOT INTO A BIG ARGUEMENT, SO THEY WENT TO THE STORE AND BOUGHT A NEW BOX OF CANDY AND MADE ME EAT THE WHOLE THING. MY STEP DAD HIT ME IN THE SIDE WITH HIS FIST. MY STEPDAD AND I GOT INTO A BIG ARGUEMENT. HE TOLD ME "HE HAD PLANS FOR A FEW OF HIS FRIENDS TO KIDNAP ME AND TAKE ME TO TEXAS". HE SAID "HE WOULD TELL MY FAMILY THAT I RAN AWAY FROM HOME AGAIN, AND THAT THEY WOULD BELIEVE IT BECAUSE I RAN AWAY FROM HOME BEFORE". THANK GOD "THAT NEVER HAPPENED". MOM HAD TO TAKE ME TO THE DR. BECAUSE OF MY SIDE HURTIN & BLEEDING". THE DR. PUT ME IN THE HOSPITAL TO TAKE MY APPENDIX OUT. WHILE ON THE MEDICATION I STARTED "YELLING & SCREAMING. GET HIM OFF OF ME HES HURTING ME ETC.". THE DR. TOOK MY MOM & BOYFRIEND OUT IN THE HALL WAY AND SAID "I DONT WANT HER GOING BACK TO LIVE WITH YOU". MY BOYFRIEND AND & I WERE GOING TO BE GETTIN MARRIED IN A MTH. SO I LIVED WITH HIS PARENTS. "ALTHOUGH WE SLEPT IN DIFFERENT ROOMS". MY KNIGHT IN SHINNING ARMOR>>>"MY HUSBAND". WE WERENT ON SPEAKING TERMS AND DIDNT HAVE MUCH TO DO WITH MY FAMILY. THE ABUSE DIDNT DIDNT STOP THERE. WHEN I WAS 4 MTHS PREGNANT MOM & STEPDAD & SISTER & BROTHER STAGED A KIDNAPPING. THEY ALL WENT AND TORE THE SCREEN OFF MOMS DOOR AND RAN SACKED THE PLACE. MOM DROVE HERSELF OUT OF STATE AND TOOK A ROCK AND HIT HERSELF IN THE HEAD SEVERAL TIMES SO SHE WOULD BLEED, BRUISE AND HAVE A KNOT THEN TIED HERSELF TO A BRIDGE. IN THE MEANTIME THE OTHERS CALLED ME AND TOLD ME MOM WAS KIDNAPPED. I WAS UPSET CRYING ETC. "4 MTHS PREGNANT". SOME PASSER BY STOPPED AND HELPED MOM AND CALLED THE POLICE & AMBULANCE AND TOOK HER TO THE HOSPITAL. THE POLICE QUESTIONED HER SEVERAL TIMES AND EACH TIME SHE TOLD SOMETHING SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT. SO THEY KNEW SHE WAS LYING. MOM WAS SCARED AND FINALLY ADMITTED THAT THIS KIDNAPPING WAS STAGED. THE POLICE WAS GOING TO GET THE FEDERAL POLICE INVOLVED SINCE IT WAS A FEDERAL OFFENSE. I DONT KNOW HOW MY STEPDAD DID IT "BUT HE TALKED THE POLICE OUT OF CALLING THE FEDS". THE POLICE DIDNT PRESS NO CHARGES. THEN WE FINALLY ARRIVED AS THE POLICE WAS LEAVING AND THEY TOLD US WHAT MOM DID. "I