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Topic : 06/05 Conception Deception

Number of Replies: 706
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Created on : Tuesday, November 22, 2005, 03:23:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/28/05) What if your husband tricked you into getting pregnant? What if your wife lied to you and got pregnant? First, Stacy didn't tell Derek she went off birth control until after she got pregnant. He thought he was doing the right thing by marrying her but now feels trapped. When Stacy reveals the real reason she went off birth control, will Derek decide to stay in the marriage, or is it over? Next, Steve got Mary pregnant so that she would marry him. Since they've had more than one unplanned child, how does he keep getting her pregnant, and is he trying to trap her? Share your thoughts.


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November 28, 2005, 10:46 am CST

Please tell me...

I only get to read the website to get my Dr. Phil show because I have "impressionable children" in the house who would much rather watch their shows anyway.  But... 

  

Someone PLEASE tell me that Dr. Phil asked Derek on the show why he wasn't wearing a condom.   I read through all 8 pages hoping to read Dr. Phil set him straight on his part of the problem but didn't see it.  HE IS NOT A VICTIM -- he is irresponsible with his own reproduction.  I am not taking any responsibilty off of Stacy.  What she did was wrong but it takes alot of courage for a woman to admit that.   

  

I know they can't write down everything that is said on the segmant but, if Dr. Phil didn't say that Derek is at fault for expecting someone else to manage his life then he owes them an apology! 

  

I love ya Dr. Phil but this may have been a HUGE disservice to men and women - and the children they produce.    

 
November 28, 2005, 10:49 am CST

I was expecting this

I was looking for someone to play the "condom card".  If you are in a commited adult  relationship and you tell your boyfriend you are on the pill why should he doubt you.  I am a 35 year old married woman.  When I met my husband I assured him that I didn't want kids ever.  A year later I changed my mind, so like any adult should do I discussed this with him.  I was fortunate and he agreed to let me have a baby.  But if he had said "sorry but no"  I would have had to live with that.  He entered the relationship with me saying, no kids, and I was fully prepared to honor that statement. 

I understand accidents happen, although my parents were married and had one child already I was a "birth control pill baby".   

There is a HUGE difference in the pill failing to work and deliberately getting pregnant so someone will marry you.  Getting pregnant on purpose is so utterly deceitful and childish.   

 
November 28, 2005, 10:55 am CST

You rock!

Quote From: paulmish2

It isn't enought to have every possible birth control device available.  We have to make it "OK" to use them.  In my opinion, here in the US, we still have this "cowboy/baptist" attitude toward women.  A women (like me) who sees sex as her own choice, and birth control as just one more medical responsibility, is often labeled a (horrors!) feminist, ie. unnatural man-hater.  Catholic teaching (my own experience here) is STILL saying not to use birth control at all.  So a young girl who wants to keep a boyfriend will choose taking a chance over using birth control - somehow in a twisted patriarchal way, that's the less perverted choice!  Why isn't birth control FREE?  Why is Viagra covered and not birth control - hello!  Being married is no excuse for not protecting yourself.  In fact, being married makes accidental pregnancies more possible, right?  

  

In the end, I agree that people get what they bargain for.  If I had too many kids already, um, tubes tied / pill / depo provera already!  That way, a sneaky husband can get some fun, but no more kids! 

I agree whole heartedly.  I am a grown, mentally sound, woman.  I am responsible for my body and my decisions, no one else is.  I also agree that birth control should be free, I strongly think this would lessen the number of children that get abused every year because there parents didn't want them and take that frustration out on the child.
 
November 28, 2005, 11:02 am CST

I agree

Quote From: judyblue22

Putting aside the lies and nonconsentual issues, how can anyone expect to have a good marriage when there is no time for the couple to build their foundation before there are babies.  My husband and I didn't decide to start our family until we had been married long enough to know that we were compatible and we knew we were ready to take on that challenge.  We had our careers started and we were living in a community where we wanted to stay. 

  

Even though our first child was born after our 9th anniversary, it was a big adjustment and we still had to overcome some issues. Planning on having a baby immediately after marriage sounds like you are asking for trouble.    

  

A happy and successful marriage isn't automatic, even when both spouses are completely into getting married.  Using pregnancy and trickery to trap someone into a marriage they otherwise wouldn't choose is a mistake. 

