Topic : 11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours"

     I watched todays show!  The 2nd family look like they will make it and will be happy! 

The first family ..has problems.  I'm taking a guess here.. hear me out! 

the husband treated his daughter like a wife for 2years.  there needs to be some space.  I could see this daughter having a sexual relationship with her dad.  I'm not saying anything like that would happen or the dad being a perve but, the daughter and the dad have taken the daughter's role so far that its natural to think about the next step.  I also think that this dad likes  having to women fight over him.  How he sat there and smirked and says I spoil the daughter. i feel as if he doesn't want to change it.  Also, I think its going to be hard to change the daughter.  If the daughter does get less attention with dad ..she might act out 2 try and get that attention back.   

this is a messy problem.  I hope they have an update show on the first couple.   

I have 8 children 5 of my own 3 that are my cousins children I have had them for around 5 years now. Its been a very long road financially and emotionally and mentally. These children are MY cousins and the day they needed somewhere to go my husband and I talked about it and decided we would take them in until their parents got right ,clean and what have you. At that time my husband and I both had good jobs so financially it was not a problem . As years went on turns out i needed surgery for my carpal tunnel. Make a long story short I'm currently unemployed. The opportunity came up for my husband to move to Northern California His family lives up here see I thought well all these years we have been around my family with my parents ,sisters etc, etc, I felt it was his turn. So we moved.  

Anissa which is the middle child (of my cousins) needed a biopsy done I did not have legal guardianship of her so there for I could not authorize the surge.  I had to leave them behind. Broke my heart but I just couldn't do it. Legal fees no job. So now the system had to get involved Because: the parents  and grandparents were all in jail at the time. Yes the complete family was in jail. So the state of California took over.  

The girls wanted real bad to come live with me I told the social worker I needed some kind of assistance. I have no job no extra anything anymore my Workman's comp will be stooping shortly and have 5 kids of own. So they did their  things got them to assign me their caretaker. and is helping a little with some aid. But we are still in a 4 bedroom house Crowded yes very.  They ( the social worker) are already asking me am I willing to adopt them.... I know in my heart I would and should but financially I'm very scared. but at the same time I have had them for so long how do I give them up. My husband has been great considering we handle our children and would like to say very well behaved good marks on their report cards perfect attendance and positive attitudes.  And he puts up with someone Else's children not biologically related to him and its not easy taking care of children with issues and then 3 to boot. but he is willing to conceder adopting so they don't go back into the system. I'm very scared. So far GOD has provided ups with necessary things and a roof over our head but I'm afraid of going bankrupt and loosing my home and the girls to , Then not only would have their parents failed them but so would of I. I could really use some advice . I have family but no-one has offered to help and I'm not going to ask everyone knows I have them ( the girls) someone should just step up and say can we help ? but no one does. people were a little concerned when they found out they were coming up here with me. I just don't know what to do. Whats really scary is these kids did not get kindergarten so all three of them have been held back once and are two grade levels behind academically and the school is telling they have to pass them because of that "no child left behind" I'm worried that they will be passed all the way through high school and really not know anything. The mother has not seen her children in over five years and since I've had them she has seen them twice. I really want her to get better because they need her (I think) but at the same time all this work i have put into them and for her to mess it up I'm really concern. Sometimes I think I need Dr.Phil.  anybody got some advice for me.  

I can relate so very well to what Juli is going through. And like Dr. Phil said, it will get worse. My husband and I are married 11 years now, we have one child together who is 24 now. We were not married at the time our son was born, not even on the same continent. He raised his daughter since she was 18 month. The relationship between his daughter and me is hell. We do not talk, she threatens to kill me, she even hit me with a hammer on the forehead one time, and my husband thinks we just ran into each other in front of the bathroom. Well, I know different. She absolutely does nothing at home, never did, still lives from our money, and my husband thinks it is normal. He gives her money and says it is a loan, but there is no paying back. She needs to know every step he and I are taking, where we are going. She will be 22 in January, and there is no sign of her moving out any time soon. She almost has no friends, did not work for appr. 6 month, but still did not even wash dishes. She comes to our bedroom, takes my things, she even takes my underwear, and when I take them back she tells people that I am steeling. Juli really needs to watch her back, because this is the way it started out between my husbands daughter and me. 

I wish you luck. If I would not love my husband so much, I would have turned his daughter in to the police more than once. Do not let that brat walk over you. She is a child, and when your husband does not put his foot down he will have something like I do.  

Im new here and just wanted to share a little of my exprience. I've been married for six years, my two sons are 5 and 9. Alot of our problems stemmed from my unnacceptance of my stepson. All I could see when I looked at him was his father whom I disliked. I wasn't abusive, but was aloof, and disinterested. I know the incredible strain this must have put on my wife, and im in therapy now to try and put things back together. My wife asked me to move out of the house two weeks ago, and basically wants nothing to do with me. I am very hopeful that some heeling will eventually take place, but know that the pain i've already caused may be too much for her to get past. I hope someone out there can share some insight as to how I can fully accept my son, and into what my wife must be going through herself.  

I only caught the last half of the show with the super crowded family.  The money and vacation Dr. Phil arranged for them will certainly help, and as two of the kids are are getting to an age for moving out, things might ease soon. 

However, based on the video of their home, I think they might benefit most of all by taking a look at the FlyLady website (www.flylady.net).  Yes, the house is certainly too small for them, but without some organization and new habits I think the new or extended house will look very much the same very soon, with 8 people living in it. 

I'm a naturally atrociously unorganized person, but for the last two months my house and my life have been much easier, tidier and less stressed.   Give it a try, it won't cost you anything at all. 

Dear Dr. Phil 

Once upon a time I worked for the state of Florida welfare division.  There were days I would spin off into another realm of upset because of the way the "system" was set up to NOT HELP WORKING, STRUGGLING FAMILIES!  I would choke on the words while trying to explain they did not qualify for any help.  I kept their information anonymous but come holiday time their names, ages, sex (for gift giving) and  addresses would be given to organizations that could make a difference in their lives.   If the system knew what I did I would have been fired because the info I gave was supposed to be kept confidential.  I just could not sit by and do nothing...  So I chose to help within the capacity I was able.  I just want to thank you for choosing to make a difference  in struggling families as you did with this family.   

Dr Phil, brace yourself, Thank you!