WAS PREGNANT. I WAS UPSET & WORRIED AND HAD TO MAKE A LONG TRIP OUT OF STATE". MOM & STEPDAD & SISTER THOUGHT THEY WOULD GET MY BROTHER TO GET A DIVORCE. THEY ACTUALLY GOT MY BROTHERS WIFE TO DATE MY STEPDAD ON THE SIDE. NOT ONLY DID MY BROTHER & HIS WIFE GOT A DIVORCE, BUT SO DID MY MOM & STEPDAD. MY STEPDAD LEFT MY MOM FOR BY BROTHERS EXWIFE. MY MOM WAS DATING THIS GUY. MY MOMS BOYFRIEND, MOM AND HER SISTER HAD A SEXUAL 3 SOME. MY MOMS BOYFRIEND LEFT HER FOR HER SISTER. I HATED MY STEPDAD. I JUST HATED HIM. HE GOT CANCER. IM VERY SORRY TO HAVE TO SAY THIS "BUT I WAS GLAD THAT HE CANCER". THEN HE DIED. "I WAS GLAD THAT HE DIED". I TOLD MY MOM, SISTER, BROTHER THAT OUR EXSTEPDAD DIDNT DESEARVE TO BE BURIED. HE NEEDED TO BE PUT ON A TRASH PILE AND LET THE BUZZARDS GET HIM. THEY ALL WENT TO HIS FUNERAL "I DIDNT". I ALSO DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY WENT. FOR YRS. I HAD SUCH HATERED TOWARDS MY STEPDAD. I BLAMED HIM FOR THE BREAK UP OF MY FAMILY. WELL AFTER ALOT YRS. PASSED "I FINALLY FORGAVE HIM". MY SISTER & MOM HAVE A ROCKY RELATIONSHIP. WE HAD TO PUT MOM IN A NURSING HOME CAUSE SHES GOT ALSHEIMER & SCISOFERNIA. ITS HARD. I GOT ALOT OF QUESTIONS FOR MOM. MY BROTHER ALSO HAS SCISOFERENIA. IM SCARED TO BE AROUND HIM AT TIMES. HE HASNT TAKEN HIS MEDS FOR YRS. AND YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN HES GOING TO GO OFF. HE ASKED ME THE QUESTION "HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT BROTHERS & SISTERS HAVING SEX TOGETHER". I TOLD HIM "ITS WRONG". MY SISTER AND I DONT SEE TO MUCH OF EACH OTHER ALTHOUGH WERE TRYIN TO WORK THINGS OUT. WE EMAIL EACH OTHER. EVERYONE TOLD US MY HUSBAND AND I WE WOULDNT MAKE IT 6 MTHS WE`VE MADE IT "28 1/2 YRS". WHAT A BLESSING TO HAVE SUCH A WONDERFUL HUSBAND. HE HAS STUCK BY ME THROUGH THE HARDS AND GOOD TIMES. HES BEEN A GOOD PROVIDER, HUSBAND, FATHER, GRANDFATHER, HES HONEST AND LOVES HIS FAMILY AND VERY DEVOTED. FOR ALL WHO HAVE BEEN PHYSCIALLY , MENTALLY AND SEXUALLY ABUSED IN ANY WAY. THERES HOPE FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU. HANG IN THERE AND TAKE CARE.   

