Message Boards

Topic : 08/04 Biggest Parenting Problems

Number of Replies: 100
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, November 18, 2005, 03:49:00 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/25/05) Parents, listen up! Dr. Phil tackles parenting problems before they become big challenges. Victoria Gotti has let America see firsthand her challenges raising three boys on her hit reality show, Growing Up Gotti. Can Dr. Phil help her learn not to be such a pushover? Next, Michael Rapaport, star of the The War at Home, gives Dr. Phil a behind-the-scenes look at the controversial sitcom and asks him for help with his personal parenting dilemmas. Plus, the spanking debate continues with a couple at war over the issue. And, Dr. Phil offers advice to parents of a 5-year-old who is so friendly with everyone, she has even gotten into a stranger's car. Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.

 

More August 2006 Show Boards.


As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

November 25, 2005, 11:39 am CST

Re: Overly friendly 5 year old, etc.

Quote From: trued3

I thought Dr. Phil's advise for helping the overly friendly 5 year old was good, but I was wondering if Dr. Phil or anyone else has thought of using Social Stories  (Carol Gray) to help teach children appropriate behavior?? I work with children with Autism and have been using them for the last 12 years, and when used appropriately they work like magic for some kids (not just kids with Autism)......kids who are visual learners....and who isn't a visual learner?.......I know I am! A social story with that child (and their perspective) in the story......along with with the appropriate perspective and ......a little positive behavior rewards....... in my experience can do a lot to change behavior.

As a person who has worked with children professionally, as a teacher in public school, and also as a volunteer in church children's programs, Sunday School teaching, Bible School teacing, and as a person who has studied childhood psychology (several courses required for both teaching degrees), I also know that children raised in the right home environment do know when a stranger can be trusted or not. 

  

While children, especially in modern times, need to know that they should not talk to strangers their parents don't know, the people involved in trying to do a semi-entrapment set-up to show parents how their children should not talk to strangers are merely acting as though they might abduct the child. And those people who are doing the demonstration with the parents watching from a distance do love and respect children.  

  

I know that actors playing the meanest characters in the movies and on TV with child actors in the very same movie or TV show can get by with such acting in the presence of those children because the child actor knows in their own human spirit that it is just acting.  

  

One of the most, almost overused, examples of "child abduction experts" is the "Help me find my lost puppy" routines. There is a man who has made a living at that and he travels all around the USA holding seminars and having parents watch him talk to their children. Since he loves children with respect and natural affection, the children literally trust him because they know he is not an evil person, although he is lying to them in the first place. Well, acting is "pretending to be someone that you aren't," right? 

  

I would never do anything to harm a child; but, it has been a rare case where a small child was even afraid of me. And, I mean that they were friendly toward me the very first time they saw me. In most cases, the fact that a parent or guardian was close by helped, too. I have had parents who were holding a child talk to me and the child want me to take him or her.  

  

So, I say that spiritual learning from the parents, meaning observing the parents attitude toward strangers, is a part of that visual learning, too. My father's attitude was like my mother's far distant relative, Will Rogers, he never met a man or stranger he didn't like. And like Will Roger's son said, "Oh, Dad realized he did not like a person AFTER he met them; but, he did give them a chance without prejudging them." 

 
November 25, 2005, 12:42 pm CST

Dr Phil Show.

Doctor Phil. I thinking spanking is a wrong thing to do. However if the child is mis behaving than I go ahead than spank the childrens. By the way did you ever spank your children when they are--- 

little? I did when I was little myself back in the good old days. Well I had better close now. Since- 

rley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 
November 25, 2005, 12:44 pm CST

Ms. Gotti's discipline...

Quote From: finkral

 I have watched the Gotti show and I am glad she has decided to do something about her disrespectful, rude, obnoxious children.  She is correct, they treat her like dirt.  Why would anyone agree to show that on TV?  However, if she wants respect she needs to take a look at her clothes.  Someone her age should not be parading around Italy with shorts that were too short and her midriff bare.  I was wondering what the Italian people were thinking about someone dressed like she dresses.  Doesn't she have a friend to tell her or a mirror so she would know that her clothes are totally age inappropriate.  We don't allow high school students  to dress that provocatively. It looks rediculous on a middle aged women.   What kind of message is she sending her boys.   She should take a look at Mrs. Dr. Phil.  She looks great and her clothes are stylish.  No need to wear boots from the 60's unless you are appearing in a retro video.
I agree, her discipline is deplorable....I mean the fact that she does not discipline and never has is deplorable.  She never has followed through, and they know she won't.  They'll be paying for it later in life though, that's what the sad part is.  Victoria taught me a new word today "LACKS-A-DAISICAL".  What the ????? ROFL.  She's a moron.  She must have learned that word from George on the "INTERNETS." LOL
 
November 25, 2005, 1:17 pm CST

Problem Teenager/Pre Teen

I have a 14 year old teenage boy who lives with my ex-husband and a 12 year old girl who does live with me and her step father.  The problem is my 14 year old son is angry all the time.  You can not tell this child anything.  It could be 20 degrees outside and tell him to put a jacket on when he is going outside and his response to me all the time is "how stupid, I don't need a jacket, I'm fine, Leave me alone" I am trying so hard to keep it together not only for his sake but for mine and his siblings as well.  My 12 year old is picking up his bad habbits.  I don't know what to do.  She is just as mouthy as he is and just as angry all the time.  They are both doing everything they can to make me miserable.  Any advice would be helpful.  My husband and I have told them that they will be paying for there doctor bills and medications and there response is "no you have to were not 18". 

