She is not my biological child, she is my stepdaughter. I unlike your husband, I was an only child. I was raised with my whole family catering to my every need, but I was also raised like a little adult, not much of a childhood.
Heather came into my life when she was six, and came from a home where she had no rules. I wanted to do the other extreme which was give this poor little 6 year old too many rules to handle. When my son was about to be born, Justin now 10, Heather rebelled, she is now 18. not just because of Justin coming, but because I was a poor father image.
My wife with whom I was just living with at the time, almost left me, as she was caught in the middle of Heather and me. I chose to go to family counseling out of fear of loosing the one person I knew I was meant to be with the rest of my life. The family counseling started out rough, and got worst, when the counselor started suggesting that from the 5th week n, she would just be meeting with Heather and me. Our assignment for the sixth week of counseling was an eye opener for both Heather and I. The therapist insisted that the following Sunday, I would cancel all my appointment, I was, and still am a REALTOR. I would wake up Heather at 7AM, help her dress, and take her out to breakfast, then spend the whole day together, and have no communication with mom the whole day, and not come back home till Heather had dropped to sleep.
The day was 16 hours long, we followed all the instructions to the tee. That was the first of many day dates for Heather and me, as we are assigned to do this every other week. It became a ritual that created a bonding between us, that many biological parents don't share with their own children. Heather had to learn to rely on me, and trust me, and I learned to see all the specialness she really is. Well she is now turning 18 next month, and graduating early out of H.S. with a 3.78 GPA out of a 4.0. I direct a young girls dance group, that I started 3 years ago, to keep Heather occupied in something she adores, which is Latin Dancing, yes I said Latin. My gorup now has 12 young ladies ages 7 to 16 in the Monday night group, and 6 young ladies ages 14 to 21 in the Saturday group, Heather is the Heead Dancer and Choreographer of both, and she will be taking it up prfessionally as she wishes to earn a BFA degree from Columbia Collleg starting next FALL.
Although Heather is not Latin, she has also assimilated my culture, now she is a Green Eyed, Red Headed little White Girl, that can dance Salsa, Merengue, Bachata and Reggaeton better than some real Latin girls we have in the group. You could say Heather is Bi-Lingual, and Bi-Cultural.
Don't know how you are going to do this, but getting your husband and your whole family can be a great first step to cure his relationship with all his children. We found our therapist through Children Memorial Hospital, if there is a Children's Hospital in your area it may be a great resource. I will forever be Thankful to the cunselor that tought me so much about myself, and showed Heather she can trust me. Our bond is incredible.
As for my wife, we are still very mcuh happily married, very much in Love, and she is a stay at home mom, and doing a GREAT job at it.
(Original Air Date: 11/25/05) Parents, listen up! Dr. Phil tackles parenting problems before they become big challenges. Victoria Gotti has let America see firsthand her challenges raising three boys on her hit reality show, Growing Up Gotti. Can Dr. Phil help her learn not to be such a pushover? Next, Michael Rapaport, star of the The War at Home, gives Dr. Phil a behind-the-scenes look at the controversial sitcom and asks him for help with his personal parenting dilemmas. Plus, the spanking debate continues with a couple at war over the issue. And, Dr. Phil offers advice to parents of a 5-year-old who is so friendly with everyone, she has even gotten into a stranger's car. Talk about the show here.