 
November 20, 2005, 9:25 am CST

11/21 Childhood Secrets

I don't think it is up to this half-sister to decide when it is ir is not time for these sisters to forgive. Any type of sexual abuse scars you for life. And they will definitely never forget it. I find it outrageous that siblings that aren't abused just tell the ones who were to just get over it. It infuriates me to no end. 

  

I was molested from the time I was 6 until I was 13 and it is no one's place but my own to decide when I will forgive. Not only was I molested but I was locked away 24/7 for 10 years and it driveds me nuts to hear people say well you don't need to live in the past. Excuse me but I am not living in the past the past is living in me and I have to make up for those 10 years of my life when I was brutally abused.  

  

This half sister should be validating what these two sisters went through not pushing them for anything else. Whether their Dad has changed or not it does not change the fact of what he did to them. Nothing ever will. And we all have a common Father to lean on when our Earthly Father's fail us. And that is Jesus Christ. The Father that will never hurt us. Just because we forgive someone does not mean we have to associate with them. We forgive through Christ and he judges accordingly. 

 
November 20, 2005, 9:31 am CST

11/21 Childhood Secrets

Quote From: pattywagon

Recently my daughter revealed (after holding it in for a year and suffering anxiety attacks) that one of her cousins touched her inappropriately.  I had an extremely close relationship with all of my sisters until my daughter revealed this.  [I thank God that my daughter finally spoke up, that alone has helped her immensely.  Unfortunately, my nephew is denying it and  my sister does not believe my daughter........which to me is like adding salt to a wound.  This whole event has effected our entire family.  Other family members, while they might believe it happened, are treating me and acting like I am the one who did wrong by reporting it.  I wanted to deal with it through counseling but my sister never followed through and doing nothing wasn't an option for me or my daughter.  Please help.

I think you did the right thing by reporting this and I commend you for sticking by your daughter. I have known many mothers who have found it too hard to deal with and find it easier to believe it didn't happen. My own sister did that when she learned my niece was being molested by her father. She chose to beleive her father and threatened to have my niece committed if she testified. My niece is a wreck because of it. These things cause so much damage. 

  

I will keep you in my prayers that things will get better for you and that your sister realizes that she is not doing her son any favors by sticking up for him. She needs to deal with this in order for him to deal with it. With many prayers I am sure you will make it through 

 
November 20, 2005, 9:34 am CST

11/21 Childhood Secrets

Quote From: pattywagon

Recently my daughter revealed (after holding it in for a year and suffering anxiety attacks) that one of her cousins touched her inappropriately.  I had an extremely close relationship with all of my sisters until my daughter revealed this.  [I thank God that my daughter finally spoke up, that alone has helped her immensely.  Unfortunately, my nephew is denying it and  my sister does not believe my daughter........which to me is like adding salt to a wound.  This whole event has effected our entire family.  Other family members, while they might believe it happened, are treating me and acting like I am the one who did wrong by reporting it.  I wanted to deal with it through counseling but my sister never followed through and doing nothing wasn't an option for me or my daughter.  Please help.
 You are so great for believing and supporting your daughter!  With a super mom  like you (and some really good counseling) I know that she will pull through, even from something so horrible.  That's always the hardest part for victims of this sort of thing, is the fear that even if they do tell no one will believe them, or else that they will be blamed for starting it.

You can not force someone else to take responsibility for their actions, or even behave properly, but you can control your response to their bad behaviour.  Hold you head high and keep loving your daughter the way that you have been.  She will see your fine example and will grow past this, no matter how hard things are now.

I am a little worried about your sister's response.  You did not mention how old your nephew is.  Is their a possibility that something is not right in your sister's home, if you catch my meaning?  That could be why she is refusing to believe.  If your nephew was (or is still being) abused, then she may be in denial for that reason.  That is PURE speculation on my part, as I know only what you said in your post.  It's just that often children who act out like that learned the behaviour from someplace.  (If your nephew is older, then, obviously, this does not apply).

I sincerely wish the best for you and your precious girl.
 
November 20, 2005, 11:09 am CST

frustrated

  

i am 43 years old and gay. i grew up with an angry and violent father.he abused me in all ways other than sexual.when i was 12 i molested my 5 year old brother. my 2 older brothers and my sister were very cruel to me also. i came out of the closet when i was 19.7 years ago my younger brother came out at age 29(he is also gay) and told everyone i molested him. as a result of that and only that there was a rumour started that i was a pedophile. when i found out i was devastated. it was mainly my  younger brother and my sister. i disowned them)asnt the first time) and finally after three years i forgot the whole thing only to find out that my sister was going around telling people to watch out for their kids if i was around them. i was furious. my whole childhood was miserable and it was very hard with the gay thing and now i cant get over this issue, particularly because i have lived so far from my family since i was 19 and i feel more alienated than ever. i have had no support. is it that unusual given the circumstances that i abused my younger brother( i apologised for it very sincerely when i was 26 and i mean sincerely. he got an apology, i never did. it really frustrates me that anyone could put blame on a young kid that went through what i did and then to top it off think that i could be harmful to children. i would like to add that i am great with kids, no, fantastic.my neices and nephews ADORE me. the only solution i can find is to remain far from them. my one brother(who was actually the worst to me when we were children,and his wife, have five children and his wife actually was the most supportive because she knows how much her children love me. i have a feeling i am going to spend anothetr christmas alone when they are always together. 

 
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