Topic : 08/04 Biggest Parenting Problems

I really feel you missed with those parents who couldn't agree to spank or not to spank.  Actually, I thought you left the dad hanging.  I agree with Dr. James Dobson on the issue of spanking,  that it is justified for "willful disobedience".  My parents spanked if we were disobedient or "sassy", and we knew where that line was.  I wasn't afraid of my parents because a swat never came out of nowhere, you knew when you had it coming.  That little kid is a brat and a good swat on the butt is just what he needs when he hits his mother.  Wait till his hormones kick in!

You are so correct. My friend's daughter (age 14) has always been interested in boys. So, the family has supervised her well and made sure to surround her with good role models. They got her involved in their active parish's youth group and now she's working with that group 3 nights weekly plus on Sundays. The group is so active that it puts of religious plays and musicals all over the state (with the parents along for the ride). We had the girl over two months ago and couldn't believe the difference...she talks about her high grades, her church friends (mostly girls), her drama and singing activities and everything BUT boys. They are far down on her list right now and it's great to see.

 

It's up to PARENTS to guide their children plus supervise them. Too often we want to be friends and be popular with our children. That's not what parents were put on this earth to be!

I guarantee you that ANY child can be GOT by a pedophile if that pedophile has set his sights on that child! Whatever you've said to your child can and will fail...and it only takes one time!

 

As a former parole officer who has had hour upon hour of training in sexual abuse (etc), I am convinced that a good pedophile (I realize that's an oxymoron) can get whatever child he wants if he waits and plans long enough. They are the most manipulative and cunning creatures on earth (sadly) and they spend much time figuring out how to get what they want (in this case a child).

 

Don't EVER assume your child or any other child is safe. If someone wants him or her bad enough, he'll find a way to get her. That's why parents have got to stop allowing anyone pre-teen or younger to walk alone or even with just one other child. And parents have got to stop allowing their kids to ride their bikes in the neighborhood unsupervised. And they've got to stop allowing them to walk around stores in different aisles than the ones they are in, etc, etc, etc.

 

We need to act defensively with our children just as we've been told to drive defensively. We are losing too many kids to murder, rape and abuse because we are STILL TOO TRUSTING and TOO NAIVE when it comes to pedophiles.

 

My two children (age 5 and 12) have been warned over and over again about pedophiles, strangers, etc., but I am not foolish enough to believe that they are safe. Kids will always be kids...too trusting, too relaxed, too scared to make a scene, etc.

 I don't know anything about all those families and their kids, I'm talking for myself. Maybe some kids need to be just punished ... I don't know ... I have 11months old baby and I hope I'll be able to do my best to communicate with him and try to understand what might have caused his misbehavior. The reason why I'm saying it is my own memories .
I remembered myself well since I was 2 year old. I hadn't been punished untill I was about 3,5-4 year old. Then my mom would put me in a corner of my room for a time out so I could think what I had done and then said "sorry". I couldn't really understand why I'd been punished. I were seeking for an explanation what I did wrong. I needed open communication. But as you could imagine at 3 year old I wasn't able to express my feelings and put my thoughts into reasonable sentences. I had a problem with anger. Sometimes I could sit and play and then suddenly become very anxious or angry. I would break a toy, cut my hair or cut my clothes. I couldn't share this with my parents because I didn't know how. I felt hurt if I was punished for that. Sometimes I wasn't allowed to do something and I would become very irritated because I felt frustrated. All I needed was an explanation and talk.
Surely kids can't communicate as adults can. Sometimes they might not be sure what exactly they feel. I think most of the times they don't mean to do anything bad and act out of frustration or some other reason. I think it's an adult responsibility to try to understand their child. Even if it seems impossible to talk to anybody under 5 year old or even older but it's very important to try your best.  

ok, i am so sick and tired of hearing parents cry about how horrible thier kids are. well if you think thier so horrible DONT HAVE SEX IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! i am constantly fighting with my mom because she thinks that i should be this little angel child that doesnt date, doesnt talk back, doesnt voice thier oppinion, and does what ever the my mom wants. well newsflash!!! WE ARE NOT PERFECT!!! NIETHER ARE YOU!!! stop bringing us down, you think you have it so bad with your childeren, your kids live with the fact that you dont like them for who they are! do you know how horrifying it is to hear your parent say I ONLY LIKE YOU CAUSE YOUR MY SON!? or I WONT SUPPORT THAT DICISION? well if you have it so bad the put them up for addoption and i am so sick of hearing you dr. phil YEA YOU! always take the parents side! take the childs for once! see it from our point of view! you guys are not perfect and no one is and never will your childeren be EVERYTHING you want them to be! so be happy with what you have and be thankful for who they are and be appriciative of what they do for you!!!! I DO ALOT FOR MY MOM,

