Topic : 08/04 Biggest Parenting Problems

That show was on like, 2 months ago. Did you tape it or something??? 

I've found some of the comments on this board to be very judgemental.  Being a parent is very hard work, and an almost impossible task to get perfect if you've had poor parenting in the past yourself.  These people have come to the show for help (even Gotti).  Do you think they want their kids to do this?  This is not how they dreamed it would be. 

All they asked for was help and tips.  These parents want to do better and should be commended for recognizing the problem and asking for direction.   

So, if you are a parent with perfect kids...congratulations.  Use your knowledge to help in a kind way - or not at all.   

As a parent, I can tell you it was hard for me to ask for help.  I did not want nobody prying into my personal world.  Looking at it now, the decision I made to cooperate 10 years ago, has given me the daughter I always wished for.  I pray all the parents that need help, and direction, ask, and accept the ideas from non-judgmental people.  Kids, like mates, don't come with instruction books, 30 day return policy or 2 year no lemon laws offered by the state they were born in  

Good luck, and don't be afraid to ask, there will be parents here that went through a lot, and not be judgmental.  

Jose' 

As I said before, perhaps they are following parenting advise from a very liberal source.  And perhaps that liberal practice is not what works with that particular child.  Every child is different.  Not just because of their age, or sex, but because of their personality type, or if they have their own agenda.  Heather at almost 7 years old was very manipulative, and testing to see how far she can push the new step dad, and let me tell you she almost pushed me right out the door.   

Now she turns 18 next month, we are closer than any biological child - dad I know, and she is the apple of my eye.  She will tell you, she has me wrapped around her little finger, but that is O.K. because I rather have that than the war I lived through back then. 

My son 10, is very sweet, patient and sentimental.  He cries at anything, suffers from ADD, but is otherwise a fun kid to be around.  He does not like me as much as he likes his mom, but that is o.k. too, as Heather does not like her mom as much as she likes me. There is a balance, but it took 11 months in therapy to find it.  Very well worth it. 

Heather is a peach, she will be going to Columbia College, just got accepted, in August of 2006.  She has the opportunity to dorm there, and refused.  She does not want to be to far away from home.  So she an I have come to a plan to make this work for her.  The two days that she will have 12 hour days, I will drive her there and back, as I don't want her falling asleep at the wheel.   

The other two days, they are shorter 5 to 6 hour days, she will driver herself, or take Metra Train from our home in the Burbs to Downtown Chicago.  It is going to be an exciting four years for her. 

I hope your husband sees this as an opportunity to make amends with all his children.  Our family counseling started with the whole family, including my mom that lived with us at the time.  The therapist selected who to see the following week, every time.  After 4 weeks, she discharged my mom, and my wife, and Heather and I gave each other a look that was priceless.  We knew we were in the doctor sites now, and there was no more hiding.  It was the beginning of what is today a very remarkable relationship.  So remarkable, our local newspaper wrote an article on us, called "Dancing Steps", it started focusing on our dance group that Heather and I started 3 years ago, and then quickly focused on a step parent relationship that actually worked out after much work on everybody's part.  I pray your family will be just as blissful. 

As a dance director, and a step dad that had to go through counseling to learn to deal with my little princes, I beg  you don't take gymnastic away.  Perhaps this is the only thing she likes to do, and taking it away will push her further into withdraw.   

Talk it over with the counselor and seek other ideas.  If the counselor does not help, consider finding one that will see both of you, as we did. A family counselor that focuses n kids.  

As a dance director I can tell you that I often receive calls from my girl's parents telling me they have this problem or the next.  I have a talk with them with the parents permission, and usually it helps.  Try confiding in the gym coach the problem you are having, see if he or she give you a different idea.  Take care, and good luck.