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Topic : 06/05 Conception Deception

Number of Replies: 706
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Created on : Tuesday, November 22, 2005, 03:23:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/28/05) What if your husband tricked you into getting pregnant? What if your wife lied to you and got pregnant? First, Stacy didn't tell Derek she went off birth control until after she got pregnant. He thought he was doing the right thing by marrying her but now feels trapped. When Stacy reveals the real reason she went off birth control, will Derek decide to stay in the marriage, or is it over? Next, Steve got Mary pregnant so that she would marry him. Since they've had more than one unplanned child, how does he keep getting her pregnant, and is he trying to trap her? Share your thoughts.


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November 28, 2005, 1:25 pm CST

11/28 Conception Deception

Quote From: maxxdmom

Mary, 

  

I don't know if you read here. I hope that this message finds its way to you.  First of all my heart goes out to you, I know exactly how you feel.  I have 4 kids.. the first were 12, 14, 16 and I was a single parent to them, having divorced their dead beat dad after our 12 year marriage.  The picture you see is of me and my latest edition, a product of my boyfriend's deception. He, like your husband, pulled out too (yeah right).  I begged him not to get me pregnant, I just could not handle another child.  Yet, knowing my history and that I had struggled to raise my first three kids without their father and his child support, I don't think my boyfriend really cared about my feelings and he knew I would not have an abortion, because my ex had forced me to have one, and it destroyed me and our marriage. 

  

 Well I am still with my boyfriend and we co-parent our son, and he half ass attempts to parent my other kids, though they are self sufficent now that the years have passed.  I didn't get married, he wanted to, and he might have thought it would be the result of this pregnancy, since he is not a us citizen and from europe on a green card. Maybe that was his plan to get to stay in this country. It was also an attempt to keep me in his clutches, for like you, I too had many suitors to pick from! 

  

Mary I don't want to go on about my situation when you are obviously hurting and confused.  but you have 4 beautiful boys who love their mother very much and whether you stay with your husband or not, you will get through this and I am certain as my kids have been for me, your children will be your rock to survive what ever the lord puts in front of you.  Also remember, life comes full circle, there may be a time when your kids will care for you when you are older..  

  

If I can raise three children on a little education and salary just above poverty level, anyone can. We went without alot of things, but there was never a moment when my kids did not feel love and valued for their opinions.  These kids have turned out to be marvelous.. my daughter is in college with a 4.0 GPA and on scholarship, and my son is already a dept manager.  the youngest is also very intelligent and giving and can read at 2nd grade level.  As long as you show your children Love Mary, you might do without, but you will have what you really need. 

  

Peace and love, 

Michelle 

Ummm, OK, let's review.  You were a single parent to 3 teenage children and you get pregnant with a fourth one, trusting a man you have no intention of marrying to be your birth control for you.   

  

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?? 

 
November 28, 2005, 1:28 pm CST

11/28 Conception Deception

Quote From: maxxdmom

A relationship evolves and sometimes grows from holding hands and kissing to then having sex. I waited for sex with my s/o for 3 months after dating, I had sex for sex sake.not for a baby.  I was not looking for a husband. I too was caught off guard and was well feeling the love. Sometimes our bodies tell us that sex will feel good, and it does and it is for pleasure not conception. 

  

To assume someone is on sleeping pills and not just a sound sleeper, is a little judgemental.  Maybe there were drinks involved, or maybe the husband is just not well endowed.  Who knows, but he admitted that he thought he could get away with it which is clearly deceptive. 

  

Peace and Love, 

Michelle 

"I had sex for sex sake, not for a baby."  And your form of birth control was . . . ??? 

  

In the words of the Dixie Chicks, "There's your trouble, there's your trouble, there's your trouble. . . " 

 
November 28, 2005, 1:30 pm CST

how about a condom fella

What happened to using a condom for the first man that was on if he was so aginst marraige and kids! What about breaking up with her if he never intended to marry her!!!! Dr Phil was too harsh on her it was also HIS falt!!!!!!! 

 
November 28, 2005, 1:38 pm CST

why

Quote From: maxxdmom

Mary, 

  

I don't know if you read here. I hope that this message finds its way to you.  First of all my heart goes out to you, I know exactly how you feel.  I have 4 kids.. the first were 12, 14, 16 and I was a single parent to them, having divorced their dead beat dad after our 12 year marriage.  The picture you see is of me and my latest edition, a product of my boyfriend's deception. He, like your husband, pulled out too (yeah right).  I begged him not to get me pregnant, I just could not handle another child.  Yet, knowing my history and that I had struggled to raise my first three kids without their father and his child support, I don't think my boyfriend really cared about my feelings and he knew I would not have an abortion, because my ex had forced me to have one, and it destroyed me and our marriage. 