1.CLEAN HOUSE

2. EMPTY DISHWASHER

3. TAKE OUT GARBADGE

4. MOW THE LAWN

5. SPRAY THE WEEDS

6. RUN THE AARINS

7. SPRAY THE WEEDS

8. WEED EAT

9. WATER THE FLOWERS

10. WATER THE LAWN

 

i have seen alot in my day alot more than any person at any age have/should see! so get over yourselves and realize what your doing for to your childeren!!!

I watched a few episodes of "Growing Up Gotti", and enjoyed seeing single mom, Victoria,  handle all of the  traumas and pitfalls of  maintaining a home, working and raising 4 boys, but I became so disgusted at how insulent, disrespectful, arrogant and spoiled that she was allowing her sons to become, I stopped watching it.   The last episode I saw was when they went on a vacation and her sons created such a disturbance in a hotel (at 2:00 a.m.) that the security personnel had to be called.   Her sons were old enough to have more respect for the hotel, other guests and their mother, but they were not taught that and it was disgraceful.

Sue

 

     Here's my opinion, and why

 

    I say NOT TO SPANK. Don't ever spank children, especially children under age 5.

 

  I believe children cannot make a connection with a spanking being a form of punishment. They will never understand the idea that they are being spanked because they did something wrong. They are too young and don't have that kind of level of understanding. The only thing the child will get is that there parents are hitting and conflicting pain on them, and for the parents it may work in the heat of the moment. The child will interpret that spanking and the idea of punishment as two completely different things.

   Being spanked will work for the short term. It doesn't matter if they are playing in there room, or they are doing something wrong. The spanking will stop them in there tracks. The child will remember it for the long term.........

Hello All

 

  It seemed that children who have parents who spank them. The children tend to distance themselves from. The children also tend not to listen to. The child gets the idea of there parents as someone who will hurt them, so they tend to distance themselves from. When the parents tell them not to do something, the child will do it anyway. In a way the child is going one-on-one with the parent..........

We are a family of 6, 4 kids and my husband as well as my self. We have two 12 year olds, a 10 year old and a 8 year old. In the begining my husband used physical punishments when they were in trouble by spanking. Recently we have been corrected in our ways and taught new tools to use in these situations. Now if any of our children have done something to get in trouble we place them in the corner for a set time and then sit them down and discuss what had happened and helped them come up with alternate choses that they could have made and should make in the future. The problem with most parents today is that they don't make the time fo spend with their children. Children crave grow and time in order to build them into the greatest people they can be. It sounds pretty simple if you think about it you can spend time with YOUR children that you brought into this world or let them try to find their own way without guidence and see what you get.

I give my three boys a lot of my time.  Because of the ADHD I constantly have to remind them to stay on track and get their chores and homework done.  Their teachers are beyond frustration with inattention and lost homework.  Our oldest, 17, is finally "getting it".  His grades have improved, but he still gets distracted and forgets what he is supposed to be doing.  We use time-outs and loss of computer time as a consequence for disobedience.  I am tired of having to constantly remind them, but with ADHD, we do what we have to.

 

The child with the most severe symptoms cannot take any of the standard ADHD meds because of a heart condition.  He is the most non-compliant.  He has anger outbursts and cries when things don't go exactly his way.  We don't give in to him.  I think he has Bipolar disorder...we are working with a psychiatrist.

 

We manage, however, all three boys have become less compliant and more distractable since I have been through breast cancer, mastectomy, hysterectomy, gallbladder removal...all since January of this year.  I have needed them to pitch in more than usual.  Post-surgery bed rest kept me from being able to monitor them as closely.  Now, they seem not to hear me when I tell them to do chores.  I have to make them have direct eye contact and let them know that I mean business.  Hitting them is not an option.  I know that they have been stressed with all of my illnesses.  We have kept them informed of all that goes on.  I just want our house to get back to "normal".  I have Bipolar disorder too...just adds to the mix!