Topic : 06/16 Childhood Secrets

I know how devestating this is, to have these memories come up later in your life, because the same thing happened to me. I never knew or suspected I was abused, until my father passed away, and the memories started to flood my mind. 

You say that you have been in therepy for 2 years now, but if you are still trying to commit suicide and/or trying to hurt yourself, then your therepy isn't being effective enough! Maybe you and your therepist don't "click" comfortably? Do you feel comfortable enough to tell this person anything and everything, to be totally honest? If not, I encourage you to seek a different therepist. For me, I went through a handfull of therepists before I found the "right" one.. its not easy!! But it is so important. You are worth it!! You deserve to find peace. You deserve to experience true joy in life. There is NO NEED to forgive yourself, hon. What did you do? You didn't ask to be taken advantage of. You didn't know how to protect yourself at such a young age, and you didn't know what to do. With professional guidance, you can heal and move forward towards a happy and healthy life, please know that is the truth! If I could do it, I feel that anyone can- because I remember those feelings of being distraught and alone, but I have healed. I will never forgive or forget, but I have healed. You can heal. Love yourself starting NOW. I wish you the best!!! 

I hope Hollie gets her daughter to a doctor and checked out for sexual abuse.  I think that should be her first step.  Then she should never allow her daughter to go to her grandfather's again, ever.  It is inexcusable.  Hollie knows what her dad did, she's in denial.  Doesn't want to believe it, wants to think her dad is still a good guy.  And that is understandable to a point, but when the safety of her daughter is in question, she really should reevaluate what she is doing, and letting happen.  I have no doubt that her daughter has been hurt by him.  Get her to a doctor NOW!!! 

~Ceno 

I know how devestating this is, to have these memories come up later in your life, because the same thing happened to me. I never knew or suspected I was abused, until my father passed away, and the memories started to flood my mind. 

You say that you have been in therepy for 2 years now, but if you are still trying to commit suicide and/or trying to hurt yourself, then your therepy isn't being effective enough! Maybe you and your therepist don't "click" comfortably? Do you feel comfortable enough to tell this person anything and everything, to be totally honest? If not, I encourage you to seek a different therepist. For me, I went through a handfull of therepists before I found the "right" one.. its not easy!! But it is so important. You are worth it!! You deserve to find peace. You deserve to experience true joy in life. There is NO NEED to forgive yourself, hon. What did you do? You didn't ask to be taken advantage of. You didn't know how to protect yourself at such a young age, and you didn't know what to do. With professional guidance, you can heal and move forward towards a happy and healthy life, please know that is the truth! If I could do it, I feel that anyone can- because I remember those feelings of being distraught and alone, but I have healed. I will never forgive or forget, but I have healed. You can heal. Love yourself starting NOW. I wish you the best!!! 

I too was a child of molestation. the whole family was.. but nobody listened, Shhhhh it was the family secret. I went my whole life. nobody helping. it was horrible and devistating.   

       I then grew up. kept my children informed, the no touch places. kept my children away from the people who molested.. thought I did everything right.. Then as my daughter grew older, I noticed something strange.. I knew there was something wrong,, Honey, my thoughts were you can touch me,, but don't touch my child.. so I took my daughter to a abuse shelter to get help. and yes come to find out, it was my half brother who molested my daughter for years and years.. I told the family, do you think they stood by us..no way, we were banned from the family. we were the bad ones. We dared proscute him, but he only got a slap on his hand.. but we have endured years of being ignored by my family.  

         oh and get this,,the guy, wants to .. today,, get his record espunged.. cause he has a hard time getting and holding a job. He has NO idea the hell my daughter lives with even though it has been years since this happened...  

         then to find out years later.. it is not just a girl thing,, my son also was molested by my nephew.. it has devistated my family. I feel such betrayal. my children, abused by trusted family members.. yet we are the outcasts.. I don't get it.  

          Years and years of therapy. have helped. but the guilt. and the memories.. I thought I had it in the bag.. figured I was overprotective of my children,, come to find out,, it wasn't enough..I had the mind set,,nobody helped me.. nobody listened to what happened to me,,,,  

I don't see how someone could not listen to there children. I don't see how anyone could allow someone to  harm there own child.. I am 48 and have horriable memories yet today. I feel proud that I helped my children, but it is still never enough, cause I know the hell my children have to endure the rest of there lives..  

