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Topic : 11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours"

Number of Replies: 174
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Created on : Friday, November 18, 2005, 03:40:19 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Falling in love is easy. Falling in love with your new spouse's kids is not so easy. Actor Dennis Quaid, co-star of the new movie "Yours, Mine & Ours," joins Dr. Phil. He talks about how being a dad helped him prepare for his role as a man dealing with the difficulties of blending a family. Then, Juli says her stepdaughter, Samantha, makes her feel like the other woman. Her husband, Mark, says that Samantha is his best friend. Will Juli's jealousy tear their new family apart? Then, they have two dogs, two cats, four fish and six kids. Meet two parents blending their chaotic family under one very small roof.  Join the discussion.

 

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November 22, 2005, 12:49 pm CST

11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours”

To the lady who has been married two years and had trouble with the younger daughter....I was in the exact position.  I am now married 3 1/2 years, and things have changed dramatically for the better.  Hold your breath when you want to explode  - don't fight with your husband (won't get you anywhere), especially in front of the kids (they love that).  I think time heals a lot of wounds.  I felt like the victim in the beginning, as well, but now that some time has passed and our relationships have developed, I look back and realize how hard it was for EVERYONE, especially the children.  It was a big adjustment for them.  They don't have the same capacity to understand things as we do.  Now, my relationship with my stepdaughters is getting better all the time.  They are with us at least half the time, and I really miss them now when they go to their mom's.  By the way, we are "Yours, Mine & Ours."  My husband has two daughters (17, 12), I have a daugher (15), and together we have a darling BOY (3 years).  They absolutely adore their brother and he adores them.  I think he was the glue that brought the family together.
 
November 22, 2005, 1:11 pm CST

I remember being Pregnant and emotional

Quote From: iktomiweb

My Daughter is expecting a baby at the end of Jan and I am trying to fit in with her plans I recently told her that I may be able to come and visit her for the holidays and I wanted to know if it would be inconvenient for them if I did come. She sent me an e-mail explaining to me that she had talked things over with her husband and they have decided that it would be great for me to come for Christmas and that I could just stay until the baby is born since I at this time do not have a job and she needs the help. I am recently married just had my first year anniversary and my husband has just gotten a new job and we have just moved and are getting settled in the new area as well as I am planning on looking for work as soon as possible. I informed my daughter that this idea was not going to work out for me or my husband and that I am currently looking for work and that it would be to long for me to be away from home. She sent me a very nasty e-mail back telling me that she is more important than my husband and that I am neglecting her. I pointed out to her that her husband should be the most important one at this time. This has made her even more angry towards me to the point she will not talk to me and has started to send emails to my mother that I am emotionally unstable and in need of help because of my bad past. I am now angry at her and do not want to communicate with her at this point because I believe that I should also be allowed to enjoy and have my life with my new husband the way that I want too and that all I want from her is that we can be happy for each other. I am so angry and sad and mad and hurt all at the same time.  

I quilted her a baby blanket and her response was “we are actually amazed that you did anything” So this is very difficult for me to hear. Then I start thinking about her in-laws who have quite a lot of money and do every thing for the kids that they ask for. I believe that I am in competition with her in-laws. And it is just unrealistic for me to compete with them nor do I feel I should.  

Pregnancy makes you kind of wacky and she is probably very disappointed that her mom won't be with her for the birth of her baby.  Clearly it was pretty important to her and she was counting on your help. 

  

 

I doubt you are in competition with your in laws.  It takes two to compete. 

  

 

The fact that you are far apart while she is going through having a baby I'm sure is hard for both of you. 

  

 

I can't imagine having a baby without my mom.  I don't think that a reasonable response to try to make her feel better by telling her that her husband is important.  He probably is but it is clear that so are you.  She is an angry pregnant woman and I think you can expect her to be less then reasonable for a while.

  

 

The best way to mend fences is to fully hear her out and acknowledge her concerns.  But being she is pregnant I would expect this to be a bit of a roller coaster for a while. I remember blowing things way out of line when I was dealing with all those hormones. 