I am expecting my first child in February.  I will be 35 when she is born and I purposely waited this long to have a baby.  I don't care if I look like her granny at the playground, I am free to love her with my whole heart.  My husband and I don't have to worry about money or housing and I will never have to wonder about the "road not traveled".  We can just enjoy being here Mom and Dad and she can enjoy having a loving stable home that can be her safe haven. 

  

 
November 28, 2005, 11:39 am CST

There's a difference

Quote From: mistyc

I was looking for someone to play the "condom card".  If you are in a commited adult  relationship and you tell your boyfriend you are on the pill why should he doubt you.  I am a 35 year old married woman.  When I met my husband I assured him that I didn't want kids ever.  A year later I changed my mind, so like any adult should do I discussed this with him.  I was fortunate and he agreed to let me have a baby.  But if he had said "sorry but no"  I would have had to live with that.  He entered the relationship with me saying, no kids, and I was fully prepared to honor that statement. 

I understand accidents happen, although my parents were married and had one child already I was a "birth control pill baby".   

There is a HUGE difference in the pill failing to work and deliberately getting pregnant so someone will marry you.  Getting pregnant on purpose is so utterly deceitful and childish.   

There's a difference between taking responsibility for your own baby making and doubting that someone else is doing it for you. 

  

If you are not completely OK with the possibility that you may be making a life changing decision with this person (they admitted to already be having problems before the baby), you should be protecting youself.  My understanding is that they were committed as in "not-seeing-other-people" way but not in the "for-life" way.  

  

I wonder if people would recommend that they get a joint checking account or buy a house together if they were having problems but sex without protecting yourself - go right ahead!   

  

Again, it is wrong, wrong, wrong ALWAYS to deceive.  But, he is still responsible.  

 
November 28, 2005, 11:41 am CST

You will not look like a granny!

Quote From: mistyc

I am expecting my first child in February.  I will be 35 when she is born and I purposely waited this long to have a baby.  I don't care if I look like her granny at the playground, I am free to love her with my whole heart.  My husband and I don't have to worry about money or housing and I will never have to wonder about the "road not traveled".  We can just enjoy being here Mom and Dad and she can enjoy having a loving stable home that can be her safe haven. 

  

Congratulations on your pregnancy.  I am 35 with a 2 year old (as well as a 14 year old and a 5 year old) and I don't look like a granny to say the least and neither will you! 
 
November 28, 2005, 12:14 pm CST

No birth control - no sex.

I hope people watchiing today's show got the message. Bottom line is: If YOU don't want to have a child right now, then YOU should be using a good reliable form of birth control. Never trust something this important to someone else. Oh, and BTW, anyone who uses an innocent unborn child as a tool to manipulate their romance is lower than dirt. Children should be brought into the world when the man and the woman *both* want them. And women: If he isn't committed enough to marry you, he darn well isn't committed enough to father your children.
 
November 28, 2005, 12:17 pm CST

Good for you!

Quote From: audette5

Congratulations on your pregnancy.  I am 35 with a 2 year old (as well as a 14 year old and a 5 year old) and I don't look like a granny to say the least and neither will you! 
My D.I.L. is your age and just had my grandson and I don't think anyone feels or thinks of her as too old. I myself just see a wonderful mom who will bring up a wonderful child. Be HAPPY Enjoy!!
 
November 28, 2005, 12:18 pm CST

WHY?

To the 2 that were deceived..... WHY were you sleeping with these  in the first place if they weren't the kind of person you wanted to have a baby with?  Isn't that using them?  Not that you should have had a baby right away.... but did you want a baby with someone else or do you just not want kids? Technically I don't think you should sleep with someone unless you love them. 

  

Secondly with the guy who got his wife pregnant at night.... He is kind of quite abit bigger than her.... I am just wondering how he didn't wake her up?  She must have taken some pretty strong sleeping pills or something...... 

 
November 28, 2005, 12:29 pm CST

How sad

I feel sorry for the first guest that thought so little of herself that she used deception to get what she wanted. Having said that, I don't think she is a truly bad person.I hope she and her husband can get passed this. I know of someone who was involved with a married man and deliberately got pregnant to 'hold on' to the guy That  really is a tragedy. I have no compassion or sympathy for women who stoop that low. Talk about a mess!
 
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