        Dr Phil. thank you for giving these young ladies a place to vent. a place to feel important. cause noone,, absoultly no one, has the right to touch anyone like this.... and now at least one family have hope..  

I remember a few times that my sister would make me do things to her.  I was 6 to 7 when it happened, and I remember hating it.  We had to share a bed and a room.  She is about 5 years older than me, so she knew what she was doing.  I only told my younger sister, and only just last year.  It was hard, I never really knew what to think of it, we always had a strained relationship as I got older.  And now that I am, I have tried to be a good sister to her.  But I always feel akward around her, and I know I don't act like myself.   

Last year I asked her why...and she said that I would ask her to.  I never did that at all.  I would say in a small scared voice if I had to get naked that night.  And I guess she took that to mean that I wanted to.  ARG, I feel dirty even talking about it.  It does make me wonder what happened to her, if she was doing that sort of thing, then someone must have abused her as a child too.  

~Ceno  

Thank you for you respond. My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage and I made it clear to him that we wont take that next step until he gets help because I want us to have a healthy marriage and he has agreed to that, and also if we have kids he says he doesn't want our kids to have to suffer for it.  

I sometimes feel pressured because he says that I'm the only one he feels safe around.  I just wish I could find him one of those good therapist that Dr. Phil, and Operah have for their guest on the show. Hopefully Dr. Phil will post some names and #'s on his website after today's show. I wont be able to watch the show today, and I really wanted to watch it, but it anyone does, please send me any information I can use, #'s, names or links. 

Thank you for you respond. My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage and I made it clear to him that we wont take that next step until he gets help because I want us to have a healthy marriage and he has agreed to that, and also if we have kids he says he doesn't want our kids to have to suffer for it. He's been through AA already once, but I agree with you, he has to be ready and really want the help, and want to help himself first before anyone can help him. He just doesn't see it that way. 

I know it's harder on guys to express their feelings. Sometimes we watch TV and something about sex offenders comes on TV like a show or a case on TV and he's find about sharing his thought about that particular show or case but if I ask suddenly ask him about when he went through it, he automatically shuts down and tells me he doesn't want to talk about it and gets all upset, and when he does get around to talk about it to me I don't know what to say or I don't say enough and he feels like I don't believe him or I don't want to listen to his story.  

What is it people that go through this want to hear??? 

I sometimes feel pressured because he says that I'm the only one he feels safe around.  I just wish I could find him one of those good therapist that Dr. Phil, and Operah have for their guest on the show. Hopefully Dr. Phil will post some names and #'s on his website after today's show. I wont be able to watch the show today, and I really wanted to watch it, but if anyone does, please send me any information I can use, #'s, names or links. 

What a horrible story. I am glad these girls have the courage to bring this out on TV.  

I believe that as kids, we all grow up in different families. If you ask my brother about our childhood it is much different than how I would describe it. There are similarities but it is clear that we each had our own experiences that  shaped our individual views of the family dynamic.  

With that said, I think these two sisters really have their 1/2 sister's best interest at heart - i think they are concerned that their sister too was a victim and that she has repressed the experience. I think the way they go about trying to help their sister is instead imposing their experiences on her. Whether or not this dad did anything to their sister remains to be seen though I suspect he did. it sounds like he does have her convinced that he is a good person when he clearly is not. That is for her to figure out on her own and she has a support system if she needs it. I think what upsets these young sisters is that they don't feel like their half sister appreciates the pain they have experienced and that she associates with the person that caused her the pain.  

The message from this horrible man gave me the creeps. I could never leave my kids with someone that thought it was okay to do any of what he did to those girls.  

What role did the mom play in all of this? Does she know, believe them?  

 I am a victim of sexual abuse and am very careful who I leave my daughters with. I think Hollie should think very carefully about who she leaves her daughter with. People who say that they just touched their butts and think that is not a serious thing then they should think again. He has probably never stopped to think of the damage that he has done to his daughters. How long it takes to get over something like this. I am 43 years old and still not over the abuse that my uncle did to me when I was 8 yrs old. 

Please Hollie, please don't leave your daughter with your father to take care of and leave her overnight, he is probably waiting for the time for her to reach a certain age that he can start on her and not just touch her butt but something more. 

A Worried friend