Topic : 06/05 Conception Deception

Hi all, 

I just wanted to write my thoughts down....I have a six month old , and a husband who calls me dirty names almost on a daily basis.The other day he was burping her, and he was doing it rather hard, and one of the burps made her cry......I dont believe it. He hugged her and said sorry, but how could this happen in the first place? I was always known as a STRONG woman. and now............. 

I wanted to know how the fighting and name calling will affect my little baby. I know it cant be good. And I cant leave. I am not american, and if i cross the border to canada, my husband WILL claim kidnapping. I told him that we need counselling, but he refuses. I am scared, and I dont want my child to grow up thinking this is ok. Nor do I want her to feel scared in her own home. He takes everything away from me if he suspects that I want to leave, and says he will take her away too. So, my loving husband turned monster has me hostage.(so I feel) I want to get out. I cant see her cry. I need to bring her to my family where it is safe and healthy for the both of us.. He wants me pregnant again.... I cant get a professional opinion without him knowing, I need to know if there is a way for me to get away....I know there has to be. Please let me know.......thank u 

My husband and I both agreed that we wanted our first child.  When she was four months old,  I became pregnant while using contraceptive foam.  My ex left me because he couldn't stand the fact that our son was born retarded.  His remarks:  "I'm embarrassed by him, don't love him, and never want to see him again."   

Don't be so quick to make assumptions. 

You don't need a professional to tell you that your situation is just wrong.   I raised my children alone and couldn't be more proud at how they turned out.  My ex acts as though our  kids never existed, but his mind is warped and twisted.  I'm so glad that they didn't get influenced by him.    

I wonder how you can justify this woman's lies by sayijng what she did was not new.  

So should that be the standard? As long as someone else has done a bad deed it is okay if we do it?  

Derek could have been more responsible and you label him cold and pompous. 

But you don't label Stacy lying and manipulative. I find that sad 

I wonder if you have had a similar experience and that is why you can justify Stacy's lies so easily. What if Derek was your brother, son, etc.? 

Mary, 

I really hope you read this.  I just want to tell you I am thinking about you and praying that you will find the strength and healing you need. 

This may sound strange, but I really appreciate you having the courage to go on the show and share your story.  I am currently 9 weeks pregnant from my husband having sex with me while I was asleep.  I don't know how many times it happened, but I woke up one night and he was in the middle of it...we hadn't had sex in over a month and then I got pregnant.  Before I found out, I had already left him.  Obviously, there were other problems.  But I had married him and stayed with him for four years for our first son's sake.  I see that was a mistake now. 

I don't know what I really want to say.  I know how you feel, or at least think you might feel like I do, confused, betrayed, angry, and like you can't trust anyone.  I pray that both of us find a way to heal and be strong Mom's. 

Again, thank you for sharing your story because now I know that I am not alone.  I really felt like this was all so unreal.   

I hope you are OK and I really will be praying for you. 

Of course I think deception is a horrible thing.  It makes no sense to trap someone into a marriage. You can't  make someone love you. 

With that being said I think their is more significant issue at  hand.  WHEN PEOPLE HAVE SEX BABIES CAN RESULT.  It seems like a simple statement but judging by all this shock and surprise over the resulting Pregnancys maybe it is still unclear.  SEX  is not free or simple ever.  We as a culture have to stop trying to pretend it is all about pleasure with no responsibility.  If that guy wanted to play  golf instead of having a family he should have been abstinent.   I don't  feel sorry for him one bit. He knew he  was in a risky situation.  Why else would he consistantly ask if she was on birth control.  "Honey are you taking those things that increase your risk of Heart attacks and or strokes so that I can enjoy your body as much as  I like for as long as I like and walk away without any ties? You are good Let's have at then"   I find the whole thing ridiculous.  He is selfish and mad that he could not continue to be as selfish as he wanted.  

I just wanted to write to let the woman on your show who's husband had sex with her while she was sleeping (sorry I can not remember your name at the moment) I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I know how you feel, I mean to a certain extent because everyone feels different, my now ex husband use to do that with me as well. I did not know this until one day I picked up the phone and he was on the phone in the other room talking to his best friend and I heard him telling him how he did it again last night. I know I should have hung up but at the time I had my suspicions that he was having an affair so I listened and that is when I found out what he was talking about. He was bragging that he was able to have sex with me again and I did not wake up. I was horrified and that night I pretended to sleep and sure enough he had sex with me not knowing that I was actually awake and just when he was about to end it (you know what I mean) I yelled get off of me you a**hole. He could not deny it and for several days I did not know what to make of it, I was appalled and angry and I did feel raped. I did not know what to do and then one day a girl came to my door while he was at work and told me that she was sleeping with my husband. I told her that she could have him and to watch her back and that night I packed up my son and I and moved out and moved on with my life. We were only married for 6 months and my son was not his, we did not have any kids together so to me it was quite easy to pack up and leave. I just felt that after only 6 months of marriage and he was doing these things to me that I could never love him like I had or trust him ever again. I do not know what the future holds for you, my heart went out to you and I sure hope that the counseling that Dr Phil arranged for you will help you to sort through your feelings and figure out what to do next. My only advise like you have heard a thousand times I'm sure, is do not stay together because of the kids. and if you do decide to leave I just want you to know that things do get better with time and you will be happy again. I have a saying that it is better to be alone then to be with someone and be lonely,  If you decide to work on your marriage that is great to what ever works for you just be true to yourself and the rest will follow. 

Best Wishes for health, happiness, and love.