  

 
November 22, 2005, 1:19 pm CST

Yours, Mine & Ours

We have a blended family I have 2 boys 9 and 11, he has a daughter, 14 and a son, 12 and a 5 yr old son together. We been a blended family for about 9 yrs and it was great until 3 yrs ago. My problem is not his daughter its his son. Everyone gets along and is pretty much a happy family except for him. He fights with everyone and disrespects everyone. My husband took his side for about the 1st year but its still not getting any better. He is even failing school and everyone else is on the AB honor roll. He doesnt care about anyone but himself. So we know where you all are coming from. I wish we could have gone on the Dr Phil show to help us. lol 

 
November 22, 2005, 1:24 pm CST

11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours”

Quote From: mistyc

I am also expecting my first child and my Mom is a semi newlywed (2 years)  She is going to come stay with me after the baby comes but if she couldn't I would understand.  I am a 35 year old woman I am not her child anymore, I don't need or expect her to cater to me.  When I was a little girl my brother, sister and I were the light of her life and I am thrilled that she has someone in her life to pamper her and take her on trips, and hang out with her.   

I know that your daughter has hurt  your feelings really bad, feel free to tell her Misty from Georgia says "grow up"!  if she still needs her Mom to babysit her she isn't old enough to have a child of her own yet. 

For all 3 of my pregnacies all I wanted was my mother around, forget the husband. lol I stayed with my mom for 2 weeks after my 1st pregnacy so she could help.  

 
November 22, 2005, 1:27 pm CST

11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours”

Quote From: dog10dog

I just wonder....do any of these people THINK? How can you just not think about it when you know you are combining all these kids under one roof? Do adult hormones rage so much that there is no thinking or planning and they just get married? I am a divorced parent of 2 boys-ages 17 and 13. There will be no STEPDAD. I think that is cruel and unusual punishment for all involved. I also fdo not want anyone else's kids either. Let mine grow up, then I will entertain the idea of marriage when they are out of the house. And the family getting 100K-I dunno, it is great and all but isn't that just rewarding adults fopr stupidity? How can we expect children to make responsible decisions when we have adults who CAN'T?!

I feel sorry for you.  

  

 
November 22, 2005, 1:34 pm CST

This is SO my family!!

My husband had 3 kids and I had 2 kids when we came together.  Much to our surprise we had twins together 2 years ago.  We have visitation with his 3 children.  We live in a 2 bedroom house and have had to make areas in the basement for kids' bedrooms~~no walls......just "areas".  We have ONE bathroom ~~only tub, toilet, sink~~no shower....which I would kill for (just kidding)....somehow we manage not to step all over each other when we are all here, but it does get trying at times!
 
November 22, 2005, 1:51 pm CST

Yours, Mineand Ours

These parents thought by joining two families are braver than me! I married a man with two teenage boys and I had two younger boys then we had a baby girl together! These people will survive as did we. Now our kids are 24, 23, 20, 19 & 13! These people just need alot of love, understanding, respect,and most of all alot of discipline and stand by each other instead of working against one another! What one says the other needs to enforce! Hang in there they will be 18 and on their on soon enough! Thanks, Stein 706
 
November 22, 2005, 1:55 pm CST

message to Barbara

I wanted to leave a Message for Barbara, I think it is so great the that you have welcomed all these childern as your own. There are not meny women that would do this. I agree that you need help with the disapline of the boys. But I just had to say how great it is that you are trying sooo hard to be a good mom to thoes kids. 

 
November 22, 2005, 1:55 pm CST

Hello

Hey there, I know that a lot of y'all are in the situation where you are married to a great guy with a clingy daughter. 

Well, let me tell you, I was that daughter when I was younger. I followed my dad everywhere, I was spoiled rotten and I honestly thought that I was my dads equal. So as you can imagine, my new step mother was less than thrilled. But fortunately she took the upper hand.  

See, the key to this situation is discipline, if my stepmother had never disciplined me and made me realize that I was the DAUGHTER and not the EQUAL, then my life would have been a disaster.  

At the time you might feel like the "bad guy" but just know that it works, thanks to my step mom I am completely different, and I am even more closer to her than I am with my dad.  

Just stick to your guns and be a great mother to her, and trust me she will turn around... if I could do it, then any spoiled brat can ;) 

<3Sam 

 
November 22, 2005, 2:03 pm CST

11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours”

Well this will come to a surprise but I am 20 years old and me and my husband have 6 kids 

I have three ages 6,4 and 2 and my husband has three ages 11,8 and 6. We also live in a 3 bedroom house and we don't have a problem with it everyone is happy and so am I. Parents need to know how to discipline their children and teach their children how to respect their elders. Parents also need to have patience. But i wish them the best.  

 
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