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Topic : 11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours"

Number of Replies: 174
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Created on : Friday, November 18, 2005, 03:40:19 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Falling in love is easy. Falling in love with your new spouse's kids is not so easy. Actor Dennis Quaid, co-star of the new movie "Yours, Mine & Ours," joins Dr. Phil. He talks about how being a dad helped him prepare for his role as a man dealing with the difficulties of blending a family. Then, Juli says her stepdaughter, Samantha, makes her feel like the other woman. Her husband, Mark, says that Samantha is his best friend. Will Juli's jealousy tear their new family apart? Then, they have two dogs, two cats, four fish and six kids. Meet two parents blending their chaotic family under one very small roof.  Join the discussion.

 

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December 15, 2005, 4:13 am CST

she's jealous

Quote From: divcemom3

Well, thats funny I didn't see the show but from what I've read I wish I would have.  My boyfriend and I have been together for 16 months we have 6 kids between us the real Brady Bunch 3 boys 3 girls between ages 3-15.  We were together 8 months before I met his kids for the first time his 2 girls wouldnt leave his side they were 10 & 14 then.  Their mother wouldn't let him have his kids as long as we were together.  His son and I get along very well and his 10 year old daughter.  His 15 year old we get along well when she's there but she has a smart mouth that I can honestly say he doesnt tolerate.  She belives when their there he pays more attention to me then them.  Which I am the first woman who he has been with that the kids have been around they have not been together since 2000.   It was so hard at first because my son had a hard time adjusting because their was another boy wanting my attention.  My boyfriends ex-wife plays favorates to the girls.  When he gets to our house he gets he doesnt want to live.  My boyfriends daughters were both daddy's girls but I think they are adjusting very well.  What I want to know is how do you deal with an exwife who fills the childrens heads with lies about their father and I.  But when she comes to drop them off it's like she wants to be bestfriends..

Hi ,  I would say since your situation is somewhat similar to mine, my experience with the ex, is that she doesn't want him to be happy.  You know the old adage, I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to have him.  If you react to her, you give her the power and the satisfaction of knowing that what she says/does bothers and affects you.  Be polite, but distant.  In this way, you show the children that YOU are the adult and what most people don't realize is the way they look to others when they are small minded and childish.  The hardest thing for me, was to realize that I cannot control what other people say or do, I can only control how I react to it.  Buckle up,  you're in for a rough ride, but remember that this period in their life is only a blip on the radar screen and in five years, if you have done no real damage in the meantime to each other, you and the children will still have a relationship that is positive and caring. As long as your bf supports you 100% INFRONT of the kids and ex then you will head off the majority of the problems while they are still small, before the kids start acting out to get Daddy's attention away from the new woman.  Patience, and lots of long walks instead of reacting.  Try it, if you want the relationship to work.  I too, am the first woman in ten years that has a relationship, and it's very hard to deal with the stepdtr who manipulates and engages in emotional warfare.  I truly hope this doesn't happen to you, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  Good Luck. 

  

 
December 21, 2005, 9:33 am CST

to my surprise

hi i would like to say i loved this episode... to my surprise my x coworker ceci was on it. i worked with her for about 5 months while i was stayin in pa. she is a wonderful,sexy chic. i knew shed get her 15 mins of fame one day, you go girl! lol. i hope for the best for her and  family.
 
May 23, 2006, 4:16 pm CDT

11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours”

Quote From: brnxmom

I watched this show and thought some real drama was about to unfold.  Thankfully it did not.  But watching 2 grown adults with a couple of grown kids in addition to younger children come on national T.V. and wonder how they will get their "house in order" was, to me, ridiculous!! These were not 2 teenagers who have never planned or lived on their own.  These are GROWNUPS/ ADULTS.   Dr. Phil said nothing about figuring out living arrangements BEFORE getting in this situation , nor did he say anything about those grown kids helping around the house and earning their keep instead of adding to the mess and crowdedness.     At Best, this was one of those Dr. Phil shows that displays a helpless/hopeless acting family who was rewarded for NOT using common sense and discipline by giving them money and other lavish gifts.   

  

Did I think they deserved all of that?  Absolutely not.  and i also think that Dr. Phil only gave them another crutch and not lessons needed to figure out things on their own so as not to get in the situation again. i left this show saying to myself and my friend " Did they really come on Dr. Phil with THIS problem?  I can't believe he gave those grown people all of that when all they had to do to begin with was have a plan!! 

 i relaize you will probably never read this reply, as this message board is months old. however, i have been attempting to move out on my hown for several months now, but it was considered important that i get out of school and get on my feet first. this is the same with my older brother, tom. trust me, tom and i always worked our bums off with chores as well as part-time jobs so we could pay for our own clothing, optional items, and recreation. we never asked my mom for anything as far as money went, and always tried our best to keep things clean and in working order.

also, i'm only 18, and was barely so when the show was taped. i had just graduated high school, and was not capable of moving out on my own yet. so remember that, not everyone leaves the nest fully capable of flying at 18.
 
October 6, 2007, 1:02 pm CDT

11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours"

Quote From: kseceoltyt

I have to first say it really bothers me when people judge harshly when all you are trying is to get help so you can be a better step mother.  I too am a step mother and I thought it was going to be wonderful....just as everyone else.  However, I have a 7 year old daughter who is very smart and always knows when to chime in and ruin the day.  I always try not to take her personally however it is much easier said than done.  The one thing I do know is being passive aggresive does no good for anyone involved.  If something bothers me I've learned to speak up........my husband sometimes agrees and it changes for a few days.....the fact is I married into this and I feel stuck and I'm hoping someone has some insight into how to appreciate her instead of wish she was out of the picture.  If anyone has any wisdom please hear me out.......don't just judge and read me the right act on how I'm the adult and she's the child and her needs should be met.  The fact is my needs should be met as well.  Where is the balance?  I think the balance comes in when the husband doesn't parent out of guilt.........which most divorcees constantly parent by "I want to be the favorite parent"  
I totally disagree that the parent should be "second" as the other writer asserted.  The children in a marriage learn how to treat their spouse, how married people should act toward each other, etc. from observing happy healthy relationships in their own household.  It is not possible it the biological parent consistently puts the childd before his marriage because of some misplaced belief that the children shoudl be treated a certain way due to their being in a "step" situation.  Children, I believe especially girls who mature more quickly, understand that they can manipulate the relationship of the adults by behaving in a certain way.  Even if they are young, children learn very quickly how to affect this relationship.  It must not be allowed to continue and only the biological parent can prevent the manipulation by not rewarding the behavior.  If there were no reward, the child would not continue the behavior.
 
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