  

 Well I am still with my boyfriend and we co-parent our son, and he half ass attempts to parent my other kids, though they are self sufficent now that the years have passed.  I didn't get married, he wanted to, and he might have thought it would be the result of this pregnancy, since he is not a us citizen and from europe on a green card. Maybe that was his plan to get to stay in this country. It was also an attempt to keep me in his clutches, for like you, I too had many suitors to pick from! 

  

Mary I don't want to go on about my situation when you are obviously hurting and confused.  but you have 4 beautiful boys who love their mother very much and whether you stay with your husband or not, you will get through this and I am certain as my kids have been for me, your children will be your rock to survive what ever the lord puts in front of you.  Also remember, life comes full circle, there may be a time when your kids will care for you when you are older..  

  

If I can raise three children on a little education and salary just above poverty level, anyone can. We went without alot of things, but there was never a moment when my kids did not feel love and valued for their opinions.  These kids have turned out to be marvelous.. my daughter is in college with a 4.0 GPA and on scholarship, and my son is already a dept manager.  the youngest is also very intelligent and giving and can read at 2nd grade level.  As long as you show your children Love Mary, you might do without, but you will have what you really need. 

  

Peace and love, 

Michelle 

Michelle, not that I blame you for getting pregnant, but why did you give your responsibilities to your boyfriend? And aren't you old enough (I am assuming you are with the ages of your kids) to know better than to use the rhythm method?  

  

Begging someone to pull out and flat out saying "I am not having sex with you" are two completely different things. And the same goes for men. Instead of blaming women for getting pregnant, take a little bit of responsibility as well.  

  

And just so everyone knows, I PROMISE you that the first woman on the show is one of MANY women who have done this before. I can name at least 10 people I know right now who "accidently" got pregnant. The problem is not that the girl lied, the problem is that once she made her mistake, she couldn't keep her stupid mouth shut and go on about her life for the sake of her child.  

  

People who make mistakes that affect everyone's life, including the life of a precious child, have a RESPONSIBILITY to pay for their mistakes in a way that BENEFITS the other person, not HARMS them. She should have just loved her husband and child and kept that little secret to herself. 

  

Joan 

 
November 28, 2005, 1:40 pm CST

The wife isn't the only one at fault!!!

Ok, don't think that I am defending this woman's actions by any means.  What she did was desperate and totally selfish.  I depise her actions more than I can say.  Her husband, however, isn't the innocent victim he's making himself out to be.  I would be curious to know why he continued to sleep with a woman he wanted to leave.  So, let me get this straight...it's ok to keep using a woman for sex even though you have no plans or desire to marry her?  The very least he could have done was wear a condom to protect HIMSELF.  I don't feel sorry for him.  He should get over it and start being a good husband and father.  I do feel for their child.  My heart and prayers go out to the baby.
 
November 28, 2005, 1:41 pm CST

stacey & derek

Dear Dr. Phil, first of all let me say that I adore you. You help so many people and you truly set a good example for people to follow. You seem to talk the talk and walk the walk. I admire that. BUT, after watching the story on Stacey And Derek and how she "tricked" him into pregnancy, well I totally disagree. I cannot believe that you didnt bring this point up that  "Derek" was just as much to fault of Stacey getting pregnant. "Derek" could have protected himself with a condom if he was so worried about it. It wasnt even brought up. Poor Derek "the victim". I bet he didnt think of that when he was enjoying himself in the sack with Stacey. I was in a similar situation but opted against marrige for I knew deep down my sons father wasnt in love with me. 

Please rectify this for me Dr. Phil 

Mary 

 
November 28, 2005, 1:42 pm CST

Are kidding me?!

Yes it was deceptive on her part but he could have worn a condom if he didnt want a kid. He should be mad at himself, not so much with her. He wants a way out and this is the perfect excuse. If he does't want to be there he should leave. big deal.
 
November 28, 2005, 1:43 pm CST

Trapped into a marriage?? PLEASE!

First of all, I have a serious problem with these people saying that their children "trapped them into marriage".  Why are you married in the first place if you don't want to be?  They need to think before they get married about if they want to be together in the first place. If you are feeling trapped just because you have kids, you felt trapped before.
 
November 28, 2005, 1:44 pm CST

The other side of the conception coin

Dear Dr Phil, This is the opposite of this problem. My husband knew when we married ,I wanted children, He privatelyplanned and wanted me not to have children, He decieved me and I did not know he was doing this to me. What about this?? Please let me know about this Lynn
 
November 28, 2005, 1:44 pm CST

Boo Hoo...

You don't want to get pregnant honey?  Get a Tubal. 

  

And how do you get pregnant without being woken up by a 300 lb man pressing down on you? 

  

Am I missing something??? 

 
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