Please help   

 
November 25, 2005, 1:18 pm CST

spanking

I think that if a child is throwing a tantrum, then ignoring it is the best thing to do. Children do whatever gets them attention, and if you take that attention away then the behavior will stop. I learned this through my mother and have continued it with my four year old. It has worked for us.
 
November 25, 2005, 1:24 pm CST

11/25 Biggest Parenting Problems

Quote From: finkral

 I have watched the Gotti show and I am glad she has decided to do something about her disrespectful, rude, obnoxious children.  She is correct, they treat her like dirt.  Why would anyone agree to show that on TV?  However, if she wants respect she needs to take a look at her clothes.  Someone her age should not be parading around Italy with shorts that were too short and her midriff bare.  I was wondering what the Italian people were thinking about someone dressed like she dresses.  Doesn't she have a friend to tell her or a mirror so she would know that her clothes are totally age inappropriate.  We don't allow high school students  to dress that provocatively. It looks rediculous on a middle aged women.   What kind of message is she sending her boys.   She should take a look at Mrs. Dr. Phil.  She looks great and her clothes are stylish.  No need to wear boots from the 60's unless you are appearing in a retro video.

I don't particularly care for "Growing up Gotti" myself, but I find it interesting that Victoria Gotti would seek help from Dr. Phil-  it really shows that he reaches a lot of ppl! What did the italian ppl think about the way she dresses? If they knew who she was ( chances are many did ) they  were probably not too concerned- she is daughter of the "Teflon-Don"! Ms. Gotti looks ok- she has a style all her own and her personality really comes out in her outfits. BTW- 60's style boots are VERY in style. Good luck Victoria! Oh, one more thing- her name is ROBIN, not Mrs. Dr. Phil.  

  

Kari 

 
November 25, 2005, 1:26 pm CST

Spanking is physical abuse

I wish I could say that I never spanked my daughter, who is now 17 and a half years old and a senior in high school. But I did occasionally swat her, starting when she was just three and in a biting( -- Mom or Dad only) phase. That first time only "worked" (in that she took her teeth out of my shoulder) because she was so shocked at being spanked. 

I wish that I had paid attention to her look of shock AND the feelings I had about spanking her (I was spanked by my mother with her hand,  a wooden hairbrush, a coat hanger, a yardstick, a switch cut from our hibiscus bush until I was 12 years old and I HATED it.  AND, it didn't work; I still did what I wanted and started lying about it or got real good at "covering my tracks".). 

I used to try and excuse my actions -- I didn't do it a lot, only used my hand and only across her butt. But however I looked at it, it was still threatening, violent, humiliating and ineffective. I was perpetuating something that hadn't worked and which I had hated. 

I finally stopped spanking when my daughter, then 10 (!) called me a child abuser. She was right. I would never tolerate my husband (or anyone else now) raising a hand to me; where did I get off doing that to our child!?! 

In the end, it really does boil down to that biblical phrase, "Do unto others as you would have then unto you." 

  

 
November 25, 2005, 1:51 pm CST

11/25 Biggest Parenting Problems

 There is some behavior a 2 -3 year old exhibits that there is no currency for.  From what I watched on your show you failed to really address the comunication problems between the parents and help them with a game plan. Your advice was surface at best
 
November 25, 2005, 2:19 pm CST

what worked for me

I have a good friend who gave me this disipline, it worked so well I didn't have to use it again. Make a list of things to do around the house -- things to that are age appropriate. Don't be afraid to make them dirty chores. (My favorite chore was washing the base boards in the whole house.) It all has to do with choice -- and how they choose determines how long they are on restriction. The trick to make this work is not to give in on any of this: They are on TOTAL restriction from doing anything except shool and (if old enough) go to thier job UNTLL all of the chores are fininshed. (sports, which also inclues team sports, are not allowed -- if this reflects in a bad way on the team -- too bad -- it was thier choice. After all it was thier choice that got them in the situation in the first palce. If you have to explain it to the coach, then do it -- but don't give in. They must do the chore to the specs you gave them and to finish each chore (none half way). This means that if they do the jobs quickly to your specs then they are off restriction. It they choose to mope, gripe and take a long time (or when they decide to do them) then that's thier decision. And here's an insentive catch, you only inspect the job list ONCE. So, if they take a week or more to finish the list, and the first job is back to dirty or an unfinished state -- they have to do that one over again. This worked for me when my son got into really big trouble when he was younger, and I have not had to repeat this again and he's now in college. Of course other issues have risen, but not to the point were the 'list' was used. There were times that all I had to do was to ask if I needed to make another list and mention dirty base boards. He straighten up. But in all cases of disipline, you can not let them do the list half way or give in to the restriction in any way. You can't give in because a speical this or that is going on-- which means the parent will also be staying home to make sure that the kid is keeping to the rules. Well I need to go wash my base boards -- the holidays are fast approaching! P. S. Another disipline when conventional time outs don't seem to work: Have the kid sit facing a blank wall (a boring upstairs hall is great). YOU sit in a chair with a good book and an iced tea or coke. It really drives the point home to the kid when they know you're watching and having a good time doing it!
 
November 25, 2005, 3:14 pm CST

Appalled by the mother of victoria and hunter!

I didnt see any other post for the woman that was the mom of Victoria and Hunter! I am appalled at her. I can not believe that she can treat her daughter that way. I am a daughter of a 7 year old girl and it broke my heart. I would take that baby in a second.  I hope she listened and took to heart what Dr. Phil said. That poor little girl my prayers will be with her!
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Next | Last